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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Seeing as it's no holds barred shit thread day
What should I get my father for his birthday?

1) it's his 70th
2) he lives in America
3) I'm fucking broke

Thanks guys!
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:16, 142 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Pasta art
Something made by you will mean more.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:16, Reply)
I need that pasta for meals.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:17, Reply)
Ah right
Japanese rice cracker art?
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1927755
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Post him some of your "dna" so he can clone you if you die.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:17, Reply)
This is more like it!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:18, Reply)
He (that's daddy-monty), won't have any of his (that's monty himself) DNA himself, because his (that's monty again) DNA comes from someone who isn't him (that's daddy monty this time).
KAPLOWIE, I'M ON FIRE.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:22, Reply)
A shit in a box.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:18, Reply)
He's already got one.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:19, Reply)
AND IT CALLS HIM DADDY !
Do you see what I did ? I'm calling you a shit in a box. They see me lollin', dey b h8ing.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:21, Reply)
This is me:
:o(
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:22, Reply)
That smilie always reminds me of the octopuses in popular video game Legend of Zelda
bit.ly/ZeCZXb
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Nice LINK

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Nothing
Its his fault for being too far away.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:18, Reply)
A banjolele then.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:25, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:25, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:27, Reply)
I bet your brother is buying him something really good again this year?
If so just add your name to that
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:18, Reply)
I've tried that one already.
The cunt found him a print of some C18th drawing of our family seat. It cost him fuck all and looks super-thoughtful, the cunt.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Send Poppet round to pole dance for him

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:22, Reply)
Wrong continent, you knob.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:22, Reply)
Whoops ment K-Swizz

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)

Wrong in+
, you
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)
It's looking as though he might need to hold onto the principle that "it's the thought that counts"

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Some sort of surprise
That will be shocking enough to mean you get your inheritance.
Solves no.3
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Hahahahah my hahahahahaha sorry, my what? hahahahahah

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:21, Reply)
you can sell his yanky gaff.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I'd have to kill his wife as well then.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:28, Reply)
belladonna is your friend

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:29, Reply)
I'm not sure how some angry feminism and a munchybox will solve anything here
but knock yourself out.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:42, Reply)
^ LIBEL

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Bowel cancer.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:22, Reply)
Its the giving that counts

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:23, Reply)
A nice pic of his grandchild

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:23, Reply)
Hang on a minute this is an actual good idea.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)
I'm full of them

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)
You can get them printed on Canvas fairly cheaply to get a oil painting effect
that looks quite good.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:26, Reply)
You could even get it printed locally over t'internet and mailed to him

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:26, Reply)

quite good really shit and tacky
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Canvases can look rather good I think

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:27, Reply)
You've got a massive canvas of little D'Shawn and L'Oquisha?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Why would I have Phillie's kids?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Maybe he thinks you're Bartleby

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:30, Reply)
He'd not want my kids
They both have chickenpox so can be read by the blind
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:31, Reply)
Old people like that sort of shit
edit: See comment above for confirmation
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Speak up sonny!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:29, Reply)
It's still a good idea and I think I shall do it

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:30, Reply)
\o/

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:30, Reply)
Even better
www.amazon.co.uk/Box-Canvas-Print-Paul-Ross/dp/B001N6W8U0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365503559&sr=8-1&keywords=Paul+Ross+canvas+print
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:33, Reply)
The prices are lolsome

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
The latest David Bowie record

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:23, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1927760
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:30, Reply)
A DVD of the lion king

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)

lion wan
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:25, Reply)
A Jar of Uncle Joes Mint Balls

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Grits

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:26, Reply)
Do a search on eBay for '1943'
You'll find a lot of people sell things like coins or annuals by date, with 'excellent 70th present' as a subheading.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:29, Reply)
The Battle of Midway is the gift that keeps on giving

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Stop spamming your ebay shop on here b3th.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:30, Reply)
Its the only way she can sell her old grundies

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Oh God...
www.ebay.co.uk/sch/2012beckie69/m.html?item=140945023976&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562

EDIT: Bit NSFW
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
FUCK.
ING. HELL.

Why did I click that link?
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Haha
I was just about to advise people against clicking it.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:41, Reply)
You fancied some grot of a morning
Thanks for that so I'll not click it now
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:41, Reply)
Because you needed to generate a bit of hungry clopper action?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:52, Reply)
If you zoom in enough, you can see this person shaves using a Braun TuboWomen.
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/WORN-STOCKINGS-/140945365170?pt=UK_Hosiery_Socks&hash=item20d0ff98b2
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:42, Reply)
ooh gonz, don't ever change xxx

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:43, Reply)
This was my offical stance on Thatcher on Facebook
"To be fair, if I _had_ to nob a prime minister (alive or dead, but when they were alive), any of them, it would be her. I'm not saying I would like to have sex with her, but if there was a gunman putting a gun to my head, that's who 'd choose."
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:45, Reply)
a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:57, Reply)
Looks more like TuboGirl

