I just got brought breakfast in bed.
Do any of you losers have breakfast in bed?
No, didn't think so.

Morning, spazmos. What does today hold for you?

Alt: who's your favourite Womble?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:18, 84 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Xmas party at work.
Alt- CQ.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

Try not to photocopy your arse.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:24, Reply)

it's not in the office.
Thankfully.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:28, Reply)

Isn't it about 5 hours too early?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:26, Reply)

He's feeling enthusiastic, what can I say?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

And repays you with breakfast?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

He had to get up anyway to change his colostomy bag.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

He got confused and thought he was in the Post Office

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:33, Reply)

'Is it pension day dear?'
'Only it's my corns you see, they're playing me up something terrible. Dr Singh says he can fit me in later this morning to sand them down, but I need my pension money to pay for it. He's a lovely bloke that Dr Singh, you know, for one of them.'
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Sounds more like my gran

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:39, Reply)

y gran e
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

You married your grandmother? You sicko. You disgust me with your west country ways.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Well, Monty's mum was already taken.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Oh she was 'taken' alright.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Thanks for that "Liam"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Alt: Hitler

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Albert Hall lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

NEEDS MOAR BINGO

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Three and nine:
That's how old I am today, bitches!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Haaaaaappy Birthday tooo youuuuuuu
Happy Birthday too youuuuuu
Happy Birthday, dear rubbish moodddddddddddd.......
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:42, Reply)

*something about living in a zoo*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Living in a box's follow up singleZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:57, Reply)

1973 is the best vintage.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

I've always thought so.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

I prefer 1980.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

I thought you preferred........wait for it..............
A TEN YEAR OLD LADDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THIS IS A JOKE ABOUT WHISKY!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Oh man, how can I top that?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:57, Reply)

I think you should set fire to yourself like those Tibetan monk chaps.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:05, Reply)

all that chlorine on his clothes will go up a treat

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I think I should set fire to Battered.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Nobody cares what you think.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

happy birthday dudette

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Happy D-day B3th
*Edit* ALT The lesser know Stepney womble
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

I have breakfast at my desk, because I have a job
alt: the only good womble is a dead womble

EDIT: Hippy bathday
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

*dead womble fives*

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:01, Reply)

They were basically scabby tramps

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Oh what?
I had a bath last month :(
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I didn't get any breakfast today.
Arguing with clients and making letter amends, joy(!)

Alt: I don't know who any of them are.

HPBD.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Happy Birthday darling
Hope it proves most splendiferous :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 8:59, Reply)

So far, it's shaping up well.
I'm quite surprised, actually.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Does picking my nose and eating it in bed count?
Fixing some stuff, then off to work around 3, for the start of a fucking long weekend behind the taps. Christmas party office wankers from wall to wall.

Alt. A dead one.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I feel your pain bro.
If I see another Christmas hat I might have to cry.
( wanderlust, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:39, Reply)

It is going to be a huge effort not to smash a pint glass in someones face this weekend.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:52, Reply)

I cannot wait for Christmas to be over so I can have a little sit down.

( wanderlust, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:58, Reply)

I had a yoghurt for breakfast
Although now I'm in work there are snacks galore.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Man I wish I worked in WH Smiths like you

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:18, Reply)

We get cakes on Friday so we are less likely to physically assault the guys who set our objectives

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:20, Reply)

What have they got bromide in them or something?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

We're easily placated

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I should answer my own question, really.
I always liked Orinoco.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Is this because of your constant 'flow'?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Oh, very good. Top marks.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

His name sounds best in a NE accent.
Orinerr-cerr.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Merst things do.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

ghastly accent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Today holds some drinking to excess courtesy of my employers.
Breakfast in bed is a shit idea.
I prefer to sit at a table.

Alt: What?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I want to go on record here and call this as the shittest thread of all time.
Birthday or not, you're a bollocks mod and an even worse thread-starter. To think you pipped me to the mod position (on a technicality, might I add) and yesterday had the temerity to criticise my bingo threads and now we get THIS.

I'm sick of defending you by gaz now b3th (which I do all fucking day long, belee' dat) se'sly, I've had ENOUGH.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Yeah, well, THANKS, Monty!
You've just RUINED my birthday! I hope you're happy now.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

My winkle feels funny.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:35, Reply)

That'll be the AIDS.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:36, Reply)

worst thread ever
B3ths not very clever
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:35, Reply)

^See? This guy gets it!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Small children tend to respond well to simple rhymes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:39, Reply)

hippy fucking berk
lives in a yurt
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

I am not.
I only met the girl once.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

that was enough for AA when he met bella

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:46, Reply)

This bingo shit's a terrible farce
And Monty can kiss my claggy arse.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:39, Reply)

what you've done is just write two rhyming sentences

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

So did you, you spastic.
At least mine scans.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

None of these seem to have anything to do with bingo.
Where are the numbers?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

well I gave "1" to your mum, does that count?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Not if she didn't feel it.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:49, Reply)

well she was unconscious

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:50, Reply)

There is a fine balance to be had starting a thread like this.
You want to tell people about your birthday, or breakfast or whatever, that's fine, most of us start threads with stuff about ourselves, the trick is tofind a way to work a question in that will interest others. Now, the "how is your day shaping up" question is a classic, but it needs a strong alt in case, as we can see today, nobody has any particularly exciting plans to tell us all about. The alt, being weak, is the problem. Now, you can go for the double alt, but you run the risk of a busy thread with 3 different conversations which can burn itself out.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:58, Reply)

I want to do bad things to Katy Perry with a Transformer.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:46, Reply)

thanks for that Emvee

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:47, Reply)

np bbz

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I'm not a huge fan of the bum-chinned

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:50, Reply)

she's filthy
And has perfect tits.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:52, Reply)

What happened to them?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:52, Reply)

predictive text and spastic fingers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:54, Reply)

:(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:54, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:54, Reply)

aww man. i just did a really good post in this thread.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:58, Reply)