Right, I'll help you all out.
This is the CORRECT way to wrap up your headphones.

One! make a metal hand sign with your left hand, you know \m/ yeah do that. Turn it sideways with your palm facing up
Two! lay the two headphones just over your index finger.
Three! Now wrap the cord in a figure of 8 style behind your little finger then up and around your index finger
Four! Repeat until nearly used up all of the 30m cable.
Five! Wrap the remainder of the cord round the middle of the figure of 8 Three or Four times.
Six! Win at life

Alt: What top tips do you have.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:35, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

This stops your headphones from getting knotted up and should reduce damage in bags and pockets and shit.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:36, Reply)

Buy wireless headphones

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:36, Reply)

Wires give a much warmer sound.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:37, Reply)

Ugh god I was just sick in my mouth

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:38, Reply)

Depends on how it was originally recorded
*steps back and waits for it to kick off*
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:39, Reply)

I did it again
Dunno what's going on just keep vomiting in me own gob
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:39, Reply)

anything after wax cylinders was basically selling out.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

My top tip is 'if you can't handle four seconds of untangling headphones then you'd best kill yourself'
Alt: My other top tip is, instead of throwing out plastic bags, why not keep them and try to suffocate yourself?
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:37, Reply)

Not you of course LOVELY chomples
Just everyone in general
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:38, Reply)

Also, bleach has many uses, it's not just for cleaning. Try drinking a pint of it with a little bit of lime.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:38, Reply)

Lemon, please

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Montymum?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

+s

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

Peeled raw naga chilies shoved up the arse are a great cure for piles.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:39, Reply)

I got some dried nagas back at the flat
Please sir will they work?
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Why not give em a try?
Let us know how you get on.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Rehydrate them with strong malt vinegar first

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:43, Reply)

rehydrating them with tabasco improves their pile-treating effectiveness

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

I have some mustard chili stuff
Can I dab that on it too?
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:45, Reply)

GO FOR IT

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:46, Reply)

My headphone wire retracts into the can at the touch of a button
this is far better solution
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

"Jumping off of something really high is a great way to kill yourself"

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

It doesn't even have to be that high - about three times your own height could do it.
Save yourself the bother of all that climbing.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:43, Reply)

I'm learning so much today x

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

yeah, plus if you go too high, like over seven stories
your body has time to get into a parachute position, and you can normally land safely.

Or is that cats? oh well, worth a try.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Always swim in zigzag lines when being chased by an alligator.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Pot the reds and screw back for the yellow green brown blue pink and black

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Racist

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

who the fuck is this, now?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

No one of importance.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

It's clearly a sockpuppet
whose, though?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:42, Reply)

gertcha
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:09, Reply)

Jim Carey/Battered's wife/Monty's Ex....
Just to name a few
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:42, Reply)

blue namer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:42, Reply)

Oh my.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

I don't own any headphones.
Alt: My top tip is to listen to your music through speakers. That way your neighbours can enjoy it too.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

That's what I do on the tube.
I find it a great way to meet new friends, particulary if I sing along at the top of my voice, in falsetto - or if I make up my own 'free style rapping' over the 'beat'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Is this you?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7WdvzITaLk
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

oh dear

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:02, Reply)

Belts are just for holding your trousers up; try wrapping it tightly around your neck until you cease breathing.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

My top tip is DYAAKY

( Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

Or CIIJASIIE.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

Play frogger on the M25 for that larger '80s gaming experience.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:42, Reply)

mixing citric acid with bleach in a enclosed space is a good way to make crystals

( Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Did you see that thing from /b?
I did lols
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Nope, is it worth linking?

( Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Not at work,
but it's someone who followed a home science experiment thread on 4chan and ended up making a type of mustard gas in his kitchen and will be stuck in hospital for 2 months.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:46, Reply)

I want to do this experiment

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

I can do the first part just fine, where I get some balls out and a lady runs off, that's easy

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:52, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:56, Reply)

I'm pretty sure that lady wouldn't run off.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:56, Reply)

She certainly wouldn't applaud when they explode all over the floor though
:(
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:59, Reply)

I dunno
I think she's an RA working in a physics department. I suspect she'll take what ever she can get.

