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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Lloyds bank has "fallen over" in the technical jargon
www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/consumertips/banking/9590028/Lloyds-crash-leaves-millions-without-access-to-cash.html

so if you bank with them good luck getting any cash tonight.

Why is everyone who works in IT incompitent?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:41, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Why are they what, sorry?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:43, Reply)
That's one of those words I can never spell.
It means shit.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:44, Reply)
Funnily enough I am dying for an incompitent, as it goes.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Ask Sportscow

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:43, Reply)
I am both able to login to my bank and post here
Thank you kindly
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Yep but why are you incontinent?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:47, Reply)
'cos I like the smell of piss

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Have you got Cavy's cloak?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:31, Reply)
oh great, now i can't contribute on talk or OT

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:45, Reply)
2.0? quints?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:46, Reply)
yeah, i've got psychochomp on ignore because i find him a bit dull tbh

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:47, Reply)
? Chompy's the best thing EVAH
I'm working out how to try and ask him to sell me the swaet from his balls
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:48, Reply)
he is pretty dull, though

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Upset online.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:55, Reply)
ERRRMMMMMM whoops
feck I bet this has put the price of ball sweat up
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:57, Reply)
i am indeed, please leave me alone
i put you on ignore so that we wouldn't have any more falling outs as I don't want to get banned again
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:57, Reply)
I think you should drop his missis a gaz
That normally helps?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:33, Reply)
hahahaha it sure did last time

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:38, Reply)
i'm not falling for that again
:(
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:39, Reply)
Halifax also went tits

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:46, Reply)
up?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:47, Reply)
down, that's the problem

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:49, Reply)
In

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:52, Reply)
problemin?
that must be the drug monty's been addicted to his whole life
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:53, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:55, Reply)
He's a BULLY mont's call B3TH and bike shop

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:58, Reply)
arh man, if i get banned again so help me

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:59, Reply)
There are other bike shops, TRUFAX

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:12, Reply)
what you going on about?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:16, Reply)
Yay!
unless we have to bail the cunts out.

Alt: we're not, we just hate you.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:47, Reply)
boring. I thought they'd proper fallen over.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:48, Reply)
CQ is that you? thought you flounced ages ago

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:49, Reply)
They always come back.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Back on the block
(only monty will get this Ref).
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:52, Reply)
Chocka ablock?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Quincy Jones

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:56, Reply)
So close!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:57, Reply)
Ronny Jordans back on the block

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Nah, it's Rory.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:01, Reply)
I bet it's the same as the RBS fuckup
an untested update put into live by a cut to the bone IT dept with no disaster recovery.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:47, Reply)
A bunch of their accounts are moving over to the CoOp, it's probably something to do with that.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:51, Reply)
What a bunch of chickens!!!!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:57, Reply)
They're really clucked this one up!!!!!!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:58, Reply)
It's EGGstraordinary bad form.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Oh BEAKquiet will you?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:02, Reply)
FOWL joke

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:06, Reply)
I bank with RBS my money keeps disappearing then returning, WTF

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Mine's the same!


Apart from the returning bit.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:58, Reply)
You keep all your money in the guitar case at kings cross

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:00, Reply)
This, basically.
They replaced their IT department which comprised of people with decades of experience that knew their quirky bespoke COBOL systems with an offshore team that had heard of COBOL, a bit.

Basically, all programmers are equal in skill and knowledge to managers and beancounters.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Great
No chinky for me tonight.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:48, Reply)
$5 LOVE YOU LONG TIME

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Credit cards are the way to go with this sort of thing.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Or muggings

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Huh! I s'pose old 'muggings' here will have to pay AGAIN!!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:01, Reply)
Unlikely.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:01, Reply)
Impossible would be nearer

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:07, Reply)
Ain't got one, PC.
Can't be trusted.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:52, Reply)
Get your Mrs to buy it then.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:55, Reply)
She won't be able to pay because she will be gobbling me off.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:57, Reply)
I didn't have one for ages for this reason
years went by, I got a new credit card. Yeah, still can't be trusted.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:56, Reply)
7 years and counting.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Can I join in this chat?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:01, Reply)
No.
I'm not going to 2.0 you as you post in every fucking sub thread going so I'd effectively be ignoring the whole board. Can we just agree to never acknowledge each other's presence ever again? Cheers.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:02, Reply)
?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:03, Reply)
:o(((((((((

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:07, Reply)
NO

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Facking mangrul.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:07, Reply)
maybe a critical memo got lost because they didn't have enough paper clips to hold it together
and whose fault would that be eh?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:52, Reply)
Fucking paperclips coming over here and taking all our staples jobs, just isn’t on

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:55, Reply)
Did you hear the one about Ku Klux Stapler?
He tried to jump 50 paperclips in a steamroller!
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Didn’t you tell that joke on the last thread?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:02, Reply)
I still am no closer to knowing what how the actual joke ends.
I'm about to shit myself with sheer frustration.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:03, Reply)
I think it walks into a bar at the end/start?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:05, Reply)
knievel/nizzle/steamroller.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:06, Reply)
*shits self*

