I'm so bored
I'm watching old episodes of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air on Viva.

How are you killing time?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:08, 118 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Pulling out nose hairs

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Do you not trim?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Yanking them out is more rewarding

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Truth
Male grooming truth
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I'm still at fucking work and will be til 6
The rest of my team have just buggered off so there's no-one to talk to. Am listening to Imperative Reaction and hoping there's enough equally sad losers around on b3ta to sustain conversation.

Although as soon as the floor manager fucks off I'll bust out the beers I sneaked in and get the iPlayer on.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Well as long as you don't want to talk about football.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:15, Reply)

I'm happy to talk about football as long as it's nowt to do with Forest

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:17, Reply)

not football
is better than football
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Look, it's football or breasts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:22, Reply)

:(
breast-ball. worst of all the sports
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Er, golf

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Or City.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:18, Reply)

So who's getting relegated from the Premiership?
Let's revel in others' gloom
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Why don't we look at who is getting promoted from League 2 this season.
We'll know who we'll be playing next year then.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Because I have no idea about that, Jeff
I'll just agree with you and try to look clever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Not mine for a change
I reckon one of.the current 3 will sort itself out and sunderland will go down, but I don't know which.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Blackburn are fucked. Irredeemably so.
What Coyle does with the money he gets for Cahill will define their season. I fancy Sunderland to pull it out of the bag, Swansea will properly plummet at some point, QPR and Wolves will be there or thereabouts too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

The problem with Arsenal is they try to walk it in

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

OK, I'm out

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Telling people paid a lot more than me how to do their fucking jobs.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:09, Reply)

You're the politcal editor for the Guardian?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:14, Reply)

This actually has to do with cab. ministers.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Religious taxi-drivers?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:18, Reply)

So why are they paid more than you if you know more than them?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:15, Reply)

pff!
Have you never worked in a company?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Yeah, but I insist of getting paid more than I'm worth.
That way, if I know something that no one else knows, I don't mind sharing the info,
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Who fucking knows Jeff, who fucking knows.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Tell them you're looking for a new job.
If they value your knowledge, they'll put your rate up.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:17, Reply)

NHS doesn't work like that, the wages are set by the role not by the person.
I can formally get my role reclassified but that'll take a couple of months and it might not go up.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Try for a role in the commercial sector.
Or is your pension too good?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Pension is ok,
people are nice and I can walk to work in 20mins. I do need a pay rise though so I might just suck it up and commute to cuntsville aka london.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)

If you're working in London you might as well live there.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

It's 45 mins into Euston from my Flat and it cost £400 a month.
So if I get a job nearish euston there's not much point moving.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I cleaned the oven for the first time since I moved in
and made the exciting discovery that when I moved in I didn't expect to be here long so I actually kept a whole load of big boxes. Problem is they stink of damp (like everything else in this place)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I'm currently trying to track down the most elusive dealer in South London.
He goes by the name of Ketwog, I'm not making this up.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Is he friends with E-Honky?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Nah but he's good mates with Brown-Yellow.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Doing my job
Currently waiting for a revised database job to finish so I can see whether it's any faster than it was.

Which is why I'm on here. Mind you, if it doesn't finish in the next 10 minutes I'm buggering off anyway.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:19, Reply)

I'm going to cry.
The only reason I was going out tomorrow was because the girl I love/am half seeing was going. Now she's staying in. Someone hug me, Baz is gutted.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Go round her house with a bottle of champagne,
give it to the guy who answers the door, then head out.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

This is really very witty.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:41, Reply)

go to her house
wearing nothing but a bow round your nob.

