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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Send help, I am dying.
What would you have on your headstone?
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:39, 187 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Is your life flashing before your eyes?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Yes.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
"Kroney b 1980 d 2013
"Kept crapping on about cars, murdered by M Boyce"
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)

about
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)
Rover SD1.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
You are stood on my hair
in really small writing right at the bottom of the stone
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
i always found this to be rather creepy
Remember me as you pass by,

As you are now, so once was I,

As I am now, so you must be,

Prepare for death and follow me.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
I'd be smiling.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it wasn't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
John Belushi would have been proud.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
who was that psychic twat who had a telephone buried with her, because she was so convinced she had powers?
after about 7 years without a call being made from beyond the grave, the line was disconnected... funny that...
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Not really.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
you're wrong ACTUALLY
it's funny in BOTH senses of the word
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
They were probably on a contract
Whereas they would have been better off with Pray As You Go.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
it hurts
it actually physically hurts
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
I unsure if this is a bad thng.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
After I become a famous rapping star I will have 'Told you I was illest'

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
'It's no surprise that Monty's dead
He lived like one of Motorhead'
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Father, husband, spastic

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Young, Gifted and Black

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Windy Pig,
he is dead, now fuck off.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
I AM STUCK IN A HEADSTONE FACTORY, SEND HELP

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
hahahah

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
like

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
"Wish you were here"

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
There won't be a headstone as I want to be buried at sea. Trufax

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
You should be buried on the moon

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Not possible and we all know why!

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
In a shoe box

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
Are you a tiny terrorist?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
I kill you!

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Kinder Egg's newest toyzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
I didn't think that was allowed anymore?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
There Are two places in the UK that allow it

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
ah, right
Well that's worth bearing in mind. I have some things that need burying.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
but then where will we all go to shit on it?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
One of the places you can be buried at sea is Dogger Bank
meaning all us Londoners are shitting on it by default.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
with a name like that
some tourists could be in for a right old disappointment
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
It's where they put their deposits.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)
maybe just a button,
that when pressed would play a random track that entered the charts at number 40 somewhere between 1993 and 1997
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
To be honest I'm planning a Viking ship buriel so no headstone will be needed

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
I want to be fired into the sun.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
+ on sunday
/newsoftheworldstafflols
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)

into the sun
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Yours will be
Rusty roof, smelly garage.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
"He Lived Too Long"

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
He died as he lived....screaming in pain and running for his life

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
i've been spending the money my dad gave me for my birthday,
and downloading illegal music, simultaneously helping the economy of norway and poland while destroying the music industry that created the bands who's merchandise i bought.
long live the internet.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
SWEET
When was it your birthday? I would've sent my fondest greetings had I known.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
last wednesday,
lady pig told me to get "some sensible clothes for going to college" and i heard "spend it on band t-shirts and jeans"
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
Ah, well happy bidet for last wednesday
Yes, I suffer from a similar hearing difficulty. Mrs Hats got a job the other day...the first thing I did was start window shopping for a Les Paul.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
stupid lovely things,
i wish i didn't love things so much. and stuff, i realy love having stuff.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)
Stuff's great
And items....and don't even get me started on objects.

I'm getting a 57 gold top VOS. I'm so excited!!
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
i've got a hold down on a lovely lovely electric stand up,
gonna get al rockabilly up in this house,
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
Oh, you did go for the standup after all??
That's awesome. We should form a skiffle band.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)
What brand, etc?
I want to see this lovely thing
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)

www.pmtonline.co.uk/eastcoast-electric-double-bass-honey.html
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
That is extremely cool
A music shop called PMT? That's almost too good to be true.

"Hmm...this is nice, but I'm not quite feeling it."

"Oh right...first you say you like it, and all of a sudden you don't. GOD ALMIGHTY, WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND, I'M SO FED UP WITH YOU, ALL I DO IS TRY TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)
"professional music technology"
My brother used to work with them, apparently the guys that started it are proper lond wide boys, always doing deals and scams and stuff for cheap stock.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)
Hey, it keeps the world turning

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:27, Reply)
Moss and lichens

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
I can't remember him asking about your lunch

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)
'Here lies Captain Placid. Died aged 106'
'The good die young'
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
It's no age, is it

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
srs answer is srs
choosing a headstone and what to put on it is fucking hard work. that thing's going to be there for many many years. no pressure there, then...
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2028948
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Ohhhh man I've just been on the phone for ages and didn't get chance to post this in the last thread
"The Fall and Rise of Reginald Donkeyfuck"
Reg. tries ever desperately to get it on with women before his Viagra runs out and his erectile dysfunction reasserts itself
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Yeah! When dem bitches be waking up in bed wid me in the morning it be more like Rising Damp nigga!

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)
haha
TouchΓ©
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
"It fucking stinks in here"

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Ha ha

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)
He's not in.
Please leave a message.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
"It ain't gonna suck itself!"

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)



GET OFF MY FUCKING GRAVE

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)

GET OFF STAY ABOUT FROM
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
I saw a memorial plaque once that just read 'in loving memory of dick'

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
Well I don't know about you
but I remember mine lovingly
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
My son just didn't love me enough
RIP AA's Mum
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
I dunno, he's gone into an uncontrollable spending frenzy.
Could well be a sign of being unable to cope and retreating into the shallow world of retail addiction, you know.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
He wanted peroni earlier...I mean that's gonna set back his repayments by months!

