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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Where the hell is everyone?
Alt: There's a guy here who smells. And he keeps coming to talk to me while I'm eating.
Is there a more diplomatic way to tell him to fuck off?
Tell us something about the shortcomings of your colleagues, or your lunch or something.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:53, 236 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
You facker. You stomped me.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:53, Reply)
Yeah I might delete it

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:54, Reply)
I like yours better.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:55, Reply)
Yours is bigger, but Tangles' is nicer.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:56, Reply)
I can't believe there are people who actually do have a favourite Red Dwarf quote
Fucking smeg head pricks
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:01, Reply)
Red Dwarf iz well shit

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:02, Reply)
Is that another quotation?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:02, Reply)
Yes. From me. I say it every time people talk about Red Dwarf.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:03, Reply)
Fucks sake
Like buses...
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:54, Reply)
Flick food at him and in a Max from Phoenix Nights voice say
"Get back you bastard. I'll break your legs".
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:57, Reply)
I told him to fuck off and have his lunch

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:58, Reply)
"We thought we'd reach out to you with this challenge we've been gifted."

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:58, Reply)
Can you go to another meeting and find a new one of these to post please?
Thanks awfully.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:59, Reply)
It bears repeating, due to the cunty nature of it, but I take your point.
I'll just go and have myself shot.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:02, Reply)
Just in the knees this time
But if you post it again, I expect you to put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger yourself.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:09, Reply)
Don't worry, Sir - I'll be very humane.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:20, Reply)
there's a website somewhere with all of Freeland's mix cds streamable
I'll gaz you later.

Have you listened to his 2003 essential mix?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:04, Reply)
When you say "essential", how do you mean it?
Because I've managed to survive for 33 years without hearing it so far, so I have to question whether or not it's a misleading, possibly fraudulent, act of misrepresentation.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:09, Reply)
In nutritional terms it means that the body cannot produce it itself, so you have to get it from your diet.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:10, Reply)
*eats CD*

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:17, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:10, Reply)
I mean as in that's what the radio show's called
He's done 3, so 2 of them are inessential. I've written to Pete Tong about this, but no joy as yet.

I'll keep you in the loop, yeah?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:11, Reply)
On it now - managed to get half way through it before, but people keep expecting me to ...
work ... and stuff.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:21, Reply)
Fuck dat yo
It's a pretty good mix. Not really that clubby, but some well tasty mixes in there. I love that drop into Killing in the Name.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:26, Reply)
"Hey, yo - if you want me to rock; I'll rock!"

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:49, Reply)
I'd love to be able to mix like Freeland, his technical skills are pretty juicy

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:07, Reply)
alright

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:59, Reply)
Spray air freshener in his general direction.
I had to tell one of my old staff they stunk in my last job. She broke down in tears and told me about her harrowing life.

I sent her across the road for some Dove.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:01, Reply)
Hahahahaha. Could you smell her beefy aromas?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:04, Reply)
You'd still have smashed it, wouldn't you?
You revolting deviant.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:05, Reply)
Fucking right.
Nothing wrong with a sweaty half washed minge.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:07, Reply)
As I told YM this morning.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:08, Reply)
NOMNOMNOM

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:20, Reply)
You'd have a good slurp on that, wouldn't you Sporters?
Have a tasty chew on her cunt gristle?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:28, Reply)
Once you've licked it clean its all good

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:28, Reply)
Getting plenty of gob on and around the fanny and arse dilutes the stench.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:30, Reply)
*boke*

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:31, Reply)
+l

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:31, Reply)
#trulad.
Butty down!
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:32, Reply)
Fuck that, I'm not putting food down

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:35, Reply)
There was a time where I'd have fucked the crack of dawn if I'd been up early enough

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:32, Reply)
too right.
I got asked to leave a pub because I was fingering this bird in plain sight of everyone. It was a weekday lunchtime.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:34, Reply)
haha!
*may or may not have been ejected from nightclub for just such a thing .... twice*
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:35, Reply)
good tiems.
Not like now.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:37, Reply)

b qu
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:16, Reply)
it was a mixture of sweat and a sea breeze

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:23, Reply)
I'm gonna lose it!!

