Good morning.
I have the joys of a kid's birthday party today. Not mine, someone else's. With a hangover this will be bollocks. How will your Saturday be? Good, bad or indifferent?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 8:11, 80 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Kid's birthday party? With a hangover? Terrible planning on your part. Get drunk before it starts, that way it'll hurt a little less.
Saturday is a hollywood-style whirlwind blur of shopping, DIY, visiting an elderly relative and dealing with a sarky-arsed teenager. FML. However, tonight should be excellent as there will be good red wine, steak and a film - haven't decided which one yet. Any suggestions?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 8:57, Reply)

Yeah, a few at our local turned into a late one. Party isn't until 14.00, so time to recover.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:47, Reply)

alright
Cooking haggis later.

Doing Cock a Leekie soup, haggis neeps and tatties, then cranachan to finish.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:02, Reply)

Poor vegetarianing here
Or are you going to wear them on your feet?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

the soup and the haggis are veggie

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:19, Reply)

Poor scottishing here

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:25, Reply)

I JUST CAN'T WIN WITH YOU, CAN I?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:50, Reply)

I suspect you could make it more Scottish....
...If everything was battered and deep-fried
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:53, Reply)

+ heroin

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:55, Reply)

I bet you haven't even had any buckie or heroin this morning

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:54, Reply)

Buckfast?
Horrible stuff.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 9:57, Reply)

But heroin is alright?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:14, Reply)

it's alright if you chase it, yeah

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)

Why does it run away from you?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)

I like to bomb it with a bit of coke

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:26, Reply)

Is that speedballing?
Lining the coke, then injecting heroin?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:30, Reply)

speedballs are coke and smack injected together

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:33, Reply)

I had a scotch pie, deep fried pizza and a can of Super for breakfast.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:03, Reply)

I had a mug of bovril, followed by a union meeting where we all decided to go on strike

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:15, Reply)

I had a headache

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)

That'll teach you not to go drinking with alcoholics off of the internet

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)

internet people are terrible

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:29, Reply)

Your mum let you play with the big boys and girls didn't she?
Did they bully you, and take your pocket money?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:27, Reply)

no only gill bullies me and she steals stuff

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:30, Reply)

she's horrid

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:34, Reply)

^
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:34, Reply)

horrid horrid horrid

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:36, Reply)

I might kill her in her sleep to stop the cycle of abuse

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:37, Reply)

it's the only way to stop the cyber bullying

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:41, Reply)

I hear she gave you a chinese burn and you cried

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:01, Reply)

SHUT UP NO SHE NEVER

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:03, Reply)

I heard she sharpened a pencil over your head

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:05, Reply)

I can't remember what happened next

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:14, Reply)

I hear she stuck her finger in your bum and made you cry.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:20, Reply)

It's not haggis then is it you dickhead?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:51, Reply)

I am waiting for a parcel
It's royal mail so I imagine it'll turn up either at 7pm or just when I step into the shower. I have sausage, bacon, black pudding and egg so might make myself a sandwich, I have some nice foccacia or just plain old thick white, I'm not sure yet. Exciting times!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 10:53, Reply)

Good morning you shower of shit-cunts.
How is everyone today?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Hungover to fuck.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Good work.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:44, Reply)

Been swimming with mini ape, now at soft play area...
Then home for nap time for her and work for me. Then off to sainsburys and cake baking decorating this afternoon.

Then gin and "man of steel" this evening
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:53, Reply)

In a word, busy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:53, Reply)

busy

Bent
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:12, Reply)

Hungover.
Started at noon. Cancelled my plans for the evening, went to bed at 7pm. Woke up at 10.30 & started drinking again. Went back to bed at 3am.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Yeah, I noticed you were here for a few threads last night.
Did you have fun?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 25 Jan 2014, 11:59, Reply)

No idea.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)

Haha, I've not done that in a while
My sleep app says I had 4 1/2 hours uninterrupted deep sleep
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)

Are those things any good?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Who knows really, but it seems interesting. Good for plannnng when your arm should go off

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:25, Reply)

Sounds like you've mistakenly downloaded
The drummer from Def Leppard app.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:34, Reply)

It'll have to be a medicinal hair of the dog here.
I truly feel shit.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:06, Reply)

That is a monumental effort.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:11, Reply)

It was a stupid thing to do.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)

Well, yeah. There is that as well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)

The 8th dwarf "alky"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:25, Reply)

Any nerds in today?
Can anyone tell me how to make windows media player louder? All volumes are set to max. The film might be semi legal.

Kthx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Take a 30m cable, plug one end in to your laptop & the stick the other end up your arse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:54, Reply)

Kinky

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:02, Reply)

plastic screw on ears

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:55, Reply)

I ain't a stuffer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:01, Reply)

plug your laptop's audio output into an amp or mixer.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 12:56, Reply)

The headphone jack dunt work
I've tired a million ways to fix it (software issue) but nothing works
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:01, Reply)

Can you bluetooth to another device?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:02, Reply)

does the laptop have an hdmi port? you could connect it to your hdmi amp

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:03, Reply)

Yeah, I sometimes attach it to the telly. But to watch a film in bed means using the internal speakers
What's weird is iTunes, you tube etc are much much louder
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:05, Reply)

Why not just move your bed closer to your telly.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:22, Reply)

TVs in the bedroom are frightfully common

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:54, Reply)

Download VLC player and use that
volume goes up to 200%. It's what I use for quiet films.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:04, Reply)

What you are overlooking here Lighty
Is thst Nakers has downloaded an old silent film, there is no sound on it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:05, Reply)

Ha ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:06, Reply)

*golf claps*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:08, Reply)

I will investigate, thank you only useful person here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:09, Reply)

\0/

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:16, Reply)

There is, but stealing films is wrong, so I won't tell you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:04, Reply)

Download the loud app

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:04, Reply)

www.pinterest.com/pin/438889926156525406/
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:05, Reply)

Bummers are deaf
Hth x
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:18, Reply)

I was going to say what lighty said
but I was too late.
( Peej, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 14:10, Reply)

Second place is first loser

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 14:11, Reply)

the magic of the cup
Despite being outplayed and outclassed by Bournemouth, plucky underdogs Liverpool have taken the lead.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:13, Reply)

Kid's birthday party checklist.
Daughter, check.
Diazepam and paracetamol, check.
Present, check.
Headphones, check.
I may be gone some time...
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 25 Jan 2014, 13:45, Reply)