'Tidy little earner guv innit'.
I have just been asked to do a telephone meeting with a management consultancy to advise them on something. £250.00 for the hour.

When did you last get a nice little earning opportunity you weren't expecting?

Alt: Never? Why didn't you work harder at school?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:09, 121 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Cheers.

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:11, Reply)

brb, need to take a shit

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:18, Reply)

I just went to a 3 hour meeting with commisioners and tuna smelling sandwiches
and earnt. £3765
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:11, Reply)

Oh sorry I meant £37.65

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:11, Reply)

My last was just before Christmas
The pay out was 19 bottles of various spirits and 5 boxes of Cuban cigars
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:12, Reply)

Ah yes. I'm looking forward to my gym.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:15, Reply)

You need all the training you can get for your run

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:16, Reply)

Fucksticks.
GIN.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:18, Reply)

This is literally the worst failure EVAR!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:18, Reply)

Yeah thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:19, Reply)

I passed by them bottles in the cellar on Sunday they are looking a tad dusty

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:20, Reply)

are these code phrases for your belgian sex dungeons?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:44, Reply)

SHhhhhhhhhhhh. They will all want to come in

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:53, Reply)

I earnt £300 for having a bag in my flat for a weekend once.
On the minus side it was full of diced pimps and more swords than the Imperial War Museum
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:12, Reply)

More 'CokeStore' than 'Safestore' eh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:15, Reply)

'NotVerySafeAtAllStore'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:20, Reply)

£200 for having my phone on Friday and Saturday 9-5
No phone calls = KER-CHING!
£300 a few weeks ago for a full day's overtime that took 32 mins
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:17, Reply)

I like results like this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:18, Reply)

As do I
I love our standard day rate for weekends when I can get away with that.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:18, Reply)

I had to work Good Friday and a part of Saturday
No extra money but my entire work time was about 32 Mins as well
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:18, Reply)

On the upside I did watch about 9 episodes of the "Water Margin" on youtube

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:20, Reply)

Nice

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:22, Reply)

They are all there Monts I'm upto about episode 11
This is the 1st one

www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8lmDR9dCDo
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:23, Reply)

Nothing really,
unless you count a distant relative popping her clogs.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:22, Reply)

A warning for blackberry users
www.theregister.co.uk/2013/04/03/bbm_sharing_too_much/
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:23, Reply)

Another warning for blackberry users:
you are cunts
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:25, Reply)

^ This ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:26, Reply)

What space phone do you have Monty? We all have to judge you for it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:26, Reply)

Samsung Galaxy SIII

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:31, Reply)

How original of you.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:32, Reply)

It's also a lie

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:33, Reply)

I still have the original galaxy S.
I think you'll find that's more original.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:33, Reply)

Chompy has a WWI wind-up field telephone
It came with a free Glen Miller 78.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:35, Reply)

I heard you have two empty bean cans on a piece of string.
If you ever want to talk to anyone, you have to go to where they are, hand them the other can, then travel home again and speak into your can.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:39, Reply)

For some reason I have the feeling that Nakers would be on the other end

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:41, Reply)

he'd have way too much string, you wouldn't hear anything

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:45, Reply)

Oh man I'm getting one of them tomorrow

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:32, Reply)

They are totes amazeballs

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:36, Reply)

I'm going to stick mine down my pants so ladies think I have a bigger willy :) :) :)

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:38, Reply)

Haha, you googled
"What do the kids say these days? Well good? That's right. Well good. What's a Well Good. OK, Google, can you please, if you don't mind, tell me what is a well good phone (mobile) that the cool kids are using today? Thanks."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:39, Reply)

I did indeed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:42, Reply)

Woah can you get space phones now?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:32, Reply)

Is that a warning or a judgement?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:28, Reply)

It's more of a warmup to a threat, I think

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:32, Reply)

because i was pretty much sick through all the important bits of school,
i know i know, dirty rotten scrounger povvo prick
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:27, Reply)

as long as you got back in time to have one of the pikey girls play with your willy during triple geography you didn't miss much

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:44, Reply)

I just sold two sets of pen refills and made about £5.
Fuck you and your flash lifestyle.

To be fair, what I do takes very little work. Once I have sale items set up, I can pretty much just leave them to their own devices.

