So anyway,
Last night this young guy was breaking up with his girlfriend in the pub, they were both crying and it was all rather touching. Until I popped to the loo and found an empty packet of that fake tear solution, (basically saltwater and a protein to protect the eyes) and I realised the young lad was probably faking it all. The cheeky blighter. A noble gesture to save her feelings or blatant lies because he's probably already balls deep in someone else and didn't want to own up to it?

Alt: also, an irritating girl who refused to open her mouth properly when she talked, all posho and that so she's barely understandable, TALK PROPERLY, IT'S NOISY IN HERE.

Altalt: something else.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 9:53, 140 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

dude, i was just building up to rip the piss out of kroney for being so in love
now you've taken it away from me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:00, Reply)

Alright chunky?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:01, Reply)

after my weekend in cornwall it's more like spongy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:07, Reply)

In love with what?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:01, Reply)

His reflection.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:02, Reply)

well it won't be moths

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:02, Reply)

baguettes

( wanderlust, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Alright.
5 more days. Don't know if I'll make it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Be strong, youngling.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Last night i was close to snapping,
We had a punch up on the weekend, vomit everywhere, one woman who went mental because we're closed Christmas day and "we used to come here every Christmas when we lived in oxford 10 years ago, our family wanted to relive that, why can't you be open?" And so on, she called me a disgrace for not supporting local people and all sorts of other bollocks. I've had to clear shit off the floor in the ladies, I've had tampons left lying on the floor, used. People turn in to fucking animals. One guy didn't see a problem with going around smashing the ligthbulbs in the chandelier. Monty. It's fucking grim this year.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

You don't hear about this sort of behaviour on 'Inspector Morse' do you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:21, Reply)

I feel your pain bro.
I haven't had to clean up any tampons but the fighting and grimness thing I know all about. It's our members party tomorrow night...It's going to be hell.
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:21, Reply)

People are arseholes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Depeche Mode'szzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Christmas is for needy, self-aggrandising wankers anyway
Fuck christmas, right in it's fetid, vinegar-smelling arsehole
( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:27, Reply)

alone on Christmas day again Adam?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

FUCK YOU JESUS, YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I know all

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Alone and sobbing into his third bottle of sherry by 11am.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:32, Reply)

What are you doing in here Alan*

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)

I heard this was where all the cool kids hung out
And /talk's dead this morning.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:38, Reply)

this morning
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)

He's pissed up - accidentally went in the wrong door.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Although oldies aren't perfect, this makes me very happy I work in an RSL, where people are generally quite civilised.
even when they're FULL of booze.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:27, Reply)

you're taking this paladin thing seriously aren't you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

BE SILENT YOU KNAVE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

We had our biggest week last week.
Tomorrow is going to be hard work though. I am looking forward to a few days in the outside world, away from booze.
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:12, Reply)

sexy booze?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:17, Reply)

hahahaha.

( wanderlust, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

everyone i've spoken to in "the biz" had a massive week last week.
To be fair, I've actually got a day off this week, and nothing booked today at all, so I might be able to recover a bit today.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Have a bit of a rest if you can.
Coffee and keeping sober have been saving me this year.
I've got to get a wiggle on now. Toodles!
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I've been drunk as a lord at every oppurtunity, might pack that in for a couple of days.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:34, Reply)

mrs kroney of course

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Shit, i genuinely thought he was gay.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Me too.
He fucking looks it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

D=

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:15, Reply)

LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

to be fair, i've not met her
she could well be a he.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

The baroque majesty of Paris, to the extent that collaboration is preferable to air raids.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:09, Reply)

The stringy, slightly chickeny flavour of cuisses de grenouilles

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:06, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Yeah.
Proper shit this one.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Altalt: Arguably Eddie Cochran's finest recording.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgQg4ze1_KU
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Eddie Cochran is shit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Now steady on.
I don't want to fall out with you here but NO HE ISN'T.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

I don't like him much.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:15, Reply)

He was quite the talented pioneer, donchaknow?
Played most of the instruments on his recordings himself.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Great guitarist, great vocalist, great all round rock'n'roller.
Watchword: GREAT
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

I'll 'old 'im, you 'it 'im.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Oh Coventry :(
www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/2012/12/17/coventry-version-of-towie-to-hit-tv-screens-92746-32445307/

I just like to take this opportunity to apologise to you all now.
I'm really fucking sorry.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:17, Reply)

well, we had the valleys.
i haven't seen it, but i hear it accurately depicts people from south wales.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I've not seen it
but people round here were somewhat outraged and embarrased
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:21, Reply)

i've heard it's astonishing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:24, Reply)

I lived there for four years
I found the people to be pig-ignorant and small-minded. Perfect for reality television.
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:24, Reply)

but on the plus side, easy access to decent recreational drugs.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

And steroids, if 'Taff Wars' is to be believed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)

the taff is mostly steroids.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I'm not sure where it's actually set
there certainly are some very strange League of Gentlemen style places in South Wales, but it's not too bad round here
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Coventry? WHY?

