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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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So,
Sparkling or Still?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:32, 151 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Wank

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:33, Reply)
yeah,
it is.
I typed out a nice long question, with an alt, then i had to serve a customer, and then i accidentally deleted what i had written, so this is what you get.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:35, Reply)
I put some sparkling in my tea this morning by mistake, it tasted funny

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:34, Reply)
no it didn't

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:35, Reply)
It did, hot and old and fizzy all come out o the same tap
It's witchcraft
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:37, Reply)
no it's not.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I checked and it weighs less than a goose

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)
oh, right, in that case,
carry on.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)
If you'd have spat it out it would have been the funniest thing to ever come out of your mouth.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)
This excellent bullying should be on the popular page.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Wasted on these fools as usual

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Totes boyce.
Want to read a brief review of the film that caused the lybia ruck?
www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/andrewbrown/2012/sep/12/libya-anti-muhammad-youtube-clips
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Sounds quite good.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)
Still D.R.E.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I forgot about him.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:37, Reply)
I am in a quite spectacularly good mood today.
Even that cunt Vag can't spoil it. Try as he might.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Find some gear on the pavement this morning or something?
I am in a 'meh' mood and cannot be bothered to do anything.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Nope. Big tings a'gwan with my legal woes.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Fingers crossed.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Well fairly shortly I'll be getting the draft letter which will go to my ex
and it seems she's unlikely to get legal aid to protest too much. Things are looking pretty good.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)
Don't call Battered Shorty
it's mean.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Don't white knight me you fucking nonce.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:56, Reply)
HAHA you're reduced to being defended by a hairy man from the midlands

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:03, Reply)
I forgot to pay my credit card bill in time and they charged me £12
and they'll whack some interest on next months statement.

Sad times Monty, sad times.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Direct debit young al, direct debit

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Don't want to young nakers, don't want to. I'm pretty sure I'm older than you.
I prefer the flexibility of choosing when and how much to pay, sadly it runs the risk of me cocking up, like now, but this is the first time I've ever done it.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)
I'm reading this subthread to the tune of There's a Hole In My Bucket

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:53, Reply)
I read everything you write in the dreary tones of a man incapable of working with others because he's an insufferable prick
But that's not your fault, it's just because you hail from the same location as Captain Placid.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:58, Reply)
That seems entirely fair.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Oh man.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:44, Reply)
You don't have to wait until next month to pay it. Pay it now and they won't charge as much interest.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)
Jermaine Stewart's financially astute followupzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:47, Reply)
Yeah I know, I may be about 3 ft taller than you, but I'm not stupid.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Forgetting to pay it is pretty stupid.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:53, Reply)
Not as stupid as running it up, not paying it off and entering into an IVA?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:54, Reply)
True.
Mind you, I don't know anyone who's that fucking stupid.

Actually... hang on...
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)
You would have to be a massively senile old bellend to do something like that.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Haha yeah

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:03, Reply)
I used sparkling water to clean the "dirty sanchez"
off your Mrs before you got home from the quiz last night.

It washed the winnits right out of her tache.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:38, Reply)
The banned single from the 'South Pacific' soundtrack

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Depends

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)
I asked Google
Sparkling offered me "For UK Next Day Delivery of the best Sexy Fancy Dress Costumes, Halloween Costumes, Sexy Lingerie, Dresses, Clubwear, Kinky Boots, Sexy Shoes, Gothic ..." as the top result.

Still offered me "Forklift trucks, Lift trucks, Material Handling Equipment."

