Good morning sunbeams
It's Thursday today. The start of the weekend. What does your day/night have in store?

Alt: if your 16 year old self could see you now, would he/she be happy? Or would he/she kill themselves instantly rather than turn into that middle aged twat? What advice would you give the young you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:04, 103 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Today will be focused on work matters, together with planning what I will do with micro this weekend.
I will tell the 16 me not to smoke, to spend less money on cars, booze & clothes and more on property.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:21, Reply)

Shalom Bitches.
Today I am at work. Tonight I'm going to go to sleep.
Alt: I wouldn't give me much advice, other than get a haircut (cos chicks dig me with short hair). I'd just say keep doing what you're doing, you turn out to be a fucking awesome d00d. Maybe *try* a bit more education wise, and don't stay in that fucking job for ten years, resting on your laurels, it turns out to be a huge waste of time and you get proper mugged off in the end.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:23, Reply)

That sounds like quite a lot of advice

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:25, Reply)

It's three tiny bits innit pedant.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:27, Reply)

What job did you do for 10 years?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:35, Reply)

I worked for a plumbing installer, running a few heating engineers, pricing work and materials, that kinda thing.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:37, Reply)

Sounds a little dull.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:40, Reply)

I didn't realise how much I hated it until I got the boot.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)

Dinner with Ladypigs dad. He's a twat. It will be shit.
Alt: I don't think 16 year old me's opinion on anything is worth paying attention to.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:25, Reply)

How old were you when you killed that guy?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:27, Reply)

25

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:28, Reply)

I dreamt I killed someone last night, I felt really guilty.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:29, Reply)

Meh, you get used to it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:33, Reply)

I was fighting in Ypres when I was 16
I had to lie about my age, but it was worth it in the end.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Alright love.
You looking forward to waves of smelly working class types clogging the streets of pompey as they become unemployed?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:38, Reply)

If they don't like it they can always move to scotland

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:12, Reply)

alright yer innit cheers
I have to clear a load of work. I'm in the big smoke tomorrow so won't be in the office.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:36, Reply)

Morning
Day: too much work
Night: getting set up to record next album
Alt: Why would I care what that prick thinks? Why would he listen to anything a prick like me has to say?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:42, Reply)

Working til about 7, then heading home to watch TV and do fuck all
That's the intention anyway, what's more likely to happen is that I'll get bored at 6, and go to the pub.

Alt: He'd be disappointed that I'm in a relationship without cheating, as he was a bellened.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

I would tell my 16yo self that I'm awesome, but to pay a lot less attention to chasing girls, as that will come in time, and more to my education, as that won't.
I'd like to think that a 16yo me would listen, as I wouldn't think I was quite that much of a dick.

Alt: FREE PIZZA!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

I would tell the 16 year old me either not to Join boy band 5ive
or not to fuck the twins from b*witched back stage at Butlins. Did you know herpes is incurable?
( Peej, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)

engrossed in new Bridget jones on crowded cunt tube
decide to change grip from stretching past cunts to vertical pole, to stretching past cunts to horizontal overhead pole. just as train lurches. do spakka dance, not assisted by curved sole ass toning trainers. have to be caught/ rescued by old cunt.

not a good start.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:58, Reply)

have you bought any other books lately?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 8:59, Reply)

It's almost like she's trying to be a parody of herself.
Swipe, that is, not Bridget Jones.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:19, Reply)

no, i have a big basket on amazon that i am going to buy after my birthday, when i have a few days off

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)

asket on amazon that i am going to buy after my birthday, when i have a few days off um
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:36, Reply)

pfffft, i wish
I have a stupid bony boy's bum (the bloke likes to do the "flip you over and call you a 10 year old boy" hilarity).

can't you invent a medical procedure to transplant the unwanted fat from my boobs?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)

wait, so the new bloke's a gay paedo?
textbook.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:39, Reply)

hey, those are his best points

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

I though all paedos were gay? I mean all gays are paedos aren't they?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Hmmm.
A quandry.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

well, you'd know

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I only know I'm straight because I don't fancy kids.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:45, Reply)

i think you're two steps away from microwaving a watermelon

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:46, Reply)

