less than one hour until hometime
But if you had an hour before the destruction of the world, what would you do, realistically and in a fantasy world?

alt: Should we cull badgers, both offline and online cos they spread TB
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:35, 134 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

LOOK I fixed the internet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Hi naked ape,
just thought I should point out that the more you post here the more I hate your stupid opinions and questions.

THANKS xxx
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)

this post contains no opinions you tard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)

That statement is based on the collective posts of Naked Ape
That should have been obvious by the contextual clue "the more you post here" you fucking tard.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Shall i leave, just for you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)

No
read the worst rated comment on here. www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2074316/Banks-ease-restrictions-mortgage-prisoners-caught-negative-equity.html?ITO=google_news_rss_feed&google_editors_picks=true
and lol at the brilliant trolling.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Bloody forrins

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Public sector middle managment forrin with a big mortgage.
They love that shit.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)

If it's trolling then it is basically perfect

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Realistically: Call my son and say goodbye Maybe other loved ones if I had time.
Fantasy world: Seduce the nearest attractive woman and try to spend as much of the time left fucking as possible, that or go on a killing spree, maybe both.

Alt: Nah, we have drugs for that shit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)

sex and violence, it's a strong call

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Drugs too if available

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Realistically?
I think I'd turn into a prope emo and listen to as many of my favourite miserable songs as possible while crying and failing to kill myself.

Fantasy? Actually, probably the same.

Alt: No. There's no need.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Come round your house with a spade and belt your stupid face in.
This answer applies to 'real' and 'fantasy' alike.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)

I excepted nothing less from you dear boy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:47, Reply)

That'll be expected.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I expected nothing less from my spelling

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I just put out a fire
I'm very manly.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:51, Reply)

In your pants?

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Crumpet in toaster
unplugged/fork/sink
I'm a GOD among men.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:53, Reply)

I hope you followed healtha dn safety protocol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:55, Reply)

No I just threw myself in there.
Then the person moaned about their crumpet and I told them not to leave the room next time.
HA IN YOUR FACE RANDOM PERSON FROM FINANCE!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:55, Reply)

I don't think I'm getting the praise I deserve.
About 100 people could have DIED if it wasn't for me.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:57, Reply)

*golf claps*

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Yeah but then that tit would have either been DEAD or FIRED
Now they're just disgruntled about their stupid crumpet
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

True,
maybe I should send a email to all staff telling them how they would have been dead if it wasn't for my quick actions.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:04, Reply)

try and get someone else to do it
then you can be all "oh no really, anybody would have done the same..."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Ha ha.
I'll make myself a cape saying "I'm no hero" and wear it for the rest of the month.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Yeah women love a cape.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)

You should organise an interview with the MK advertiser

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)

have-a-go-Chompy

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:11, Reply)

double meaning lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:16, Reply)

It would have saved them from getting made redundant
what with the cuts and suchlike
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Hi blousie!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Hi hon!
Hangover free today?
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:56, Reply)

not even close :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Oh dear!
I have three bottles of strong cider, two bottles of wine and a bottle of Peroni to finish before Monday as that's when I knock drinking at home on the head.
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I have a bottle of Ols Speckled Hen and 1/2 a bottle of gin...think I'll leave it for tonight though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Tonight it's the cider.
Friday probably the bottle of Peroni just to take the edge off and Sunday night I will go out with a bang and finish the wine.

Saturday night I'm looking after my nephew so it will be tea and biscuits.
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:04, Reply)

I deleted that subthread due to a massive subtlety fail on my part.

Soz.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Realistically I'd drive to the nearest beautiful place and wait there for the end.
Fantasy, I'd find the nearest person and kick the shit out of them. I've always wanted to kick the shit out of someone.
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:55, Reply)

*backs away slowly*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Not you petal.
That would be like kicking a kitten.
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

*purrs*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

*hides*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

You'll be too busy shagging to care.

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:00, Reply)

and/or stabbing marketing types.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

*backs away slowly*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Oh dear. And I was quite liking you too.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:02, Reply)

It's prolly not marketing like you are thinking

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)

you mean not evil lying bullshit artists that the world would be better off without?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)

ah well ok, then yes, that is me, hello *waves*
If you knew who my clients were you'd shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Well, you could always tell me.
Or I can just assume you work for Murdock.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I could, but it's not gonna happen!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I figured that.
you're a secretive sort, ain't ya?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:17, Reply)

yep, well after AdamQC posted a link to his work, the whole of talk trolled it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:18, Reply)

That was rather silly of him.

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)

he was, is and will continue to be a fucking idiot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Good point.
I got quite worried the other day when a colleague mailed me a link to a pic on b3tards. Luckily he wasn't the artist.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Anyway if you knew, you'd dislike me even more

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I doubt that would be possible for Monty at least : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:22, Reply)

he is an awful bully

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I thought I was quite good at it.
Gutted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Like I say, I'm assuming you suck murdocks withered cock for a living
so it's not possible, although I assume you mean you work for the torries in some capacity. I can't say I'm surprised. But I hate sky more, I've worked with them.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:26, Reply)

none of the above you'll be pleased to hear

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Lolitician

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Bill said it best:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Bill was a bit of a knob with terrible hair.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Paranoid wanker.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)

You know those times when you're wrong?
This is one of those.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)

He had some good points to make
but was essentially not actually very funny. To check I wasn't wrong on this I watched three hours of live footage and documentaries on television a few months ago. I only lolled once and that was one of his many 'talking to the police on acid' routines. One thing that really stood out is how little material he had - he really repeated himself A LOT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Well, this is all true.
but you're still wrong, so there.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:21, Reply)

If he was dubbed a 'social commentator' I'd have no problem with the fellow at all.
I just query the 'comedian' tag.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I concur

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:25, Reply)

This is true of all comedians though.
It's just not all comedians have had their back catalogues and footage so ruthlessly pillaged and exploited.