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Maybe the 2012 model.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:45, Reply)
And exactly what were you searching for when you found this?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Your mum.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:48, Reply)
CRIVVENS!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:50, Reply)
it's really shit, last time she spammed it she was selling three different copies of paedophiles favourite 'Bunty' and an odd sock with a hole in it

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:35, Reply)
That was my old wank sock. I wondered why she asked me to post it to her.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:36, Reply)
she's the theo paphitis of Weston super mare and no mistake

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:37, Reply)
i'm out.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:38, Reply)
+ proud

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
+short

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
+ incredibly handsome.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:42, Reply)
+ deluded

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:42, Reply)
+ highly intelligent

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:43, Reply)
+ old

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:44, Reply)
A one-way ticket back to civilisation.
and a stern talking to.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:29, Reply)
A jam jar full of British fresh air.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:31, Reply)
An English hamper might have been a good idea but postage is far too expensive
You know, Marmite and shit
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:32, Reply)
I wouldn't recommend sending shit.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:33, Reply)
I'm sure he would like to open something

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:34, Reply)
A commemorative issue of the Daily Mail pull out supplement on the day of Thatcher's funeral.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:33, Reply)
A jar of dirt you can say comes from her grave.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:36, Reply)
shes being cremated

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:38, Reply)
And her ashes are to be scattered on Port Stanley.
I may have made this up.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Or Wakefield Colliery

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
A VHS of "Ninja Cop"

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:37, Reply)
You could make a donation on his behalf
A goat for some africans or something, I dunno.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:39, Reply)
WORST.PRESENT.EVER
I got one of those years ago. It never fucking writes, the lazy cunt
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Bloody delicious though, I bet
Those africans get all the breaks. I don't see anyone buying ME a goat, DO YOU?
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:43, Reply)
He hates niggers.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Here you go

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:42, Reply)
*wants*

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Come the summer, that'll be all KINDS of comfy

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:45, Reply)
It's like a christmas tree of hate.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:46, Reply)
It's the original onsie.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:49, Reply)
Hmm...I'm not doing well at this, am I
Game of Thrones box set? Apparently it's quite good.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Or some drugs for a drug addict.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1927842
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:41, Reply)
I was talking about his shiftless son, you flid.
Buy yourself some drugs instead, and tell him he donated to a good cause.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Get him a signed photo of SP
parents dig that shit
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
SP

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
SP

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Salted Peanuts!!!!!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:41, Reply)
:o(

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Better than a picture of your child
Would be a photo of your new carbon monoxide detector.

He'll be able to see just what a grown up you've become.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:40, Reply)
if he hits up his gas supplier they may even supply it for free

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:41, Reply)
I'm going to go around posting joints (of weed) with invoices stating it's a sample of batch #1023, and their paid order for 500g shall be in the post over the next month.
To do it from a postbox with no return address.

That'll fuck up someone's shit.

I'm not actaully gonna do this, but I mean, it would be funny, total strangers who are normal people who don't do drugs getting caught by the police for buying tons of drugs.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:49, Reply)
I'm pretty sure they wouldn't, you know.
Despite a vast amount of evidence to the contrary the police aren't actually that daft.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:54, Reply)
How about a signed picture of pauperdoris leaving the jobcentre?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:49, Reply)
Oh OH

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:51, Reply)
+ OH IT'S MAGIC

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:52, Reply)
You know

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:55, Reply)
OH NO HE DI'NT!!!!!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 11:52, Reply)
And I was just getting to like you!
He wouldn't want a pic of me - he has met me..........
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 13:15, Reply)
Good news everyone, I met my objectives for the year and then some
this means I get a decent bonus and pay adjustment in the summer and an increase to my benefits. I'm sure you are all very pleased for me.

God I am SUCH a spastic!
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:00, Reply)
I'm really happy for you

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:01, Reply)
That's the spirit!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:11, Reply)
\o/

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:02, Reply)
I dunno, what were these 'objectives'?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:04, Reply)
I heard the water bottle on the cooler never got below 1/3 with fogesy in charge!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:09, Reply)
You know make money and shit, manage some dicks, massage some clients egos. Same old same old

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:11, Reply)
Are you a rentboy?

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:17, Reply)
Thanks to thatcher I've been able to buy my own "boy"

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:18, Reply)
I'm not *quite* sure that my father will like this news for his birthday, but thanks for trying all the same.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:11, Reply)
I'm concerned that you feel the need to boast to the internet to people who don't know you about such petty achievements

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:14, Reply)
You're right to be concerned I shall killmyself at once

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:18, Reply)
tell your wife you love her

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:20, Reply)
post him one end of tin can phone and wish him a happy birthday when he opens it

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:02, Reply)
I rather like this

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:12, Reply)
Can you believe this heap of shit is the most popular thread of the day?
Jesus Christ you cunts.
(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:12, Reply)
It's deader than Thatchers legacy here.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:16, Reply)
TOPICAL!!!!!!

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:20, Reply)
I have started shit thread of the day #6.

(, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 12:19, Reply)

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