I laughed like a fucking drain when I read this:
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/10033417/Womens-Institute-welcomes-piracy-victim-wearing-eye-patches-and-waving-plastic-cutlasses.html

When did you last crack up and at what?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:52, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Just be thankful they're not naked
alright?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Sterling work on Emvee my dear chap.
Sterling.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)

i dun a lol
he didn't bite as much as I wanted and tbh I was only there as I was having a shit day and needed to vent at someone
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:55, Reply)

He is the perfect foil.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:56, Reply)

My 2 year old asked for some milk and my wife told her no
So she threw a thick plastic milk cup right in her face, as hard as she could from less than a foot away. Perhaps cracking up wasn't the best way to make her feel better.
( Peej, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Good old Uhuru, she's a good kid.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:56, Reply)

this meme makes me laugh everytime

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Doesn't make me laugh
Real names on the Internet is serious business
( Peej, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

tell her she can't have a book

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

That same story this morning on BBC website

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Shit, too late to see proper Slayer anymore

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Shoulda come to Ally Pally with me and Al.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 9:59, Reply)

:( I love bashes and all

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:00, Reply)

don't worrry, we'll all think of you next week
as we rub slices of pizza slowly up and down each other's quivering naked bodies
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

fat greasy bodies covered in lumps of pizza, err yeah post pictures after yeah?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Fuck
I am SO hard right now
( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)

there is never a good reason to go to ally pally
or anywhere with al, come to that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Me an' Al are great SLAYERB4$H pals though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Me and al went to Mastodon, but we didn't meet up and al got sad

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Let's all go to the Loop ATP in December and stand around in awkward silence for ten minutes before going our separate ways.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I really want to see Loop again.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)

My mate has been asked to compere for it, lucky bastard.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:09, Reply)

what was that you say? Free tickets?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Yer, I'd try and blag his plus one, but he mentioned that his wife wants to see 23 Skidoo who are also playing.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:15, Reply)

23 SKID-POO MORE LIKE!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:18, Reply)

I seem to recall them doing some stuff with the always-terrifying Psychic TV

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Yeah, they're part of that almost unlistenable industrial crowd that I've never really bothered investigating.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Same here. I once saw Nitzer Ebb (supporting Swans, fact fans)
They seemed to be dressed like Hitler Youth and sounded frightful.

The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)

odon urbate

LOL!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

That's not true
www.ukrockfestivals.com/14-hour-tech-dream-menu.html

I'd give a limb to have gone to that
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:05, Reply)

looks like infest for yurt pricks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:05, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1952473
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Fuck yeah!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

The Flies' set was supposed to be superb.
Proper punk rock they were.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Like you would remember any of it.
If you were gonna go, you'd be tripping your tits off.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Fuck yes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:15, Reply)

I went to watch snooker there once
The match was both shit and dull and queuing for a bus with an Ally Pally capacity crowd was the steaming pool of diarrhea on the freshly pinched-off loaf.

tl:dr I agree
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I saw the Black Keys there.
Meh. Mediocrity personified.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

you said you liked them after that gig!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)

I was played some of their early records which sounded great,
the show was really rather flat and the new material sounded like Kings of fucking Leon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Ah. my wife liked them enough to buy one of their albums
I have no opinion of them as that purchase failed to interrupt the constant rotation of Marti Pellow and Thirty Seconds To Mars cds in the house.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Poor old Bill Clay :o(
Lucky for me Lusty likes 60s girl groups, garage punk and dusty old blues records.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Busy venue is busy shocker

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:08, Reply)

It's not what you'd call my area of expertise but I was under the impression they'd been shit for some time anyway, no?
My brother has a superb video of them live but it's years ago I think.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:04, Reply)

I stopped listening to them when I was 16, with seasons in the abyss. I believe they went shit after that, Fuck em anyway, I can always see the smiths when they reform

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

YESSSS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Wouldn't say shit, but they're definitely not as good as they once were.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:08, Reply)

i can't think of anything that wasn't a "you had to be there" moment
so i'll just say kroney's cardigran, because i've never mentioned it before.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:00, Reply)

I knew I'd get shit for that cardy before I put it on, but I did anyway.
You wanna know why? Because I'm a balls-to-the-wall kinda guy and I don't take shit from bullies.

