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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Whoah, freaky yeah?
I had a long and unpleasant dream last night that I couldn't sleep. Changing ends of the bed, turning pillows etc - all the while having a perfectly decent kip!!! So I woke up feeling mentally knackered but fully rested. WEIRD, YEAH?

When was the last time you OH SHUT UP.

Alt: Se'sly, shut up, yeah?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:21, 125 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Did you watch the Saville documentary?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:23, Reply)
Nah. Any good?
There are more dreadful things still to come out about that man, you mark my words.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:25, Reply)
I heard he shopped in Iceland
He bought those frozen three bird roast things. Dreadful.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:28, Reply)
I've gone off him now. That's too horrible for words.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:28, Reply)
Not necessarily his fault
he was Northern, after all.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:30, Reply)
So true.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)
A 3 bird roast is 11pm down the Bigg Market

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)
best 33p I ever spent

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:14, Reply)
She even took her teeth out

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:15, Reply)
vagina dentata lols

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Nothing that wasn't known before. No mention of the necrophilia rumours.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:31, Reply)
alright monts?
I'll put that stuff in the post in Saturday.

In other news, to welcome the Autumn I am reading Heart of Darkness. I would have thought you like that book. Am I correct or am I once more deeply deeply wrong?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:31, Reply)
Good lad, thanks a lot.
I've never read it. Perhaps I should.

I've just started this:
londonist.com/2011/11/book-review-johnsons-life-of-london-by-boris-johnson.php

Certainly easy to read and entertaining if not anywhere near as good as Peter Akroyd's London.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Filthy Tory!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I think you should.
It's right up your street.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Well I've had a look and all I can see up my street is a bunch of Asians and a park.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:09, Reply)
No headless corpses this week?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Not that I can see. That said, I can't see Dozer's book either so maybe I'm just not looking.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:14, Reply)

I once dreamt I was eating a 10lb marshmallow.

I woke up the following day and my large marshmallow was missing.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Have you watched any Superstars yet?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I'm saving it for the weekend.
And I can't wait.

EXTENDED COVERAGE!!!!!

You opened any bottles this week?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Sainsburys Cider last night
3 bottles for a fiver and 7.2%
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I see your cider
and raise you 4 bottles of Tesco Finest American Double IPA (made by Brewdog) for £6, and not only is it much better tasting but it is 9.2%.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)
*makes notes*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)
it's 330ml bottles you Saville

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Hahaha one or two

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:08, Reply)
It's always fascinating when people tell you about their dreams.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I know!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:53, Reply)
The Saville doc was rubbish.
All circumstantial.

I'm not saying he didn't do it because he clearly did but it was half baked shite.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 8:59, Reply)
He definitely did do it. And more.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:10, Reply)
You have been bummed by Sir Jimmy, haven't you?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Sir Jimmeh, Simon Bates and David 'Kid' Jensen ran a train on me
in the TOTP dressing rooms, back in '78. Proper Goatse'd me up like a good'un.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Well how's about that then?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:16, Reply)
'Does Kids' Jensen more like
AMIRITE? EH? EH?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I GET THIS!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
So you said
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1747445
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
My waste disposal unit ate my potato peeler last night in a fight to the death
I now have no waste disposal unit or potato peeler
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:03, Reply)
well maybe she wouldn't have done it if you'd respected her enough to call her anything other than 'the potato peeler'

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:09, Reply)
I've told her once

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Northerners, Q - they're stuck in the dark ages.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
It was a Jamie Oliver one too
:o(
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)
you middle class yuppie potato peeling prick

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Carrot actually
It was sharper than the cheapy ones

The peeler that is, not the carrot
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)
yeah and i bet you inserted that carrot into your anus while listening to 'Toploader'
and singing about everybody dancin' in the moonlight
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Everybody's feeling warm and tight

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:19, Reply)
It's a fine and natural site
for a carrot
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
*sight
you stupid cunt
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)
I'm altering the lyrics for comic effect
you scrofulous cocktrough.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
yeah but even editing the lyrics it would still be sight

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I'm suggesting that his anus is a natural "site" or "place" to put a carrot
I don't want to watch him do it, unlike you it seems.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:59, Reply)
no, you shut up

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Now that is bang out of order. Really offensive stuff there, Q
Toploader?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
they're a step above folksy US poet with a geetar, bob dylan
at any rate
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
True.
He never managed to pull Gail Porter.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
the guy from top loader must have been radioactive
cos that bitch lost her hair after she started seeing him
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Well, he's NOT VERY ACTIVE ON THE RADIO THESE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
ahahaha

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:44, Reply)
The Duncan Goodhew of hearts.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
i bet you buy roosters potatoes and pull yourself off over the picture of the cock on the packaging

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I have not
but this may change tonight. Sexy potato
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)
wanna come round mine and make potato print paintings?

