vouchers/set menus/wowcher
are you a special offer fiend or do you think that things like groupon and set menus are bound to give you a nastier experience?

tell us tales of pikeyness that you have witnessed/shamefully confess to...

alt: ugliest animal?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:05, 177 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

alt: Red setter trying to escape from a bin bag

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:08, Reply)

forget it
nobody is clicking that second hand shit......
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)

I used to work in a large national chain, that used to sign up for every groupon wowcher voucher deal you can think of,
as well as having it's own voucher system and set menus etc.
We always ask for people with vouchers to book in advance, and if we were more than half full for bookings on a friday or saturday we would lie and say we were fully booked. You also did not get any sort of priority if you had a voucher as so many people would have buy one get one free, and 2 glasses of water and just take up tables for an hour.

They were not, at least not for my sight, helpful for business.

Alt: Monty
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)

ooh i nearly clicked ignore instead of reply
this place would have been the poorer for it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)

alright, sarcastico,
no need to be rude.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:13, Reply)

i meant it this time :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:23, Reply)

I don't trust those deals in any way shape or form

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)

this is my view
and it is inevitable that if someone on your table picks the set menu, their food will NOT be as delicious as your full-priced food. FACT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)

not always true, the set menu at my pub is as good as the main menu, but we don't make the GP on it,
however, as every other place round here has a similar priced deal, we'd have no lunch trade at all without it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:12, Reply)

If you're not getting the GP, then you're not making any money off it, so what's the point?
Drinks not included, or something?
( Kroney, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:15, Reply)

when are drinks ever included?
Also it's important to keep turnover ticking over, also a pub with people in looks far more attractive to passers by than an empty one.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:17, Reply)

this guy gets it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:20, Reply)

He's in Marketing.
This speaks to why.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:20, Reply)

just common sense innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

depends on the people
if they have multiple screaming brats or old people, not so much
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

this is true all of the time, not just when deals are on
liek I say there are good deals, but many feel like the price has been manipulated to make the deal look better.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:27, Reply)

we don't make as much of a GP,
we make a little, and yeah, drinks not included.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:20, Reply)

they are often entriely legit,
and are designed to make you come in, see how good the food and serivce is and want to come back. however, managers and waiters often hate the vouchers and you will not get the full guest wow expeerience because we hate you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)

plus the ginger girl on the wowcher advert really needs a chopstick up the bum-oley
she is unbelievably annoying
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:12, Reply)

that's true,
i think wowcher needs to fuck off.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:12, Reply)

Food ones seem alright
I meant the half price tooth whitening, 2 4 1 spa day kind of shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:13, Reply)

we did a groupon hotel thing on the isle of wight,
where we got 4 nights for the price of 2, included a free drink on arrival, and a free dinner on one of the nights. Best hotel i ever stayed in, glorius grounds, amazing food, lovely staff. I've been back twice.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)

good stuff
The wife booked a spa thing, i looked it up on trip advosor etc and it had DIRE reviews, I spoke to Groupon and got my money back and suggested that they pick their partners more carefully in the future.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:26, Reply)

i think the majority of these deals are for failing places or new starters,
if you can get in to a good new starter you're golden, but pick up a failing business, especially if it's a franchise or chain, i reckon you're fucked.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)

I do like toptable

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:13, Reply)

Mrs tangle went through a brief phase of signing up for various Groupon shite
It soon became apparent that there was usually a catch and, as WP points out up there, the person you hand your voucher to can barely disguise their contempt for you.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:14, Reply)

yeah,
if it's an in house offer, at least we understand why it's there, but invariably the groupon ones especially just appear to be purely for the marketing with no profit in it, and as no manager really gives a shit about anything but the bottom line of their own site, then you and your voucher can take a fucking hike.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:22, Reply)

also it depends what it's for
something like laser hair removal i wouldn't trust - they'll just set the machine on a really low frequency so it doesn't work for long, but you'll be seduced into going back and paying for MOAR sessions

and teeth whitening? bitch please. you only got one set of teeth, don't trust them to a random cheap deal.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

Just how hairy are you?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:26, Reply)

end of day slighhtl;y manic office lool

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:26, Reply)

Tree-bound primate level, so I hear.
possibly popular canine pet level.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)

somewhere between a gibbon and a monk's gleaming pate

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)

Farmhouse or Brussels?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:39, Reply)

