my mum says your all pricks
alt wankers
altalt what brand of stapler is your favourite? rexel? rapesco? or are you some kind of Staedtler NONCE?
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:32, 149 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I am very hungry Q
I briefly had a craving for a Rustlers Microwave Quarter Pounder. That's how hungry I am. Roll on 5pm.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:34, Reply)

You sick, sick man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:35, Reply)

i've never even eaten anything rustlers
you fat cunt
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:35, Reply)

I smelled one that a dimwit in the warehouse was eating once.
That was more than enough.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:37, Reply)

I've eaten them occasionally
good for hangovers, I've found.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:39, Reply)

It'll be all the salt

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:50, Reply)

and the fat
and the ease of preparation.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:52, Reply)

My usual hangover cure meal
is a Big Mac meal with a coke, for much the same reason.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:53, Reply)

fatties

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:53, Reply)

That requires getting dressed and going out into the light

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:13, Reply)

I have high hopes for this thread.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:34, Reply)

ANSWER THE STAPLER QUESTION YOUR RUINING THE THREAD

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:36, Reply)

High apple pie in the sky hopes?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:37, Reply)

Those exact hopes. To the letter.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:37, Reply)

I don't own a stapler
I rent, with an option to buy
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:36, Reply)

no mention of brand here, you'd better not be a staedtler nonce, i swear to god

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I don't believe in labelling, Q
Before it arrived I asked someone to scratch the name off. All staplers are equal here.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:39, Reply)

not all staplers are born equal, staplers rights have to be earned

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:40, Reply)

Even the ones that have a sideways turny bit?
I've never had an instance to use that
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:43, Reply)

waht sideways turny bit?

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:46, Reply)

The bit what you turn sideways
So that instead of the staples pinching inwards, they pinch OUTWARDS!!!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:00, Reply)

i didn't think that had any practical use, probably just moveable so you can replace it

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:02, Reply)

Hmmm
perhaps
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:12, Reply)

My banana had more bruises than Tina Turner after Ike got back from a heavy session :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:37, Reply)

He was AWFUL to her

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:38, Reply)

he sure beat some good tunes out of that sister
/ incited
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:40, Reply)

uncited even

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:41, Reply)

domestic violence is nothing to joke about there naked ape
unless you're talking about battered's wives
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:38, Reply)

i like the big ones that use the bigger staples, then i get to pump some nigger documents ass full of staples when he be bitchin my little rexel

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:38, Reply)

you're so fucking gangsta, rory
i bet you walk down the street, firing your staple gun and going 'brap brap!'
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:39, Reply)

i get angry first, but then i say yo bitch best get me the bigger stapler so i can set that nigger to work on this bitch

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Haha, you crazy cracker

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:39, Reply)

don't make me staple yo ass

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:45, Reply)

I don't have a stapler at all
but our printers can staple things as they come out, IN YOUR FACE BUCK ROGERS!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:39, Reply)

you seem like a staple expert

what is the second part of the base on the stapler for, that splays the staple legs out instead of in?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:42, Reply)

Well.
The first staplers were developed in 1930s Japan, where they were intially called 'Raperers'. At this time Japan was heavily involved in the conquest of Eastern China - what you or I would call 'Q'ang Zhou province'. These early 'proto-staplers' had a double function as torture devices, which is where the part to which you are referring came into play. Despite this no longer being the case, because the patents date from that time, the fundamental design of all modern staplers has remained essentially unchanged. Crazy but true!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:45, Reply)

wow, education, right here.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:49, Reply)

Not even a fucking thank you.
I've really gone off this 'Glued Eel' fellow now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:19, Reply)

sorry I was busy stapling a picture of us holding hands
BUT THAT CAN GO RIGHT IN THE BIN NOW
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:09, Reply)

staple rape enabling device

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:46, Reply)

My stapler gives me the weather.
This morning it said 'nice day'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:43, Reply)

Ordered your present today. You will love it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:46, Reply)

I hadn't got as far as gifts yet.
*wonders if Stunned needs a Jacamo gift voucher*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Hahahah
This is very much a small token gesture for comedy purposes. You will love it though. Just hope it's here in time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:57, Reply)