It's a tough call...
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I asked Jeeves
and he became very sexually aggressive
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I like that in a butler.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)

Material Handling "Equipment"

Eh, eh? Phwoaarrr.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Sparkling.
Still is boring (not that sparkling's exciting, but at least it's something).
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)
He's talking about in your bath you fucking knob!
Who has a sparkling water bath? Durrr!
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:46, Reply)
*raises hand*

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:47, Reply)
I don't think your piss fetish counts, brah.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)
It fucking counts alright.
It sets the standard. It is the piss fetish Guvnor.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)
So am I.
I do.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Do you like Edward Sharp the folk singer?
I think you'd like his album " black water park"
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:47, Reply)
That's one of my favourite albums, Nakers.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)
I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:51, Reply)
I took your advice and listened to "The Tallest Man on Earth"
I liked him.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:53, Reply)
I'm a folking legend
No need to thank me you utter penis
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Stop acting like Battered.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:06, Reply)
*stops kneeling on shoes*

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Thank you.
Do you have any other excellent reccomendations?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Try iron £ wine

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:21, Reply)
This is a recommendation I can endorse
However many attempts it takes for you to post it.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:24, Reply)
I can't believe he's still managed to get it wrong.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Never heard of him - I shall check it out.
I do like Blackwaterside as done by Oysterband, though.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)
I have just listened to it, and I find it good. Thank you.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Still
Sparkling is shit pants bollocks
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:49, Reply)
poo willy wank

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:57, Reply)
You love a good poo willy wank.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:09, Reply)
POTD

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)
I heard that K once gave a guy such a good willy wank that he actually turned inside out through his japs eye.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)
dont be stupid
His testicles crawled through his urethra to thank me
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:18, Reply)
If you're talking about lovers,
then sparkling definitely - the other one is a bit creepy.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)
You Love Edward the twilight vampire you raging bender

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Who?
I'm not down with you kids - who's Edward and what is 'twilight'?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:54, Reply)
R Patz, innit.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Ah right,
he was with that bird who did the naughties with some other bloke and the tabloids got all upset about it - is that the guy?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:57, Reply)
The very same.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Nice one,
thanks for clearing that up for me!
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Sparkling tastes horrible
still, or better yet, something with booze in it.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Berk!!
How goes it in the land of the stool sample?

*declines to offer hand for shaking*
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:56, Reply)
You'd love to nudge one of her stools in.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:57, Reply)
You really are a provincial oaf, aren't you?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:59, Reply)
You haven't exactly got a Phd from charm school either.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:02, Reply)
He got thrown out of charm school for crapping in the urinals

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:05, Reply)

thrown out of commended in
charm school Mrs Kroney's cavernous vagina

Showed imagination
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Good, except for one significant flaw.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:21, Reply)

mrs

better?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Much

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)
excellent

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Excuse me?
that marriage was conducting very much in absentia.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:49, Reply)
i think they meant his mum

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:54, Reply)
Oh good.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Aaaa'iiiiiiight Stunners
Your boys are in for a proper kicking on Saturday, or not
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Dream on, farmer boy.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:51, Reply)
mr. accident is on the tiv

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Just out of interest, does anyone else give a shit about the Hillsborough report?
If not, I'll shut up about it.

Honest.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:07, Reply)
It's massive corruption and dishonesty from the police/government
but that wasn't really that suprising, they've been saying that for years.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:08, Reply)
I've never thought that apportioning blame was that important
so much as preventing it from happening again. But according to the report, the police were checking the blood alcohol levels of survivors and DEAD BODIES so that they could prove the fault lay with them. If they were found to be sober, criminal records were checked.

Who thinks like that? Apart from Monty?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)
If they'd gone "we fucked up, lets stop it happening again" when it happened then there wouldn't be too much of a problem.
But it was a time when the police basically hated the general public.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Agreed
I was genuinely chilled when I read that though. Morally abhorrent behaviour.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Thanks to the Unions and Football Hooligans and darkies in the 70s

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)
And the wave of religious unrest prompted by the apocalyptic events of September 30th 1973

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Hahahaha
It was like 'The Golden Child' only the other way round.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Child Golden The?
or Dlihc Nedlog Eht?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:31, Reply)
*cries*

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Oh that's bollocks, it's all about approtioning blame.
It's understandable since the blame has been pointed at the wrong people for a long time, but it's also perfectly clear that nobody has actually thought that the fans were to blame for many years now since it has been obvious that the police have lied and covered it up.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:17, Reply)
I blame the fans and their drinking and stealing and trackwear.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:18, Reply)

