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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So this morning I left my phone in a taxi. I expect it will be the last I see of that; you can buy a flat here for the price of a smartphone.
When did you last do something fuckwitted?
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 7:54, 160 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
YM is not that fuckwitted

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 7:55, Reply)
Call it a polish person found my phone once and gave it back
From this I assume all poles would do the same
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 7:56, Reply)
My secretary is trying to find it; the hotel booked my taxi so they should know which company I used.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 7:59, Reply)
I was about to say, you lazy fuck,
but then I don't suppose you speak polish so you wouldn't be much use.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:02, Reply)
Indeed I don't.
Plus it wouldn't have been laziness; my secretary is there to help me so that I can spend more time dicking around on the internet.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:07, Reply)
Sitting here reading this shit
Despite knowing that every second of every minute packs either the tube or the roads full of more and more cunts
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 May 2013, 7:57, Reply)
alright Swipe?
The sun's out so I'm wearing Issey Miyake. One of the post team at work wears it all year round. How tacky.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:10, Reply)
You fucking wanker.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:11, Reply)
I suppose you're drenched in Davidoff, you fucking pleb.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:13, Reply)
Nah. Vera Wang.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:14, Reply)
you mean Brut.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:16, Reply)
I've got some crockery from her, side plates an all

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:33, Reply)
side plates?
Typical private school posh cunt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:36, Reply)
deck shoes AND a pink shirt today

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:40, Reply)
fucking hell
Typical private school prick.

Having said that, one of our IFAs is an old boy of the same school I attended. We have wonderful times reminiscing about the wacky Latin teacher, sadistic PE teacher, alco-nonce English teacher, etc. It's not all fun and games with old boys though, that Michael Gove is a right prick.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:46, Reply)
I think it's tacky to constantly wang on about what great taste you think you have,
so I'd be inclined not to be waspish about somebody that simply wears what they like just because they like it.

But whatever.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:19, Reply)
Clicking this.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:24, Reply)
Well, I kept speeding on Her Majesty's Highway despite having an out of date licence.
That reminds me, I need to give the ticketing office a ring.

HI HARTERS
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:13, Reply)
You've probably got the number on speed dial

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:14, Reply)
I keep writing it down and throwing the number away.
I'm kind of a spastic with phone numbers.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:15, Reply)
And those numbers on the dial on your dashboard.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:15, Reply)
Those are really more of a guideline.
Even the coppers agree. Trouble is, I keep ignoring the safe area north of the limit.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:16, Reply)
Morning Kroney

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:24, Reply)
I once left a phone in a taxi.
Not dissimilar to you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:14, Reply)
You got yours back didn't you?

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:23, Reply)
I've got a stinking cold coming on
Definitely not going into work, only decision is whether to work from home or just sack the day off and go to bed.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:22, Reply)
MTFU

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:23, Reply)
Alright Placid?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:40, Reply)
go out drinking
The day will come off your sick allowance either way, fuck 'em.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:09, Reply)
an intriguing notion
but I'm working from home. With the telly on, admittedly.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:50, Reply)
Omg they're talking about Game of thrones on radio 4

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:24, Reply)
I can't work out if this is a good OMG
or a bad OMG.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:29, Reply)
It's a good OMG, because game of thrones is awesome.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:31, Reply)

esome ful shit aimed at LARPers and high end gamers with BO
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:11, Reply)
You know nothing Jon Snow.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:13, Reply)
Lusty has enjoyed the book, if I'm honest.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:18, Reply)
I think you'll enjoy the show as well.
The dwarf from In Bruges is in it and he's a fucking legend.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:27, Reply)
He really is rather good

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Wilko Johnson (soon to be RIP) is in it too

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:35, Reply)
And Jerome Flynn plays someone you don't actually want to punch in the face.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)
Just watched the latest episode yesterday
Finger - ouch!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)
I don't suppose you heard that retired electrician with asbestosis on there about half seven?
Worst/best radio ever - the bloke was basically retarded. He had a hideous midlands accent, didn't understand the very basic questions he was asked and to cap it all his phone started ringing and then someone flushed a lavatory. It was excruciating/excellent.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:02, Reply)
Nah, I was in the shower and missed it :(

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:11, Reply)
My phone has been returned.
You can all stop worrying now.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:29, Reply)
Thank god for that

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:30, Reply)
I KNOW.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:30, Reply)
Feel bad about assuming that some Polish people would have nicked it?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:32, Reply)
Nothing to do with being Polish; most taxi drivers in the UK wouldn't have returned it either.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:33, Reply)
Of course you meant it was because they're polish. "you can buy a flat here for the price of a smartphone."
disgraceful.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:35, Reply)
You couldn't afford a property here though, renter.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:36, Reply)
I can't afford lunch.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:37, Reply)
Just take one bite out of every sandwich in fridge they will never notice