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)
I'll be back

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)
"You should see the state of the other guy!"

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)
TO TOWN: 4 MILES

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)
>:(

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)
This is a full size grave. Honest.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:04, Reply)
Wouldn't you get one I those little plaques that children get?
Or maybe a cross made of lollipop sticks
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)
I forgot to have any breakfast this morning
I was too busy getting up late, emptying the dishwasher and making porridge for the baby.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:04, Reply)
Fucking cunt kids

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
That's going to confuse people looking at your headstone
a warning that they should never skip breakfast, perhaps.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
Anything as long as it's not made by this guy:
www.flickr.com/photos/24801135@N02/2354449565/in/set-72157604217906093
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
Erm....has Monty died?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
Bagsie his decks

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
Bagsy his records

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
I bet nobody wants his clothes.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:10, Reply)
I don't think you can just claim 'Most Unprosecuted Tramp Beheadings In A Calendar Year'
Bit more effort required there tango
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)
Bagsy his savings.............................................
Ohhhhh fuck
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)
Bagsy his....hm. No, actually I'm alright, ta.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:10, Reply)
Hey hey....it's K-Roney
all set for the weekend?
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)
bagsy his mrs

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)

mrs batshit mental Ex.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
*buys neck brace for protection*

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
+ Boxing Headgear and Gum Shield

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
bagsie his connective tissues

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
you feeling a little disjointed gluey?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
Bagsy his stash

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)

s Mou ce
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
alright PD

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:27, Reply)
Yeah well done Doze, you broke the thread

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)

the thread my sphincter
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)
+ by stuffing it with hamsters

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)
I will be once grace rummages her way out

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)
I'm actually dying here, I swear down.
Please give me lunch recommendations that will sort me out. Unfortunately '3 pints' is not an option.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)
4 pints

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)
Bifter?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)
I fI could have a four hour kip afterwards I'd fucking love one

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:27, Reply)
i just had a pear, that was quite nice
maybe have a pear
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:27, Reply)
Sausages, eggs and a Mars milk drink

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)
lucozade original
pizza
pint
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)
Also good

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)
soup

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)
I've only just got rid of a pint of fizzy soup out of my tortured anus
I don't need more of it
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)
did you put soup into a soda stream?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)
man up.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

man drink
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)
i'm going to have a shower and a shave and get myself all respectable like for an evening of work.
i'm not working tomorrow night, do you think i should go out on the town? or stay in and watch a movie?
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)
get yourself down the Park End or "The Bridge"

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)
ha, Park End is now called "Lava Ignite" and i'm barred.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)
double lols
how the hell did you get barred? I mean people used to spit down onto the dance floor from the upper level for fucks sakes
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)
Go out
You can watch a movie any old night. There are a finite number of 'night's out', trust me.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)
i might go to a pub with a jukebox and put on some songs i like,
that sounds nice.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)
this made me lol
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rqQujx9vk0
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)
i've heard this, it is hilarious.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)
I was a little bit drunk when I first heard it and I cried with laughter

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:47, Reply)
Put on "Prince Charming"
by Adam and the Ants.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)
i won't do it.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)
chicken tikka biryani and four veg samosas

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
Good old Sainers.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
u no dat bruv

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)
YM

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)
i liked breasts

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:30, Reply)
I do admire your dedication broady
alright
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2028842
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
YEARS, NOW SOLD OUT, MORE URGENTLY REQUIRED.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)
Hare today, gone tomorrow

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)
*crosses fingers*

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)
Tomorrow never comes.......
just like your wife when you have sex with her
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)
now THAT's how you wave a tea towl

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)
I'm behind you

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)
hahaha

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)
FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)
more lols, today has been full of them

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)
I'm waiting for Monty to stop struggling and just fucking cark it already.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:53, Reply)
?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)
NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:53, Reply)
FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)
Why are we shouting?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

becasue i have some difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)
it's from the comments on this clip
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN2VNFpiGWo
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)

I LIKED THIS SONG BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE GUITAR LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)

IT IS CALLED" CAN'T STAND " SHITPANTS" NUGENT ". I WILL ADMIT IT IS NOT EASY TO PRONOUNCE, BUT IT IS, WHAT IS.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
miketars1 fucking RULES

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)
No getting away from it.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)
1hr and 10mins until home time...might as well be a week

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)
:o( 6pm for me

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)
Same here, think you'll make it?

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)
Yes but with extreme difficulty

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)
Gutted.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)
you, not so much

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)
FUCK YOU SHITPANTS

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)
hahaha
nah you're alright. maybe just walk out, I mean would anyone even notice?
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)
If they did, it's only because the incidences of complaints
about somebody screaming "you own it shitpants" down the phone at them would probably, like, halve.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)
I feel for you cuz

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)
I can't quit you babe
great song, well done i-pood shuffle system
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)
meesa dyingsa

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)
meesa dyingsa

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)
Shit the bed you've died twice here

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:06, Reply)
I wish he'd just get on with it, already.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)
i'm off to marks and sparks for a salad
does anyone want anything?
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)
Yes.
Yes I do.
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)
Hot beef sandwich

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)
There's a joke in here, somewhere.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:09, Reply)
I believe a "hot lunch" is turd munching
also new thread innit
(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)
Something, something PISS FLAPS.

(, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)

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