Alt: I didn't need to work hard at school. I coasted through with good marks for minimal effort. contrary to what they tell you when you're young, a good education isn't 'everything'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:27, Reply)

well it got you where you are today

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:31, Reply)

Better than being where you are, I suppose.
Afternoon.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:33, Reply)

I'm posting from my gold plated loo
it is and as soon as this fuck up is dealt with I'm off to the pub to drinks some booze
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:37, Reply)

Funny you should ask, only this morning a fella on the street offered me 500 euros to pose for some pics
he assures me it's tasteful stuff, should only take a couple of hours, bring my own lube
( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:31, Reply)

It's all coming up roses for you eh?
Or is that more someone cuming up your arse?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:33, Reply)

Pretty sure it's legit, there are no dodgy fuckers operating in Marbella

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:36, Reply)

Do me a favour and ask him to tell mum I'm not gonna want my supper tonight, can ya?
Ta
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:37, Reply)

I got paid £200 + lunch to hand out compeed plasters at the end of the London Marathon
it took half and hour and I got a free hat \o/
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:32, Reply)

The argument has been made that although this bloke was a wife beater with multiple convictions, he was a lovely dad, so he shouldn't get life for manslaughter
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/apr/03/mick-philpott-loving-father-court
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:38, Reply)

Yeah, he was a real gem.
Only set fire to his kids by accident. Totally didn't mean to do it.

he's up tehre with Josef Fritzl in 'father of the year' stakes.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:41, Reply)

Kidnapping and repeatedly raping your child is in another league to what Philpott did
As you well know b3th.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:43, Reply)

I suppose you can't exactly 'repeatedly murder' your kids.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:45, Reply)

what do you care?
you hate kids.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:46, Reply)

Not any more than I hate any other person.
In fact, there are some that I'm quite fond of. I just wouldn't want them in my house for eighteen years.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:48, Reply)

there you go then.Set them on fire, you don't have to.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:49, Reply)

I wonder how much you could insure kids for...#

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:50, Reply)

I don't think you can.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:51, Reply)

You don't think you could just add them to your contents policy?
Seems a little unfair.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:51, Reply)

One dribbling nappy-wearer is enough, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:52, Reply)

That's what Lusty says.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:53, Reply)

ho HO!!!
You've flipped around and now *I* look silly!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:57, Reply)

HE could, he had fucking millions of them.
Randy cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:47, Reply)

What I found most disturbing is that his wife was heard performing "a sex act" on the other guy that got done.
That was all it took for him to keep his mouth shut. It must have been the most incredible blowie ever.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:45, Reply)

look at that coy grin

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:48, Reply)

She's not exactly a looker either.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:51, Reply)

No no what that meant was
'she performed the second half of 'the Rocky Horror Show' doing all the characters and everything. Well worth 15 years.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:52, Reply)

I don't see how you can give a blowjob with your mouth shut

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:49, Reply)

if anything, fritzl loved them more

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:46, Reply)

In Ancient Greece your good deeds and philanthropy counted in your favour when you were being sentenced

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:43, Reply)

Have you got two accounts?
Or is naked ape a hilarious sock puppet?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:44, Reply)

Do keep up Al

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:45, Reply)

I've not been here for a few weeks

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:46, Reply)

Rory knicked the Naked ape name as Badge said
The hilarious sock puppet bit should have given it away that it aint Nakers
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:47, Reply)

naked ape is rory.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:45, Reply)

r s +r
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:49, Reply)

that's what defence barristers are for, though.
They aren't really doing their job if they go "yeah... you're right, he's a cunt. Bang the fucker up and throw away the key"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:45, Reply)

Oh I know that, it still seems a bit rich though.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:46, Reply)

I'm impressed that he's essentially escaped a murder conviction through being extremely stupid.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:47, Reply)

Well, he escaped murder because he didn't intend to kill them.
But it is a textbook case of manslughter, he did something fucking stupid that was clearly dangerous, but the actual deaths were accidental
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:52, Reply)

I wonder how ethical it is to sling someone inside for life-threatening levels of stupidity.
Because by calling it "stupidity" you're implying a level of diminished mental capacity.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:58, Reply)

I appreciate the legal issue
But FFS he set fire to his house, with his kids still in it. If he couldn't see the possible result then he shouldn't be allowed out on his own anyway.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:59, Reply)

You're preaching to the choir here
I think he should get life for putting his kids in that situation just to get back at an ex girlfriend.

I think there is a potential mitigation for the wife given that he was a violent control freak, but she should still get a hefty sentence.

