Greetings gentle people
Come in and assure me that my head's not going to fall off as a side effect of this monumental hangover. Free Alka Seltzer for all.


(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:22, 159 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

morning SV
how are you?

I'm back at work again.

*cries*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:24, Reply)

BANG CRASH WALLOP
MORNING ALL!

oops sorry, are you a bit hungover?
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:24, Reply)

No,
I didn't get in from work until midnight, and I had to be up at 7 to be back here this morning, so no, I'm not hungover, mainly because I didn't get teh opportunity to drink...

and I have, ooh, a million things to do, so I'm away now. Might pop back later depending on how much I get done.

bye y'all!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Morning all
I'm annoyed at being up at this unholy hour. I'm being kicked out the house by my mother as it's getting valued in half an hour. *yawns*
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:31, Reply)

my weekend consists
almost entirly of football, beer,nintendo wii and golf.

its a hard life
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Ey up
@HLT - Feeling better after a shower and medicinal cup 'o tea. How are you at work *again*?

@Halfy Afraid the tea & shower have shifted the hangover from pain inducing agony to dull irritation.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

my hangovers
are not too bad any more, I feel a bit rubbish for the first hour then once im eaten and washed im ready for a new day.

probably because im now old enough to know when to stop the night before.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Morning all
Hangovers aside, how are we all today?

One of the guys in work just gave me Band of Brothers of DVD so that's my weekend sorted.

Anybody got anything exciting on?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:01, Reply)

BoB is ace
I watched No country for old men last night . . . . blimey its a bit good.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:06, Reply)

I've never
seen it before so looking forward to it.

No County is fucking fantastic. Absolutely loved it. I read the book after the film and was amazed at how faithful the film was to the book.

Have you seen In Bruges?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:08, Reply)

nah
im a bit of a hermit, so only watch films like that if lent them from others, im thinking its going to be a bit "boondock saintsW like but is on the list to filch

if you like band of brothers watch Stalingrad, by the people who did das boot.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Usually I'm OK
but last night I kicked the arse out of it.

Have any of y'all seen Taken? It rocks. I saw Stalingrad when I was out in Germany and bought it on DVD over here but found that the edit was a bit patchy. Good film nonetheless.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Nope not seen Taken
Shall keep my eyes peeled for that. I've never understood that expression.

I've just had a really annoying family walk in to the shop with a small child in tow. The kid started crying and the Dad turned round and smacked him across the face, what a cunt.

To be fair he did look a bit upside-down face, still harsh though.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:41, Reply)

You're right
That is a bit cuntish ...... Should never hit kids in the face. Social Services'll see the marks!

Always go for body blows
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Full of cold
It's shit.

Still, managed to make a date last night. Went well!
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:45, Reply)

al! You complete gay!
Stop watching David Boreanaz mincing about in his pants (or more like Charisma Carpenter -hot jiggity!) and come flirt online, with ME.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:46, Reply)

morning folks
today is a beautiful day. played a great gig last night, the sun is shining and there is some nice surf

I'm also about to eat some bacon, eggs and black pudding

all is right with the world
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Give me your bacon and eggs
I'm too lazy to make my own breakfast.

and good morning.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:54, Reply)

Morning all!
What shall I do today? I feel like having an adventure. All of my friends seem to still be in bed though.
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 10:57, Reply)

Good effort Vipros
Fry ups are the future. I may indulge if I can talk 'er indoors into a trip to the greasy spoon

@ Wanderlust ..... Wake the lazy beggars up. Best part of the day's getting away from them.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:01, Reply)

Don your Stetson
and some Daisy Duke cut-offs, and run around town being a cowgirl.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:01, Reply)

Morning party people
How's it hangin'?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:03, Reply)

@ SW
Down and to the left.

@Al Shake it baby.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Blimey al!
You've just sent me lady parts all a quiver!
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)

al!
*bounces like an excited cheerleader on a trampoline*

I've got something you can pull off if you like....
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Looking good al
Morning all. The Muppet's rock, and I suck at Risk. What a night.