Also, based on absolutely nothing whatsoever, she looks like an absolute cockbeast.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:02, Reply)

Is a cockbeast a good or bad thing?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:12, Reply)

She's a penis on four legs with a mouth at the urethra
Also known as a cockodile.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:15, Reply)

I think that is a bad thing then

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:19, Reply)

still would

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:23, Reply)

It's dead easy
it's just liquid nitrogen in a coke bottle and a load of ping pong balls. I'd like to say I do it for my first years as a demonstration of energy release in expansion, but actually my H&S officer won't let me. So I just have to show the video instead. Brokn Brittin. Sadface.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:52, Reply)

Correct I would still like to do it though Badge

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:05, Reply)

then do it, man
live your dreams.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:11, Reply)

*adds to bucket list*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:11, Reply)

Thats Plymouth Uni

( Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:54, Reply)

Work for the NHS?
Then try getting some work done you idle cunt.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Measure twice, buy cable once.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

NEVER!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:46, Reply)

Not all Dwarfs are the same person

( Peej, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:45, Reply)

I thought only ethernet cables were 30m?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:46, Reply)

No, others are available.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I have about 70m of cat5 in the flat if anyone needs any

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I didn't realise you could get cats by the metre.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

They just come off some giant roller like dominos pizza

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

Living a miserable existence? Move away from Milton Keynes and get a job that pays decent money.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:47, Reply)

You seem to spend an awful lot of time talking my life down on here.
Without being unduely harsh to you battered, i wouldn't swap places with you right about now.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:51, Reply)

Black people, whilst possessing superb natural rhythm, are inherently dishonest and lazy.
#smellyfood
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

lul

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:51, Reply)

I'm thinking of going to Notting hill this year on the Sunday, will you be about?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:51, Reply)

Definitely
I'll show you the good bits and stop you from being robbed by my yardie bredrins.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:53, Reply)

I will discuss it with the boss.
It's in August isn't it?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Yes August Bank Hol weekend.
Sunday is billed as the family day, it's slightly less mental than the Monday but still good. For the full experience book the Tuesday off work and go fucking nuts on the Monday.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:01, Reply)

Top tips:
1. Find a sound system that suits your tastes and stay there for a good few hours - wandering about gets fucking annoying
2. Take a bottle of spirits - save a fortune on beer and piss less
3. if you have NF tattoos wear long sleeves
4. Don't be a cunt
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:04, Reply)

5. take your own bog roll in case you eat some dodgy jerk chicken.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:05, Reply)

6. and this is the best one of all if you can manage it
Know someone or an FOF who lives round there who's having an open house

Skin up/shit/snort DRUGS in safety and comfort
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:10, Reply)

This also saves trying to get in to an after party in one of the bars.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:11, Reply)

+ shanked

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:16, Reply)

I like buying red stripe cans out of peoples gardens on the side streets.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:09, Reply)

£2 for the best warm lager on earth - SORTED

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:11, Reply)

Some even have Ice buckets!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Well, dustbins.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:16, Reply)

STAY ABOUT FROM THOSE ICE BINS

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:27, Reply)

You would have thought all the Irish Catholics need natural rhythm

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:52, Reply)

Getting tired of having to charge your smartphone twice a day?
Try putting the fucking thing down once in a while. Prick.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

+ Sent from my iPhone

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:52, Reply)

x

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:53, Reply)

Some fat slag throwing a wobbly at you? Offer her a snickers, if she asks why, tell her she's turning into a right Meatloaf when she's hungry.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:56, Reply)

Follow that by asking her if she's peckish every 30 minutes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:56, Reply)

I like this

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:00, Reply)

Committed a murder? Re-train as a central heating engineer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:56, Reply)

*something about still knocking off old boilers*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 9 May 2013, 11:59, Reply)

Rent in London
move away to buy.
( Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:27, Reply)

no, buy in London
move away to rent
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:30, Reply)

I couldn't afford to buy in London, currently.
Either I rent for years whilst adding to the deposit I will already have, which is a good 30% LTV for a one bed in, say, High Wycombe or I buy in HW and get some property.

I don't like renting.
( Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Just move away, full stop.
If you can't find a way to do your job for the same amount of money away from London as you can in London, you aren't good enough at your job. Unless you're a fucking tube driver.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Yeah but waht if you LIKE living in London eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:32, Reply)

stay then

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Well if everyone that's left is as bitter about the place as you then I think I will

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:35, Reply)

haha, I'm not bitter
It was great place to live when I was younger. I just can't see the attraction of paying 3 times as much money to be cramped, dirty and crowded these days.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:36, Reply)

Where can I live?
I'm a bit bored of Cork, it's too pokey and empty of people
I want a busy city but obv London's well expensive.
Get me a good city TMB
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Bristol is a great town

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)

I could brizzle

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I could too, but if I did, nobody cool would come to my barbecues.

( Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:43, Reply)

this is what's wrong with my current place
not allowed barbecues
it's a fuckin travesty
stupid balcony
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:45, Reply)

You could invite Nakers, but I bet he would turn up at Bridlington

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:52, Reply)

I nearly clicked that.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 9 May 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Sorry. Brizzle is full.
Try Swindon.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:58, Reply)

tee hee
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:59, Reply)

have you seen how monkeys open bananas right? well who fucking cares it's just a banana neither way is easier just fuck off you qi watching prick

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Somebody please start a new thread.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:59, Reply)

Everytime I start one you or Monty stomp me :(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 13:01, Reply)

That's because you're a prick.
You prick.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Youn are

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 9 May 2013, 13:04, Reply)