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:19, Reply)

I believe it will fit nicely with Endemol's model of 'lets feel better about ourselves by laughing at the povvos'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Two words.
Twang
Club
(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Lets follow in the lives of fat middle aged men with such severe attitude problems
that they are totally unemployable.

See them laugh until they cry as a young girl is so badly traumatized by a gang rape that she hangs herself in front of them.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I didn't even know that such things existed
alt: I can't stand people that mumble, I'm deaf enough as it is.

altalt: you'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, You better not pout, I'm going in dry
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:19, Reply)

there is no question here
what are we supposed to do?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Mass suicide, Jonestown style.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I thought you meant doing that lively jazz-dancing they do in the 20s

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

it's called Charleston.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Still, Charlestonning yourself to death sounds like a good way to go

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Jonestown Gangnam
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:31, Reply)

ooh, good modern culture reference, there, MOnts

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:32, Reply)

I know!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:32, Reply)

This has been implicated in a couple of deaths this last week
be careful
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)

There is.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)

how is this
A noble gesture to save her feelings or blatant lies because he's probably already balls deep in someone else and didn't want to own up to it?

Not a question?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I suppose
I suspect he's a cunt who's trying to make himself feel like the good guy and alleviate his guilt by pretending to himself he's caring.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)

*does mead-flavoured 'drinky drinky' gesture*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Look, don't be nasty
She's really stressed out because she's got to sit around at home.
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I dont' like it!
I need to do things. And if my visa doesn't get here, I don't go on holiday :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)

I too am sitting around at home.
I'm going OUT OF MY MIND
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:45, Reply)

I'm not mentioning any names
but SOMEBODY just failed their saving throw vs sarcasm.
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)

doing nothing is stressful
when things need to be done and you have to wait for someone else to do them
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)

clean the bog

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Morning 'Dane Bowers'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)

We should do that on Kareoke, I'll do his bit you do "posh" spices bit.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Cool!
I'll just download it illegally so I can learn the lyrics.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

listen to it in W H Smiths while reading the magazines

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)

This post seriously undermines your reputation as a music "connoisseur"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Why?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Because in the mind of Nakers if I know who S Club 7 are, then I therefore think they're brilliant.

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:55, Reply)

S Club no, but that song was quite some time ago and isn't exactly played often

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I remember that song, too.
Maybe Monty's right and I am, in fact, Dane Bowers.

That'd be a turn up.
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

RE-SULT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I once had a piss next to the one from "Blue" who looked a bit like dane bowers mixed with a kebab shop owner

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:00, Reply)

You are SO COOL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Haha I know exactly which one you mean.

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:02, Reply)

'Trusteppers' who did that tune
Was a pseudonym of renowned junglist Jonny L.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:13, Reply)

You're waiting on a visa?
Really is something you ought not to trust to a courier service, that I believe our good friend Monty said that, and I'm paraphrasing her, are "cunts to a man"
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)

OH GOD!
this sucks
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah, he's right. It's probably not going to turn up.
So not only are you not going on holiday, but you'll have spent a day sitting around doing nothing, for nothing.

Gutted
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:50, Reply)

..and cancelling a lesson
and have spent far too much money
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:51, Reply)

and I'll have to go to my parents for christmas

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Oh man, if only you'd gone to pick it up all this could have been avoided.

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

yeah, a 400 mile round trip would have been more convenient

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Good job it wasn't something important, then.

( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:58, Reply)

yeah, this.
Surely a round trip to the embassy in London, although probably more expensive, could have avoided this.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)

you can come to mine, but you have to dress up and remain in character at all times

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:55, Reply)

no prblem
I'll turn up Christmas eve with a bottle of mead and a sword
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Well, without being horrid, do you bot think you've left it a bit late?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)

I applied a while ago
but between mix ups with who was paying and rearranging the courier...

I basically shouldn't be allowed to arrange anything
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

It'll be fine.
I mean, its not like you live in a remote part of the country that a courier, probably based in the midlands, might just sack off as too far, and drop it in a mates van for next weeks round.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:59, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Yeah, but Cardiff to London by rail takes some three hours.
That's obviously way too much time that could have been spent making capes.
( Kroney, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Winders here has an almost supernatural understanding of how that industry works.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:24, Reply)

where are you not going?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:53, Reply)

russia

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Not Cotton Eye Joe lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Monty? Is that you?
What's going on with the pop references today?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I'm loving it loving it loving it - I'm loving it like that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

SHUT UP I'VE DONE A NEW THREAD

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)