I'd have thought 13 years of marriage would get me out of having to participate in that shit
I mean, I bought her flowers the other day when I wasn't fucking obliged to by a meaningless date, surely that's more romantic. I even remembered to peel the yellow Whoops! sticker off.

Alt: I fitted a kitchen that lasted a good ten years before we got a new one put in. I put up some pictures using a spirit level at the weekend which, given our house was seemingly built before spirit-levels were invented, was a complete waste of fucking time.

Altalt: Bit wet and windy, musn't grumble etc
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:09, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

The mistake you're making there is in attempting to apply logic to a fundamentally illogical creature.
Just view it as necessary payment for being able to hide in the shed for most of the year.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:12, Reply)

Can we have shed chat?
Please, can we?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

I have no shed, but then I have no wife.
Ergo I have no need of a shed.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

I have both AND a greenhouse!!!
I also built a barbecue. Garden time is excellent.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Wow, you must really fucking hate your wife.
Superb avoidance skills, there. A lesson to us all.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

I've got a brick shed
with an old outhouse attached that I've converted into a coal bunker. I use the shed about once a year to clear out all the shit that gets chucked in there.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:31, Reply)

You're using your shed wrong.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

I don't think I'm a shed person

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:45, Reply)

^^Bill Clay admitting to being a girl, here^^

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:54, Reply)

Musical-loving, shed-mehing 'Bill Clay'
I fear the veil has well and truly dropped
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:03, Reply)

Hoist by your own lavender-scented petard.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:04, Reply)

Illogical aint the half of it
The other day I said to her that Take Me Out was a bit of a laugh but mostly shit, which led to her not talking to me for the rest of the day and being on the verge of tears because (and it took me a good few hours of silence and "nothing's wrong"'s to get this out of her) "we have nothing in common anymore" and "what are we going to do when the kids move out?". Fucks sake.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

What's a Take Me Out?
Sounds like pretty typical blobbing, to me.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

translation: you had done something minor to annoy her previously and it had been building up to this for a while

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:20, Reply)

Yeah Take Me Out was the catalyst. Do you go out on date nights or anything like that?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:27, Reply)

Fucksake some people!
You ent supposed to have things in common, she's a woman.
Let her be different without knocking her and maybe she'll stop sulking.
/Marge Proops blog
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Voice of reason here
Where would we all be if blokes were into the same nonsense that women find entertaining?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:30, Reply)

We'd all be living in expertly decorated homes
with shelves that fall off the walls the moment you put any of your wonderfully aromatic home-made pot pourri on them.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:32, Reply)

here is how it works
if you buy something, she will roll her eyes and say it's stupid, but be secretly pleased. even if she isn't secretly pleased, her friends will ask her what you got her, and they will JUDGE you.

if you buy nothing, she will JUDGE you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:14, Reply)

There must be a few birds who aren't psycho bitches though?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:15, Reply)

Probably the brain dead thickos, but you'd know about that :)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:16, Reply)

who cares about brains, so long as they're hot?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

FINALLY you're getting the idea.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

I care about brains, which is why I can put up with your pig ugly face.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

lucky for you, i have both

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

That was clearly my point

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

remember what stunned said about hanging onto me?
YEAH! THAT GUY GETS IT!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

never met him

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:26, Reply)

i was thinking of having everyone over for a massive trash my old kitchen party
he'd be good at that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:27, Reply)

RIP Monty's sofa

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:28, Reply)

I vote for this Friday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:29, Reply)

^Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah^
*breathes*
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

They're ALL mental!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

you've been married a while, you know the rules by now

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

^ and if she has gay friends, I will judge you more.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:34, Reply)

we usually tell each other not to bother with presents
sometimes even the card

I've got her something she'll love this year though, I'm a great present buyer but I'm apparently not easy to buy for. *practices pleasant surprise face*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:49, Reply)

Watched the new Hotel Inspector at the weekend and the owner gave her some flowers.
Pair of poofs that me and the boyfriend are noticed he left the price sticker on and heckled him for it. Haha!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:26, Reply)

Wasting his time with her anyroad.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:30, Reply)

Yeah she did a nice rolleyes, then saw the sticker herself.
Like when a fan got Madonna Hydrangeas and she bitched about it "forgetting" her mic was on...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBNDiE5sDsc
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Now - Alex Polizzi is hot!
I will brook no dissent on this.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

Google images says not

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:40, Reply)

She's a power woman and no mistake.
Very eloquent with her language.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:42, Reply)

TUIB - don't make me hurt you...

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:43, Reply)

She's alright for somebody on the wrong end of forty, I suppose.
Go off well quick past thirty, don't they?
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:46, Reply)