My dad was born out of wedlock.
This was back in the 1930s, and it was not the done thing at the time. He didn't speak much about his parents - although we knew his cousin and step-brother. We also knew that his mum died when he was 12, and he was raised by his auntie.

What I didn't know was that his dad 'died in an accident on the railway' before he was born. We are led to believe that it was actually suicide, presumably caused by finding out that he had got a girl up the duff. As my dad's parents never married, my surname is actually that of my grandmother, rather than my grandfather.

I found out all of this on the day my dad died. Bit of a shit day, that one.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:23, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

And to top things off, my GF is a sergeant in the fucking police.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:25, Reply)

The fucking Police?
I'm arresting you for crimes against orgasm. You picked the wrong hole, boy!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Going off early?
You'll get two years for that, son.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Give me 15 minutes and we can try again?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Who am I fucking kidding
15 minutes a bacon sandwich, a mug of tea, and a snooze in front of the telly.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:37, Reply)

"It's never happened before Officer"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:37, Reply)

It's a fair cop, guv.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Is that why you pester girls on the internet for photos of their breasts?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:25, Reply)

No, that's just normal behaviour

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:26, Reply)

There's plenty of breasts for everyone Alan.
No need to get so fucking territorial.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:29, Reply)

i only have 2

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Get ready for a surprise!!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Just for Al....
POIDH!

*bows*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:38, Reply)

he's seen them all before

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:41, Reply)

He's seen pictures of your jugs?
Well that explains why he follows you about so much.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:46, Reply)

We all have
Except you
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Any good, or am I wasting my time?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Tits be bitchin

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Smashing.
I like breasts, etc.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Depend if you like them hairy I suppose.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Hang on a minute...
I'm starting to suspect they were YOUR tits in the gaz I received.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Did they have a tache either side of the nipple?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 16:02, Reply)

....ye-es
*really regretting that wank now*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I'm not.
*twirls moustachios*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 7 Dec 2011, 16:05, Reply)