oh yeah, also *there there*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Baz. A suggestion for you here.
Why not text her and tell her how you feel about her and maybe say you were only going out tomorrow to see her. And then maybe mention you bought 3 new jackets, and some corrective shoes for the occasion.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:35, Reply)

and tell her how you feel about her and maybe say you were only going out tomorrow to see her. And then maybe mention you bought 3 new jackets, and some corrective shoes for the occasion.
a picture of your knob.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)

with a bow round it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Since you've taken up archery it's all about bows with you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Yeah I've just done that. Well the first bit.
I hate letting people know how I feel, it always ends in tears.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Well keep us posted as to what she says.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Well she took four hours to text back today telling me she's staying in so we could be a while.
This happens EVERY Christmas. I come home, get involved with a girl and it goes rubbish. At least I'm consistent.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)

You've always got your coats Barry.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)

I would swap them all for her.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Has she replied yet?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Has she buggery.
If she don't I'm done init.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Well call her from the landline
(Assuming she doesn't have that number in her mobile) and play this down the phone to her.

She'll be like putty in your hands mate.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bGOgY1CmiU
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:36, Reply)

seriously, though
take a chance and do something nice (but have a back up plan just in case)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)

She's not staying in you knob

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

I sloped off
Watching "shallow Hal" and waiting for my friend to arrive so we can go out!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I can't remember if I've seen Shallow Hal.
It sounds familiar.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)

It's fucking bent
Is what you'd say
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Terrible film
Anything which casts Jason Alexander in a comedic role is on a hiding to nothing from the word go
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)

haha she was fat but he thought she was thin!
Then he found out the truth and it didn't matter. Classic!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)

That film.
No, I've not see it. I've see a trailer for it and, as Swipe says. It looked fucking bent.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)

It was an early vehicle for the nascent talent of Jack Black
Which is a nice way of saying the Farrelly Borthers thought; "Cast Jack Black, make him go mental, buy some fat suits, job done. Fuck the script, or any jokes".
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

SHE'S SO FAT SHE BREAKS A CHAIR!!111!!1!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:45, Reply)

It's supposed to be a comedy.
It's not.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Any film that gets so few laughs out of fat people is doing something wrong

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:51, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Oh shush, you're not fat
I'm talking American standard fat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

oh well that's OK then
they have all revoked their rights to being humans
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)

I slept till four and am now pissing about on here.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Fucks sakes
My boss has said I can go at 5, so the beers I snuck in will see no usage
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Drink 'em on the way home.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:41, Reply)

This plan is better than Mumps' one below
Mainly because it doesn't involve time travel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

GREAT SCOTT!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)

I may have mentioned this already but I watched that last night
Classic. No other word for it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:50, Reply)

best trilogy ever
YES that's right I just said I LIKE the 3rd one. Suck on that, rest of the world
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)

The third one is aces
just not quite as good as the first two, but then very few films are.

Nonetheless I have to take issue with your statement on account of the ever-predictable Star Wars argument.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:57, Reply)

i wasn't saying all 3rd episodes of things are bad
but that everyone seems to dis the 3rd BTTF, despite it having a flying, time traveling TRAIN FFS
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)

No I know what you mean
Nonetheless, Day of the Dead isn't quite as good as Dawn or Night, Jedi isn't quite as good as A New Hope or Empire (but then nor is anything else), and the less said about X-Men 3 and Spider-Man 3 the better
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Search for Spock?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Everyone knows the odd-number rule
The recently-revoked odd-number rule
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Should have had them at lunch then slept all afternoon.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I just got back from the flat to Ma's, tomorow will be my first night in there, gonna get some nice new bedding, the bedroom is the last thing to do.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Leopard print matching velvet duvet.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:57, Reply)

I actually saw a zebra one that I liked, where instead of white, it's got silver.
and OH GOD, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T ANYONE INFORM ME OF THIS: apps.facebook.com/dogbook/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Sweet shuddering fuck.
Game over man, GAME OVER.

Fire the nukes now.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Haha, nah', it's alright 'cus it keeps fake-accounts off the main feed.
Those who wanna show off their dogs can to those who wanna know 'bout it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)

I say we take off, nuke the (web)site from orbit
It's the only way to be sure
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)

From the URL i'm wondering if it's worth me getting involved with Facebook?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)

It's brightened my day, deffo.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Killing dragons

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Fus Ro Dah

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Just killed the last dragon priest, no achievement! Pffft

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Playing slaps with my brother.