All topped off with a long lie, it was rather good.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Mmmmm...... Prolapsed uterus.
Sounds like breakfast to me.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Scotland mostly
they don't have the internet up there.

How have you been my old china?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)

We do so have the internet up here
But only for special people. And for me.

*cries*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:14, Reply)

I shall try and keep my uterus inside me.
I do now however have a horrible image in my head of Bert trying to suck it out of me with a straw.
Enjoy you black pudding Vipros!
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:15, Reply)

Morning everyone :)
it looks like it's going to be nice today yay! Which means I have to mow the lawns boo :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

@wanderlust
Horrible? Don't you mean arousing? I always get those two mixed up.

@PoD Sellotaping porn to donkeys just outside Easterhouse does not count as an internet.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Ah, Easterhouse
*shivers*

Morning Badger. Have a yak to cheer you up.

*proffers*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:18, Reply)

@PoD
Easterhouse wasn't too bad, we only drove through it on our way to Carfin.

Coincidentally 'The Yak' was one of my nicknames at school, because I'm right hairy me.

@al YES to the fry up, it's always fry-up o'clock. If you leave the floors they'll eventually varnish temselves, with dust.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:20, Reply)

A yak?
Will it keep my lawns nicely trimmed?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:20, Reply)

@Bert
Yeah sorry, I always get those mixed up as well.
Nothing gets me going more than the thought of someone trying to suck out my womb through my flange.
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:25, Reply)

With a straw!
I know how to please the ladies, now lie back, and open wide.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:26, Reply)

I don't think I want a yak near my bushes
Although they do have impressively large tongues.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:27, Reply)

@TGB
I want to know what it is to your right that you're staring at in your profile pic.

IMMEDIATELY.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Ooo
Looks like a certain Badger's been doing up their profile.

If you know what I mean...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:31, Reply)

I was looking out the window
Where a sheep was getting raped by a goat wearing a top hat and a monocle.

Edit: Yeah PoD my other badger friend is helping me with the html. I am now looking at hex code charts. Living the dream
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:31, Reply)

@PoD
If that's a euphemism, I'm having trouble working it out.

@TGB That is my ultimate fantasy, GET OUT OF MY HEAD WOMAN
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:32, Reply)

*sashays in*
well, what do we have here?

a whole host of delicious b3tans!

how are you all, my pretties?

I've got loads done today and am feeling all pleased with myself.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Very good thanks Tulip
Aren't you just the most efficient little worker? How's your day going?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:40, Reply)

ooh, just dandy thanks Bert!
I must say, it is jolly super to have you back, what.

@ al. I've got me lil pink shorts on today. Just for you.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Whenever anybody says HLT
I always think of HRT. Do you get hot flushes Tulip?

Al, stop jiggling in those hotpants, you're being far too sexy for a saturday morning.

EDIT Now I'm imagining al and hlt jiggling about in tiny little hotpants, I can't handle how aroused I am right now, I need some 'me' time.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Morning!
I feel sleepy - not used to 10 hours sleep.
Need vast amounts of caffeine

Wait....
*spies tiny shorts*
*something wakes up*

*edit*
*realises it's al*

Aaaaaaggghh!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:43, Reply)

@ Sexy Bertmonkey
Erm, not really, apart from when al wears his tiny shorts. So that would be now.

blimey, it's a bit hot in here!

*faints*

edit@Boss - you rotating again, old boy?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:45, Reply)

*fans hlt*
Well, I just looked outside for the first time today, and discovered it's raining muchly. Looks like it's going to be an indoors Saturday :(
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)

@BK
You could do a lot worse, I mean just imagine Chris Evans in hotpants.