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:09, Reply)
YOU'RE WELCOME!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:09, Reply)
I'll be honest chompers, this thread doesn't inspire me in any great way.
I might go do some work.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:59, Reply)
I'm sorry, I'll try harder.
Abu Hamza is goint to be extradited? That's good innit?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:04, Reply)
When?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Soon, he's failed his final appeal and the judge has said, fuck off to america.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:08, Reply)
Fucking draining bastard I'll personally paddle the cunt there

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:10, Reply)
I honestly don't care.
I'm having a grumpy Friday chomps.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:10, Reply)
It'll be much better later on when you're surrounded by the drunk and lairy!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:13, Reply)
I'm taking tonight off,
its been hell busy all week, and the upstairs isn't open to the public tonight so it'll be easy enough for the minions.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:27, Reply)
aw, chin up WP

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:18, Reply)
Cheer up you misery.
You'll make the beer go off.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:19, Reply)
Pint of BITTER please

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:25, Reply)
Fancy popping over for nice relaxing fight?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:26, Reply)
Lets start a war

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:30, Reply)
No, I was thinking a little bit of friendly punching
Relieve some stress with someone you trust. And if you can't trust TH, who can you trust?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Nuclear war?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:40, Reply)
yes please.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:30, Reply)
Come on then, you big knucklehead
but take it easy on the face...I've got meetings next week.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Pillow fight at dawn then

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:38, Reply)
Is something more interesting happening in the world?
Friday afternoon is not really banging yet
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:05, Reply)
I was contemplating going for some "gentleman's relaxation".

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:10, Reply)
a bit of
'intimate rummaging'?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:12, Reply)
Nah, just a wank.
in the disabled toilet looking at myself in the full length mirror and staring myself right in the eye.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:14, Reply)
so
a challenge wank then?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:15, Reply)
Hahaha!
Sick burn.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:16, Reply)
time to wrap it in cling film
and call the ambulance
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:21, Reply)
I can eat a peach for hours.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:16, Reply)
Put your teeth in first, it'll make it quicker old man.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:23, Reply)
i don't understand why he's into fruit now

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:26, Reply)
The microwaved melon myth
Size being an issue he's microwaving peaches
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:29, Reply)
OK
A man using Apple maps walks into a bar..
Or a Church..
Or a garage.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:10, Reply)
Needs MOAR Ku Klux

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:13, Reply)
On a steamroller, right?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:17, Reply)
With a Sir Jimmeh tracksuit?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:18, Reply)
My steering wheel's just arrived! :D

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:20, Reply)
YESSSSSSSSS

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:24, Reply)
I'm updating my blog now.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:25, Reply)
It makes me very happy.
Of course, I don't actually own the car it's for yet. Which also means I've got no way of knowing if it'll actually fit.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:27, Reply)
Glad it's cheered you up
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19814806
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:35, Reply)
Better mothball it until you need it.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:58, Reply)
Because they all spend their time twatting about on here?
Or because banks hire people with no grounding in economics and then don't bother training them?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:12, Reply)
You tell em B3TH ban them all, BAN THEM NOW

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:14, Reply)
I'll start with you

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:15, Reply)
FECKSOCKS

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:24, Reply)
Sssh!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:20, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA
RBS just rang me talking about, how they just fucked up my account
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:26, Reply)
nice, are you getting any compensation, or they just saying sorry?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Not sure yet
I will see how things develop
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:36, Reply)
Are cyclists allowed to ride the wrong way on a one way street??

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:31, Reply)
of course not.
unless there is a dedicated cycle Lane going that way.(we have a few of those)
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:33, Reply)
there is at the top of the road and then it stops.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:34, Reply)
half a cycle lane, sounds a wee bit stupid.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:36, Reply)
Maybe it's a unicycle lane

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:38, Reply)
I got 6/7 in the news quiz
I'm impressed, I usually have no idea what's going on.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19838034
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:38, Reply)
I got 5 : (
I always get four or five. I should read more of chompy's news links.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:42, Reply)
I only guessed one
the blue-arsed fly one. And I got it wrong.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 17:02, Reply)
I only got 3/7 :((((

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:45, Reply)
i got 4

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:52, Reply)
1/7
and that was a lucky guess. I should watch the news occasionally
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:51, Reply)
4

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:57, Reply)
5/7
I have seen no news this week that wasn't on here or comedy podcasts if you got less you are a spakka.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 17:02, Reply)
I am in the pub.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:46, Reply)
You are a cunt.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:48, Reply)
We all knew that. Tell us something we don't know.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:48, Reply)
I am a cunt

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:50, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1750079
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:51, Reply)
Skillz.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:50, Reply)
This follows some quality shed time earlier, so a good day all round.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:51, Reply)
SHED!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:54, Reply)
Got the lighting wired up, the window blinds fitted, the workbench varnished and the ramp for the law mower concreted in

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:56, Reply)
Like it.
Chinky tonight.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:55, Reply)
I'm cooking lime & chilli chicken, mange tout and rice.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:56, Reply)
I'm outta here.
Good weekend.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:58, Reply)
And you.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 16:59, Reply)
L80rz

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 17:01, Reply)

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