You'd consider it too if you could see the fucking mess I've been getting it on with.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

frenetic masturbation as you try to coax your lowly cock back to life post SSRIs doesn't count
even if you are a fucking mess
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I am beautiful inside and out.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)

and
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:02, Reply)

fetch the bicycle pump

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:05, Reply)

This one will clearly end well.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

tenner says all your wife's friends think the same...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Did you see in the news the other day that curved sole ass toning shoes don't work

( Peej, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:25, Reply)

mine do
because I spent so much money on them, they made me start doing things like walking home, which is about 6 miles. I don't care if it's psychological!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Yeah, you don't have a massive fat arse, psychologically.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:38, Reply)

i don't
i like my bottom and my legs.

they need to invent tit/love handles toning trainers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:39, Reply)

it's a polite click from me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

"POTD"

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:42, Reply)

"engrossed" being employed in the same sentence as "new Bridget Jones (book)"
is one of the signs of the coming apocalypse, I'm pretty sure.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:34, Reply)

I was briefly engrossed in the first one
if you take "engrossed" to be "considering imaginative ways to kill the worthless whining bitch"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

we've all had homicidal thoughts about swipe

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

like it or loathe it, helen fielding was the first to do it like she did
and made a bloody fortune out of it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I could be the first to have a wank backwards off a tractor whilst doing a headstand
Doesn't make it "worthwhile"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

depends how you define "worthwhile"
if people enjoy it/it makes them laugh/it makes a lot of money.... those are all good reasons to do something.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)

something making a lot of money alone
is not ever a "good" reason to so something.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)

i disagree with this, if nobody is harmed by it, blah blah
it was her job. fair play to her for writing it and doing well. and it made a lot of money for her agent/publisher/all the people who worked on the films... lots of employment there, so lots of people benefiting from it...

of course, it doesn't work as a sole motivation for everything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)

You can't make money without harming someone else.
because - here's the clever thing - there's only a finite amount of money. So you aren't making it, what you are doing is taking it off someone else. And taking money off people to perpetuate Bridget Jones is basically a criminal atrocity.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:57, Reply)

just because I am a prick
quantitative easing... stops there being a finite amount of money
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Shut up, you're not my real dad.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:09, Reply)

He may be
along with many others.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Go to your room!!!

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I am going to vote for Loathe

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I'm always surprised that she's published by Picador.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Is that a pokemon?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:42, Reply)

no, it's a pretension

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:43, Reply)

me too
i mean, she didn't sell any copies at all, so therefore made them no money. and money isn't the point of publishing at all, because it isn't a business like any other business.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:43, Reply)

I mean that they generally publish literary fiction rather than chicktion

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:46, Reply)

i know
so imagine this, right, you get this popular column, and the possibility of publishing it in book form, and it's clearly going to be a best seller and make a lot of money, but it's just not quite right genre. so you'll let penguin have this one, eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

I know
who would have thought that mounted bull fighting would have such a diverse range
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:56, Reply)

I'm reading Draclier at the moment.
It's difficult to get Keanu bloody Reeve's voice out of my head when doing so, though.

"I kneow whare the barstard slips!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:58, Reply)

ah, Dracula, literary masterpiece but shockingly written.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Today has upgrades of Accountancy software in store, with mince pie and Peroni for lunch
Tonight has more glossing/sanding/screwing down of stairs + Peroni

Alt:
Probably fairly happy, I think. I'd tell me to bin Helen and fuck Rachel
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

thanks!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)

ha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I'd tell 19 year old me not to bin Vikki
but I would still do the Danish bird
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Always do the Danish bird.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Done and DONE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Meetings, practice pitch for funding next week

Alt: Do medicine, you can still do a PhD later. Oh, and stop wasting your time with Cathryn. Clare is definitely more into you than you think.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:55, Reply)

you slept with both of them, didn't you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Nope. Just the first one.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:58, Reply)

^frigid^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 9:59, Reply)

haha. well played, sir.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Women are crap for this.

( Kroney, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:03, Reply)

for this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 10:10, Reply)