*shudder*

@hlt it's not just getting hotter, suddenly it seems very humid around here.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)

@ al
That doesn't mean I don't feel ashamed:(

@ PoD
It's bright sunshine here.
Sat by the window roasting here. That may be the effect of the tiny shorts though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:48, Reply)

Found your theme tune Al
www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZBrpBWCYqg&feature=related

*Runs*
*Hides*
*fears a beating*
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:48, Reply)

That little blonde guy stole my moves!
Swan, how did you come across that video...?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)

Just searched
for the song 'we like short shorts' on youtube ..... The War Crack angle was an added bonus.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:52, Reply)

@ al
I have my tickets to Hull, certainly.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:52, Reply)

I don't believe you, Mr Vesta
I think that you've had it on your PC for a while, you spaff over WoW dance videos, you filthy, filthy little man. :D

@al Burger King ftw! I worked there when I was 15, and it put me off for a very long time, til the other week when I had an XL double bacon and cheese whopper meal. It was so good I nearly cried.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@ al
It leaves from platform 6.66
My bro lives near Hull.

Me: What did you do at the weekend?
Bro: I went to Hull.
Me: Wasn't it hot? *rofl*
Bro: .......
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:56, Reply)

@ PoD
Yup, rain all the way.

I think it was K2k6 who decided that Scotland now has only one season - permanently 13 degrees celsius, and permanently drizzling.

Makes the short-wearing a bit precarious. Although, if I'm honest, I am wearing them under my jeans.

edit@al. if you and bert are joined... down there... does that mean I can wear comfy pance again?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Damnit!
Rumbled by Bert.

Gotta go and take our lass into town - Catch y'all later.

*Not going to rattle one out to WoW vids :)*
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:58, Reply)

@al
Awww... When's her birthday?

You should go later, and then go again tomorrow. The more presents you get her the happier she'll be, women are love the little things in life, and then you'll get all of the sex on your face for months and months and months and months.

EDIT al, mine was an XL double whopper, your tiny burger is no match for my feast of processed meat and cheese products.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:58, Reply)

@ al
I'm not even going to guess what that means.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 11:59, Reply)

^ what Bert said
Yes, lots of little presents ftw.

Then she will do sex on you a lot.

edit@ Boss - it's CHCB's thing and it means "moved foot on the floor a bit laughing", I think.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:00, Reply)

Moved my foot on the floor a bit laughing?
What do I win?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:00, Reply)

@al
It's pants tiem, I'm not wearing jeans.

@HLT Thank you for confirming my theory that women are shallow!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Actually Bert
I think it's:

Moved my foot off the floor a bit laughing?

So you win a whole heap of fail.


edits - It would appear to be me who fails.

*weeps*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)

@ Tulip and Bert
Ah, thanks.

I like it.

*edit*

Wow! Bruce Dickinson helped some of the stranded passengers fly home.

Could the man be any more of a legend?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

@al
Buy her a different present every day until then, and one BIG present, she will turn into a gooey puddle on the floor for you to do as you please with.

Don't masturbate at HLT unless you buy her something first! She loves scarves, but I have no idea how I know that...?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

@al
I'm frowning at you now.

*frowns*

Your lovely lady Mrs deserves better than that, step up your game Mr, or I'll steal her from you like a Russian tank in a Georgian suburb.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Al!
STOP IT!

Mrs HLT is far too sexy to be cavorting around in her tiny shorts, shimmying behind see-through scarves while giving me that look, you know the look, the one where her eyes just scream, 'I HAVE THE COCKLUST. GIVE IT TO ME.'

Yeah, I'll give it to you, I'll give it to you good, like a Panther.

Meeow.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:11, Reply)

There ain't no crazy about it
I'm just a big cat of fuck.

EDIT As it's your Mrs's birthday, would she like a signed photo of me?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:13, Reply)

A sex panther.
That works 63% of the time, Everytime
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:14, Reply)

@BK
that's what I was thinking as I typed it, oh Anchorman, you are a funny film and you made me laugh a bit and almost distracted me when I was getting naughty with Mrs Sexmonkey for the first time ever on my couch that time all those years ago.

A taut, high tensile, muscled, furry throbbing feline of phallus, has now been added to the profile section of my CV
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Mrs Sexmonkey is fine
I'm not sure our relationship is going to last very much longer though, which is soul crushingly sad, but as my hippie friend would say, 'I have issues.'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Did you say
"I want to be on you"?

I actually got it on with my ex-wife for the first time with Airforce One on in the background.

