Stomp
What's your favourite child friendly joke?

Alt: or non child friendly

Alt2: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, best tongue twisters

alt3: Would you swap bodies with someone of the opposite sex for the day/ week etc
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:10, 156 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

jaffa

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:14, Reply)

clementine

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:16, Reply)

What do lions have for lunch?
An hour, like everyone else
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:14, Reply)

Depends. In my experience, they mostly eat shoes.

( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:15, Reply)

This Primus & The Chocolate factory album is mental

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:17, Reply)

Where's McBeef?
Richard, this album is frightening me
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:24, Reply)

I have just read about that
it seems rather odd I have to say
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:40, Reply)

It's nuts
and it appears that most of it is on Youtube
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:42, Reply)

All of it so it seems
www.youtube.com/watch?v=APbUoAYkEXg
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:45, Reply)

Cool
I feel inspired. I'm off to make my own soundtrack of something. Grease maybe.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:48, Reply)

Grease 2 surely

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:55, Reply)

I like this

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:16, Reply)

What's green, has eight legs and can kill you if it jumps out a tree on top of you?
.
.
.
.
.
A snooker table
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:20, Reply)

What snooker player can be found sacrificing Norse gods in Dover?



Cliff Thorburn
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Why do elephants wear green felt hats?
.
.
.

So they can walk across snooker tables without being seen
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:29, Reply)

How many kids with ADHD does it take to
change a lightbulb?
cross the road?


How do you think I feel? I'm over here on the swings.


Moses supposes his toeses are roses,
but Moses supposes erroneously.
For nobodys toeses are posies of roses
as Moses supposes his toeses to be.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:32, Reply)

What does ADHD stand for?
attention defecit diOH LET'S GO TO THE PARK
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:36, Reply)

Knock knock.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:29, Reply)

Who is there?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:30, Reply)

Cash.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:31, Reply)

just place it through the letter box please

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Iype

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:35, Reply)

b3ta.com/search/answers?q=fart+in+my+whitbread
b3ta.com/search/answers?q=sticky+black+spastic
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:30, Reply)

Fart in my Whitbread!
That's an old one, excellent.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:19, Reply)

Knock knock

( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:32, Reply)

Who's Cranley?

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Sorry, autofill. Who's there?

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:33, Reply)

smell map

( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:34, Reply)

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 is a registered 6 offender
( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Oh my!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Similar to every British tank since the Centurion,
and most other British AFVs, Challenger 2 contains a boiling vessel (BV) for water which can be used to brew tea, produce other hot beverages and heat boil-in-the-bag meals contained in ration packs.[12] This BV requirement is general for armoured vehicles of the British Armed Forces, and is unique to the armed forces of the UK.
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:33, Reply)

A free-trade agreement with the United States took effect 1 January 2009,
eliminating tariff barriers on all consumer and industrial products, and also providing strong protections for foreign businesses investing in Oman.[71] Tourism, another source of Oman's revenue, is on the rise.[72] A popular event is The Khareef Festival held in Salalah, Dhofar, which is 1,200 km from the capital city of Muscat, during the monsoon season (August) and is similar to Muscat Festival. During this latter event the mountains surrounding Salalah are popular with tourists as a result of the cool weather and lush greenery, rarely found anywhere else in Oman.[73]
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:44, Reply)

I just started playing the triangle in this reggae band
I just stand at the back and ting
( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:33, Reply)

What's this - tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:34, Reply)

That's long ting.

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:36, Reply)

Get fucked
alt. Nonce.
altalt Red Lorry, yellow Lorry. Repeat ad tedium
alt. No
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:38, Reply)

If you swaped you could still enjoy the peen but in a way god intended
(obv is obv)
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:43, Reply)

I'd swap with you for a day just to see what it's like living as a nullo

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:47, Reply)

haha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:52, Reply)

ha

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:53, Reply)

How many Freudian psychoanalysts
does it take to change a lightbulb?


Penis... I mean! Mother! No wait! Penis again... oh what a giveaway!
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:43, Reply)

knock knock
Who's there?

Europe!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:47, Reply)

I particularly like
The final countdown.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 14:50, Reply)

Due to a drunken night out this song is now
"My Favourite Curtains"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:15, Reply)

but... it sounds nothing like that!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:19, Reply)

DONT DISS THE CURTAINS

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:20, Reply)

I like replacing
the word love with glove in songs. Favourite so far is 'Glove in an elevator' by Aerosmith.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:25, Reply)

You've lost that gloving feeling

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:29, Reply)

"Dirty Glove"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:32, Reply)

I Believe In A Thing Called Glove

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:33, Reply)

Endless glove.