(Stibbins, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Why not up the ante and play wraps instead?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:32, Reply)

I played wraps once at school, really hurt. My knuckles were red raw.
(Stibbins, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:07, Reply)

Reading this shit

( WormuIus, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:28, Reply)

turns out guinea pigs like
their hair shampooed less each time. I am now soaking wet and covered in scratches
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:56, Reply)

lol
www.theregister.co.uk/2011/12/30/apple_siri_swearing_tesco/
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:13, Reply)

At least Siri recognised the kid.
Mine just doesn't respond to me, apparently I even bore software.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:19, Reply)

No word from the woman yet then.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:20, Reply)

I got a text earlier....from Papa Johns.
I did laugh at that, my life is one long running parody.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:38, Reply)

Haha, I'm not 100% I believe the story, but it made me laugh.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:21, Reply)

Oh it be true cos the Daily Mail be reporting it as well (with pics of both the offending phone and "horrified" parent)
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2080127/iPhones-Siri-tells-Charlie-Le-Quesne-12-shut-f--ugly-t-.html
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:39, Reply)

Oh lol, cool.
I'm going to do a quiz thing where I'm going to get some generic photos from the DM of upset people, that you have to match up with the articles.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:51, Reply)

By the way I blitzed through all of Top Boy last night.
Class recommendation, cheers palington. Although it's not going to help me say bruv less.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:52, Reply)

Haha, cuz, glad you liked it. I take it you seen KiDULTHOOD and AdULTHOOD.
The only bit I had to google was Bocat, I ain't heard that diss before, apparently the thing 'bout that is not bein' nasty or anythin' like that, but 'cuz you care what a girl feels.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:59, Reply)

Did the hanging in Top Boy not make you a bit sad Gonz?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 19:00, Reply)

It was sad but in the end you've got to accept it's a dog hang dog world.
God I feel dirty.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 19:07, Reply)

Yeah' man, felt proper sorry for the kid.
I can't tell you how blessed I am that I didn't start my life in a place like that. I know people who have, my Dad used to take on 'trouble kids' to work in his shop, none of them were as bad as that show, but I'd have hated it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 19:18, Reply)

You would have been running endz from sixteen Gonz.
I'd have been your right hand man and we'd have half of East London on the brown. It would have been amazing.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 19:22, Reply)

Where ya' from are ya' really from the ends? Well that depends, on what the fuck you mean by ends. If you mean south of the thames, then nah', I ain't from 'em ends, I'm from these ends, they call it the east end my friend.
I'm from Cockfosters and used to think Southgate was hard, Wood Green was a no-go and Hackney was another planet. But then living in Southgate for 10ish years, it came in my mind a nice little surburban area, not deprived at all. I saw a few muggins and beatings, but nothing to stop me going out at nigh.

Now they've all moved down, cockfosters is alright no matter when, so is Southgate, Wood green in the day is OK and hackney is same planet but a no-go.

Eventually I'll walkin' 'round all blazen at night down brixton thinking sweet FA 'bout the hoodies.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 19:42, Reply)

I would have come to the endz to run them with you.
I'm from Brockley originally, moved around a bit since then. I like Wood Green and I'm going to Hackney tomorrow because my mates think they're trendy and we're going to an afterparty there. We'll be on 'missing' posters within 24 hours.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 19:48, Reply)

You run the heavy and I'll run the brass.
Ethical pimping, supply and demand.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 20:40, Reply)

I'm watching a Dorian Gray film at the moment
God damn I'd fucking love to visit an opium'n'whore den.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 18:22, Reply)

I am monumentally pissed
It's a troo fact that I'm never on here sober but by hell I've put a skinful down today.

Tee hee.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 20:52, Reply)

I've just found a Stanley tape measure in my pocket.
I wondered what was digging into my leg. Now I know.

Where did I get that?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 21:09, Reply)