I now have trouble maintaining an erection without a recording of Gary Oldman roaring encouragement in a his Russian accent.

*edit*
I lost Miss K last weekend due to my 'issues' so I can sympathise.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)

It most certainly does.
Issues are gay, especially when it's stuff like: I can't get a woman that I haven't seen in three years out of my head, Mrs Sexmonkey and I live too far apart and hardly see each other, and she has too many problems of her own, she deserves someone better.

Am I airing my dirty washing in public? Yes. Yes I am.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:23, Reply)

@ all teh bad boys
Presents, scarves, sex panthers - phwoar!
edit oooooh I got 100 too!

Can my day get any better? Can it?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Don't you be sniffing my dirty pants sunshine!


Oh, alright, go on then.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:25, Reply)

stop bickering, boys
I said STOP!

I can see I shall have to resort to drastic measures.

*removes jeans*

*removes stripy top*

*does things with see-through scarves*

*shimmies a bit, in pink shorts*

*dies a little bit inside*


edit: *thinks about Gary Oldman's Russian accent*

*gets a bit excited*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Aw but I only just got back from the Scotland!
I'm not going all the way back up there again, the Easyjet barely made it off the ground the first time.

Alright, FINE. I'll go and give HLT the sweet Monkey-Loving, but she'd better be grateful.

*Does things to lovely little tulips*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:31, Reply)

@ hlt
*also thinks about Gary Oldman's accent*
*also gets a bit excited*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:33, Reply)

Nice hlt
Nice.

Shame about the dying a bit inside.

People in airports are stupid. Very stupid.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Who is dying inside?
Sorry I have been faffing (am fed up now, stupid codes)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:38, Reply)

I think it's very adventurous!
My plan for the day is:

Sit around. Possibly mow lawns
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:40, Reply)

@al
Sounds like a good plan.

Give this to your Mrs for me;

It took every ounce of retraint I had not to sign the picture of my cock for her instead, and tell her that the present was my idea.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Sounds like a plan, al
Classy as always Bert.

And TGB, its hlt who died a bit inside, after being forced to dance for al and Bert.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Bert!
Darling!

*bites Bert's shoulder*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:44, Reply)

I assume that,
as I write this, Al is in the shower in order to adhere to his latest plan.

I am making cheese biscuits because I have guests coming for dinner this evening. (Should point out that cheese biscuits are not the main course; I'm a bit more generous than that.)
( thealternativefact, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)

@al
She told you exactly what she wanted? How unusual. I bet it's something classy, like some calipers and a WWI gas mask.

@HLT OW! My shoulder!

*bites your bum*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)

@ Boss
Gary Oldman is full of win.

*exciteds again*

@ Bert - sorry, lovely. I meant it in a nice way, I didn't bite hard.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Gr3tans
We seem to be a bit busy this Saturday.

The nice weather I was promised has failed to materialise, so I'm postponing my bikeride. How are you all?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:49, Reply)

It's ok Tulip
I like a bit of biting, I do.

Being bitten slightly or scratched during sex is the perfect balance of pleasure and pain.

So next time you bite me, make sure we're engaged in the act first.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:50, Reply)

If someone bought me some fancy electronic calipers
I would actually be rather pleased! But I get excited about torque wrenches so probably best not to think all other women will agree with that :p

It's fairly nice here Spakka, but getting quite cloudy
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:51, Reply)

oh, bye al
*snogs*

*puts jeans back on*

good luck with the present hunting. Have you tried Calipers-R-Us?

@ Bert - you know I like scarves cos you read my profile. It says it in there.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:51, Reply)

@HLT
Well, there you go, who'd have thought it? I must've read that months ago, and for some reason my brain stored the information just so that I could tell al to get him some sexy fun with you.

Impressive, no?

EDIT Bye bye al! miss you.

*blows kisses*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:53, Reply)

@Bert
Yes, that is impressive, and very selfless of you to tell al so he could get himself some sexehtiems.

Re the biting, point noted.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:55, Reply)

It's not selfless really
I know that if you get him all worked up he'll come back down here and throw me around the bedroom like a battered wife.

