I'm getting a Kindle for Christmas.
Given that I remember that the first CD I ever played on a stereo bought with my own money was 'A Salt With A Deadly Peppa', the first song I ever listened to on my first iPod was Sam Cooke's 'Jesus Gave Me Water', The first VHS I ever rented for myself was 'BMX Bandits' and the first DVD I ever watched was 'Groundhog Day', it seems likely that the first book I ever read on a Kindle I will remember for the rest of my life. That's a lot of pressure, so what should I get?


Alt: I just ate a McDonald's Mince Meat and Custard Hot Pie. What do you regret ever doing?

AltAlt: The Lake District was unbelievably beautiful with the snow last weekend, I wish I was spending Christmas there. In an ideal world where would you spend Christmas?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:07, 92 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I regret whatever it was I did to upset Battered.

( WormuIus, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Apparently you were a cunt.
Hope that helps.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:16, Reply)

No, it was wanker

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Anything by Stuart MacBride
Alt: Getting married

AltAlt: Up to the back wheels in Nigella Lawson.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I have no idea who Stuart MacBride is
and I bet Nigella gets really really fat and doesn't bother with hygiene over Christmas. Just sits around covered in gravy and sweating Turkey grease out of her gusset.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Stuart MacBride writes crime-comedy type stuff set in Aberdeen. Grim but good.
That description of Nigella is getting me hot.

*adds own bread sauce*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:25, Reply)

That sounds OK actually, a bit like Christopher Brookmeyer.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Similar. I switched to MacBride after I finished all the Brookmyres.
It's slightly more crime and less comedy than Brookmyre though. Worth checking out if you're into that sort of thing.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Not a clue
what books do you like?

Alt: I signed up for a writing challenge due in tonight. Not a chance

AltAlt: Someone warm and sunny without much Christmassy stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Scarpe likes books with pictures, and dialogue consisting of 'Ooooff' ,'Kapow' and 'Aaaaarrrrgggh'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Sadly, this is very true.
It's that or the one that starts with 'God, give me the courage to...whatever and ever amen'.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Lord's Prayer wank?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:26, Reply)

That's the blighter!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:31, Reply)

The Very Holy Caterpillar

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Needs more watermelon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:29, Reply)

the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

in case you really wanted to know.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

I was being flippant.
I know it well.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

do you, though? I mean, really, do you?
hmmmm?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I know it.
Living it is harder though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Christmas Island.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:26, Reply)

1st CDs were:
Living Colour - Stain
Soul Asylum - Can't remember the name
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:29, Reply)

The Passage, by Justin Cronin.
Alt, your mum.
Alt/alt, your mum.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Are we all going to have to resort to the Monty Clause and specify 'Your Mum Jokes not needed' from now on?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:35, Reply)

'The Monty Clause'
What a terrifying concept.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Like Santa clause,
Only posher. And with a more extensive music library.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:40, Reply)

You don't want me coming down your chimney on Saturday night, I can assure you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I know this one!
It's 'What do you do if a Monty comes down your chimney?'

'Swim for it'.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Please.
I've just eaten.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Spinderella's not a fella.
You know that, right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:33, Reply)

*kicks it up one time*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:37, Reply)

ooh, Baby baby.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

She's hard as a man, too sexy for a dyke

apparently.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I regret an awful lot of things, recently
some situations are lose-lose. Downloading the new Amy Winehouse cd, for example. There's a reason why she never released that stuff.

I want to be on my own somewhere hot, with a beach. I totally should have stowed away in Swipe's luggage.
(berk, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:36, Reply)

I'm pretty sure she's taken enough that you probably could have got away with it, too.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I'd have paid the excess baggage fee and everything...

(berk, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

This:
www.amazon.co.uk/Pickles-Chutneys-Australian-Womens-Library/dp/1863962069/ref=sr_1_12?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324388329&sr=1-12
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Grrr,,,I'll Chutney you, I'll Chutney you good...
...um...wait...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:40, Reply)

^ Benny on the loose

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Benny tied to a tree.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Anything by Christopher Brookmyre

Alt: Nothing. I only regret things I haven't done

Alt Alt: Pretty happy with where I'll be but some snow would be good.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:41, Reply)

I think I've actually read them all.
I was getting a bit bored of them, but then he did Pandemonium, which was a bit of a change, so.

I'm leaning towards Stuart MacBride now, based on the good Rev's advice above.

Or this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Collected-Folk-Tales-ebook/dp/B005IH02Q2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1324388648&sr=8-2

Based on Neil Gaiman's review of it in The Guardian.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I had some issues with pandaemonium.
I think crossing into "shit that isn't actually real" is a barrier I personally didn't want him to go through. But, it was back to form in terms of the humour. Rather over the top for gore, though. But as you say, different.

"where the bodies are buried" is supposed to be a new sort of series, though. But I'm not keen enough to buy it in hardback.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Yeah it's not out in paperback yet is it? Miserable bastards.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

they are epic fuckers
I'm certain that has nothing to do with impending christmas, and in no way will it be out in paperback in mid-jan.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

The Gargoyle by Andrew Davison
It's sort of about a very vain guy who gets hideously burned.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Poor old Simon, i hope he gets royalties

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:48, Reply)

My friend lent me that about a year ago
I still haven't read it. Is it any good?
(berk, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Yep!
There's a crazy lady who believes they were lovers in a past life... OR IS SHE?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Wolf Hall - because it is excellent and massive so won't be a burden in electronic form, also there will be a sequel next year
Alt: Not working harder and not travelling more when i was young.


