Make up a funny rhyme.
Ideally I'm looking for rhymes alluding to or directly referring to someone on here. Then they'll get a massive shit-on and post one about you and so on, leading to childish name-calling and abuse, threats of violence, flouncing etc.

Alt: try to make up a funny rhyme but actually make up a shit one so you can be demolished for having an inadequate grasp of English.

Altalt: cheer me up, I am well miserable. Thanks guys, love you x x x x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 13:58, 113 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

*flounces*
There was a young man called Sporty
Who was painfully heading for forty
His udders would shudder
When he thought of your mother
But mostly of Battered the shorty
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:01, Reply)

There once was a fellow named Loon
Who made poor old BGB swoon
Devoid of the knack
to mute a Star-Tac
He's as popular here as a coon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

I wish I'd posted this in the right place.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Nah

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:03, Reply)

I'm just ordering broadband.
58mb download it looks like so far WHOOP
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:07, Reply)

£50 Sainsburys gift card as well.
Not bad.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:12, Reply)

Plusnet wanted £90 up front. fuck that yo, BT all the way.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:13, Reply)

No one else want to get involved in Broadband chat?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:13, Reply)

ME!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:14, Reply)

Not really, fuck off

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:15, Reply)

Think how many international companies I can take down with that download speed?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:16, Reply)

How many?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:16, Reply)

1

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:17, Reply)

ALL OF THEM!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:17, Reply)

I have ordered Virgin fibre optic broadband yesterday
Gone for 60Mb
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:14, Reply)

O_O
SO

MUCH


PORN
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:15, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:17, Reply)

You won't regret it
I got 40Mb a month or so ago and it is the shizz
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:14, Reply)

I think it'll blow my tiny little mind!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:17, Reply)

We only had 0.9Mb before
the difference is striking to say the least.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

That is what I'm getting at the moment

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:22, Reply)

I was getting 4-5mb on average.
Problem being that it dropped down to less than a meg randomly every hour or two.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Ooh me!
I'm with Talk talk, they're alright i suppose. Cheap if nothing else
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:14, Reply)

Have a look to change to something else.
Also, if you use uSwitch at the moment to change energy and gas suppliers they send you 6 bottles of wine!
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:17, Reply)

*duly noted*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

Save money and get free wine.
I'm not sure there's much downside in that deal.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

wine might be shit
and by might, I mean will
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

Meh, if it's shit use it for cooking.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

one should never cook with something one wouldn't drink

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:21, Reply)

So you'd drink vegetable oil, would you?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:23, Reply)

That's only true if you're cooking for short periods.
Bottle of shit red slow cooked for a couple of hours is lovely.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:27, Reply)

FREE.WINE.

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

Effort?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1857789
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7337583
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:22, Reply)

Under contract until Easter unfortunately
Switched my gas and leccy back before winter and avoided all the rises \o/
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

Me too and it's shit.
Talktalk - the choice of fuckwits who know nothing about technical stuff.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:18, Reply)

They are the worst company I have ever had to deal with, without a shadow of a doubt.
In nakers' defence you'd never find out just how terminally shit they are unless something went wrong.

They bought Tiscali, then 'upgraded' my broadband, and in the process cut off my TV and were unable to reinstate it. They were so shit I actually sought out business with fucking BT. Se'sly. By choice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:23, Reply)

I once tried to call them for some help.
I say 'once', what I actually mean is over the course of a week I repeatedly sat on hold, listening to a loop of Thunderclap Newman's Something in the Air, occasionally speaking to an Indian chap called 'Steve' who had no inclination or ability to comprehend or help with my problem whatsoever.
Still never going back to those cunts BT though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Bt are much better now apparently.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:28, Reply)

I haven't had any problems with them yet actually.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:33, Reply)

To get them to admit that they'd irrevocably cut off my telly
cost me a good 4h and about £50 on the phone.

TalkTalk? CUNTCUNT MORE LIKE!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:36, Reply)

I'm with UPC
I hope this helps
( Theoban What of it, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:22, Reply)

Soz, don't have time really, I'm all about the thoughtless sniping

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Monty Boyce, his selection of breakfast cereals has little choice.

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:05, Reply)

This to win!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:06, Reply)

Haven't you been paying attention?
I've been making up shit rhymes about Nakers' side arse, which APPARENTLY DONT SCAN
( Kroney, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:07, Reply)

they really don't
I guess writing poetry in a second language is pretty hard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:08, Reply)

Naked Ape was his name at the start
Jesus to the side he would fart
This talk of oak flooring
Quickly became boring
And his two brain cells drifted apart
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:16, Reply)

Alt: Sorry.
There was an old man called Boyce
Who made an unfortunate choice
He decided to ditch
A crazy old bitch
Now he's upset online, rejoice.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:09, Reply)

9.95/10

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:15, Reply)

There was a sad git called EMV
Who was said to have a small pee pee
To compensate this
He took loads of pics
Of girls with things shoved up their mimsy.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:10, Reply)

I'd like some recognition for this please.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

I clicked it, but didn't want to feed your ego

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

There was an old fella called Monty
Whose bank balance was regularly found wanty
His choice of an ex
Left his poor brain a wrecks
Still he could rely on the good folk of B3ta to find a cheery rhyme that would in no way be abusive...



Last line needs some work
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:12, Reply)

Same as his bank balance

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:15, Reply)

ZING

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:18, Reply)

Not a rhyme but the worst joke I have been texted in a long while
B&Q are now embroiled in the meat fiasco.

