They do smell a bit... wrong.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:43, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

they taste funny too.
Evening b3th.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:47, Reply)

Alright you.
How was the appalling child? Did you end up having to chuck it out?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:53, Reply)

nah, it was alright in the end,
The whole family got huffy and left when I rolled the big screen down for the Rugby.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)

Kids are bad enough when you're trying to have a quiet meal / drink.
Their attention span means they are truly horrendous when you're trying to watch a match / film.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)

also, the mother said "I wish someone had told me when we booked you didn't do high chairs"
I don't see why it's my responsibility to consider your child's needs.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)

Are you marketed as one of those frightful 'family pubs'?
If not, tell her to fuck off. What was she expecting? A playroom with a ball pit?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:00, Reply)

You'd love a ball pit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:02, Reply)

I'd snuggle right down and let the movement lull me to sleep.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)

movement warm urine
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 23:18, Reply)

Fuck no.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)

I love the train of thought that obviously thinks
Pub, yeah, that's the place to take a child. They'll be willing to cater to my every need. And I'm sure all the other customers will be happy to see my spawn do his song and dance routine...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:07, Reply)

You off to the pub quiz this evening?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:08, Reply)

Damn straight.
And I'm taking my dog. And I expect them to have a bowl of water for him. and The rest of the quizzers will be happy to hear him bark randomly.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:10, Reply)

What pub-snack of choice will the dog be going for this evening?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)

Pepperami.
He fucking inhales them. Just under two seconds is the record.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:17, Reply)

That dog of yours....
He's a bit of an animal.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:19, Reply)

Dogs > children.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)

totally.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:17, Reply)

I think the difference is that if I pet your dog, I wouldn't be called a dirty peado by a drunken racist.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:03, Reply)

Not as bad as those awful fishy things pubs used to sell. Made yer hands smell as if you'd been fingering the septic birth canal of a geriatric leper with a urine infection.

Fucked if I can remember what they were called, though.

(Not Fiona or Karin, though, I know that.)
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:52, Reply)

scampi fries.
I fucking love those.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)

this is because you have a soul
which is surprising.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)

even pigs go to heaven.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)

but how can it be heaven with no bacon?
or are you a canibal?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)

bacon isn't really made out of pigs at all.
It's all a carefully constructed Web of lies to keep you humans under our power.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:05, Reply)

gotcha.
BTW, did you know that canibals more or less didn't exist?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:27, Reply)

what?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:36, Reply)

well
apparently it was largely made up, or exaggerated by the Spanish and Portuguese to justify oppressing primitive peoples and nicking their land.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:41, Reply)

well I never.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:47, Reply)

That's them.

I got accused of infidelity.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)

Wasn't there also the bacon flavoured fries as well?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:58, Reply)

yeah, very similar to frazzles.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:05, Reply)

But 30p a packet more expensive I shouldn't wonder.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:09, Reply)

Not much wonder, really. It's not cheap to filter out the prawn fannies and cod arses.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:16, Reply)

you better not be dissing
Scampi Fries
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)

Scampi Fry?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)

Ooh go on then. Twisted my arm.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)

I got well into Cheesey Moments last year 'till I found myself buying half a dozen packets and then looking sad as I finish my last one in my skiddies on the couch.
I had to stop myself.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:04, Reply)