Holy shit
Someone I work with has that bloody 'If I just lay here, will you lay with me' song as their ringtone and they've left their phone while they've gone for lunch.

I hate them. Whoever they may be.

Also, books, I'm no help. I devoured a series of books about the children of a big game hunter when I was young. I think one of them may have been called Hal.

That's literally all I remember though. But I suspect they were incredibly racist now that I think about it, so you may like them.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:26, 6 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Did you ever read that book about the man who tried to stick his cock up his own arse in front of his mum?
It's brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:28, Reply)

Ah Monty,
As The Divinyls said, 'when I think about you, I bum myself'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Willard Price's 'Adventure' series.
Google is my friend.

Also he was a zoologist, not a hunter, which is most disappointing to find out.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I think I read those as well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Our classroom libraries at junior school were full of them.
There were hundreds of them, all with roughly the same plot I think.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Terrible what drink does to the memory.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:29, Reply)

I dind't get to make a witty comment on your QOTW entry about smoking and how it has stunted your growth, so please assume that i did

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:30, Reply)

You never make witty comments.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:34, Reply)

That rings a fucking bell
"something something African Adventure", "something something Amazon Adventure" or something? something.

Edit: ah he's found them. And no somethings.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:29, Reply)

i loved those when i could steal them off my half brother
found the whole lot in a second hand bookshop on charing cross road recently, paid about £10 for them. wonder where i put them, as i haven't seen them since...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Scarpe put them up his arse
by mistake.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:34, Reply)

the first bit rings true
the second does not
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:35, Reply)

A bit racist, especially Cannibal Adventure
"The brothers coolly tackle their task - despite doom-laden prophecies from Mumbo, a Watussi chieftain - and as the temperature rises, the danger intensifies."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:44, Reply)

hahaha really??
christ
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:49, Reply)

www.cracked.com/article_19610_the-6-most-secretly-racist-classic-childrens-books_p2.html
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:52, Reply)

roffle
i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/4/6/3/106463_v1.jpg
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 14:06, Reply)

No time for reading. That penis isn't going to stick itself up my arse.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Monty'll help you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Is that you, Mum? I'm blind drunk.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:32, Reply)

You'll all get bored of this before I do.
(This is so patently untrue, isn't it? This is going to haunt me forever)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:35, Reply)

It's done out of love.
And because it is fucking hilarious.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Only until someone else owns up to something worse
Which, looking at the shower round here, shouldn't take long.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Don't drop the soap

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:39, Reply)

you're posting from the shower?
kinky
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:40, Reply)

only for you, petal.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:41, Reply)

gosh i'm all steamed up

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:47, Reply)

do manage to stick my cock up my arse
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:36, Reply)

you can talk to me
i'm not one to go on and on about old things until everyone is bored of them and then go on about them some more, oh no.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Have you got your listening Greggs Hat on?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:38, Reply)

i listened to it last night after you alerted me to its presence
and yea verily i did LOL
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Nice bit of drunken catterwalling.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:41, Reply)

still better than the original

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:45, Reply)

I would like to own up to my ignorance of this Greggs Hat debacle.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:43, Reply)

me too.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:43, Reply)

re-cap:
monty and stunned met my ex
thought he looked like he was wearing a greggs hat
much has been made on here of said greggs hat

i was walking home last night
lying on the pavement was...
.... a greggs hat

many LOLS were had
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:44, Reply)

whats a greggs hat.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:44, Reply)

a hat that the staff wear in greggs

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:45, Reply)

oh, see, now that makes sense,
I thought it was some hitherto undiscovered style of headwear.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:47, Reply)

All sang to the tune of the B-52's "Love shack"
substituting the real lyrics with Greggs Hat wherever possible.

So, If you see a Greggs Hat at the side of the road etc.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:53, Reply)

A hat worn by employees of popular high-street bakery chain Greggs

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:45, Reply)

I read that without the 's' and thought you were using it as rhyming slang.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:47, Reply)

bum penis lol.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:52, Reply)

My favourite rhyming slang is
'tried to stick my cock up my own glass' which is cockney for 'tried to stick my cock up my own arse'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:54, Reply)

like the susan boyle twitter fiasco
where susan album party has predictably rocked the interweb as

sus anal bum party

now come and play in my shiny new thread without stomping it this time
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:56, Reply)

It's a good one.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:56, Reply)

Good one.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:57, Reply)

hang on, your ex wears a hat in public, regardless of what it looks like?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:45, Reply)

he did that day
something to do with a bad hair day...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:46, Reply)

I'd call him a screaming bertie
but that'd be like pissing into niagra falls.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:47, Reply)

viagra falls

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:48, Reply)

'Drink your tea before it gets cold'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Hal and Roger Hunt.
Really disappointing that no member of their family was called "Mike"

Still, cracking kid's books "back in the day"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:34, Reply)

the underwater one
where the dude tried to saw his own foot off, and they got chased by an octopus on a speed raft.... brilliant.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:35, Reply)

A speed raft? Wow!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:36, Reply)

it's almost like you're being sarcastic, bebbeh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:36, Reply)

NEVER!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:38, Reply)

it's almost like you're being sarcastic, bebbeh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:39, Reply)

That might very well be "underwater adventure"
nothing if not imaginative with titles, our Willard
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:38, Reply)

it is indeed

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:39, Reply)

That can't be right, can it?
I might have to read these again.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:39, Reply)

If even half of what I seem to remember about them is true,
Mr Price must have ingested approximately 3.4 metric fucktons of "substances" during the authoring process.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:41, Reply)

the best one was 'Auto-sodomy Adventure'
in which Willard trys to make the female obsolete in the human mating process.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:42, Reply)

It started promisingly but didn't reach a satisfying conclusion.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:46, Reply)

The last chapter is sphincter-tightening, apparently .

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 13:55, Reply)