I'll buy you benders birthday presents
when you have your birthday bash in Slough.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:59, Reply)

Christ, I'm not spending proper money!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:00, Reply)

Err, me neither for obvious reasons.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:01, Reply)

It's a 'Go With Noakes' annual.
Actually I wish it was.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:02, Reply)

Alright Q,
how's it going?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:46, Reply)

i'll respond when you tell me about your stapler

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:47, Reply)

You know,
there is a stapler up in the office, but i've never had cause to look at the manufcturers name. Sorry Q, looks like i'm out of this thread.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:49, Reply)

make a guess

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:49, Reply)

Staedtler?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:53, Reply)

NONCE!

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:54, Reply)

Altalt: mine is an Ofrex.
'Member Ofrex?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:47, Reply)

nope

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:52, Reply)

Haha, yeah
Your Mum would go "Son, where's the Offie?" Haha...'member that? Member your Mum calling it the Offie? Ah...80's.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:01, Reply)

and the paki shop, and the chinkie, and the chippie

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:02, Reply)

My dad says you're either a wanker or a liar
I've always prided myself on my honesty

My Stapler is an Eagle 930b
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:49, Reply)

sweet

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:52, Reply)

It is, I like the retro styling
although it's a bit beige with age now.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:54, Reply)

what was the last thing you stapled with it?

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:56, Reply)

Probably a test script.
I don't do much stapling these days.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:06, Reply)

was it satisfying?
god i bet it felt good
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:12, Reply)

it was too long ago to remember. :(

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:18, Reply)

i'd have considered it an unforgetable experience, you're some sort of stapler fascist prick

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:20, Reply)

I have an electric stapler/nail gun
makes felting a roof dead easy, and scares cats.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:51, Reply)

stationary staple chat only please, mods are about

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:52, Reply)

you're discriminating against ones that can move?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:54, Reply)

no, stationary, not stationery

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:54, Reply)

I have a red Rapesco stapler.
I like red, it's my favourite colour. Most of my cars have been red for this very reason.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:54, Reply)

sounds like the ferrari of the stapler world right there
rude of nobody to ask about my stapler though
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:56, Reply)

Nobody gives a shit about your stapler, Q
It's all MEMEMEME round here
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:57, Reply)

fucking selfish stapler pricks

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 16:58, Reply)

What are your thoughts on paperclips and temporary staple substitutes?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:00, Reply)

it's a mugs game, you're asking for trouble

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:01, Reply)

My thoughts are 'Christ you're a bent spastic'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:04, Reply)

Oh man, jesus is gonna fuck you up for that bit of blasphemy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:10, Reply)

What stapler do you have Q?
I can't believe no one has asked this.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:08, Reply)

thanks for asking, CQ. you're a true gent
i've got a staedtler
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:11, Reply)

For shame

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:12, Reply)

i only nonce the ugly kids, it's good for their self esteem
i won't have a child going through what i did :(
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:14, Reply)

I wasn't nonced up at all
Not even a little bit :(
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:17, Reply)

if i could go back in time and nonce you, i totally would

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:19, Reply)

For reals?
Thanks Q...that actually makes me feel a bit better.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:20, Reply)

i'd have done time just for a sweet, sweet taste of your prepubescent cock

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:21, Reply)

It used to be all pink
but it ain't anymore, boy!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:23, Reply)

not even some of the time?

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:25, Reply)

Well I guess I could scrub it for a bit
That might help
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:26, Reply)

Nonce.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:19, Reply)

it's actually a Q-Connect
wtf is Q-connect? tricky used to order our stationery, what a prick
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:19, Reply)

Why is he called Tricky?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:20, Reply)

real name tristran
it was a nickname his parents gave him apparently, he also has it tattooed on his lower back, like a slag
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:21, Reply)

Wait...
he is a bloke yes? but he has a tramp stamp tattoo...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:22, Reply)

Oh
That's.....something a prick would do, surely?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:22, Reply)

if this were a game of charades, you'd have jsut won a gold medal

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:24, Reply)

It's a shame he's left
so you can't taunt him with this:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTEXhc6IyY

Unless of course you had the sense to do this anyway
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:26, Reply)

waht is it?