Mushroom.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:45, Reply)

It's a bit of a squeeze actually.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:46, Reply)

They're often a symptom of an already failing business.
The parent company takes on these things because there is no fucker coming through the door and they're desperate.
Probably too late by then though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

wtf?
jalopnik.com/woman-and-husband-die-in-horrific-parking-accident-in-c-570857040
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)

That's a whole new level of WTF

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:38, Reply)

Especially as that car has a reverse parking camera anyway.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:43, Reply)

I would say its a darwin and the gene pool is better
but they had a daughter in the back of the car.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:45, Reply)

yeah, but the trauma will prevent her ever breeding
for fear of passing on the stupid.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:47, Reply)

Death is an effective contraception then.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)

sexy sexy death

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:54, Reply)

he does have an epic bone under that cloak

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

Or turn her into a raging wrongun
I predict a porn star death in 15 years
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:55, Reply)

No one has mentioned the wimmin driver.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:47, Reply)

I once stayed in a Marriott rather than a Hilton after going to a gig.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:40, Reply)

I once bought something off ebay, does that count
alt: possibly not the ugliest, but pigeons get right on my tits
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:47, Reply)

i like pigeons
esp the pretty brown and white ones
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:53, Reply)

Fucking flying rats

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:55, Reply)

Alt, I'm not a fan of pug dogs, ugly little twats.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:48, Reply)

Any dog that looks like it's been crashed into a wall is a no.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)

i saw a heinously ugly bulldog the other day
what's the point of them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:52, Reply)

To promote the British grit and resolve in the face of Nazi oppression?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:58, Reply)

some one on twitter to Nick Griffin after his commnet on Nigella Lawson
"Shut up Griffin, your face looks like an ugly pug's cum face"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:53, Reply)

What was his comment?
Griffins?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:58, Reply)

"If I was going to squeeze Nigella, her neck wouldn't be the first thing I'd think of"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:02, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:10, Reply)

alt: a goat bumming a monkfish

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:48, Reply)

THATS TWO YOU CHEAT

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)

in the act of beautiful love they become one.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:53, Reply)

That is really not a pleasant type of image to promote

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:54, Reply)

Spice Girls copyright infringement

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

ohhh god I just remembered
Did any one see the Bombay Duck on "Rick Stein's India" last night
They were some ugly looking mother-fuckers
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

I find him immensely annoying
my wife's friends sister is married to his son. Apparently Rick is a prick
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 16:58, Reply)

Monty said the same that he's a unhinged madman, when drunk....
which is most of the time


And you know Monty has the dirt on most celebs.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:06, Reply)

that's why they pretend to be ducks
even though they are fish.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:02, Reply)

i once had a big row with a bf because he wouldn't believe me that ducks eat fish
they fucking DO
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:03, Reply)

errr what?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:04, Reply)

I'm not sure what the fuck that has to do with the price of fish
but, yep, you're right, they do.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:05, Reply)

ducks, fish, meh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:11, Reply)

I like duck AND fish.
How wacky,s that?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:07, Reply)

i bloody love ducks
there is nothing cuter than a fuzzy yellow duckling. people eating them makes me v v sad. most animals i couldn't give a fuck about, so long as they are treated humanely, but ducks :(((((((((((((
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:12, Reply)

Why are you vegi?
Animal welfare, or health?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:13, Reply)

Excuse to buy lots of marrows cucumber and other phallic shaped Veggies

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:14, Reply)

just don't like the taste
if i liked meat, i would eat organic meat from farmshops or similar

i don't object to people eating animals morally, but it is v upsetting to think about them being killed and how they are treated. certainly if i had to kill anything myself, i'd starve.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:15, Reply)

i'd prolly use an axe and a chainsaw and not starve

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:16, Reply)

bollocks, petal.
Anyone who says they would choose starvation over killing something knows full well that they would never have to make that choice.

