Kaol's Question Of The Day
Right, the world is still here, despite what those fuck-wits at the Daily Mail said.

So, keeping on the theme of Apocalypse,

If you could do one thing before the world ends, what would it be?

No points for "Not dying".

If this question is too hard, then what would be your "Death Row Last Meal?"
( Cawl, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:36, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It would involve shagging someone
but there's a choice of exactly who.

I'll need to think a bit more.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:40, Reply)

kill everyone
/sulks furiously
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:41, Reply)

You see, I've shagged people before.
Never driven a bus-load of nuns through a crowded children's sports day though.
( Cawl, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Hmm I dunno
I'd quite like to get a quad bike and a shotgun and go chavhunting
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Yeah, me too Kaol, but
there's a lot* of lovely ladies I've not shagged.

And seeing as how the kids would die anyway, it seems a bit pointless to run them over with a busload of nuns.


*several metric fucktonnes, in fact
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Well... I'll bet nobody has
Ever done that before though.

Plus if you kill enough children, who knows what super-hyper-level-up-skill-powers you'd get.
( Cawl, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)

I quite like TGB's suggestion
might have to involve stealing some fast cars and going racing too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Does it have to be something on the world?
If not I'd quite like to see the earth from space.

If I have to stay here I would like to smoke crack. I've heard it's rather good.
( wanderlust, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Steal a 186 bus whilst naked
save for a pair of real cowboy boots (with spurs!) and a Chelsea style trilby hat.

Then I'd set the bus on fire, drive it into a building site and go hell for leather into the nearest ramp. Ollie!!!!!!

Death Row meal: A peanut butter bagel. With butter. Mmmmm
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Find Dubya and
feed him his own ropey scrotum, then shit on his face.

Then I'd find Jessica Alba and do naughty things to that pert little butt of hers.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:49, Reply)

@Wanderlust
I like the way you think *laughs*

Give George Clooney the shag of his life and then eat a huge steak. No point being nice to the animals if they're all dead tomorrow.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:50, Reply)

I'm extremely glad for the opportunity to think about this now
as there's so much I'd like to do without fear of needing: therapy; time in jail; to listen to some fuckwit harp on about how my actions made them feel; to run away afterwards.

What shall I do? Shall I kiss someone I like but would never tell? Shall I horribly maim my ex-housemate? Organise a bash? Eat fried chicken? Torture and kill my ex-boss? Re-apply my make-up?

No, because I'd like to spend an evening doing all these things and living with the consequences.

I think I might instead sit in the park and suck my thumb.
( thealternativefact, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Also
I'd see how much blood I could drink before I was sick.

And run around screaming, with my katana.
( Cawl, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:55, Reply)

I'd watch TGB and Jessica Alba
Failing that:

1. If I was told we had 1 minute, and I'm where I am right now, I'd go and snog the receptionist.

2. If we had an hour, I'd run through town in my boxers, and ask hot girls for one last kiss.

3. If we had 24 hours, I'd drive (someone else's car) like a madman to the local 'Guns & Sports', load up on shotguns (purely for defense), then arrange a massive party for all my friends in Warwick Castle.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:02, Reply)

I think Wanderlust has the right idea...

Smoke a big pile of crack, while looking at the earth from space.
( Moey, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:04, Reply)

So many things - So little time
Forcibly insert a phosphorous grenade, with twine attached to the pin, up the anus of Fern Britton and yank.

Set fire to something really big.

Scuttle as many women on my mental list as my testicular capacity would allow.

Shoot a tapir in the face.

Tether chavs to the spot and launch white goods at them from a trebuchet.

Just before the world ignites smoke a massive bong have a beer and let it all drift away.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:13, Reply)

Take out the big bad...
Buffy Style, save the world and have hot monkey love with David Boreanez and James Marsters.....
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:16, Reply)

@Lab you'd watch me and Miss Alba play chess?
That seems like a waste of a day
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:28, Reply)

mmmm crack
it's really moreish
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:30, Reply)

@Vipros
You should never do a drug named after a part of your arse.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:31, Reply)

this
"Tether chavs to the spot and launch white goods at them from a trebuchet."

is brilliant.

Wish there was a point to clicking.

EDIT: Without getting into specifics, booze, drugs, steak, booty. I think Ed Norton got it right in 25th Hour.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:33, Reply)

really?
*throws away the pipe full of buttock*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:33, Reply)

Pipe full of buttock?
You've now reminded me of my pipe which I used to enjoy smoking while out on the patio .... And when I tried to give up the fags I binned it.

Cheers Baz
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:36, Reply)

I've never had a good pipe of my own
I like spliffs though, so it's ok

haven't had a good bong in a while...

need to remedy that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:38, Reply)

Oops!
I saw 'The Resident Loon' and read 'The Grammar Badger'. I think I'll retract my statement then, whilst I can't comment on TRL's looks, I'd feel very jealous to watch him with Alba.

