1st world problems
I was chopping some logs for my wood burner at the weekend and one half of the log I'd just chopped smashed off my shin, just above where my boots were. This HURTS.

After making sure I hadn't actually broken my leg I continued with chopping the next log. Which then proceeded to smash off my shin IN EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING PLACE!

I think I invented some new swear words when I could actually breathe again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:42, 5 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

You're chopping wood wrong.
Happy to help.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:43, Reply)

Some would say I was chopping it too well

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:44, Reply)

No, you're being inefficient.
There's no need to transfer so much energy into the wood to cause it to bounce off.

I hope it gets you in the testicle next time.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Me too!
Proper man job chopping wood

Outside, axe, fire
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Give it a tap to get the blade in and let the weight do the work.
If you don't, then I hope you miss and cut your cock off.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:47, Reply)

Nah
More fun to leather it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Tell that to your shin and, hopefully, your testicle.

( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)

My shin bears battle scars

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)

So does mine, from an idiotic stunt when I was fourteen.
Sliced it open right to the bone, like a fucking flid.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:52, Reply)

I have so many scars it is unbelievable
Its all lies though. Chicks don't dig 'em
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)

yeah they do
what chicks don't dig is your face
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:56, Reply)

They look like they've had a go
With a pickaxe
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:57, Reply)

What a cupid stunt

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)

I told the story as one of my first qotw answers.
http://b3ta.com/questions/scars/post22939
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:56, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:57, Reply)

My gran taught me how to chop wood and lay a proper fire.
I reckon I could still do it now. Never leaves you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:48, Reply)

My fire SKILLZ are Jedi like
When we used to go to festivals/camping I was known as Pyromaniac (insert real surname)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:49, Reply)

That should be Pete
or Paul, otherwise its a shit nickname
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)

Better than "yeti" which was my college one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)

I just meant for the alliteration
Your real name leads itself to a version (NO REAL NAMES)
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:57, Reply)

I went out with a rural Canadian.
I can chop wood, lay a fire and throw a double-headed axe with reasonable accuracy. Believe it or not, that's a sport over there.

I made sure we were indoors when I had an argument with her.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:49, Reply)

Was he a lumberjack?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)

Nope, she worked in a mental home.
I can only assume they were the best behaved dribblies in the area.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)

He certainly got Mountied

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)

I saw Mounties. I was disappointed.
They look like coppers in all cars and that. No red jackets or horses to be seen. Didn't see any fucking bears or moose, neither. I got literally nothing from that relationship.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:53, Reply)

Oh man
Due South lies!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:54, Reply)

Did you buy her suspendies and a bra for crimbo?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)

He just let her borrow his.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:52, Reply)

So you're an idiot who doesn't learn from his mistakes?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:45, Reply)

Yes
Yes I am
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:45, Reply)

Two children.
That's all I'm saying.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Z I N G!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:49, Reply)

Burn them instead of the logs?
That was b-u-r-n, before Barters pipes up.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)

I fell over drunk on Friday night & scrapped all the skin off my left knee. It hurts.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:47, Reply)

I've not been falling over drunk for ages.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:54, Reply)

Me neither. Had one of the best doner kebabs I've ever had that night. Just what I needed after a night drinking Stowford Press cider.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)

Our local kebab shop does a mixed chicken and lamb one which is truly amazing
Excellent char-grilling
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:56, Reply)

When hacking a tree out of the garden
I managed to smash my shin with the back of the axe... I said OW.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)

Blunderjack

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:52, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Feb 2014, 11:53, Reply)