Lokesy grunted like a mentally retarded Sasquatch, and ran his gargantuan palm over his bread-like forehead in puzzlement.
As he did so, vast flakes of greasy skin cascaded to the ground like an avalanche of stale baguettes, the impact from which caused a minor tsunami to ripple across Asia. As his flid-like brain struggled to compute even the most basic of notions, his pork-suitcase tongue flopped out of the corner of his blubbery-lipped mouth, sending a torrent of sputum which flooded half of Warwickshire.

He knew something wasn’t right with the thread he started but his lumbering, Deacon-like brain was not up to the task of identifying what it was. His tortured, saggy anus let rip a rasping, sopping wet shit-filled guff that pebbledashed the inside of his greying Asda pants for the third time that morning.

Suddenly the Bisto-like clarity of his miniscule, simian mind parted, and realisation dawned: he hadn’t even asked a fucking question. Lokesy, you prick, he thought to himself, you truly are worse than Nakers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:05, 111 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

chortles

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:07, Reply)

his lumbering Deacon-like brain.
You drooling belmhard.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:08, Reply)

YOUR lumbering, Deacon-like brain MORE LIKE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

I think you've outgrown your y-fronts.
They're quite clearly chafing.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

WHERES THE FUCKING QUESTION???

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

I'm too avant-garde for the likes of you, it seems.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

-garde
+ idiot s
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:17, Reply)

lolzers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

Shuddering at his error, he shook himself and opened up a new tab.
BBC news.
His eyes widened and something stirred within the fetid spunk-cave that was his underwear as he saw the breaking story of an unfolding natural disaster in the Antipodes.
At last, the excuse he'd been waiting for.
Pressing the 'send' button in his gazbox he entered the user number '55615' into the 'to' column...
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Oh bravo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

OH. MY. GOD.
I'm actually shuddering here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Vinegar strokes?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:26, Reply)

more like trying not to retch.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:27, Reply)

brings back memories, does it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

no, thank god.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

ah lucky you
i've had many a hamfisted sweaty gaz that makes this look like an erotic gusset-moistening masterpiece
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:40, Reply)

(which it is)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:40, Reply)

Show us one?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:41, Reply)

The left one, ideally.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:47, Reply)

the typos would give it away

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

Even more reason.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Despite the chaos rocking other parts of her country,
Tuesday dawned like any other day for Poppet. She made herself a leisurely 'brekko' of wallaby steak and deep-fried galah, whilst languidly scanning the front page of the Erinsborough News.

'Strike me fackin pink, mite' she thought to herself, 'I think I'll have a quick dekko at the old b3ta'. She signed in, and her pulse quickened as she saw the red gaz notification lighting up her screen like a sunset over Elleroo.

As she opened the gaz she shrieked like a man who's just found a huntsman in the dunny, and flung her laptop across the room in horror. There before her, in giant and truly horrifying detail, was a photo. A photo of a scabrous penis poncho being cupped by a hand with a palm so large it looked like a Gloucester Old Spot slaked with sweat.

Oh Lokesy, she sighed. Not AGAIN.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

This one wins.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

and now there is vomit. All over the room. Thanks monts. It's past midnight here. Why are you trying to give me a nightmare hey?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

DON'T......OPEN....THE GAZ.............

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:27, Reply)

I so want to gaz Poppet now so the messages goes red

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:32, Reply)

bitch
.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Meee and indeed ow

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:42, Reply)

What the fuck is going on here then?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

Stunned? I haven't a clue.

( Kroney, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Just having a burrito, thought I'd look in.
And am then subjected to this filth.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:26, Reply)

I dunno,
but I'm clicking like crazy to get off the pop page before cavy turns up.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Haha no chance son

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:28, Reply)

where is she anyway?
i want to ask her what she thought of the tesco diet plan. humph.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Why are you asking me?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

Cos you is a fat pig.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

it was more a general asking really
but feel free to answer it, as you did a cracking job on her fantasies earlier
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

Magical vagina, eh?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

harry potter's unpublished blah blah

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:30, Reply)

*expelliarsemust*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

'sexsmellyarsemist'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

sexy faaart

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:37, Reply)

i wish i had recorded lusty singing that
would have been great as a phone alert.

