i got asked out the other week by this guy at the gym
didn't really fancy him, as he was overly tall and gawky, but he seemed quite sweet, so i agreed to coffee on the sat morning. we met in covent garden and he had no idea where he was (how can you not know covent garden? even people who've never been to england know covent garden).

anyway, i picked this coffee shop because it was a one-off, not a starbucks. it was nice, but after about 30 mins of slightly dull conversation, he went to the toilet. i was bored so i picked up the menu. oh. it was actually a christian charity type place. i then looked at the decor for the first time. yep. i had practically taken him to church.

but that wasn't the worst bit, no. the worst bit was that i pointed this out in laughing embarrassment, and he leaned across the table and said: "yes, i noticed that. so... do you believe in god? i didn't until i found Him when i turned 28..."

shortest. date. ever.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:54, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

He was a dwarf AND a Christian?
You don't half pick'em.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)

a giant christian
i think he got to covent garden by coming down his beanstalk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Did you fuck the jesus back out of him?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)

That's not really a riddy though, just a dull date.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)

nah, the faux pas was mine, in choosing a fundie cafe
the fact that he LIKED it was unfortunate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:58, Reply)

I got a love letter once and corrected the spelling errors before handing it back,

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)

my friend is a psychologist
and her boss was once counselling a narcissist. when she sent him the report, he did exactly that - sent it back to her with what he perceived to be grammatical errors highlighted and corrected.

there was no helping that one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I thought I was being a witty card.
Nope, just a cunt.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)

when i first started seeing jo i corrected her spelling in texts and that
and she said it made her love me more

awwwwwwwwwww
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:11, Reply)

awww that's so sweet!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:15, Reply)

YOU corrected her spelin?
wow
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Is the mistake here deliberate?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)

FFS AA

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:28, Reply)

"slow"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:36, Reply)

is this a serious question?
really?

you're serious??

with that question???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Did they end on a comma instead of a full stop?
You know, like a complete fucking spastic?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:04, Reply)

I wrote that letter from the HEART

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)

See above comment about being just a cunt.
Look in mirror. Search soul. See if you can understand irony.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Search what?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:10, Reply)

The things that dies inside a little when you steal to buy massive drugz.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I've seen him do it.
He comes alive if anything.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:16, Reply)

It gives me a rod-on.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:26, Reply)

condensed version plz

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Bro be ugly christian, bitch be a hater.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

actually this is pretty fucking accurate

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

well I hope for her sake taht they sell Manolo Blahniks
IN HELL
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

They're already hell on the feet.
AMIRITE!!!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

so tru, i can neva find my size
:(((
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)

2 tru sista, 2 tru!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)

no, it's good for your literacy skills to practice, quentin
put your finger under each word and read it sloooowly. you can do it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

thanks i did get tehre in the end, it was pretty dull tho tbh

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

excellent
that's 1 minute of your life you ain't never getting back, bitch
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

you got me good
thats Quinten 14000 - Rachelswipe 1
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)

New from JML the Quinten 14000.
Buy now and get this helicopter, absolutly free!!!!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:05, Reply)

*helicopter only avaiable in some people's imaginations
subject to availability
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Oh
I thought we really connected :(
I'll pray for you.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 11:05, Reply)