Early morning thread
Having been up since 4:30 I've come into work early, and due to sickness etc looks like I'll be the only one in all day.
Other than the obvious masturbation and YM, what could I do today to pass the time (must be a: legal and b: SFW).

alt: alcohol works really well on a cold TRUFAX

altalt: my calendar appears to run out on 31Dec - is this the end of the world?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 7:53, 93 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Alright?
It's currently -9 here in Poznan and I have a slight hangover. The beer here is damn strong.

Alt: go through your colleagues desks to find any incriminating that could help you secure a promotion, have a 3 hour lunch in the pub, put clingfilm on all the toilet seats, watch a couple of films on your computer, leave early.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:08, Reply)

Morning Batts
How did the interviews go?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:10, Reply)

Ok. I am seeing another candidate at 10 this morning.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:12, Reply)

Couple of those aren't possible I'm afraid

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

At least make sure you put clingfilm on the bogs

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

clingfilm on the a spy camera in the female
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:23, Reply)

rolling thunder lols

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Morning young fella
I think BACON is the answer
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:09, Reply)

Bacon is *always* the answer.
Market opens at 9, I shall proceed hence forthwith
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:19, Reply)

I think I will invest some time eating a full breakfast baguette

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:21, Reply)

Good God, Sir Lokington-Smythe
Why the deuce were you up at 4:30.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:16, Reply)

Coughed myself awake I think

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:18, Reply)

good lord.
Have you been battering the cold with whisky?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:24, Reply)

Yes, and it's surprisingly effective
2 large glasses of Shiraz and a treble Monkey Shoulder broke it's back, I think.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:27, Reply)

last time I had a cold I treated it with Naked Grouse.
Don't let the fact that it's Grouse put you off, it's a blend of Macallan, Highland Park and one other malt.

It's superb.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

NO WHISKY CHAT YOU CUNT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

YOU DON'T MAKE THE FACKIN' RULES!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:39, Reply)

I'm now imagining you hitting yourself with a plucked grouse

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:38, Reply)

which is exactly what happened

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Every time 'whisky chat' occurs I imagine myself smashing Dozer's face in with an adze.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

It's good on the nose, with a long finish.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Monty's face reminds me of a bag of spanners.
Every time I think about it my nuts tighten.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

OI - NO 'WHISKY CHAT'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Fuck off Bert.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Erm...this is for medicinal purposes
not the "mmmm....peaty" brigade
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

alt:alt:NASA is so confident it’s just going to be another day they released this 10 days ago
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY_Gc1bF8ds

The people flocking to Bugarach, France are going to feel right cunts later on
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:24, Reply)

Well of course they will
They're French
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:28, Reply)

BBC iPlayer or whatever equivalent you can get on your work computer
Or get Angry Birds Star Wars on your phone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:26, Reply)

Nakers plays angry birds
*In real life*
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Oh dear
*smashes phone, burns records of ever having owned it*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Maybe he should have catapulted Windy at them

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:30, Reply)

Choose someone on here and goad them into flouncing by 5pm.
Last night I got shitfaced in the Birdcage with Stunned poster. So much so that I ate a Mcdonalds 'breakfast' this morning. I feel so ashamed. And not a little sick.

Altalt: yes. Please give me all your money, you won't be needing it.

Bonus ball: the Google logo is good today
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Hear? You illiterate oaf.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Where?
Dude I'm still about 6 pints pissed. Spelling is the least of my concerns.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

I am also rather jaded - several pints with my mate here, we then went for supper & demolished a lot of red wine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

you irascible loaf

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

Wanker.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:35, Reply)

pygmy sex pest

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I am taller than you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

That's funny dudette
I don't remember having met you and stood back to back with you.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

How's your blog doing?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

blog Hamster
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

not had the time to keep it up to date.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:51, Reply)

keep it up to take it on a
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

McDonalds breakfast are always a good idea the morning after the night before
It's only after you eat them that you remember they're pretty fucking poor.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:37, Reply)

Hey AA, are you going to Bloodstock next year?
I'm going to Bloodstock next year, we could meet up and punch each other in the face?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Hmm, whilst it is tempting, I think I'm going to give it a miss.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Oh man I'm going to that!!!
I'm going to wear 'guyliner' and a 'Korn' 'hoody' and do that bent 'skipping in a circle' thing!!! It's going to be amazing!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

So it's free to get in?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Nah it's £8000 to get in
but it's well worth it to see 'Dragon-lords of Ultimate Metal', 'Spamhammer' and all those other XXXXTREME METAL acts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Ohhhh Lordi thats expensive

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Wrong festival for that, me laddo.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:49, Reply)

No, this lot are a far more dignified bunch
www.bloodstock.uk.com/gallery/bloodstock-members-gallery/2012/images
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Aye, they actually make an effort to dress up like a bunch of fucking idiots
With Monty, it seems to just come naturally.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I see now that what I should have been going for all these years
was waqqqui joke t shirts, in a bid to not look like a 'fucking idiot'.

I see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:00, Reply)

You can't control me.
I'm alternative. No-one understands my pain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Yes, you're so right.
I've got this totally wrong.
Hang on
www.bloodstock.uk.com/gallery/bloodstock-members-gallery/2012/images
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Bollocks you can't select individual images.
There's a great one of a monumental spastic who seems to think it's a halloween party and has put on 'special makeup'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

There's several of them.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I am blissfully unaware of the skipping thing.
Mosh pits and air guitar are fucking bent though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Air guitar is utterly retarded
Never understood the skipping thing myself, but I do enjoy going into mosh pits from time to time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:56, Reply)

never understood that either.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:59, Reply)

It's extremely homosexual, in a kind of 'arse flicking with a towel in the rugger showers' way.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:00, Reply)

indeed.
All the macho posturing and alpha male fantasy fulfilment. Bent as fuck.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Crazy idea, but maybe do some work?
Tbh, I can't talk, this lunchtime is going to be a bit mental, but there's bugger all else to do atm.

Alt: If you say so.

AltAlt: No.

Ugh, went out with the missus and a few friends last night, ended up having to take a rather pissed missus home whilst I was still sober. Odd thing is, I kept being offered drinks, and I didn't want any of them. Had a pint, and was quite happy with that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:36, Reply)

GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

( Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

It was odd
I genuinely didn't fancy any more.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

didn't
any more men now
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

LAST DAY!!!!!
You should do the job you are being paid to do, of course.

Alt: Yes, it does. This isn't a question.

Altalt: No, I'm pretty sure all calendars run out on 31st December. I suggest you get a new one for 2013. Ideally one that runs from 1st January.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I've brought Kerplunk, Operation and Screwball Scramble.
AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Oh man
Screwball Scramble is guaranteed to get even the most unpopular kid surrounded by new friends.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

which is why I took it.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Made any new friends yet?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:06, Reply)

no :'(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Castleford is fucking grim.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:08, Reply)

This is true
My in-laws live about 5 miles away
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Try one of these games
www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/launch_gms_bfacademy.shtml

Quite difficult to master.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Bill all your clients and put an xmas message on the bottom

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Since I learnt of the demise of Printmeister I just can't bring myself to lol at anything.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

...and to this end I've created a shiny new thread

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)