Apparetly some of their flooring has laminate.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:17, Reply)

NOT AT CHEZ APE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

There was a young man name of Boyce
Who woke up and had lost his voice
So be borrowed a new'un
From Patrick McGoohan
And now he's spoilt for choice!

I dunno...is that alright?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:18, Reply)

I AM NOT A NUMBER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:25, Reply)

You aren't a MERION either

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Any po*r*t in a a storm I say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:28, Reply)

Thanks "Pat"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Phonefail

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:30, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1857801
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:31, Reply)

I've got a 'Prisoner' drinks coaster
Imagine that!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:33, Reply)

I AM NOT A COASTER

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:36, Reply)

"I am a free mat"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:40, Reply)

very good

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:57, Reply)

Soz everyone. I'm shit at poems.
There was a young fellow called Fister
Who was curiously close to his sister
He denied he was Bert
Besides, they just flirt
But he may have occasionally kissed her*

*I would like to point out that I am not Bert and this poem is purely for 'comedic' purposes.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:19, Reply)

too late

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:20, Reply)

You'll be hearing from my legal team

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:22, Reply)

An action man wearing a wig isn't really a legal team, you know.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:01, Reply)

See you in court Mighters
*Waves one inch square injunction*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:09, Reply)

*to the tune of Give the Dog a Bone*
Nakers, Nakers, bullied by a Krone
Nakers, Nakers, farts and shits into a catch can mounted on his belt because he has a side arse and has had to cut a hole in his jeans to poo out of.
( Kroney, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:26, Reply)

monty monty monty
Something something something
Please cheer up
Love, K xoxo
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:26, Reply)

^^WINNAR

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:28, Reply)

There is a young lady called K
When she posts here we all go yay
Swipe longs for the day
When young K turns gay
To give her a fucking good lay
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:29, Reply)

There was a young lady called Swizz
who would snack on a big bowl of jizz
when a young gent would cum
she would rub her tum
and shout "that looks just the bizz"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:30, Reply)

buh

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:35, Reply)

There once was a young man called two hats
Who was curiously enamoured with cats
at home on his own
he looked at his phone,
And realised that he should take a serious look at his life and possibly change his choice of multiple headwear. Also it would be a good idea to stop hanging round outside the school.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:28, Reply)

Well this has been an eye-opener
*humbles*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:38, Reply)

I am glad...
Sometimes it is only through poetry that one can truely understand their own experience
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:41, Reply)

Though Nakers ain't exactly fantastic
With the IQ of a lump of cold plastic
Although he's retarded
He is still regarded
Quite highly, cos he's OUR bent spastic!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:38, Reply)

awwwww

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:39, Reply)

Hey Monty, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Monty *claps*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:39, Reply)

Oh Monty what a pity you don't understand
you take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:52, Reply)

I'd kill to live on Death Road lol
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-21327605
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:45, Reply)

You could try the A666
near Blackburn
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:51, Reply)

If I single one of you out
I may get more clicks
But you should be in no doubt
That I think you're all pricks.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:45, Reply)

Minimalist version
With your gunts
Your all cunts
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Tangles was walking one day
Dressed in the most fabulous way
but due to a fling
his balloon knot did sting
twas an odd way to find out he's gay
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:53, Reply)

*doffs cap*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:53, Reply)

Make up a funny rhyme
Said Monty Boyce one day
Make it about another b3tan
But please don't make it gay
Impress me with your language skills
Upset someone if you can
This poem is a convoluted way to say
Swipe used to be a man.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:53, Reply)

Tangleds desperate bid
to get populol clicks now
I hate him, forever.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:53, Reply)

This is a haiku or something.
I don't really get them.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:54, Reply)

Think they only work in Japanese

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:57, Reply)

No it fucking isn't, you chobber.
5-7-5 for a Haiku.

That's either 7-7-6 or 6-7-6 depending on how you pronounce "tangled's"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:58, Reply)

Psychochomp does not
Understand how haikus work
I hope this helps him
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:59, Reply)

BACK OF THE NET.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:01, Reply)

Challenging convention by not forcing a rhyme.
Good work.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 14:56, Reply)

A regular b3tan named Swipe
was tricked into eating some tripe
She liked it so much
she turned lesbo-butch
and forever forswore the man-pipe.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:01, Reply)

That last line deserves some serious credit.
Contrived, but epic.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:02, Reply)

Oh I say!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:07, Reply)

I say

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:08, Reply)

1000 internets for anyone who can rhyme one to the word "ladydad(s)"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:32, Reply)

NO WHISKY CHAT
Dozers dream career
Lagavullin Apprentice
No sk8te caps allowed

https://secure.malts.com/index.php/en_gb/Friends-Corner/Become-Lagavulin-apprentice
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:07, Reply)

A B3tan who Battered calls fat
Once tried, for excitement, some scat
Though Batts thinks they're ginger
Don't call them a minger
And deffo don't mention "Greggs Hat"
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:11, Reply)

*applause*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:33, Reply)

you can all add to this...
if only said kronely
monty boyce could rejoice
the mighty badger was not a fadger
and that boy local was not a yokel
or mr lighty would just leave blighty
and definitely battered should not be such a twattered
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:12, Reply)

i've done a new thread, it's sexy

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:18, Reply)

jesus christ, that new thread is dull
bet you all wish you were on 2.0 too
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 15:28, Reply)