Early morning thread
Having been up since 4:30 I've come into work early, and due to sickness etc looks like I'll be the only one in all day.
Other than the obvious masturbation and YM, what could I do today to pass the time (must be a: legal and b: SFW).

alt: alcohol works really well on a cold TRUFAX

altalt: my calendar appears to run out on 31Dec - is this the end of the world?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 7:53, 93 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright?
It's currently -9 here in Poznan and I have a slight hangover. The beer here is damn strong.

Alt: go through your colleagues desks to find any incriminating that could help you secure a promotion, have a 3 hour lunch in the pub, put clingfilm on all the toilet seats, watch a couple of films on your computer, leave early.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:08, Reply)

Morning Batts
How did the interviews go?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:10, Reply)

Ok. I am seeing another candidate at 10 this morning.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:12, Reply)

Couple of those aren't possible I'm afraid

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

At least make sure you put clingfilm on the bogs

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

clingfilm on the a spy camera in the female
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:23, Reply)

rolling thunder lols

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Morning young fella
I think BACON is the answer
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:09, Reply)

Bacon is *always* the answer.
Market opens at 9, I shall proceed hence forthwith
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:19, Reply)

I think I will invest some time eating a full breakfast baguette

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

Good God, Sir Lokington-Smythe
Why the deuce were you up at 4:30.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:16, Reply)

Coughed myself awake I think

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:18, Reply)

good lord.
Have you been battering the cold with whisky?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:24, Reply)

Yes, and it's surprisingly effective
2 large glasses of Shiraz and a treble Monkey Shoulder broke it's back, I think.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:27, Reply)

last time I had a cold I treated it with Naked Grouse.
Don't let the fact that it's Grouse put you off, it's a blend of Macallan, Highland Park and one other malt.

It's superb.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

NO WHISKY CHAT YOU CUNT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

YOU DON'T MAKE THE FACKIN' RULES!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:39, Reply)

I'm now imagining you hitting yourself with a plucked grouse

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:38, Reply)

which is exactly what happened

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Every time 'whisky chat' occurs I imagine myself smashing Dozer's face in with an adze.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

It's good on the nose, with a long finish.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Monty's face reminds me of a bag of spanners.
Every time I think about it my nuts tighten.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

OI - NO 'WHISKY CHAT'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Fuck off Bert.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Erm...this is for medicinal purposes
not the "mmmm....peaty" brigade
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

alt:alt:NASA is so confident it’s just going to be another day they released this 10 days ago
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY_Gc1bF8ds

The people flocking to Bugarach, France are going to feel right cunts later on
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:24, Reply)

Well of course they will
They're French
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:28, Reply)

BBC iPlayer or whatever equivalent you can get on your work computer
Or get Angry Birds Star Wars on your phone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:26, Reply)

Nakers plays angry birds
*In real life*
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Oh dear
*smashes phone, burns records of ever having owned it*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Maybe he should have catapulted Windy at them

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:30, Reply)

Choose someone on here and goad them into flouncing by 5pm.
Last night I got shitfaced in the Birdcage with Stunned poster. So much so that I ate a Mcdonalds 'breakfast' this morning. I feel so ashamed. And not a little sick.

Altalt: yes. Please give me all your money, you won't be needing it.

Bonus ball: the Google logo is good today
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Hear? You illiterate oaf.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Where?
Dude I'm still about 6 pints pissed. Spelling is the least of my concerns.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

I am also rather jaded - several pints with my mate here, we then went for supper & demolished a lot of red wine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

you irascible loaf

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

Wanker.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

pygmy sex pest

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I am taller than you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

That's funny dudette
I don't remember having met you and stood back to back with you.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

How's your blog doing?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

blog Hamster
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

not had the time to keep it up to date.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:51, Reply)

keep it up to take it on a
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

McDonalds breakfast are always a good idea the morning after the night before
It's only after you eat them that you remember they're pretty fucking poor.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:37, Reply)

Hey AA, are you going to Bloodstock next year?
I'm going to Bloodstock next year, we could meet up and punch each other in the face?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Hmm, whilst it is tempting, I think I'm going to give it a miss.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Oh man I'm going to that!!!
I'm going to wear 'guyliner' and a 'Korn' 'hoody' and do that bent 'skipping in a circle' thing!!! It's going to be amazing!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

So it's free to get in?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Nah it's £8000 to get in
but it's well worth it to see 'Dragon-lords of Ultimate Metal', 'Spamhammer' and all those other XXXXTREME METAL acts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Ohhhh Lordi thats expensive

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Wrong festival for that, me laddo.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:49, Reply)

No, this lot are a far more dignified bunch
www.bloodstock.uk.com/gallery/bloodstock-members-gallery/2012/images
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Aye, they actually make an effort to dress up like a bunch of fucking idiots
With Monty, it seems to just come naturally.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I see now that what I should have been going for all these years
was waqqqui joke t shirts, in a bid to not look like a 'fucking idiot'.

I see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:00, Reply)

You can't control me.
I'm alternative. No-one understands my pain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Yes, you're so right.
I've got this totally wrong.
Hang on
www.bloodstock.uk.com/gallery/bloodstock-members-gallery/2012/images
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Bollocks you can't select individual images.
There's a great one of a monumental spastic who seems to think it's a halloween party and has put on 'special makeup'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

There's several of them.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I am blissfully unaware of the skipping thing.
Mosh pits and air guitar are fucking bent though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Air guitar is utterly retarded
Never understood the skipping thing myself, but I do enjoy going into mosh pits from time to time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:56, Reply)

never understood that either.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:59, Reply)

It's extremely homosexual, in a kind of 'arse flicking with a towel in the rugger showers' way.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:00, Reply)

indeed.
All the macho posturing and alpha male fantasy fulfilment. Bent as fuck.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Crazy idea, but maybe do some work?
Tbh, I can't talk, this lunchtime is going to be a bit mental, but there's bugger all else to do atm.

Alt: If you say so.

AltAlt: No.

Ugh, went out with the missus and a few friends last night, ended up having to take a rather pissed missus home whilst I was still sober. Odd thing is, I kept being offered drinks, and I didn't want any of them. Had a pint, and was quite happy with that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:36, Reply)

GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

It was odd
I genuinely didn't fancy any more.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

didn't
any more men now
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

LAST DAY!!!!!
You should do the job you are being paid to do, of course.

Alt: Yes, it does. This isn't a question.

Altalt: No, I'm pretty sure all calendars run out on 31st December. I suggest you get a new one for 2013. Ideally one that runs from 1st January.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I've brought Kerplunk, Operation and Screwball Scramble.
AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Oh man
Screwball Scramble is guaranteed to get even the most unpopular kid surrounded by new friends.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

which is why I took it.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Made any new friends yet?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:06, Reply)

no :'(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Castleford is fucking grim.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:08, Reply)

This is true
My in-laws live about 5 miles away
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Try one of these games
www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/launch_gms_bfacademy.shtml

Quite difficult to master.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Bill all your clients and put an xmas message on the bottom

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Since I learnt of the demise of Printmeister I just can't bring myself to lol at anything.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

...and to this end I've created a shiny new thread

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)