If you had to fuck an animal
which animal would you fuck?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 8:52, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

a
cock
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 8:53, Reply)

I was going to say a pussy...
damn you CHCB

I'm going to have to say a Welsh girl in that case.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 8:56, Reply)

For me
it's gotta be the Ocelot. Small, furry, purry and spotty. Perfect.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:01, Reply)

The drummer from the Muppets

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:03, Reply)

The Pink Panther
He's a right smooth fucker that one.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:10, Reply)

Haha!
A Welsh girl? I think you need to elaborate, Mr. V.

I'd have to go with a restrained Polar Bear. I think it's the only way to get over my fear.
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:12, Reply)

Ummm
Sheep have nice bums.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)

oitp
Is that while they're all shitty, or post-dip?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:16, Reply)

But if you fucked a sheep
You'd have to have your bits sprayed bright pink so the farmer knows where his lambs are coming from. As is my understanding from when I lived in the countryside. You could tell which sheep were slappers because they looked like a rainbow had been sick on them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:20, Reply)

A lamprey
just look at that mouth :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Jim...
"a parasitic marine animal with a toothed, funnel-like sucking mouth... lampreys are well known for those species which bore into the flesh... to suck their blood"

Be careful!
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)

A capybara
You could pretend it was a guinea pig when feeling kinky.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)

post dip is better
It's like huffing on paint.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Carp have pretty mouths
I read somewhere that the owners of a fishing lake banned bivvy shelters after somebody was found inside one with a carp in a compromising position.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:39, Reply)

my ex was Welsh
I have had experience with other Welsh lasses.

They fall into the animal category ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:49, Reply)

Hahaha!
I have nothing but good things to say about Welsh ladies too.

EDIT: Also, I'd be tempted to have sex with a Tapir.
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:54, Reply)

porcupines
I like a bit of edge in my sex*




*may contain whole fucking dollops of lie
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Nah...
You just like feeling a massive prick, don't you?
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:02, Reply)

;-)
@Kitty

they actually get the rams to wear a harness that has a paint stick thing in it to mark the sheep

I have to say, I'm enjoying these sorts of threads. I don't really have the time for HSH these days (although I did start it this morning) and these ones are a bit more b3ta and I can dip in and out
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)

DIP in and out?
Lolz for the sheep pun.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Hmmm...
We should rig up paint-stick things to "Undesirables" to stop 'em from reproducing.
Well... Not stop 'em, but to let us know where to take action.
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:12, Reply)

I reckon
Rhinos would be up for it.

they give me the horn.

oh god.

/coat
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)

MERMAID

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

*high fives Halfy*
nice
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:20, Reply)

Mermaids would be difficult
because you don't have a penis.

I always think of you as having Actionman-esque smooth bits.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)

^
he means the head of a fish and the body of a woman.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:23, Reply)

That's the proper way round.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Your
mum.

Like an animal.

Can't believe I got that in two and a half hours late.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:55, Reply)

A horse
There's no denying they have the best arse in the animal kingdom.
EDIT: I've thought about this too much, haven't I?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:07, Reply)

do you reckon you could satisfy a horse though?
this is speculation, but it's unlikely you are hung like one...

*worries that he is concerned with satisfying the animal*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:20, Reply)

That just makes you
a thoughtful lover, Vipros.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:22, Reply)

I must admit
I pretty much assumed the animal wasn't going to enjoy it, animals being somewhat less kinky than people.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Sea anemones
They look like they're up for a good time.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:59, Reply)

easy peesy
the rabbit, from the Cadbury's "Caramel" advert.



/sneaks off to toilet
(bugboybeast, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Hmmn
A Praying Mantis - and then I would twat her on the head with a lead pipe when I finished.

One for the boys.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Dr Tugnut
in the conservatory, with the lead pipe?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:50, Reply)