Where the fuck have my ICONS gone?
errrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm.....yes.....yes....errmmmmm welllllllll...........


Are you fucking filming? You bastard. Oh for God's sakes. Anyway, urm.


Awooga. What a rush.

Right. Yeah, I got my notes here just in case I completely forget what I'm fucking saying. So, how are we all? Are we all good? Excellent, excellent.

Right, like, I was sort of rehearsing earlier. It is an absolute fucking pleasure to be here in despite the fact that my heart is currently going nineteen to a dozen and I feel like I'm about to take my driving test.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 17:57, 91 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

And here is the 10 'o clock news...
Have I missed a cultural reference?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:03, Reply)

Yep, you've missed a reference
b3ta.com/search/answers?q=Are+you+fucking+filming%3F+You+bastard.+Oh+for+God%27s+sakes.+Anyway%2C+urm.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:05, Reply)

Tell me what it is and whether I should regret my ignorance.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:06, Reply)

That takes me to an AB post

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:09, Reply)

I'm sure you can C your way out of it

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:11, Reply)

It's piston's standup trainwreck transcript

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:14, Reply)

I see
One of my greatest regrets - I could have gone to that and didn't.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:17, Reply)

And now I've just read it through
I so wish I'd been there.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:24, Reply)

GENIUS I say
It was pure genius, the whole routine was to make himself look like he was really nervous and didn’t know how to pull off the stand up act, well he TOTES trolled them


CHEERS
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:30, Reply)

it may not have worked
but at least he tried. It's not easy to do that shit - when's your stand up set?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:42, Reply)

I've only just sat down
STOP BEING SO BLOODY NEEDY
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:45, Reply)

but you ALWAYS need things
hypocrit
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:48, Reply)

If by things you mean CAYKE then yes....yes I do

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:56, Reply)

i want cake and chocolate and pizza and stuff
also: mince pies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:12, Reply)

Geordiejay makes pies?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:14, Reply)

give it 110%

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:03, Reply)

Jessie Ware?????

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:04, Reply)

There on the stare, right thare...

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:05, Reply)

I got on the wrong fucking train and it didn't stop till fucking Woking, fucks sake

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:31, Reply)

Did the comet get away?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:32, Reply)

What are you on about?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:38, Reply)

*facepalms*
Your name you idiot
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:43, Reply)

Oh yeah right
Just a chrimbo name innit

You can be Hartley Herod
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:50, Reply)

I did that one last year
Hartley Hareod
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:55, Reply)

I used to do that deliberately

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:32, Reply)

Yeah, we need more excuses to visit Woking don't we all?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:33, Reply)

It suited the time and the zeigist
Other than to observe that zeigist and Woking are rarely referenced in conjunction, I'll say no more....
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:37, Reply)

Why?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:37, Reply)

For a little bit of "Sorry mate, wrong train" fare evasion.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:39, Reply)

Ignorance is no defence in the eyes of the law
Says the person about to make this exact same argument
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:40, Reply)

We just had to be good actors.
Not easy when 15 people are trying to pull the same trick, but you just blamed "Them at Waterloo" and got away with it.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:44, Reply)

Actually that would make rather a good case
if you all looked like you were from different walks of life and sat in various different parts of the train
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:47, Reply)

It worked with grimey faced scum who had been conspicuous in the front of the train

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:59, Reply)

Or train drivers as they are more commonly known

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:02, Reply)

So far so good no ticket twats

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:49, Reply)

I hope they throw the book at you
Fare-dodging scum.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:57, Reply)

Wait Philliejoes wife is a train conductor?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:59, Reply)

lol

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:55, Reply)

}: (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:57, Reply)

Almost home....an hour later than planned

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:11, Reply)

prick

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:55, Reply)

Should have realised you would have chosen a bush for an icon
and for dinner AMIRITE
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 18:58, Reply)

I hope you have a shit drug free weekend and go cold turkey like Euwan macgregor did
And I hope a baby crawls across your ceiling and shits on you while you sleep
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:04, Reply)