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:26, Reply)
Battered might not have to wait for the murder spree and suicide after all.
The way people are today, I might snap by tea time.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:06, Reply)
The northerns here are thinking they've got longer than you mean.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:08, Reply)
That's fine. I'll catch them by surprise.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:09, Reply)
No, its fine
You have your dinner at tea time
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:17, Reply)
Your customers not inconsiderately interrupting your day again?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:09, Reply)
They are being utter cunts about it.
I also strongly object to the term "customer". I have and will continue to sell them precisely fuck all.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:10, Reply)
You work for them. They are your customers.
Circle of life.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:27, Reply)
We had a guy here who seemed to be allergic to soap
He also used to bring in the most disgusting lunches and microwave the fuck out of them. They looked like Pedigree Chum

I genuinely like my colleagues but they are all mentally deficient in one way or another
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:15, Reply)
I'm going to the bank and then to lunch, so try to keep the post count up while I'm gone.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:15, Reply)
Has he gone yet?
Christ what a cunt!
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:21, Reply)
NOT YET :'(

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:22, Reply)
Oh, alright mate!

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:25, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:26, Reply)
I'm trying here, frog. I really am
But I think they've all fucked off again
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:51, Reply)
In other news, the pizza place had a massive queue
so I had a jacket spud with chilli and cheese
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:28, Reply)
textbook.
I am still hungry, I might go and get a cheese and onion sarnie.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:31, Reply)
I am also still hungry
I feel a Sainsbo visit for shit sweets
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:32, Reply)
You should totally have a sherbert dip dab.
Best of all the dip dabs.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:35, Reply)
You can buy all of the old sweets off the internet I have just discovered.
Who knew?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:42, Reply)
There's pretty much nothing you can't get off the internet now
That stinky bird that GeordieJay worked with is probably available if you know what to google
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:44, Reply)
I might have a nap in a bit.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:32, Reply)
I'm on a motherfucking TRAIN!
About an hour away from Liverpool, and a whole weekend of shopping.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:32, Reply)
Mods on a train!

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:34, Reply)
First class carriage, too.
None of your pikey shit here.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:40, Reply)
I recommend Probe Records, Egg Cafe and a grotty little pub called The Baltic Fleet that brews its own beer.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:34, Reply)
Anal+

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:35, Reply)
Anal Egg Cafe?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:41, Reply)
I recommend
getting the train straight back out of Liverpool
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:52, Reply)
Free the Liverpool One!
Do you see what I did there?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:35, Reply)
You did a funny.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:37, Reply)
Everton 2
(The whimsical name of the Everton Club shop)
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:52, Reply)
Very drole.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:03, Reply)
Droll, you French prole

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:06, Reply)
Not at our school.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Ton école était drôle

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Are you being fucking funny, mate?
I'll give you a dry slap.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:18, Reply)
Yer go on then

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:19, Reply)
Hey for scouser that is possibly the highest ever level of wit
I mean its no Boardman but what could be.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:20, Reply)
philharmonic dining rooms for a bloody mary.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:36, Reply)
Oh man
I could do a Bloody Mary right now
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:20, Reply)
Next time he comes over, ask him to hang on,
Then make a big show of searching through the drawers and cupboards at your desk and in your office. Keep repeating "hang on, it's here sinewhere" and as he reaches hus irritated peak, grab a bulldog clip, put it on your nose, sigh deeply and then invite him to speak.
Done.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:36, Reply)
This is excellent advice

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:41, Reply)
I dunno, I found his suggestion of using the word 'sinewhere' a bit weird

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:05, Reply)
Its an electrical term

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:15, Reply)
On another note,
I'm in Birmingham, turns out they let black people be teachers here. Crazy huh?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:38, Reply)
It's either that or have our teachers teaching their kids.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:40, Reply)
They fuck all their kids too.
Social Services are so busy they are in special measures.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:41, Reply)
The black teachers or the Muslim parents?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:47, Reply)
Yes.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:04, Reply)
aw, man, you should have said. I just had to spend an hour and a half in Brum. We could have totes had a bash.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:42, Reply)
Well, you could have watched me work I suppose, doesn't sound like much fun.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:45, Reply)
I don't know, do you work topless?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:46, Reply)
And oiled up yeah.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:47, Reply)
o_O

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 13:52, Reply)
*makes notes*
what company is this and what's the call out charge?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:09, Reply)
First and last time I went there ( for a rave, no less)
I was genuinely shocked at how every person (every single person) was black.
Well, the ones working in shops anyway.

I love Manchester for being multicultural, but coming from Newcastle, where everyone is more segregated, it was a culture shock.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:08, Reply)
They're not all black
There's loads of pakis and all
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:15, Reply)
HELLOSIR?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:19, Reply)
THANKYOUCOMEAGAIN

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:20, Reply)
*sighs*
Might do some work then
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:02, Reply)
I've got meetings today. Sowwy!
Not that my ususal input warrants excitement.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Meetings are shit.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Even moreso with a load of uppity Solicitors

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:18, Reply)
Just shut up and make the tea yeah

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:18, Reply)
*spits in Tangles' tea*

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:20, Reply)
"spits"

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:23, Reply)
Didn't have you down as a spitter, Jase

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:24, Reply)
GET USED TO IT!

