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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So Battered? Two foot of angry spastic or basically a good kid just tryin ta get by in a crazy mixed-up world?
Keyword: eppy
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:11, 122 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
stop stomping
and answer my wicked questions
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Ha ha

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Deep down I think he's a good un
Keyword:Empathy
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:14, Reply)
I have said it before, and I will say it again,
I'm not sure about Battered.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:14, Reply)
Any particular reason?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:15, Reply)
nope.
I've just never got the measure of you. Not in a horrid way mind.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:22, Reply)
Ah. I see.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)
4' 8"

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:27, Reply)
I've become addicted to wet shaving my head, Windy
It feels wonderful.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:18, Reply)
i thought you had a jew fro?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)
Lord no
I've been shaving my bonce for about 15 years.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:21, Reply)
Theoban has the curly locks of a yid.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:23, Reply)
that's what I thought

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
I asked me mum and I think she's an anti semite cos she looked dead horrified at the prospect of the family being all jewy

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:37, Reply)
check for other isms
turn up for a sunday dinner blacked up
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:40, Reply)
and wearing a burkha
and do a sort of bucks fizz unveiling while observing her reaction
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:41, Reply)
But we're a family of muslim B&W minstrels?
Gluey it's like you don't even know me at all :(
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:42, Reply)
I'd love to shave your head one day. I think it would be highly arousing.
I'm currently trying to decide on a new style of facial hair for the summer.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:21, Reply)
Handlebar moustache
Perfect in your line of work.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
I've already got one of them stoopid .

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:46, Reply)
WELL THEN GET ANOTHER ONE
jeeeeeeeez
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:48, Reply)
handlebar eyebrows are the new handlebar moustache

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:50, Reply)
I'm totally imagining this the troi and ryker beard shaving in the bath scene

DON'T TELL YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:31, Reply)
Here you go buy yourself something nice for the summer xx
www.goateesaver.com/
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:32, Reply)
A little from column a)
A little from column b)

Keyword: vaginal discharge
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:15, Reply)

A from column a)
A from column b)

l discharge
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:19, Reply)
chocho? Is that you chocho?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)
v v NAHHH look down there v v

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:21, Reply)
Little little keyword: vagina?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)
Yes

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:22, Reply)
I think he seems charming
And I'm an excellent judge of character.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:17, Reply)
Apart from that awful racist woman you married.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:18, Reply)
1 mistake out of 1000's, Tangled

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:19, Reply)
was she the one from the youtube video of a tram in Croydon?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:23, Reply)
I think he's alright, but he does seem to use this place to just vent anger and when he's in that sort of mood he's a prick.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:19, Reply)
So you think it's okay that he cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then blamed her for the breakdown of their marriage?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
No one is suggesting Battered slept with _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)
Quentingazgate still worries you, eh?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:27, Reply)
i'm feeling nie today, don't want to get anyone angry
they might write something mean about me in their sig
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)
You're feeling what today?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:34, Reply)


(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:36, Reply)
Run it's the old Bill

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:40, Reply)
nice

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:36, Reply)
Snow White?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:30, Reply)
You have a way of seeing into the truth of things Al.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)
He may seem like a square peg in a round hole, but I think he fits perfectly.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)
+ in my arse

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)
I dunno he looks a bit funny, and smells a bit funny
but he's like a "very fierce" puppy, small very noisy but not actually dangerous in any way.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:22, Reply)
I've now got the hang of using my straight razor
and my face didn't leak at all after last nights shave.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:23, Reply)
So not a waste of money then?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
No, I think it will pay for itself in spades as the blades cost peanuts compared with Gillette cartridges.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)
How long before you got used to it? and is there any lasting damage?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)
Unfortunately not

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:31, Reply)
so al manages to use a cutthroat razor, one of the most dangerous of all bathroom based implements, and remains unscathed.
You, however use a safty razor and take a chunk out of your forehead?
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:34, Reply)

yes
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:35, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:38, Reply)
It's taken me about 4 attempts to feel comfortable
and I reckon I'll get better as I still miss the odd bit.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:32, Reply)
I have thought about investing in one but have yet to pluck up the courage

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:42, Reply)
Just do it.
But take you time while shaving, and accept that the first few times your face will hurt.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:44, Reply)
I have been asked what I wanted for Father’s day
This is now on the top of the list
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:46, Reply)
this is wonderful news