Word.
( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:04, Reply)

clickin dis
We knitwear renegades have to stick together yo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:09, Reply)

oh, i forgot about your sweater with the little puppies
(sweater puppy lols)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

You did look at complete twat in it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:09, Reply)

I looked fucking awesome in it because I'm hot shit, you prick.

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:12, Reply)

cold shit more like

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:12, Reply)

God he's a prick isn't he
Dunt know shit about the knit yo
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

c4blekn17 4 lyfe, yo

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

*complicated handshake*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:15, Reply)

The only knitwear I like is plain coloured cashmere.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Gay.

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:15, Reply)

GASHmere MORE LIKE!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Hot shit...
I thought you had a preference for frozen shit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Because you said that I'm not coming to your party.

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Owww.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:14, Reply)

When I was told this the other day.
A few years ago when my mate's daughter was about 3 she walked in on him getting changed, pointed at his cock & asked what it was. He dismissed it by saving 'never mind'.

A couple of weeks later he took her swimming & whilst getting her changed (in the gents as he was on his own with her) she saw another man naked, pointed at his cock and shouted at the top of her voice ' NEVER MIND'.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

hehe

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)

lol
One of my mate's little 'uns once pointed out some burka-clad Asian women in a supermarket and yelled "NINJAS!!"
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

click
That's fucking hilarious
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Classic

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Awesome. Fucking brilliant.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

racist

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Why?
It's purely a clothing joke.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:35, Reply)

You french twat

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)

MOTHer fucker

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Wouldn't have happened if he'd been wearing a nice, three quarter length cardy

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:33, Reply)

another plus for the high-end knit fan

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

NO HIGH END KNITWEAR CHAT

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)

I'v just re-discovered 'Nighty Night'
Brilliant dark comedy. Julia Davis is just brilliant.
You actually feel for her sociopathic character.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I never watched that

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:43, Reply)

You should give it a go.
Brilliant writing. The main character is an absolute nightmare.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:46, Reply)

well maybe I shall

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:49, Reply)

I went to the toilet last night and there was this monster spider in the bathroom
I was lousy with vodka and coke so I remained a plane journey or two from dutch courage. I eeked and foetaled like a good-un, which caused me (wot wif being don les bog) to piss in my hair. Sorry, what was the question again?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Lousy with vodka and coke?
Were your knickers red and with podka dots on:)
( Theoban What of it, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Yes!
I like your old soak persona best, Mr Carrey.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Wotcha Beshtie!
WOuld you mind cupping my balls for a mo, I've got the acid-dribbles something rotten and the last thing I need is a bout of sad-sac
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:06, Reply)

No probs m8

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Oh what wacky bints, ho ho ho, what cards
WAIT THEY DON'T SING JERUSALEM? HANG THE BITCHES

I did some big laughs last night cos, get this right, me and two friends right, haha, played a computer game online, hohoho, and we were really shit and didn't know what was going on, hahahaha, what hilarity, hoot a minute.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

I don't know why I find this funny

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Neither do I, to be honest.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Who's that and what's a Ken/Hayley?

( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:20, Reply)

He has the same 'latest model' mobile phone as Monty.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:21, Reply)

He needs a large phone to make it difficult to lift, in case Barryfromeastenders pops round and tries to steal it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:22, Reply)

Coronation Street innit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:21, Reply)

They've blocked bbc news at work.
BBC FUCKING NEWS
(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:23, Reply)

HA HA HA HA HA
Yes! No more newslinks.

Hurray!
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:25, Reply)

I think it's only temporary as some people have been commenting on the news storys about the organisation
and have been giving out sensitive information.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Is it so you don't have to see NHS UP THE SHITTER fourteen times a day?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:26, Reply)

Pretty much.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Too many pictures in it.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:26, Reply)

I think it might be the BBC that's banned him, not the NHS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Copyright infringements no doubt

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:36, Reply)

Good old, helpful IT.
Blocking news links on B3ta. Good for them.
( Kroney, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:30, Reply)

Your NHS, working for YOU!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:31, Reply)

You're the best guys!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 May 2013, 11:32, Reply)