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:26, Reply)

'Tricky Disco'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:40, Reply)

*touches nose*
*points*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:27, Reply)

nose Q's winky
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:27, Reply)

Nah. he'd never let me

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:28, Reply)

sad times TH, sad times

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:30, Reply)

course i would

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:31, Reply)

Without salad tongs?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:33, Reply)

I heard he likes to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:22, Reply)

we did put that on on spotify fridays for him
and selecter 'on my radio'
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:25, Reply)

I'm just glad you "got" my post
I can go home happy now
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:25, Reply)

Another black mark in Tricky's book.
Is there anything he did right? What a fucking cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:23, Reply)

he left

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:25, Reply)

you right

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:26, Reply)

to par.....tee!

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:31, Reply)

I'm off to a free comedy night tonight. I fear it'll be an absolute car crash
they even have female "comedians"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:26, Reply)

there's no such thing, but i have seen smack the pony again the last couple of weeks
it's alright

sometimes
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:31, Reply)

These are newbies as well, I'm gonna need to be really pissed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:32, Reply)

I'd like to commit some very dirty acts with Sally Phillips
very dirty
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:33, Reply)

eeeew!
she has a funny mouth
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:35, Reply)

Silken with some bulbous nodes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:57, Reply)

I shall tell her you feel this way
While I'm violating her every orifice
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:42, Reply)

Your mum's right.
alt: aye
alt alt: swingline
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:36, Reply)

Alright chcb

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:42, Reply)

*nods*

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:21, Reply)

I might venture to Gallimurfry later.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:23, Reply)

I need to know how to pronounce that place, I can't work it out.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:31, Reply)

We tend to go with 'gally-murphy'
Either that, or 'that pub what has Moretti on tap'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:32, Reply)

It looks the sort of place that hipsters and people who like steampunk go.
I'm off out to Planet Pizza tonight. I'm not supposed to be drinking so it'll be sober pizza, and where exactly is the fun in that?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:35, Reply)

Atomic Burger (next to Planet Pizza) is fantastic.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:36, Reply)

I will have to give that a try then, been walking past wondering what it's like.
I'll be turning my back on my old friend Ciao Burger, mind.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:42, Reply)

Have a gander at the menu
atomicburger.co.uk/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:46, Reply)

Yo Crackaz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:48, Reply)

I'll see YOU soon.
Oh, sad news, I'm back on the SSRIs (The Beatles' lesser known... etc). Doc said "no drinking" but she obviously has no concept of what it means to crash on your and Lusty's sofa.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:22, Reply)

Your mum's mouth is full of my huge pulsating penis as I type this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:44, Reply)

her mouth must be the size of a gerbils anus

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:46, Reply)

Same texture too, if I remember right.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:48, Reply)

Silken with some bulbous nodes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:50, Reply)

Good posts from you today, Nakie-noo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:51, Reply)

I do try, someone has to
I am sad I can't come on saturday, I have a feeling I'll be celebrating my sisters engagement though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:53, Reply)

I'm well gutted.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:54, Reply)

One day sweet cheeks, one day...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:55, Reply)

*sighs*

*wishes upon a star*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:57, Reply)

Some pikey woman just got on the bus, she stinks like a damp old house someone has been smoking in
Fuckin bus wankers
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:51, Reply)

Tell her I'm going to be a bit late tonight please mate. Problems with the TNT collection.

Thanks
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:52, Reply)

I am now in worse trouble than I have ever been in my life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:53, Reply)

Bahahhaha
This is why I was always in trouble, I usually figured the punishment would be worth the lols
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:54, Reply)

That's what I've always been like.
My mother says I'd always crack a gag and worry about whether it got me into trouble or offended someone afterwards.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 17:57, Reply)

sorry
i'll cover it with a bottle of cheap perfume, will that help?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:31, Reply)

i don't have a preference for staplers
but today someone at work had an automatic pencil sharpener. We sharpened ALL the pencils
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 18:30, Reply)

"you're"

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 5:44, Reply)

LOL
Any more insomniacs on? I'm bored
(highlandcoo, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 6:42, Reply)