Shagging OAPs.
Well, one OAP. I'll start slow and work up to the whole care home.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:11, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

How was Bristol?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:12, Reply)

full of people with really silly accents?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:13, Reply)

Haven't you got a whippet to walk and some pigeons to feed?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:14, Reply)

areet my loverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:15, Reply)

Eh up, it's reet tough when thee has got tut carry Hovis over them cobbles.
'Appen.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:16, Reply)

it's a foreign language. for retards. look:
Bristol dialect Standard English use
Where's that to? Where is it?
I was led down I was lying down
We was there yesterday We were there yesterday
I was sat/ I was stood I was sitting/I sat
I didn't do nothing I didn't do anything
Theirselves Themselves
Look at them people Look at those people
He do's it He does it
He can do it hisself He can do it himself
Casn't Can't
I looks at I looked at
Theys [real gems] They're [real gems]
Lush Nice/good
Gert/Gurt Really big
Mind [mid-sentence or used as a tag] You know what I mean?
Proper ['PrAprR] Good or 'decent'
They [kiddies] Those [kiddies]
Like [used in mid-sentence]
Laters See you later/goodbye
Babys/Babs/Bab Baby/affectionate term
Kiddie Teenager or youth
Me/My lover Mate/pal/dear
She's [got a nice finish] It goes all right
Scrage To scratch yourself
Hard 'en Usually a young person with an attitude
Babba Baby
Coopie down Crouch down
Slider Playground slide
Keener 'swot', or someone who works too hard
NeveR [emphasis on R] Never
AlaRm [mid-word emphasis on R] Alarm
Right [initial emphasis on R] Right
Rising intonation - using statements so they sound like questions
DrawLing [L pronounced within a word] Drawing
Area L [Bristol L specific to Area] Area
IdeaL [Bristol L specific to Idea] Idea
Funera [omission of L] Funeral
wURs [different vowel & R pronunciation] Worse
'ave, 'im [Silent initial H] Have, Him
Bath, Glass ['a' as in sat] Bath, Glass
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:20, Reply)

tl;dr

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:22, Reply)

pffft
cr more like, in your case
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:23, Reply)

I think not.
Haven't you got some hamster based flirting to do with Dozer rather than being inaccurate online?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:26, Reply)

in what way is bullying the closet pierced homo about his fetish for hamster fucking flirting?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:26, Reply)

I think you love him longtime

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:27, Reply)

ssssh
i've got a date lined up. if you're good, i'll tell you about that, then you can mock me for a real life thing, not a fictitious pant drop over dozer.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:28, Reply)

I have no interest. So please don't bother boring me about it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:30, Reply)

alright green eyes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:31, Reply)

pfft. I think not.
Particularly after you made a pass at me in the taxi the other week. You must learn: not only are you unattractive, but I am married & faithful.

Your lack of social grace does you no favours.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:33, Reply)

yes that's exactly what happened
you crazy drunken eejit you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:34, Reply)

Sober enough that I cannot remove the ghastly memory, no matter how much I wish I could.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:37, Reply)

my lasting recollection is of you desperately trying to stick a tenner down my top, my jeans, in my bag, anywhere...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:39, Reply)

Stop dreaming. Aint gonna happen.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:42, Reply)

thank fuck for that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:43, Reply)

We know this can't be true
because battered couldn't reach down your top.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:45, Reply)

aha you're totally right
that's what happened.

it explains why the tenner fell out of my shoe later on.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:46, Reply)

Fell out your shoe....
So he did get the tenner in your cleavage then.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:47, Reply)

HA HA!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:51, Reply)

silly jeff
it's battered whose shoes are built up to chest height, not me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:51, Reply)

Actually, I think I am taller than you.
As well as being considerably more intelligent.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:53, Reply)

i'm five feet five and a half inches
and you only "think" you're taller than me?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:55, Reply)

I try not to think about your appearance, as it makes me want to vomit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:56, Reply)

yeah, vomit spunk out through your tiny little cock

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:57, Reply)

No chance. You cause serious impotence.
People would rather shit in a bed with you than fuck you in it.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:58, Reply)

that's not what your wife said about me

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 21:01, Reply)

My wife has considerably better taste than that, after all, she married me.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 21:02, Reply)

Them's me daps, mind.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:22, Reply)

What are you telling me for, I live here.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:22, Reply)

In other words,
Don't tell I, tell 'ee.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:23, Reply)

Given your old man is so old, does he speak Latin rather than English?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:25, Reply)

ita vero

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:26, Reply)

Oi!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:27, Reply)

sorry
it's just us now that cavy's out getting laid every night
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:27, Reply)

Sisterly solidarity.
And people wonder why all my friends are men...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:34, Reply)

+ geriatric
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:36, Reply)

No, that's only my husband.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:38, Reply)

there's always jeff?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:39, Reply)

Is Jeff a girl?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:41, Reply)

Mods! I'm being picked on by your token gesture.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:42, Reply)

so i hear

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:42, Reply)

I heard it took you ages to adapt to living in the South
On account of bathrooms and barbecues.

Apparently, in the north you go outside to shit and you only ever prepare food in the 'parlour'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:45, Reply)

you know i'm sending this to your mrs, right?
and you know she's from further oop north than i am, right?

heh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:46, Reply)

I hadn't thought of that.
Arse.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:48, Reply)

However your Missus is intelligent to see through thicky Swipe's attempt at shit stirring.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:52, Reply)

pfffffft

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:52, Reply)

She is.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:56, Reply)

:)

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:52, Reply)

I'll distract her with a lump
Of interestingly shaped coal. She'll be none the wiser.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:59, Reply)

I thought so.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:27, Reply)

Har.
De har har.

He's from Kent originally, so it's a weird mixture of east coast / west coast.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:26, Reply)

It broke my feet.
But the meeting was alright. Not as helpful as I expected, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it might achieve something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:13, Reply)

Sorry I never had time to catch up with you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:15, Reply)

It's alright.
I'd had enough of the place by 3 o'clock. If I'd had to wait till six I'd have ended up falling asleep in the cinema or something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 20:16, Reply)