Altalt: French or Swiss Alps, by several country miles
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Given the metre-dump of snow in the last week
you might have a point there. Still, should be there by mid january so I'll put up with it for now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I won't be going this year due to lack of funds
this irks me hugely. but I can't wait to dress up baby girl in ski kit and get her on some skis!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

I didn't go last year
saving up for a wedding. So I'm definitely going this time. Plus, I've just spunked 320 sheets on a pair of Nordica Ace of Spades to replace my knackered old Saloman XWaves. Comfy feet incoming.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I'm still riding my Rome board from about 5 years ago, boots are equally old
but it all seems to still be pretty decent; worth shelling out for something decent
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

ski boots have a limited life
my liners are totally compressed now, so I have to crank them up so tight it fucks up my feet. But, yeah, I've had Rossy Bandits as a "do-everything" ski for a few years and I'm hoping they'll last a fair while more. Bit rubbish in the park and not perfect when it gets steep'n'deep but it's a bit mental to carry round 3 sets of skis...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Alt alt: susannah rieds house

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

house vagina
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I reckon being able to spell her name
is the very minimum she'd require to let you boot her back doors in.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Why ? Have all your conquests given you a spelling test pre shag?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:03, Reply)

nah just apparently a hardman test of falling downstairs
/has zero idea of the facts here
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:06, Reply)

at the risk of encouraging what risks becoming a minor meme
the stairs incedent was a fair length of time later.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Looks like your chances with Susannah Reid just vanished

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:12, Reply)

she only cares about how you spell her name
not how you spell incident.

Although to be fair, I've not the faintest idea who this Reid lass is.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Nor have I I'm afraid
so can't enlighten you.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:15, Reply)

never mind
I'll be sure to maintain the pretence that I've boffed her simply because I could spell her name.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:16, Reply)

She's a WHORE according to the Mail
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2072327/Susanna-Reid-attracting-new-audience-red-blooded-men-BBC-Breakfast.html
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:22, Reply)

If she got raped in the car park dressed like that it would all be her own fault
No jury in the land would ever carry a conviction
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Rory for Lord Chief Justice

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:48, Reply)

nope, just her.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Somthing by Iain M Banks, Use of Weapons is rather good.
Alt: No a lot, There's stuff that didn't end well, but I don't think I'd do any of it differently. Times wasted not doing things I sometimes regret.


AltAlt: I'm quite happy with what I am doing, quiet family Christmas, but may be in a nice cottage with a wood fire and lots of snow and my own selection of friends and family arriving and disappearing at my behest. Oh and Fister's suggestion about Nigella has it's merits.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:57, Reply)

I can't believe that you don't want your son with you for christmas

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I think you'll find tht's covered under "my own selection of friends and family"

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Good job too

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Am I being judged?
By someone who works in marketing, no less? Because if I am, you sir, may go and fuck yourself with a blunt and rusty saw.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

haha, just winding you up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Successful then, weren't you?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:45, Reply)

She's clearly dirtier than Cornish tin-miner's sock

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Listen you fucks, I've got first dibs - alright?
You can fight over whatever's left.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Jesus, what are you planning to do to her?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:24, Reply)

It's perhaps best that you don't know.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Something by Jasper Fforde. The Thursday Next series is very good.
AltAlt: Actually, the Lake District. I bloody well love it up there. The Lake District, that is.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

ooh, Jasper Fforde is a good idea.
I want something I won't be ashamed to look back on in 30 years time. The second book could be Spot Goes To The Toilet for all I care, as long it doesn't have to be the answer to the question 'what was the first thing you read on a Kindle?'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:08, Reply)

There is a pick your favourite song from 2011 poll going on in the office
the winners to be played between 4 and 5, so far we have Adele, Pitbull, Maroon 5...I may kill someone
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:01, Reply)

someone?
fucking kill them all, mate. It's the only way to be sure.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I don't understand the fuss about Adele, I have no idea who or what Pitbull is
and I was happily under the delusion that Maroon 5 had disappeared from the face of God's Great Earth, but I guess that was wishful thinking then.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Their song has whisteling in it, it's awful
I've been asked for my recommendation but this is entirely pointless as there is a voting system.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Also
Unless they are encouraging standing up slowly, creaking with arthritis, before letching some blonde a third your age, have they really got "the moves like Jagger" ?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:09, Reply)

The song is embarassing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Not as embarassing as the reply I nearly made about 'that sounds like me'
until I did the maths on what a third of my age would be.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:14, Reply)

24?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Bloody hell, I know I'm old, but...

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:24, Reply)

It should be a classic of some sort.
Alt: One bloke and several drugs but not at the same time.

Altalt: North West of Scotland, on my own.
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:09, Reply)

120 of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade
Or

Diary of a Drug Fiend by Aliester Crowley.

I am off to Loch Fyne for Xmas, in a luxury lodge complete with private hot tub on the balcony.

To temper the smugness it is meant to be pishing it down and windy all weekend. I plan on taking an enormous, stand alone, parasol type thing that should protect us from the worst of the weather.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:43, Reply)

I don't think I could stand 120secs of Sodom
Let alone 120 days.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 14:49, Reply)