And the other guy should also get life for being such a cunt as to go along with it because someone sucked him off.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:01, Reply)

I'm agreeing with Al, online.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:02, Reply)

prick

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:04, Reply)

Soz Chompy
Won't do it again.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:07, Reply)

I know, it was a debate earlier.
essentially that there must be a point at which the abosolute certainty of the action causing loss of life tips something from manslaugter to murder regardless of the "intention" argued by the defendant. If I deliberately shot you, I couldn't argue that I did intend to shoot you but didn't intend to kill you. Well I could, but a jury would still convict me of murder.

They've escaped a murder conviction pretty much because the CPS accepted that they were fucking stupid enough to truly believe that deliberately setting fire to a house with 6 kids in it wouldn't kill the kids.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:00, Reply)

Their plan as it was, was to set fire to the house save the kids and be a hero.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:00, Reply)

Oh, absolutely.
But I think my point is valid. There must be a line whereby the CPS and a jury would go "fuck off - uninentional, you say? well even a fucking retard could see the consequences of that. Not having it. Murder"

Basically the CPS, by only pressing for manslaughter, are saying that they accept the defendants are truly fucking stupid enough to believe that the plan might have worked without killing anyone.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:04, Reply)

They also accept that the defense would have played this and the jury would most likely have accepted this

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:07, Reply)

totally
and the sad thing is I'm sure they are right.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:10, Reply)

Exactly this.
Basically the court accepts that he is a retard.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:01, Reply)

If it's one thing I've learned in the course of my job
it's that no matter how stupid you assume people are, they're always capable of surprising you.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:02, Reply)

I suppose
their sentence is a life of knowing every day that they killed their own children. Assuming they are as caring as they're trying to tell us they are, that will be a worse sentence than anything the CPS can hand down.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:03, Reply)

Best just let them off, then.
Poor lambs will suffer enough already.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:04, Reply)

Well, we don't have kids (either together or individually)
so apparently we can't possibly understand teh bond there is between a parent and a child.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:07, Reply)

This indeed
I will see them as murderers because I would never put my kids in the sort of danger just to be a hero/get back at the ex/get a bigger house the fact they put their kids in a life threatening situation, on purpose, to get something for themselves makes it murder in my eyes. Yes they didn't intend to kill them but they still put them in a life threatening situation on purpose and they died.
( Peej, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 21:35, Reply)

Any time I get some consultancy.
Although, to be fair, I do tend to expect it. So that's a shit answer.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:46, Reply)

I got a million pounds for licking your mum's gunt.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:46, Reply)

Worst episode of "who wants to be a millionaire" ever.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:50, Reply)

The winning champagne had never been more welcome.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:51, Reply)

Fresh champers from Aphrodite's bath.
Lovely bouquet and a curious chickeny aftertaste.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:59, Reply)

"I'm getting delicate notes of biff on the nose"

( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:00, Reply)

"hints of grimsby on a summer's evening"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:14, Reply)

it was going to be deal or no deal
but no one could handle the stench of rotting meat that accompanied each contestant unsealing her box
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:53, Reply)

roffle.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:05, Reply)

lol
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17185942
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 16:59, Reply)

I wonder if he did that on purpose.
He doesn't seem to be too bothered afterwards.
Bless her, though. She carries on like a trouper.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:04, Reply)

Oh, those crazy germans!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:05, Reply)

I bet she's well used to men chucking stuff on her back, the filthy bitch.

( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:07, Reply)

Ain't no party like a Merkel puddle party.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:13, Reply)

Just shy of half a grand
For correctly predicting the outcome of a football match. Granted 90minutes is longer than your hour long phone call, but I got to spend the time in a pub drinking.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:05, Reply)

How much was the bet?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:06, Reply)

Two bets.
One at 45/1 with a tenner on it the other one a 9/1 shot with a fiver on it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 17:10, Reply)

I don't get bonuses and I don't gamble
I got a tax rebate last year of over a grand which paid for an unexpected holiday but it was my fucking money anyway. I suppose the closest that I get to nice little earning opportunities is when I find something of value in the recycling bin, fix it and sell it on. Last was a Mini DV broacast quality camera that I found, cleaned with isopropanol and sold for £275 or the bike frame I bought for £12.50 because it was local pick up only and promptly resold for £92 because I offered postage that the buyer paid for anyway.
( Peej, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 21:28, Reply)