Favourite line from a Kevin Costner movie
"I'll cut your heart out with a SPOOOON!" Witherspoon lols.

alt: what shall i buy your mum for christmas
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:44, 59 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm not buying my parents anything for christmas, I'm just going to buy and organise and cook the christmas dinner.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:46, Reply)

but your parents would do that and still get you presents

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:28, Reply)

I second this.

( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:30, Reply)

So what? Shut up, it's nice.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:34, Reply)

Sure it is, it's a nice thing to do.
But it's a chore, not a present.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I'm going to have a massive shit round my mum's this Xmas,
I'm even going to flush the bog AND not charge her for it, in lieu of a present.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Do you know what I mean, though?
It's like saying "This year my Christmas present to you is that I'm going to do the hoovering and take the bins out".

Sure it's a nice thought, but still...
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:47, Reply)

It's ok Kroney, my parents love me so they're happy with that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Correction, your parents love you so they act ok with it
whilst internally wondering what they did wrong.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:49, Reply)

meh, if you raise a cheapskate twat
don't be surprised when it acts like a cheapskate twat
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:59, Reply)

Cheapskate ? Do you realise how much strip bars charge ? he had to sit in one with a degree of different disgusses for MONTHS. That must have cost a furtune.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:03, Reply)

Im getting a weeks shop for my parents and gran too
More practical than socks.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:43, Reply)

Fucks sake
Nothing for hours then everyone starts a thread at once.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:49, Reply)

Chuck? Chuck? Maybe he doesn't answer to chuck, call him Charles
CHARLES!!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:52, Reply)

Not Flavour Flavs best line in the new Public Enemy album

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:45, Reply)

proper LOL on this

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:50, Reply)

'I'm a postman!'

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:29, Reply)

I think three new threads was pushing it a bit given how slow it's been here recently.
"Someone pulls a knife on you, you pull a gun on them; someone puts one of your guys in the hospital, you put one theirs in the morgue. THAT's the Chicago way."

Alt: She wants some red gloves from M&S, if you wouldn't mind. I'm already getting her the camera filter she asked for.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:30, Reply)

'Tis the sherrif of Nadding-Ham' from Dances with Wolves.
I hate that jug-eared cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:37, Reply)

who Will Smith?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:37, Reply)

Nah Bert Monkeysex

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

He's the jug-eared BLACK cunt.
Pay attention.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I forgot about the black bit

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:39, Reply)

Dre lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:41, Reply)

NWAlolz

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:42, Reply)

100 Miles and Runnin': their best tune by about 80 billion per cent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Typical you're....
always into something
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Draft of new letter from my lawyer just received.
Shit gon' get nasystiahhh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:40, Reply)

has she been round for the inspection yet?
Are you thinking of full custody at some point?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:42, Reply)

She has turned down three possible inspection dates so far.
The thing is, with the exception of the 'being a massive cunt to me' aspect of it, she's being a brilliant mother to our child, I really have no complaints about that at all (apart from her not speaking quite as I would like it but she's a cockney I suppose and that's how her schoolfriends will speak). I doubt I could do the job as well as her - I just want more time with my kid.

Chances are I won't see her for ages over Christmas, and it's v upsetting. Last year the ex fucked off to Amsterdam with her boyfriend and dumped our daughter on her aged parents rather than with me. Fucking heartbreaking.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:47, Reply)

What has the solicitor said about short term access over the next few weeks?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:48, Reply)

His letter makes specific reference to her legal obligation to give me a min 3hrs a week
and points out that denying this is contempt of court.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:50, Reply)

Perhaps his letter should make specific reference to the fact that she is a massive cunt.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:05, Reply)

It's clearly implied.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:07, Reply)

Plus I plan to deliver it myself, having smeared it with shit and blood first, obv.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:07, Reply)

However, that's a neat touch.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:11, Reply)

I think it really says 'I am actually quite miffed', don't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:15, Reply)

...but without being completely arsey about it.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:29, Reply)

She maybe won't catch the subtle sub-text through the legal mumbo-jumbo.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:11, Reply)

How're you Revioli, anyway?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:17, Reply)

I'm not to bad Monters old stick
Busy with work, hence why I'm still at my desk...er pretending to work. Oops.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:30, Reply)

I'm fucking off home,
4 whole minutes early.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:56, Reply)

|m|

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:58, Reply)

I'M DOING THE 'HEAVY METAL' SIGN!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:58, Reply)

SLIGHTLY WRONGLY

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 16:59, Reply)

\m/
/morerock'n'rollthanyou
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:01, Reply)

You really are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:04, Reply)

It's no good I can't keep a straight face.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:04, Reply)

Just because you last saw me in a neat crewneck jumper and brogues
doesn't mean I can't be more rock'n'roll than a smelly tramp in a Motorhead tshirt.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:06, Reply)

Rock'n'roll on the INSIDE, niggah.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:08, Reply)

"By nightfall we shall dine with my father!"
Shall we bollocks, you've just pitched up on the southern shore of England and you're on foot. Nottingham by nightfall? Before the popularisation of public transport? YeravvinaLAAAAARF

Alt: Something that conveys a deep sense of apology
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:16, Reply)

Plus your father lives in America you jug-eared mongol.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:17, Reply)

No that's you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:18, Reply)

That makes you the jug-eared mongol then

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 17:25, Reply)