The police wouldn't have had to do all those nasty things if those scouse bastards hadn't forced their way into the stadium without tickets whilst drunk.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:21, Reply)
The scousers were of course to blame. They always are.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)
You misunderstand me
I meant that the apportionment of blame was never important to me, so much as preventative measures being taken. I completely agree with the rest of your post.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Stadium design world wide has been changed on the back of it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:20, Reply)
It's a worthwhile sacrifice.
I'll be honest with you Chompy, there is no limit to the number Scousers I'd happily allow to die if the end result was better safety procedures for everyone else.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Or, you know, just for an extra bank holiday each year. That would work for me.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Exactly
No qualms there. Hillsborough was the last time I watched a game standing.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Hillsborough was the last time I watched a game standing, masturbating and hooting with laughter.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Not even the tiniest one. soz.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Are you "soz" though Monty?
Are you?
Are you really?
Really?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Not in the slightest, but my mother raised me to be polite.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:17, Reply)
I bet she didn't raise you to use the word "soz" though
It sounds like something you might mumble whilst requesting the ketchup whilst hammered.

*remembers who he's talking to*

whilst hammered
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:19, Reply)
My mother 'texted' me and in it she said 'lol'
so I burnt her house down.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Did her windows survive?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Course not. Melted into pools in seconds.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Good man
I hope she was inside at the time.

The house. Not prison.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)
No, except it's a shame not more of the moaning scouse cunts were killed.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Apparently the trouble started when fans asked where to stand and the scouts attendants all said
"A a a a a a a a"
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)
3/10

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)
I can't bring myself to laugh at Hillsborough, sorry
Also, that wasn't very funny.

And Liverpool fans would never take instruction from a boy in a woggle.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Scouts?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Hillsborough: WHEN CUB CAMPS GO BAD

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:19, Reply)
THE *REAL* AKELA - WHAT THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:19, Reply)
Scousers
iPhone being rubbish
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:45, Reply)
oh a-a-a-a-a-a-ape

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)
I thought it was a bit of a shame at the time.
By the next year, I didn't really care.

And now, forty years later, I am less than bothered.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)
I'm 'still' in favour of uncarbonated water.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Someone should screendump this
and print it out, and tie it to a brick, and lob it through Rob's window, along with a hastily-scrawled note saying "THIS is why we need a fucking dislike button"
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)
i read it as "flavoured water"
which might have improved it
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:26, Reply)
well, for what beverage?
i mean, nobody wants still coke or champagne. but sparkling water is rank.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)
I still want coke and champagne
*goes through bins looking for food scraps*
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)
*remembers someone hates these pseudo-activities*
*thinks it MIGHT be battered*

*does it more*
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:26, Reply)
* kicks Swipe in her bloated gunt *

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)
ahaha
welcome to the dark side

hmmm

*welcomes battered to the dark side*
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:29, Reply)
I used asterisks to denote pseudo-activity in a work email
it was to the whole team, one had gone round saying something along the lines of "can whoever fucked the dev server put their hand up so we can figure out how to unfuck it?" and my email started *raises hand*

which then prompted several emails as to what that was and me explaining it. Do these people even USE the internet???
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:02, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=liX7zPV095Q
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Stone cold classic right here

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)
I agree with the 'Swipe.
God I feel dirty.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:24, Reply)
you'll never be dirty enough for me
so i wouldn't worry about it
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:24, Reply)
I very much doubt that.
*suavely raises eyebrow*
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:34, Reply)
God, I feel sick.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:35, Reply)
how do you think i feel?
he was raising it at ME.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Fuck's sake.
Get on chat roulette and have done.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:41, Reply)
that would be a sophisticated chat-up line in slough

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:53, Reply)
I made a new thread everyone,
it's the best one today!!!!
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:53, Reply)

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