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
DO I?!!!
Do I?

no
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:19, Reply)
i'm gonna come round yours and stab your 'waste disposal unit'

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
It is fucking dead already

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
OMG quintsy is Jimmy Saville

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:21, Reply)
sportscow is not an underage girl, TLiC
i wish
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)
More the fucking dead things there Q

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
i only wanted to have sex with his bottom
:(
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Morning Monty
My last umbrella got trashed in the last wind/rain episode, so I was glad it was bright and sunny this morning. Then when I got to Liverpool St Station a bloke was giving away golf umbrellas. Thanks, Mysterious Cosmic Forces! And also some brokerage or something.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I hate using umbrellas

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I'm not a big fan and yet being rained on also fails to appeal
and my one hooded coat is, it turns out, not terribly waterproof. Although my hoody is, strangely.

Possibly because it cost 3 times what the coat did.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Morning

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:15, Reply)
No, just having a shit

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Sorry about this shit thread folks.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
don't you dare put yourself down
at least you're trying
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:32, Reply)
I'm doing my best.
Unfortunately the naysayers and the poo-poohers in this place are trying to drag me down.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
i've got a literally AMAZING idea for a thread, but i'm biding my time

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I don't want to miss this.
I'm going to wait out on the main page F5ing until it appears.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
i'm totally building suspense right now
this is like when Apple release a new product and everyone goes 'OOOOH!' at the teasers and then it comes out and it's just as shite as the last one
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
I'm going to camp outside the main page so I can be the first to post in it and everyone will be well jel.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:45, Reply)
this one's just catching it's stride
it might be a while
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
We need CQ here to bring some positive vibes to this thread.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
you should be.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
That hurts, WP.
It hurts.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
it hurt when you left me,
now you know how I feel.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
i read this and thought it was a Frank thread.
but no, it's you Boyce.
I dreamt about a starling, a starling!
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
your dreams are even duller than your waking life.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)
They genuinely are. Apart from the one where I got a leather SS coat. For about 2 seconds after I woke up I thought it was true :o(

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
I loathe people that share their dull as fuck dreams.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
i rode battlecat in a fight to the death with mo mowlam on the back of a unicorn in a dream once
true story
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
You see that's ace.
But now this scotch cunt loathes you for sharing it.

He's one of the biggest naysayers and poo-poohers in this gaff.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:43, Reply)
he said dull as fuck dreams, i don't think this qualifies
shitdreamer
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:44, Reply)
he really is. like one of those pricks that dreams about their work
then shares it at work. "but alan was wearing the blue sweater on a monday!!!"
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:45, Reply)
nope, his wasn't dull. yours is.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:44, Reply)
^ NAYSAYER

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:45, Reply)
you can't say that to him, you ain't Bongiovi

(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)
he's such a fucking bullying prick.
the worst thing is, he's shit at it.
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
You know I can read this, right?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I hope you are taking it all to heart and are doing a :'(

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Externally I'm showing the same steely determination that I always do.
Inside, however, I'm a lonely, frightened little boy who just wants to be loved, and I'm weeping - weeping bitter tears.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:59, Reply)
I like when I dream about being a horse and bon jovi feeds me sugar lumps.
he strokes my mane and tells me I'm a good horse.
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:43, Reply)
ahh that's nice
if i could be anyone's horse i'd like to be magnum PI's horse
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:45, Reply)
that would be pretty sweet.
crossing my fingers for you hun!!!
you'll find your dream prince one day.
xxxxx
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
and then he bumps into ross in the hall and they're both wearing women's dressing gowns
wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaah
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I had a dream where you weren't a scotch prick once.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
DULL

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:43, Reply)
^ POO-POOHER

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:45, Reply)
spare me your german scat fantasies.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I want a scotch egg now

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:50, Reply)
this is another scat reference?
you people make me sick
(quintsy, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)
can't you just buy o...
oh, shot, sorry Boyce.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)

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