I always wanted to be a train driver when I was a kid
But having spent this afternoon with a train driving friend who is off sick after the second suicide under his train in 18 months I think I took a better path.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 17:29, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Yeah it's not like Thomas The Tank
Don't they get a big payout, or is that just tube drivers?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 17:42, Reply)

Six weeks minimum compulsory absence with counselling with his company, then six weeks "cushions"
ie.riding in the cab with another driver.

He's 56 and may be eligible for voluntary redundancy anyway. His real problem at the moment is that he has to go to the inquest.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 17:53, Reply)

Does he get to keep the head as a souvenir?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 17:56, Reply)

He hit the first one at about 60 - there wasn't much left
This one stepped off a platform end.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:00, Reply)

my mum's school used to have a train driver in to tell the children a horror story about playing chicken on the railway tracks. he came to talk to different classes every year.
he would always pause for maximum effect at the height of the dramatic tension after telling the story about the poor little girl who followed her brothers onto the track and was frozen in front of the train as it mowed her down despite the driver screaming and slamming on the brakes. then he would say, "and children... I was that train driver."

unfortunately with uncanny timing, I managed not once, but twice, to call my mother bang in the middle of the silence. being a bit of a technophobe, she had no idea how to turn her phone down. and I had set the ring tone to "old macdonald".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:06, Reply)

oh dear
Another 'dead mum/ ghostly phone call' story.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:12, Reply)

now now
I'd have thought someone as pretentious as you are about reading could actually read. selfish teenage girl calling her mum at work when she'd been told not to, to ask for something VITAL (probably a lift that evening or money for illicit ciders) is not a ghost story, toots.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:29, Reply)

dead mum + phone call + gillian swipeypoos = ghost story.
SCIENCE.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:31, Reply)

oh dear
in your desperation to troll, you yet again just look the fool. poor old dozer, when will he catch a break?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:33, Reply)

dunno lol
When you cool yer heels with the jolly hockeysticks schtick?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:36, Reply)

i've never been the jolly hockeysticks type
you funny little man, you.

although if I had a hockey stick, i'd be happy to break bits of you with it. I reckon badger would lend me his.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:37, Reply)

ah, lack of exercise explains a lot then

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:38, Reply)

pfffft
i'm going running tonight actually. for the third time this WEEK. so THERE!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:39, Reply)

I don't care.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:40, Reply)

when did you last do any exercise?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:41, Reply)

I jog ten miles a week
Swim for an hour on Sundays.

Weights, nightly.

Football, once a fortnight.

It all adds up and keeps me trim!

When I was skating regularly I had a four pack.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:44, Reply)

^ lies on the internet ^
we've seen pics.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:46, Reply)

YOUN DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY REAL LIFE!!!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:47, Reply)

*sells stale biscuits^

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:49, Reply)

Bad baseball hat.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:47, Reply)

it's not a baseball hat, but thanks for the sartorial advice anyway!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:48, Reply)

yer of me in the pub

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:48, Reply)

you looked like a pot bellied garden gnome that a dog had shat on

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:48, Reply)

clutching at strawz here, eh cetaceanswipe!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:50, Reply)

just being polite, doll

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:52, Reply)

How's the hairline?
I'd like to see for myself but I'm on my own for the next couple of weeks.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:50, Reply)

it's good ta, how's the dwarfism?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:52, Reply)

I'm 5'5"
It's not going to change.

I have hair.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:58, Reply)

that went years ago

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:52, Reply)

unnimm
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:40, Reply)

fewer calories burned

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:41, Reply)

rnmm
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:42, Reply)

haha. you're no longer the worst one here!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:44, Reply)

\o/

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 18:51, Reply)