I should stress I am using 'exploited' in the non 'wah, wah, poor Bill, he's been exploited' sense of the word.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I suppose a comic's gags are the equivalent to the songs a musician plays,
but having watched a few hours of the man he really didn't seem to have more than a few notable routines because across a live show and a two-hour doc shit was repeated several times over.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:30, Reply)

The thing is, this was a touring Comedian not a TV comedian.
And touring comedians will keep the same set for years, because people don't get familiar with it. Comedy wasn't about 'superstars' releasing a DVD every Christmas and having to write a whole new set every 12 months at that time.

Obviously we have no idea how prolific or otherwise Hicks may have been in a different era or different situation, but he certainly was no different in the quantity of his output than any obscure but working stand up comedian would be.

Add to that his relatively short career and the even more limited timespan in which he was actually well known enough to have any of his stuff recorded for posterity.

The difference between him and most is that he went stratospheric after he died, so there is only a limited pool to choose from. I think it's a combination of over-adulation and a life cut short that leaves documentarians repeating the same bits over and over.

I think about things like this too much, don't I?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:37, Reply)

You comments are fair and I accept them.
For this reason I shall change back to 'he wasn't very funny' as my principal criticism.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:43, Reply)

Why not shag a marketing type woman and then kill her?

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Could work.
Mind you never met a woman in Marketing.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:04, Reply)

are you kidding, it's mainly women...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Not in my industry
and I'd have no reason to share space with *spits on floor* marketing types outside of work.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Do you work in Iron smelting?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Nope.
Interactive TV software, technology company innit? We have a few women now, but it's still less that 10 percent, lower still if you exclude HR.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:11, Reply)

well that's nerdy sort stuff I suppose, always male dominated

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Sadly so.
It's better than it was 10 years ago, but still overwhelmingly male.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)

He who smelt it dealt it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:21, Reply)

see me after class

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Well I am going to be crying and failing to kill myself anyway, so as long as I can still use my ears, you may as well kick the shit out of me.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Would you have a little drinky?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Ha. Yes, just after I posted that, I thought about it some more and posted the one below.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Winna!

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)

You know what?
Realistically, I think I'd just drink as much vodka as I could as quickly as I could and see if I couldn't get throug 20 cigarettes too.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:13, Reply)

well having been involved in fantasy 'end of the world's
before, I know I would be trying (and succeeding for the most part) in saving the world
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:13, Reply)

LARP to the rescue!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)

always!
there is a passage in one of Mark Chadbourne's World's End books (in which fantasy creatures have come to life and technology ceased to work) where larpers, specifically me and my mates, are running logistics for the new world.

" 'so what you are saying, sir, is that geeks will inherit the earth?' 'something like that, yes'"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:19, Reply)

MY BOW JUST ARRIVED!!!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Beau would be better.

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Maybe she can't spell

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:16, Reply)

it would be if I didn't have a friend called Beau

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Geste?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:23, Reply)

She's serious.

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Et tu blousie?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:24, Reply)

I've spent too much time with Jeff haven't I?

( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Yep.
Off home now, toodles.

Might be on later once the flat is spick and indeed span.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:39, Reply)

And you arrows of finest rubber!

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:16, Reply)

nope - real ones
although I don't have any of my own, borrowing the club ones
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Not much good in the event of the zombiepocalype is it?
Be some proper arrows.

and a sword, sword never run out.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:22, Reply)

you have to get closer with a sword
zombies move slowly so you can get a few fired off before they get near. I've got 4 of the arrows here at the moment, but my house position is good for defence - when I move it'll be less good, but I reckon I'll have more arrows by then
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:24, Reply)

SHUT THE FUCK UP THE TWO OF YOU!
seriously
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:26, Reply)

have you had a nasty experience with
zombies you don't want to talk about, then?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:28, Reply)

I have.
On here. About fifty million spasticated times.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:31, Reply)

I forget, you are more of a Vampire man

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:34, Reply)

I prefer the term 'Nompire' please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Thank you Chompy.
You really have been missed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:31, Reply)

well they best not attack now
I forgot to order a stringer or sight (ie the thing you use to get the string on the bow and the thing you aim with)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:47, Reply)

I'd tell my mum, brother and dad I loved them and then get strung out on the best smack money could buy.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Just got forwarded this:
Hawkwind to the rescue

Matthew Wright landed in a bit of hot water after he was accused of making jokes about the murder of Liam Aitchison on his show. Ofcom will now be investigating the incident, but Matthew has not been forsaken in his time of need. Support has come from the most unlikely of quarters - the rock group Hawkwind.

Matthew occasionally performs on stage with the band, and so the mother of the band's manager has embarked on an email campaign to get people on her mailing list to write to Ofcom in support of Wrighty, decrying the 'witch hunt' that he is currently the focus of.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:44, Reply)

is it a poem?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 17:47, Reply)