Please bite me now, somebody, anybody?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 12:58, Reply)

*bites Bert*
.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:00, Reply)

.
Oh dear, looks like I missed the scarfey fun.

Today, I shall mostly be spending sorting out my forthcoming trip to England, and sending out e-mails and gazzes.

@Bert: Is there any reason either you or your partner don't move closer together?

EDIT: * nibbles Bert *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:02, Reply)

Not there!
OWWWW!

It's come off!!!

AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!

@spakkaman She's at Uni studying Law, and I've got a daughter I don't want to move far away from.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:03, Reply)

@ Bert
I'm not biting you there.

It must be someone else.

I don't think al has gone shopping at all.

edit - aw no, that sucks. I mean you not being able to move nearer to Mrs Monkeysex that is.

*nibbles spakka, just for good measure*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:04, Reply)

Oh well if it's al
then that's fine. As long as he cooks and eats it too.

Bite me harder woman!

Why do people still call my Monkeysex? My name is Sexmonkey now, goddammit!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:05, Reply)

no, you just complain when I do
*purses lips*

*pouts*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:06, Reply)

*returns*
Tulip appears to be fully clothed.
What gives?

*sads*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:06, Reply)

Please bite me harder little tulip
I love it really, if I complain just bite even harder.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:07, Reply)

@Bert
Make me.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:10, Reply)

*smears self with battenberg*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:10, Reply)

bugger
the one flaw in my armour!

*bites*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Aw, yeah.
*goes Sex Panther on your ass*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:13, Reply)

.
* continues nibbling bert *

* slowly moves the nibbling to the bit where Tulip is biting Bert *

* starts nibbling tulip *

@Bert: How long before she graduates?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:14, Reply)

Two more years, I think.
That's not the main problem though, I'm the real problem.

She is without doubt the best thing that ever happened to me, but I can't feel for her the way I felt for this annoying ginger bitch from years ago. Life's a cock.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

*gasps*
Sex Panther!

*asplodes*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:18, Reply)

*scrapes bits of Tulip of the wall and al's face*
*sticks them all back together with Uhu and begins sex panthering again*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:19, Reply)

@ Bert
That sucks, fella.

Long distance is tricky though. Been in a few like that.

*edit*
*watches sex panthering with interest*
*makes notes*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)

*pretends to not know that he's sex panthering al*
Oh, Tulip, you're the best, oh my god, you're so tight, oh god, oh GOD YES YES!

@BK We've handled the distance thing brilliantly until now, I'm just sick of talking by text and phone, I need my woman!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

@ Bert
You'll stop thinking of the other one when you see her.

I had to put up with one of my exes fucking off home to Russia for six months once. That was bloody hard. Worth it when she finally came back though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:26, Reply)

@BK
Maybe. I just don't understand why the crazy old ginger lady has entered my head again.

@al Aerosmith? I tried that Guitar Hero thingy the other week for the first time ever, I got up to the Slipknot song on Hard within a couple of nights, which massively pissed off my little brother, who's actually a real guitarist, but can't do a single song on Hard.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:27, Reply)

@ Bert
Because the brain is odd and must be punished with alcohol.
I still dream off the ex wife on occasion, and I always wonder where it comes from and feel slightly guilty in a weird way. It's six and a half years since the divorce was finalised FFS.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:33, Reply)

stupid subconsciousness
I still occasionally dream about someone I had a crush on at school ffs.

It's very annoying.

I'm lost now. Who is sex panthering me?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:55, Reply)

Raaaooorr
*sex panthers*

*contemplates the use of panther as a verb*

*shrugs*
*gets back to panthering*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

much as I'm enjoying all the panthering
I'm going home now!

it's been tremendous fun darlings! you all have delicious rest-of-weekends now, y'hear?!

*gets dressed*

*snogs*

*leaves*

*bites everyone on the way out*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 14:05, Reply)

@Bert
Is this ex of yours the mother of your daughter? If she is an annoying bitch, do you really want to go back to her? Being away from the current Mrs. does leave your mind open to wandering around. Maybe you're just using your remaining feelings for her as a cover for your fustratons of being away from the current Mrs.