And chess would indeed be a waste of my last hours on earth.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:39, Reply)

I'm more of an Angelina Jolie girl
anyways ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:43, Reply)

How about
hijacking an airliner and flying it into the Daily Mail building?

Edit - shortly after watching TGB get it on with Angelina...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:44, Reply)

I've just discovered

the difficulty of explaining to my boss why I'm laughing, without mentioning the words "a pipe full of buttock", which I fear he wouldn't find quite so funny as I did.

Thank god for mumbling and well timed telephone calls.
( Moey, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)

Ms Jolie
I've gone off her over recent years, although Wanted did remind me why I like her. Ass-kicking girls are sexy!

Oh, another thought, I'd like to punch a particular salesman in my company until he stops bleeding.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Hhmm
Throw midgets at the Queen.
Flambe Heston Blumenthal with a blow-torch while yelling, "Now, that's perfection!"
String up Linda Barker by her feet, slit her up the middle and watch her drip-dry over her own shitty furniture.
Bounty hunt the kid from the Frostie's ad.
Find somebody for a mercy shag.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

In order, over a day:
8am. Wake up. Drink some champagne in bed, have lots of sex, eat a croissant.

11am. Luxurious bubble bath with my girlcrush. Where's the soap? Yes, it does rather. Etc etc.

12pm. I've started wrinkling, so better get out of the bath. Dress up in my finest clothes and favorite gloves (this would be a crisp, sunny winter's day).

1pm. Ludicrously expensive sushi lunch. Put on credit card (which, due to imminent death, I won't have to pay off).

2pm. Book the presidential suite at the Dorchester, only use it for an hour. More sex.

4pm. Go parachuting. Whilst smoking crack (good call, Wanderlust).

7pm. Cocktails at the American Bar at the Savoy.

8pm. Huge, expensive dinner. Wagyu beef, truffles, foie gras etc. The finest wines available to man.

11pm. Stroke a kitten for an hour, say goodbye to parents.

Midnight till apocalypse: lie in bed with my beloved, just holding each other.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:02, Reply)

@ Bob
That's actually really sweet.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:05, Reply)

this is why I love you guys
the world is ending?

let's break out the crack and fuck!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:06, Reply)

A few more, all violent
Insert a bottle filled with nails up Keith Vaz's arse, calmly explaining that violent video games didn't make me want to commit violent acts, rather his ignorant fear-mongering was responsible. Then I'd kick him until the bottle smashes.

Coordinate the release of all tigers, lions and panthers held in captivity across the world. I'd release them inside whichever football stadium is holding the biggest Premiere League match at the time. After sealing the exits, of course.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:09, Reply)

Ultimately I'd end up like this guy.

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Steal a Lamborghini
Drive to London, fuck Maggie Thatcher up the arse with a snooker cue whilst wearing Dennis Thatcher's recently eviscerated skin suit.

After that I'd drive an 18 wheeler into Covent garden and shoot every FUCKING STREET PERFORMER I COULD FIND then moseying off to find a decent cocktail bar where I could sip a Martini whilst covered in blood and brain matter.

Then I'd head to Saville row to pick myself up a suit before heading off to Morgan M for a slap up meal.

After I'm a bit tipsy and silly, I'd have a few lines and hire 6 prostitutes and no naughty things to them including spluffing my heaving load onto them at the moment of apocalypse.

Zing.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:50, Reply)

I'd have to
grab Brad Pitt and give him the fright time of his life, then get absolutely blasted on luminous cocktails. Then I wouldn't give a shit if the world ended.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:06, Reply)

I haven't really thought about this much
I'd probably just strip off naked and run round the local park, or something like that.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:40, Reply)

Slightly less violent...
But I really really really want to have a go in some sort of super fast fighter jet type thing. Not fussed which sort really, just as long as I can loop the loop and barrel roll in it!

If I had one for the day, I'd love to go and visit lots of pretty places, like fly down the Grand Canyon and round the pyramids.

I suppose I could make use of the sophisticated weapons systems while I'm there though, would be a waste not to...!
(Moniker, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 15:59, Reply)

What a great question Kaol
I'd like to think that I'd go for the super-violent outcome, but I probably wouldn't.

I would make sure that all of my friends and family were home with their loved ones.

Me, Tess (assuming she wasn't back in Denmark with her folks) and Henry would then head to the beach, where we'd sit in a companionable silence awaiting the end. Nothing violent, nothing extreme just, at the end, quiet.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:47, Reply)

I would...
Hula hoop naked. Who cares who can see? We'll all be dead soon.

I'd make sure Mr VP knows he is my everything.

I'd raid a sweet shop. And gorge.

Then I'd tell my mum about the tattoos and piercings that she doesn't know about.
Then I'd run before she ended my life slightly early.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:55, Reply)

I'm tempted by telling all the idiots I know what I think of them
but I'd rather just have a crack at the people I secretly harbour feelings for.

TBH - I should do that now anyway.

You don't know who you are, but if a awkward Dr. comes up to you and asks if you like Mudkips then please don't spit in his face.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 0:34, Reply)