So basically "be a cunt at Christmas"?
Anyone who'd over weight enough to be an issue surely knows it, telling them a Christmas just makes you and arsehole.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:47, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You'd think that right
but then why are they still fat?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:52, Reply)

lazy aren't they, it's what got them fat in the first place

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:52, Reply)

The fat, lazy cunts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:54, Reply)

For the same reason I'm between 1 and 2 stone over weight.
Liking pies and beer more than exercise. Also eating habits are hard to change. I suppose also poor impulse control, weak character. Maybe a bit of peer pressure would help, but at Christmas, FFS, it's everyone's right to be a porker at Christmas. New year is the time for sporting your shit out and getting healthy.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:58, Reply)

really you should sit them down in front of the family and have a Jeremy Kyle style intervention

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:52, Reply)

I'd just give them 1/3rd of the servings of the Christmas meal as everyone else.
And then mutter "disgusting" under my breath if they help themselves to any more.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:54, Reply)

hahaha
you make me sick, no don't even speak to my children, filthy fatty
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I think that handled well,
reminding someone they're a fat shit just before they endanger their health further by slobbing about eating Quality (!) Street and glugging Baileys etc for a week is the right thing to do, unless of course you hate the slovenly cunt and want them to die, in which case, break out the Helmann's, by all means.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:53, Reply)

I should have an advice column in a popular newspaper.
I decided last night that my dream job is QI 'elf'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:57, Reply)

TV reasearchers get paid fuck all.
But they are often surrounded by beautiful women.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:58, Reply)

So, like Monty then.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Innit though?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I'd find it enjoyable work, though.
Something I have zero experience of in my life so far.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:00, Reply)

This is a frightening thought.
"Ask Dr Boyce"

No thanks, I'd rather ask Dr Mengele.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:00, Reply)

You'd get the same reply.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Well, now you mention it Monty old chap...
I was meaning to have a quiet word with you. I do worry some times that the amount of drugs you do and how much you drink may effect you health significantly in years to come, and what with you haveing a young child and all.....

/cunt
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:00, Reply)

You would be right to worry, were it not for the fact that I am fucking NAILS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Thus demonstrating admirably why there's no point raising this shit.
Either people already know they have a problem, in which case it does not good, or they are in denial, in which case it does not good.

I learned the hard way you cannot fix other people. You can support them while they fix them selves, but you can't do it for them.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Wait til his daughter finds the mindbenders planted in the album sleeves
She'll be at it and all then
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:08, Reply)

I have no Wayne Fontana records.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I meant Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Titch

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I'm more of a Freddie and the Dreamers man, myself*


*I'm not more of a Freddie and the Dreamers man, myself
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:18, Reply)

You aren't Sir Jimmy Saville OBE RIP AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:08, Reply)

And aren't we all thankful for that?
Evil bastard that he was.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:09, Reply)

The advice 'never speak ill of the dead' has never been less appropriate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:19, Reply)

"Daddy, DADDY, it's me, sandra*, don't you recongise me? Daddy ! I'm 25 years old now, and I'm getting married soon. I wish you wasn't here on this hospital bed in the middle of old-london, and could walk me down the asle as I get married. It would have made me so proud, but you don't even know my name. Daddy? DADDY, No daddy, don't leave me. What's that? I can't hear your last words because your brain has muddled them.... No daddy, I can't pick up drugs for you next friday, I'm getting married next week, we said we'd wait until after I got my degree in space-music from moon-university.... Oh daddy, I'll nip you down to Tescos, they have a [those sweedish suicide people] service, get it over and done with.... *sigh*.... if only I had some kind of inhertiance like your drug dealer will be getting".

* Sandra is a wicked name for flashback puroupouses, I donno why, it just works.

Although seriously, it's not fun having to explain over and over the same thing because someone has lost their mind... or having to watch someone's chest move as they sleep to make sure they're still breathing.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Hahahah
I wrote a really mean retort to this but have deleted it.

It mentioned 'deep-fried cream', 'penile mutilation ceremonies' and 'arterial furring', though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Mix up nutella and masciponi into a ball, freeze it, batter'n'deep fry it, wait for the middle to defrost, cover in caramel, batter'n'deep fry again.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:35, Reply)

That's because
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1421483
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Bookmark Billy strikes again.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I will never get tired of this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:05, Reply)

I'm so pleased to hear it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:08, Reply)

You dropped this
(!)
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Yes but people who drink and take drugs don't repulse everyone they walk past due to their weight.
Nor do they take up too much room on the tube, nor do they make the tube stink of BO. Fat people need to be told they're fat. When I was thirteen stone I thought I was slim as owt, I look back on photos and laugh at how hilariously chubby I was. People are naive.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:13, Reply)

You had a look of the president of Turkmenistan, actually

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:14, Reply)

You are naive living off tuna and beans.

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Due to their weight no.
due to being (and I do not include Monty in this BTW) annoying drugged up cunts, quite often actually. Bare in mind I don't give a flying fuck if you over eat or do drugs (I do both, in moderation), but fat people rarely annoy me, people on drugs, rather more, if still not much. It's all personal taste, innit?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I've noticed that people sit next to me last on the tube now, that's why I'm going to lose some weight in the new year.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:30, Reply)

You just need to get the flies mended on those trousers, Gonz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:31, Reply)