Birds and the bees
Good morning to the few off topicers that remain.
As I was putting baby tangle to bed last night I could hear giggles and incredulity from little tangle.
It transpired that mrs tangle had decided that bedtime was a good time to answer his direct line of questioning on the facts of life.
So, over breakfast this morning, I had The Talk with him and explained as best I could.
How old were you when you learned about such matters? Who did you learn from, your parents or your friends?
Or did you borrow Albert Marshmallow's grainy VHS?
Do you still have unanswered questions that we can help you with?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:33, 74 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Torn up wank mags found in bins, and mates' "expert" knowledge. I knew the bellybutton had something to do with it,
and if it was a stickie outie something was wrong. Very wrong.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:38, Reply)

I learned everything there is to know about sex by reading spankyhanky's stories on qotw

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:47, Reply)

That explains the hamster.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)

Woah that's pro-level sexing there

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:50, Reply)

one of the many reasons why chicks dig me

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

Is spanky-hanky still with us?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:51, Reply)

no

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:52, Reply)

Because you bullied him off the internet.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

well yer

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

How old is the kid?
My parents never mentioned anything about it, found out from schoolmates.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)

He's three weeks short of his eighth birthday.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:49, Reply)

I bet you hadn't banked on having that conversation with him yet.
Wait until he tells his mates at school... then their parents...
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:51, Reply)

It certainly caught me off guard.
I also explained to him why it is important for his friends to find out from their parents and not him.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

He won't keep it quiet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

I think the subject may already have been raised by kids at school, prompting this.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Sounds likely.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:58, Reply)

25

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:50, Reply)

Learned from friends and porn
During an argument with my brother, I loudly announced something along the lines of "What would you know? I got laid more recently than you!"

My Dad was somewhat shocked by that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:52, Reply)

Usual playground 'banter' to begin with, then I learnt an awful lot pretty fast after your parents groomed me.
In my later years up to just last night, YM taught me all sorts of degrading filth.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

She says you still have a lot to learn.
More amateur than chompy trying to stick it in swipe, apparently
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:56, Reply)

What can I say? She's a shit teacher. By which I mean she cannot teach very well, rather than teaching me 'scat' stuff.
But I hear she does that too if you ask nicely.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)

I know a gay couple who have a daughter.
How does this work, whose tummy did she come out of?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)

Battered's.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 8:56, Reply)

I remember laughing when my friend's little sister thought you could get pregnant by swallowing.
She cried, turns out she was scared she was actually pregnant.

She was 17 so old enough to know better I would have thought.
( wanderlust, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Gaz me her number, yeah?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:15, Reply)

You don't have your sisters number?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:18, Reply)

I think lusty would only have been around five when my sister was 17

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Yeah, it was a flippant comment but thanks for the maths lesson dear. Super stuff.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:23, Reply)

This site is no place for flippancy.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:24, Reply)

Point taken. I suppose that's the basis on which OT is currently thriving.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:28, Reply)

It was you really wasn't it?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:17, Reply)

Well spitting is just so rude.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:20, Reply)

I wish I was that naive at 17.
I was already a jaded hag by then.
( wanderlust, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:21, Reply)

You terrible slapper.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Yes?

( wanderlust, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:36, Reply)

hello?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)

is it me you're looking for?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:53, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2145019
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:54, Reply)

It went a bit like this....
m.imgur.com/ibdFvr8
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)

i don't really remember
apparently my mum explained it to me in basic terms, leading to my earwigging little brother eyeing her beadily in the middle of the supermarket and saying, "has that bulb dropped out of your front bottom yet?"

I do remember having the tampax lady and the biology lessons at school. some teachers went further than others. ours kept it very factual (we were about 15 by this point anyway), but some of the younger trendier teachers talked about things like masturbation.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)

And you explained it all to chompy?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:42, Reply)

***ALERT!!*** CHOMPY RELATED REPLIES UP TO 6%!!!! GREAT WORK EVERYONE!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

people really should change his name, as rory does
he'll still be lurking like a bespectacled cheapass colossus
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

9%!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I don't think you are very good at working out percentages

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:51, Reply)

i know the percentage of fucks given
it's zero
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Reply #61, Ch*mp Related #4
4/61=0.0656 Rounded up to 7%....MATHS!!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Better.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:56, Reply)

It's always been accurate, the problem is people keep replying, like I am now, and it's changing the percentage. Bit annoying.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Be quiet then frogface.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:58, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:59, Reply)

if everyone is quiet
it'll die

oh wait
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:02, Reply)

pizzalols

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I was given a book on it all, aged about 9 or 10 I think
though it had all been spoken about in hte playground prior to that.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)

It's been so long I've forgotten
I'm pretty certain something goes into something.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:06, Reply)

i'm pretty sure you research it online regularly...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:12, Reply)

oh, so that's what they're doing!
I thought that was wrestling.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:20, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:12, Reply)

lively here today innit

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:13, Reply)