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
If you want to pop round I'll give you a wet shave.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)
will you do my crack and scak?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)
I wouldn't recomend it to be honest.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:33, Reply)
Al, you use a cutthroat razor?
That is well steampunk.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:31, Reply)
It's actually one of the ones the barbers use where you break a double sided blade in half and put it in a "shavette" as it's called
But yes, it gives my beards and moustache a very steampunk feel.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:32, Reply)
How many beards do you have exactly?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:33, Reply)
Two, one for everyday and one for best.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:34, Reply)
Excellent answer

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:34, Reply)
They look rather dangerous
I'll stick to a scalpel blade and a bit of masking tape.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:35, Reply)
Well you're all made up as far as I'm concerned
But I dunno why Battered is seen as worse than the rest of you awful human beings
Except Windy he's my favourite
Favourite made up 'person' on the internet
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:23, Reply)
How many songs has Windy written and recorded about SBP, eh?
NONE, that's how many.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)
I dunno who you are soz
I can't keep up with all this name changing
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:30, Reply)
You can be so hurtful sometimes

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:33, Reply)
AW BUNNY YOU CAN'T BE ANGRY WIV ME
Luv you loads twoey
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:34, Reply)
This is why I keep coming back
Your sweet lovin'
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:36, Reply)
one day theo, we'll get married.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:49, Reply)
In common with many other B3tans I've met in real life,
Battered is a fine fellow, working hard to be a cunt on the internet.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
In that case he needs a RAISE


tee hee
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)
this is why that thread was created about you

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)
YES.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)
Pfftttt....
I liked it
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:29, Reply)
I'm setting up a LinkedIn account at work.
Inappropriate? Desperate spastic?

Had it for ages and couldn't be fucked with it, then thought meeeeeeh.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:47, Reply)
Make sure you add Battered, Dozer and Nakers.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:47, Reply)
+ AA & Sporters.
Oh, and DG too.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:48, Reply)
Christ, have you considered setting up a new account?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:49, Reply)
isn't LiC on there as well?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:49, Reply)
Yep.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:51, Reply)
AA?
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:49, Reply)
I got approaches for some consultancy jobs from LinkedIn

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:59, Reply)
As long as they aren't looking for male grooming advice

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:01, Reply)
My forehead is as smooth as a babies bottom, thank you

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:02, Reply)
head nonce

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:04, Reply)
Contact Kroney for:
- Cardigans
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:49, Reply)
No fucking way I'm endorsing that bogey green piece of shit

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:50, Reply)
what does LinkedIn offer that I can't?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:50, Reply)
a picture of battered

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:51, Reply)
really?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:54, Reply)
yu have one?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:56, Reply)
have one what?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Possible employment opportunities.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:51, Reply)
Only if you're the sort of cunt who uses LinkedIn

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:52, Reply)
what's wrong with it?

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:56, Reply)
It's just a bit pointless
and it leads to you getting pestered by recruitment consultants all the time.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:57, Reply)
not really...
I know several people who have got good jobs through it, easy enough to ignore recruiters
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:58, Reply)
Well I don't know anyone who has got a good job out of it.
So you're wrong.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:03, Reply)
internet arguing 101 here

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:05, Reply)
I've never heard of that
So you're wrong.
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Yeah, I mean, a company with a market valuation of $18 billion, clearly offers no benefits to its users.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:09, Reply)
yeh but b3ta is worth $87 BILLION and look how shit it is

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:11, Reply)
If you put 'dogging' down as a skill you can get laid off it four times a day
CAN YOU DO THAT?
No you cannot
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:52, Reply)
I can.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:54, Reply)
Walking round Oxford carrying a banner stating you 'Fuck like a Sex Weasel' isn't the same Piggo
Now I know your Oxfordites go for that, and fair play to them, but Kroney wants some quality dogging here, and you can't provide that
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:57, Reply)
well, I just want him to know that if his LinkedIn dogging plan fails, I'm here for him.

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:05, Reply)
You're all heart and no mistake
Well mostly heart, some bumhole too
(, Thu 9 May 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Well, the man knows his oven gloves, that's all I can say

(, Thu 9 May 2013, 14:50, Reply)

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