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:42, Reply)
Someone put cat food in their sandwiches deliberatly to catch the office thieves here not too long ago.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:08, Reply)
Hahahaha
Thats great
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)
Hahahaha, you're like, soooo, like, poor and shit.
I bet you're like "Dude, I'm not even 30. How many people my age, without parent's-help/inheritance, actaully own their own yard? It's like, 70% of people who rent."
And then he's like "EAT MY FIOS GRAS".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)
I never realisied Bartleby was a barrister
metro.co.uk/2013/05/09/age-of-consent-should-be-lowered-to-13-in-light-of-stuart-hall-prosecution-top-barrister-says-3747054/
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:48, Reply)
one of my old teachers is in court for noncing at the moment

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:51, Reply)
I went to a parent teachers evening yesterday
Some of the teachers deffo looked like they should be on the Yewtree list
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:53, Reply)
these accusations are from the 60s and 70s, but he was headmaster until around 1992...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:54, Reply)
Fucking hell.....
A kid in a candy shop if you forgive the pun
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:57, Reply)
I think a couple of others from that school were accused as well
The problem is no school wants to have teh scandle, so rather than deal with the issue they discreetly sacked teachers who were free to move elsewhere. Sane as the priesthood.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:01, Reply)
Excellent typing fail

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:17, Reply)
cf the Catholic church

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:27, Reply)
Really?
He'd have better luck in a school, I'd have thought.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:56, Reply)
Are you here all week?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:57, Reply)
I'm afraid so.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:02, Reply)
he's done that already allegedly
I reckon Alex Ferguson will be up next for noncing boys in the showers at the Man U academy
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:57, Reply)
I have never lost a phone
I did lose a USB stick full of intimate photos though. Thankfully the guy wasn't a complete cunt and after he had had a laugh and took the piss a bit he gave it back.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:57, Reply)
are you sure?
I did think your mrs looked familier "in" that corset dress
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 8:59, Reply)
I preferred the other girl
and the cup
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:08, Reply)
It was before the Misses
and to be honest if the pics of Sally from Oxford were all over the web I wouldn't mind seeing as I don't have a copy anymore
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:11, Reply)
sad times

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:12, Reply)
30G times lost forever

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:14, Reply)
Everything I do is well-considered and measured and in no way makes me look a fool.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:10, Reply)
Apart from coughing when shaving and taking a chunk out of my face, nowt recently

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:18, Reply)
That's why electric razors are best.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:19, Reply)
Electric razors are fucking shit

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:22, Reply)
this^
Electric razors are fucking bobbins
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:23, Reply)
Depends on which one you get.
I have one of these www.johnlewis.com/panasonic-es-rf41-s-4-blade-wet-and-dry-shaver/p231378333
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:24, Reply)
Yeh like I'm gonna spunk that much on an electric shaver
Wet shave is far better
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:33, Reply)
Keeps the skin young, apparently

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:43, Reply)
nonce

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)
I meant spunking on your razor

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)
Yeah. Yeah. Tell it to the Yewtree enquiry Bartleby.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:47, Reply)
I can't be arsed to read the rest of the replies, so I'd like to go for
"When I signed up to B3ta."
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:24, Reply)
Hey Vag
I reckon if you died, the whole of each week's QOTW posts would fit on a single page.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)
Heh heh

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)
I was lolling heartily at your entries this week

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)
Thanks bud

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Just to be clear, I'm not calling you a paki here

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:34, Reply)
He is though. The turban wearing smelly cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:36, Reply)
Sikhs are Indian

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)
That was all part of the 'ignorant racist' joke I suspect Nakers.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:39, Reply)
So you don't think there are any Sikhs in Pakistan?
Idiot.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:39, Reply)
Sikh and you will find

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)
seek and ye shall find
edit: mother fucking cock it... not only slow but massively
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:53, Reply)
In fairness there are almost none.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)
God I hate him.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)
Look, I was just washing my hair, right?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:39, Reply)
Lies. Pakis don't wash. We all know that.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Washing is tur-banned

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)
You should be banned from the internet for puns like that.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)
My internet providings are most safe

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:43, Reply)
Listen gunga din, get me another bottle of Cobra & six more poppadums and shut up.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)
*chews ghost chilli*
*spits in Battered's half*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:47, Reply)
I am very, very happy about this happenings

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:39, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/midlifecrisis/post1956564
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:31, Reply)
I was eating a delicious home-made burger last night
So delicious, in fact, that I decided the only way it could be improved ws if I took a massive bite out of my cheek at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Still better than a fucking tomato

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:53, Reply)
Such a misnomer - they're always too small and you get the pips stuck under your foreskin.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)
Did you do that snorty thing where you really want to make a loud noise but you've got a mouth full of food
and you can't breath properly and you want to spit it out, but you don't because it's yummy food.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)
I sure did.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:55, Reply)
tramp cheek. Not seen Heston recommending that.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:58, Reply)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL SOMEONE START A NEW FRED

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)
I DONE ONE

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 9:59, Reply)

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