Perhaps you should try and come up and see her more often. As for you thinking you're not good enough for her, remember, thinking this way will cause a negative feedback loop and cause you to act the way you percieve yourself. Put a stop to it. The next time you see her, make the effort to be the person you want to be - a person that's good enough. This will also help out with the way you see yourself.

EDIT: Bye tulip

* sticks tongue out so she brushes against it on the way out *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

Oh, Spakkaman
You're beginning to sound like such a hippie, but thank you.

The on that I can't get out of my head was the love of my life, not the one I decided to knock up! Unfortunately, she was and still is very, very married, with two kids.
I'm a bad man who is going to hell.

Generally, I am a good person, apart from the many fuck-ups I make in my life, and i try to be the man that Mrs Sexmonkey deserves, but lately she seems to have lost interest, and I've been unable to cheer her up when she's been down and stuuf.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 14:25, Reply)

^ ^
Remember, it's all in the mind.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 14:45, Reply)

...and in the wrist.
It's weird, since being with the Mrs I was never able to think of any other woman, now though, old ginger hag is back taking over my brains.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Afternoon all
Just got in from a shopping trip. I'm not now the proud owner of mario kart *glees*
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 16:59, Reply)

V
I don't understand this last post. Did you shop or not? Why are you gleeing if you don't own whatever it is?

*confuseds*

Remembered the name of the road yet?
( thealternativefact, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:02, Reply)

Stupid typos
I did indeed go shopping. Bought mario kart for my wii, a new pair of jeans, a shirt and a new waistcoat. T'was rather a successful trip.

What's this about a road...?
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Oi!
Now you've edited your post I look like even more of a confused mong.

The road your dad lived in.
( thealternativefact, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:06, Reply)

Sorry Clendrix!
Ah yea. I'd I was a bit squiffy at the bash so my memory is a bit slurred.

My Dad used to live down Durban Road.

:edit: Damn my typing is shite today.
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:10, Reply)

I'm surprised anyone can remember anything from the bash!
My dad was in Dunlow Avenue, so only a few minutes away (although you're a young slip of a thing and I'm ancient, so they wouldn't have been there at the same time).

Purchases sound good! I managed naan bread and beer, but I'm OK with that!
( thealternativefact, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Afternoon all
I have just prepared some home-made burgers, which are currently chilling in the fridge before i cook them in a short while.

Any b3tans know if I should grill, fry, or griddle them?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:19, Reply)

@Clendrix
I think my Dad was there until around 1970 or so then almost certainly somewhere else in Tottenham after that. Not sure though and he's asleep downstairs so no asking him at the moment!
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:26, Reply)

My advice
Would be to grill them. If you do it again try getting enough mix for one burger and making to patties with them and then roughly chop some stilton placing it in the middle and lay the other pattie over the first. Then just seal it like you would normally ...... Nice cheesy goodness once grilled.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:28, Reply)

I've got cheese to go with them
I've gone for mince, red onion, seasoning, some lea and perrins and garlic. And an egg.

I'm going to go for grilling I think. Then add to a roll, add cheese, and add some barbeque sauce. And some chips.

Yum.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:39, Reply)

Remembering things from bashes
If we keep forgetting, then you wonder why you keep coming.

Either we're forgetting things or time speeds up rapidly when you're at a b3ta bash.

Re burgers: I also vote for grilling.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:43, Reply)

*collapses*
I have been a busy little bee.

I took my sister to Leeds this morning with a small van full of stuff to take to her living accomodation at uni. She had WAAAAAAY too much stuff with her. Still she's settled now and *sob* on her own.

Then I've been ironing and sorting out stuff in the house for my guests next week.

I've had a bath and ready for my dinner.

I hope there's a good film on the TV tonight.
( girlinthehole, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:44, Reply)

Afternoon BGB
Is her flat ok? I got to my halls in first year, and my bedroom was triangular. Her flatmates there yet?