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:25, Reply)
Yeah, that was written on the bog wall of the gents.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:17, Reply)
that's very eloquent graffiti for a bunch of slags.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:18, Reply)
slags go to school too you know.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:19, Reply)
The best ones keep their uniforms

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:20, Reply)
OK Watkins

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:23, Reply)
For the last time - I'm H off of Steps

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:27, Reply)
lol gay

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:28, Reply)
Meetings cheating

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:19, Reply)
My collegues are shit and the department is dying on its arse
the smart ones are jumping ship now hence my trip to Pinewood on another departments budget next week.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:42, Reply)
Enjoy your trip to Slough.
It really is something else.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:43, Reply)
I've been to slough many times
Means swamp you know. I'll be staying in Zone 1 don't you worry.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:48, Reply)

My colleagues b3ta
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:44, Reply)

the department b3ta
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:48, Reply)
In the Tangles and Stunned thread war, I think the better man won.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:46, Reply)
If there were 150+ replies about Red Dwarf I'd be very sad.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:47, Reply)
That's because red dwarf is well shit bruv.
Oh, and ^upset^
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:48, Reply)
FUCK OFF AM I UPSET.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:49, Reply)
NOW I AM TOO

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:49, Reply)
Benders

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:51, Reply)
*sissies walk*

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:57, Reply)
*limp wrists*

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:58, Reply)
Funny how something so hated by everybody I've ever heard mention it
still seems to be so popular. See also: Bieber.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:48, Reply)
I don't hate Red Dwarf
shhhh don't tell monty.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:55, Reply)
Who?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:56, Reply)
I have e-mailed Monty this latest development.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:56, Reply)
Christ, he really is in a dark place if he needs updates on this place.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:57, Reply)
I think I've worked it out
It was only ever Monty and Chompy who were clicking stuff to get it onto the popular page
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:57, Reply)
No. You're just not funny.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:58, Reply)
I know, but when those two were still here my posts would occasionally get on there

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:58, Reply)
The one funny thing you've done in months is there, what more do you want man?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Clickin' dis

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 14:58, Reply)
I used to dominate the populol page that's the problem

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Yeah but you haven't been funny for ages.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:06, Reply)
I can't even remember who he is

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:06, Reply)
It's frank

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:07, Reply)
there's a popular page?
What, so we can see which posts got three clicks?

Cool.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:09, Reply)
I click all your posts as an ironic protest about the lack of funneh

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:10, Reply)
I post them only to satirise what passes for 'board humour'

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Two, I think

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:15, Reply)
yer, it's a pretty empty boast really innit, two clicks

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:16, Reply)
Dunno pal, you me and Tangs are up there so it's a fair reflection of the 'quality' on display here.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:19, Reply)
we're the best ones here, it's empirically demonstrated by the click count

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:20, Reply)
EGGSACTLY

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:22, Reply)
popular directly equates to high quality, everyone knows it

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:23, Reply)
See also; music

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:23, Reply)
also, books and films.
Dan Brown: excellent author.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:25, Reply)
*yamns and stretches*`
Alt: "HOLY SMOKES! WHO REEKS??, JEEZ!!"
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Hello Bear Pookie

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:08, Reply)
Bear Pookie wrapped in a big rainbow flag.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:13, Reply)
with a fat dick in his gob

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:15, Reply)
+ silly hat

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:16, Reply)
up his arse

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:17, Reply)
The hat being worn by Stibbins at the time

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:18, Reply)
he's the best one here

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:19, Reply)
No populol page status, no claim to be TBOH

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:22, Reply)
jaunty

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:17, Reply)
oh what a night!

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:17, Reply)
Frog nee Octopus nee Parrott
you seem like a man who knows stuff

Who is the best one on here?
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:22, Reply)
Stibbins/Frank/AA innit

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:24, Reply)
Hmm, does exhibit a similar posting style
5.9.83.79/questions/selfinflictedinjury/post2156843
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:24, Reply)
CASE CLOSED

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:25, Reply)
This is weird hoss

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Hey I'm not the one with numerous sock accounts

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:29, Reply)
Seriously

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:30, Reply)
^ TGGI

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:31, Reply)
Ah, that makes sense.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:32, Reply)
He knows his oats alright

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:32, Reply)
You have three? I need to get one.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:35, Reply)
Wait, I thought you were my sock account?

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:36, Reply)
YOU WISH

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:37, Reply)
The nonce one isn't me, btw

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:39, Reply)
Er, righto Savile.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:41, Reply)
Someone do a thread

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:31, Reply)
DUUUUUN

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 15:33, Reply)

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