I just hope someones steals his name again

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:06, Reply)

I hope captain placid runs to his house all sweaty, strips off and sits in his face till he passes out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:08, Reply)

i hope he makes a cup of tea with his last tea bag
only to find the milk's gone off and left white bits floating on top
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:08, Reply)

He can always milk the yak for some more

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:10, Reply)

too late
he's put it in his tea and there's no more tea
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:12, Reply)

Yessasssssszsssssss

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:12, Reply)

I'm sure he has a great suppy of nettles for tea

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:19, Reply)

Tea bags?
Ugh.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:54, Reply)

How frightfully common.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 20:03, Reply)

This is terrible
In this season of goodwill, why wish ill upon anyone?

Unless you are Islamic, in which case your season of goodwill ended in late September.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:14, Reply)

I thought that was on the 11th?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:15, Reply)

I'm not sure.
It was - in my old and respectable life - a bastard to manage.

Half of my staff were Islamic and during Ramadan you had to put them on work that wound down at the end of the shift because they were starving and thirsty.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:21, Reply)

9/11 went over the top of your head?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:27, Reply)

9/11 is my birthday
Too obtuse for this time of night.

Edit - no, I think I see what you're going for, but Ramadan and Eid are dictated by lunar cycles.

Sorry to get all Dozerliteral.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:35, Reply)

Only if you were in the bottom seventy or so floors.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 20:04, Reply)

'Runs' to his house?
Running is for other people - I'm evolved, I have a car. This doesn't preclude me from sweating though.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 20:30, Reply)

How's the skipping going?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:09, Reply)

he gave it a miss

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:12, Reply)

some would say

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:12, Reply)

he

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:12, Reply)

...
wait for it...
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:13, Reply)

skipped it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:13, Reply)

I was poised and ready.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:14, Reply)

it wasn't worth it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:14, Reply)

Alright son?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:18, Reply)

Mixed bag sunshine, mixed bag.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:30, Reply)

Of salad?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:33, Reply)

Nobody been messin I hope.
You all settled down in front of your log burners?
Knackered old shits!
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:23, Reply)

I'm shaking off my afternoon of mulled wine, planning how my daughter & I will spend Christmas.
Also making lasagne for tomorrow & working out what insults to use at Swipe when me & Micro see her on Sunday.

What about you?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:28, Reply)

Got Pommy (10 yr old grandpiglet) stopping over.
Just done times tables and watched Dynamo with her.
All four granddaughters off to xmas fair in the morning.
Great times.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:32, Reply)

Lovely.
Micro is nearly 2 & a half, so this is the first Christmas she understands & is getting excited about. ACE.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:33, Reply)

My youngest is three and a quarter.
A beacon of joy to light up our lives.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:40, Reply)

Kids are amazing. Bollocks to anyone who says otherwise.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:41, Reply)

It's that realisation that they are why we are here
that changes everything. Not just our own kids, everybody's kids.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:44, Reply)

Despite all the shit I have going on (divorce etc.) I am happier than I ever was since I became a parent.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:49, Reply)

Hang on to that mate.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:58, Reply)

Oh yes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:59, Reply)

I have just hired a new lawyer. At the rates she charges she must be good. fuck I wish I went to lawyers scbool.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 21:59, Reply)

Why do you need one?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:00, Reply)

It'll be they're trying to get power of attorney
over his estate.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:21, Reply)

He's the Duke of Devonshire of /OT.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:23, Reply)

I don't know what's happening.
I will assume someone is being a cunt.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:29, Reply)

Probably him.
Apparently Rory has been stepped again, but I have no idea why.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:30, Reply)

how do you know liam has been temporarily banned?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:32, Reply)

No real names on the internet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:35, Reply)

get fucked

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:48, Reply)

Says someone who thanked me for not sharing the details of their blog on here.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:49, Reply)

alright
Couple of ting.

Two of the birds threw up on the MD and FD.

Also, been to that standup club several times.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 22:31, Reply)