Ah, that's brought up lots of memories of first year. What times they were.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:46, Reply)

@Pod
She has a lovely en-suite flat which is quite spacious, thank God. There was a very chirpy Chinese guy there and a girl with her boyfriend stopping over. It's 5 rooms and a shared kitchen/lounge.

I think she'll be ok. She's very friendly and chatty.
( girlinthehole, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:49, Reply)

@BGB
Hope your sister settles in.

Leaving home and going to Uni must be very different now than from what it was back in my day. Nowardays, you can keep texting your old freinds.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:51, Reply)

That's grand BGB
I had two decent guys and an idiot in my flat. And it was small, and rubbish, and had uncomfortable sofas.

My flat this year is far, far better. As was the flat I was in for the last two years.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:54, Reply)

@Pod
I went to uni with one suitcase and a box. Mind you I stayed in a couple's spare bedroom for the first year.

Plus I was in my early 20's so I had been on my own a bit already.

She has friends from college staying in nearby flats as well.

Edit - thanks spakkaman, she'll be fine : )

I'm off to make my dinner. I'm starved. See you all later perhaps.
( girlinthehole, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:54, Reply)

Good afternoon folks.
I saw a group of 14/15 year old girls fighting outside the skate park in Watford earlier. Girls are fucking vicious! I'm so glad I never was one!
Everyone well?
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:58, Reply)

I am well Miss 'Lust
I'm offering yaks today.

*proffers yak*

Are you well? I finally got out of bed at 2:30 this afternoon.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 17:59, Reply)

*accepts yak*
Cheers PoD.
I'm ok, nothing to do again tonight though. Some friends are going out, but it's too far and too expensive for me.
Another night of crywanking it is then!
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:02, Reply)

@Lusty
Evening lass. Didn't know you're a Watford girl - Thought you were a London Lady.
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:03, Reply)

I'm not upto a huge amount tonight
Got a friend coming for dinner, mostly because I've made far too much burger mix, enough for about 6 or 7 burgers. Even I can't manage that many.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:06, Reply)

@Captain V
I'm from Harrow. I have a lot of mates in Watford and used to work there. I'm not a huge fan of the place in all honesty. Far too many memories of drinking in Destiny!
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:06, Reply)

Ah I see
I'm off to play some mario kart. Laters all.
( Captain V, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:17, Reply)

Evenin' Lusty
So did you get your uterus installed for your 18th birthday-present?

Forget crywanking. Just come here tonight and wank without the crying. It's like both not having a life and having a life at the same time.

Edit: Laters V
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:17, Reply)

@spakka
I got it for my 16th birthday. It even came with one of those air freshener thingys that makes it smell like pine.

Edit: The thought of my pine smelling lady bits seemed to have scared everyone away. I'm going to go and try and find something to do tonight. Laters all!
( wanderlust, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:23, Reply)

Hasn't scared me away
Smells nice.

One of my friends had an extractor fan installed in hers. She now calls it her fanny.

See ya later WL.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:38, Reply)

Hello folks
just whoring my bash around as I've finally got a venue booked...

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/12199

will be safe for QOTWers :-) no cuntishness will be allowed. See if you fancy it?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:44, Reply)

Evenin'
Am supposed to be continuing with my e-mails/gazzes, but instead, found a Torrent of the Mary Whitehouse Experience and am watching that.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 21:03, Reply)

I'm s'posed
to be writing an RE lesson.
I really hate teaching RE.
It sucks cocks.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 13 Sep 2008, 21:24, Reply)

@ Mrs L
Just tell the kids that then!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 21:43, Reply)

RE is the only
subject that we HAVE to teach by law other than PE.

FFS
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 13 Sep 2008, 22:13, Reply)

Mrslivinabin
Do you not get to teach about the Holocaust in RE nowadays - My RE teacher taught us about Kristalnacht and it was one of the most memorable lessons in my short academic career.

I found that and one of my Aunts to be formative of my politics.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 23:13, Reply)

We don't
go that in depth in primary school.

We look at the special days, holy books, traditions that kind of thing.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 14 Sep 2008, 0:18, Reply)