"sexy voicemail".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:41, Reply)

I just clicked your post on the popular page, to be helpful.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I'm gonna punch you in the throat.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

i always thought it was "minuscule", monty
AND localboy's brain, haha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Burn.
Alright, bird?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

The internet suggest both spellings are valid.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

you know how dim people make themselves sound when they go on at length
on subjects where they have done all their research on wikipedia?

hmmm??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

Does off topic count as a formal context?
The standard spelling is minuscule rather than miniscule. The latter form is a very common one (accounting for almost half of citations for the term in the Oxford English Corpus), and has been recorded since the late 19th century. It arose by analogy with other words beginning with mini-, where the meaning is similarly ‘very small’. It is now so widely used that it can be considered as an acceptable variant, although it should be avoided in formal contexts.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

I'm going to say 'no', here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

i think
you just called monty "very common". gauntlets at dawn.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

My honour is at stake here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

nope, miniscule is correct.
Soz swipeypoos.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

there you go monts, this proves it
as pd is never correct on anything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

Ah, fuck it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

Not even WHISKEY CHAT?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

See above.
Oh God, am I white-knighting a girl on the internet?
*checks gaz box for tit-gaz*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

*is disappointed*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

i think there is a get out clause, let me check...
yes, clause 3.1 (m) (ii):

one shall not be a white knight if one's comment is made in the exclusive preserve of tackling a plum or a dozer
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

I refer you to the case of losers vs weepers.
Or Arkell vs Pressdram.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:37, Reply)

Haha
I feel alarmingly OK today. Same again?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Fuck that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:39, Reply)

GAY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:40, Reply)

Hello, sailor.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:42, Reply)

*drops handkerchief coquettishly*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:42, Reply)

I'm gonna make you sweat. Sweat.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:43, Reply)

sweat till he can't sweat no more?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:56, Reply)

Push it, push it some more.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:58, Reply)

*bad nineties reggae fives*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Putting the 'gay' into 'reggae'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

you would LOVE to 'tackle' my plums.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:43, Reply)

She could suck the chrome off a bumper.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:44, Reply)

Golfball/hosepipe

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:46, Reply)

Go on...

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:47, Reply)

*Blinks*
What the hell is going on here then?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Chompy's having a wank, mate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Two Days, TWO BLOODY DAYS
And the whole site has gone mad? WTF
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

It's Lokesy's fault.
He's really gone too far this time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

After reading through some of todays postings.......
I can't seem to get the image of kenny everett's brother lee love out of my mind
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Arthur Lee is Kenny Everett's brother?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Yes
No
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:06, Reply)

'7 and 7 is' is one of my all time favourite singles.
Forever Changes, however, is nowhere near the masterpiece people claim. It's really quite bent and Alone Again Or sounds like the shit(ter) end of The Doors.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:09, Reply)

I have never been able to get into Love at all and Arthur Lee always came across as a complete cock.
When I discovered that '7 and 7 is' was by them I started to relent a little.
Then I discovered that the version I knew and loved wasn't by them, but was a far superior version by The Soul Benders.
In conclusion: I still don't like Love.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:12, Reply)

*shakes hands*
Emperor's New Clothes band, aren't they? People cannot believe I don't like them. cf Velvet Underground. I hate Lou Reed so much I cannot listen to them for a second.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:14, Reply)

he went for a walk in Richmond Park, but tripped and fell crushing several deer with his elephantine tongue
Loaksy, LOAKSY, Oh Jesus christ LOAKSY!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Now I'm having a cig.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:05, Reply)

I'm just gonna buy a really long ethernet cable, seems cheaper

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

I think you should buy a FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHUT UP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

also, i don't really have a socket to spare for a power line booster thing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:01, Reply)

Ah you see for that you need a FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

You need an IT monkey to help you.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:04, Reply)

I need an IT surrender monkey

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:05, Reply)

*Something about French tanks*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:06, Reply)

dirty boy!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:07, Reply)

It’s only dirty if you reverse back

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:08, Reply)

They really are cunts.
"screen dump" (FFS)
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:08, Reply)

I don't like that term.

( Kroney, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:19, Reply)

Go for it, that's why all companies use them, cheap and easy.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:04, Reply)