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:33, Reply)

Whats Glove? but a second hand in motion

( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:40, Reply)

I strongly endorse this post

( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:38, Reply)

Thanks glove pump.

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:39, Reply)

I do hashtag songs of McBeef and MEATSNAKE to show my respect

( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:42, Reply)

#doyouMcBeefinlifeafterlove? #Ifyouleavemenow,yousnakeawaythebiggestpartofmeat

( Glovington, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:44, Reply)

Excellent!
localboy in the photograph is a bit too easy.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:46, Reply)

I swap at least a body worth of fluids with your mum every week

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:20, Reply)

"Why are the lights flashing on the cars", studentlols.
metro.co.uk/2014/11/08/man-does-mdma-and-cocaine-steals-ambulance-then-masturbates-in-police-custody-4939932
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:39, Reply)

At least they havent published a massive photo of his boat

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:58, Reply)

we've all been there.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:21, Reply)

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
Because he's fucking married!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:54, Reply)

officelol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:55, Reply)

I don't understand how circuses can keep lions
when they've also got clowns walking around in those massive fucking shoes. It must be carnage on a daily basis.
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:57, Reply)

I think you may have milked this joke
Unlike the YM jokes because YM has milked all of us
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 15:59, Reply)

I'm bored as fuck, Bongo

( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:00, Reply)

Whats up Kroners
as a non IT person I seem to be doing a lot of IT, have you considered doing IT stuff
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:03, Reply)

You do seem to perform an inordinate amount of IT work for somebody that doesn't work in IT, it is true.
The problem I have is that also as bored as fuck of the IT stuff I have to do.
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:04, Reply)

Yeah
Its why I in theory got out of IT to do my current job, the CSS stuff has distracted me but after pretty much a full day I am losing concentration and its hard work (for a non codey person) so I am doing some of my proper job instead
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:07, Reply)

I wonder if IT is as wacky as The IT Crowd? They do seem to have fun.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:05, Reply)

More so mate
Whackyer Tshirts and everything
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:11, Reply)

Well, aside from being considered a hero and heart-throb
You generally spend most of your time feeling put-upon and in a confusion of spirit brought about by a deep self-loathing and a loathing of humanity in general. I exist in a constant state of indecision between killing myself and going on a shotgun rampage.
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:15, Reply)

There's nothing stopping you from doing both.
(just make sure to do the second one first).
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:22, Reply)

You get your share of office sex through IT surely?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:26, Reply)

Poon town mate
you should look into training now while you still have a bit of cash left in the bank, that way you can be on the highway to lady gardens through RJ45 in no time.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:30, Reply)

Amazingly enough I actually did pretty well until the doris put a stop to it.
I am led to believe that most IT staff aren't as devastatingly handsome as me, so perhaps novelty value played a part.
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:32, Reply)

^^^^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:35, Reply)

It's lucky she's alright else I'd be proper fucking resentful.

( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:36, Reply)

Brogues and chinos too.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:53, Reply)

B
c R
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:57, Reply)

The classic criminal/barnyard porn crossover.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 17:01, Reply)

I thought they'd named a type of bread after you the other day, before realising it said thick cut.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:25, Reply)

Thats quite good

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:28, Reply)

I caught YM staring at a carton of orange juice for ages the other day too because it said concentrate on the side.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:34, Reply)

Calm down, Dennis Pennis.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:46, Reply)

HOW DARE YOU!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:53, Reply)

I believe the phrase is
Calls Em... Sees Em
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:58, Reply)

im not even ginger, nor do I wear glasses

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 17:11, Reply)

yer that was one that Cranley said about you eh

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 17:40, Reply)

see?
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2235459#post2235464
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 17:41, Reply)

That was a lovely lunch.
Pork cheek followed by Grouse.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:28, Reply)

Famous

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:30, Reply)

Bleurgh! No way, mush.
Teachers ftw.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:32, Reply)

....You think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:30, Reply)

*tinkles ivories*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:34, Reply)

Can't imagine why you wouldn't.
What a conversation piece!
( Kroney, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:35, Reply)

nversation d
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 16:58, Reply)