Or is a liar.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:24, Reply)

i'd just think how thin i was getting
oooh look, i can see my hipbones
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:26, Reply)

The first time I gutted a fish I was ewwwwwwwwww.
Now I don't give a shit. I do think that animals should be humanely reared and killed though.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:26, Reply)

If the option is there to treat them humanely
of course. If it isn't, fuck them, they should have evolved opposable thumbs.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:27, Reply)

now-here-this.timeout.com/2013/06/25/shiver-me-timbers-its-a-pirate-on-the-tube/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:39, Reply)

But they taste best when they are young like that
before the musceles have got tough
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:14, Reply)

alright albert fish

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:15, Reply)

albert fish Bartleby
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:21, Reply)

same joke, different nonce

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:25, Reply)

yet they grow up to become homosexual necrophiliac rapists.
Killing and eating them is a kindness.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:24, Reply)

to be fair, that's only the male ones, the female ones do nothing wrong
just like people, really...........
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:25, Reply)

So it's OK if I just eat male ducks then?
I'll be sure to send that memo to my local butchers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:26, Reply)

no no no
eating ducks is never ok. basically no birds.

pigs and sheep and cows, meh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:27, Reply)

woah, If I can't eat birds I really will have to go gay.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:29, Reply)

+ er

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:36, Reply)

How are ducks teh gay?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:27, Reply)

they use their explosive corkscrew penises on any duck not savvy enough to fly away

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:29, Reply)

There was some famous wildlife footage a few years ago
Of a Mallard force-bumming another Mallard. In the course of which, the bumee drowned. Rapey Mallard carried on, however, in fact IIRC it fucked off for a bit, and came back and bummed the dead one some more.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:29, Reply)

rollicking offlce lol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:30, Reply)

who films that and doesn't GO AND HELP???
nature, my arse. don't let a living creature get bummed to a watery grave right in front of you.

as a kid i watched a programme about wild budgies, and a baby one drowned. it struggled for ages as its feathers got wetter and wetter. i cried for weeks. why didn't the fucking cameraman help it? urgh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:30, Reply)

A wild budgie?
Are you sure it wasn't one of those flamingo things that live on slat flats?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:33, Reply)

it was a programme about budgies
i settled down to watch it with my budgie on my knee. it was labouring under the fond delusion that i wanted it to peck every bit of thread off my embroidered jeans. i thought it would be nice for joey to watch its relatives in the wild. turned out i showed it a snuff movie :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:35, Reply)

oh god this sub thread has me in tears of laughter

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:35, Reply)

you are a bad, bad man

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:36, Reply)

actually i abhorred animal cruelty, there is is just too much madness in this thread

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:37, Reply)

to be fair, i don't think the budgie noticed
it once spent an entire year picking every single bit of silver embroidery off a dressing gown that my mother had. by the time it got to the hard-to-reach bits, it would end up swinging by its beak and then falling into her lap. thick. if it had been a wild bird, it wouldn't have lived past about 2 months.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:39, Reply)

this subthread is truly excellent.

( Kroney, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:58, Reply)

Wehad a budgie called Joey as kids.
It was yellow.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:49, Reply)

all budgies are called joey

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:55, Reply)

Nature innit.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:35, Reply)

erm, exactly what sort of help are you supposed to offer?
call the Tufty police?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:36, Reply)

just make a loud noise
the raper flies away, the rapee swims away, everyone wins
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:37, Reply)

Especially the good people of Milton keynes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:51, Reply)

i said flies away, not gets crushed by a garbage truck

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:55, Reply)

I shall check out Youtube immediately.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:32, Reply)

but soon they will all be beautiful swans

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:05, Reply)

bombay fuckswans.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:06, Reply)

Does anyone know how long passports take to arrive?
Renewal, so should be reasonably straightforward.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:24, Reply)

12-16 weeks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:25, Reply)

If you go for the post office check thing
usually less than 10 days, but this time of year will be longer.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:26, Reply)

shhhhh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:26, Reply)

fucksocks, sorry, it's been a long day.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:27, Reply)

Nah, just posted it first class.
As long as it gets here beginning of August, it'll be cool.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:28, Reply)

ah I see probably 12- 16 weeks then

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:29, Reply)

interesting
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23042109
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:43, Reply)

Why are court artists so shit?
They have fucking hours to do their pictures
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:46, Reply)

the guy described the murder of 5 kids as "recreational"
unbelievable
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:51, Reply)

I haven't actually read the piece.
No interest in the cunt.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:53, Reply)

he's got a brilliant mind
but is a total and utter monster
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:55, Reply)

Well intelligence doesn't go hand in glove with nottosserness.
Edit, notmonsterness, sorry.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 18:00, Reply)

He's got bogeys running down his jacket.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 17:51, Reply)

YM.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 19:18, Reply)