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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Seeing as no one else has made one yet
Fuck off, cuntface!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:27, 238 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Good Morning
I've been at work 1.5 hours, and achieved practically nothing.

Today is going to be very long.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:29, Reply)
Morning Lab
I was just about to do that. Copied the URL of the sign and everything, then thought, "I'd better refresh in case anyone has started an HSH thread".

How's the weather? It's pissing with rain here. Going by the amount of water around, had it been snow we'd have been waist deep in it.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:29, Reply)
Good morning Lab & K2 (edit: & Vampyrecat)
I nearly died twice on the way to work, but made it here!

Handy hint: when driving in adverse conditions such as a lot of the country is experiencing, it is inadvisable to floor your car in an effort to get to work for the 8.15 flexi time sign on, or you will end up parked on the grass/snow verge sideways.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:30, Reply)
morning all!
how are we this morning???

On the news today we saw the snow in London. Looks amazing.
EDIT: Sam - yes that is probably a good piece of advice to remember.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:31, Reply)
Moaning Bitches
Hows it going? I'm stuck in as the motorway is closed and the side roads are twisty hilly country roads.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:32, Reply)
Moaning Ethel, I considered sacking work off
but then spoke to a few people who live further away than me and were going in, so I thought it'd look bad if I was making a snowman working from home all day.

Roads were fairly clear for the most part, apart from the bits that weren't. Which was after I started driving faster because I thought it was all clear!

Did a sweet power slide into the work car park though.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:35, Reply)
are you guys
all used to driving in snow?? I mean I know that's a stupid question but the sheer amount of snow that's fallen seems to mean a lot of you aren't used to that much just going by the comments.

I'm used to driving into the sun/heavy rain. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:38, Reply)
Morning all :)
Looks like a sunny day here (Warwickshire), haven't had snow since about 9pm last night. Roads are very icy though...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:38, Reply)
@V-cat
We used to get a fair bit of snow up here in Scotland, but during recent mild winters we've had very little so we've got out of the habit of driving in it.

Southern England, on the other hand, very rarely gets this kind of weather, and London's transport system is stretched to breaking point at the best of times. There are so many people living in the south east corner of England that I'm surprised it doesn't sink into the sea! Therefore any disruption at all and the whole place grinds to a halt.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:41, Reply)
I'm fully aware how to drive in snow, although we don't get huge amounts of it
I was just driving like a bit of a dick. Worth it to see my bosses face (I gave him a lift) when we were going sideways though!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:46, Reply)
Morning folks!
Nice ALT text there, Lab :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:47, Reply)
No3l
That was to satisfy Bert ;)

Also I was listening to a Nasenbluten song, and got inspired.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:49, Reply)
ahahah
I wasn't implying that you didn't know how sam - I just wondered cos people seem to be saying how dangerous it is - and I've never even seen snow in my part of the world! (the one place I did - the snow was about an inch thick and I was 6 years old)

And I wish you'd gotten pictures of your bosses face.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:49, Reply)
It's not really that difficult or dangerous, we haven't even had that much snow in the grand scheme of things
Higher gear - lower revs is what you have to remember, unlike all the clueless bastards who rev the arse off it in first and wonder why the wheels just spin! There do seem to be a lot of idiots on the road, so obviously my statement above that it's not difficult doesn't apply to everyone.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:54, Reply)
Lab
I'm very satisfied with your alt-text there, well done.

And yes, I am BACK, so you'd all better watch it, alright?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:58, Reply)
What Sam said
Keep the revs down, and in higher gear (unless going downhill, then a low gear is better than braking).

Don't brake if you can avoid it, and certainly don't brake hard. Don't steer sharply. Drive smoothly - and not TOO slowly.

Done. As Gordon Ramsay might say.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:59, Reply)
Hi bertie :p
How're you?

Why is it better to drive in a higher gear? provide more traction or something?

EDIT: Aren't you glad I'm not a learner driver in your country!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:02, Reply)
I'm fine thank you, Lesbian Vampyre
*considers lesbian vampires*

How are you?

*spaffs*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:03, Reply)
G'morning Berty!
Work today is already sucking massive amounts of dog cock. And not in the good way.

Edit: Lesbian vampires are cool, but not as cool as lesbian vampire assassins. Although the film Razorblade Smile, which contains said LVAs, is a steaming turd.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:05, Reply)
I'm just fine thanks
sick to fucking death of bloody "1984" by George Orwell though. It is the most depressing, defeatist piece of literature I have ever had the misfortune to be told to study.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:05, Reply)
In a lower gear you've got more torque but you can't use it
So it's better to be in a higher gear for the traction, the torque doesn't matter as much.

Like when you're in fairly slippy mud (I do a lot of driving in fields as well) it's often better to take off in second as first will just wheelspin.

I'm buying a 4x4 in a month or two, bit gutted I haven't bought it already as it would be pretty fun in this!

Edit: I hate it when studying something kills it for you. I really like 1984 but I can definitely understand how overanalysing it would make you not want to read it any more.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:07, Reply)
Mornion'
Am currently debating with myself whether to call work and ask if they think the weather's still too snowy to make the journey to work, or whether I should just stop slacking off and cycle to work (4 miles) today.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:08, Reply)
Hello you lovely people. And Bert
Snow is melting pretty fast but my car was covered in about half an inch of ice. Door was frozen shut all the windows were frozen shut and I was gently peeling the wipers off the screen but sadly they were quite knackered anyway so now I have a strip of rubber stuck to the screen *cries*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:09, Reply)
Mornin' Badgerkins
I read "strip of rubber stuck" as "stripping rubber duck".
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:11, Reply)
Is that your Marina badger? :(
I had ice on the inside of my windscreen today, not nice! Had to leave it running to warm up while I had my breakfast as well.

And the sodding heating is on the blink now. Just ordered the part I need though I think.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:12, Reply)
Labia&bert
Wouldn't you like it if I actually performed an act of said vampyre lesbianism??? :p

Sam: i read it for pleasure last year - Hated it then. got told to read it this year - hate it still.
My english teacher hates me because I told him exactly why I don't like it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:12, Reply)
Sam
That's it exactly. In snow, you want to be using the minimum amount of torque possible to move. Since rolling resistance is virtually non-existent in snow, most cars don't have a problem starting even in 3rd gear when they're on the white stuff.

Automatic boxes can be somewhat challenging in snow. Most autos have a 'winter' setting. The better ones talk to the engine ECU to limit wheel torque, as well as automatically selecting higher gears. The cheaper nastier ones just lock out 1st gear.

Edit: Spakkaman: TGB did that as well. She stripped me off and forced me to dance around in the snow, laughing manically at my ice-shrunken appendage.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)
Morning All
My better half caught a train AND a bus to travel the 10 miles to her work. The nursery is right by it too. She got to the nursery to be told its closed because the staff cannot get in!!

/rant

I mean FFS WTF is that all about. ALL the staff live closer than she does but THEY cannot make it in!!!!

Bloody country, breeding pathetically minded individuals. OOOOhh it looks TREACHEROUS out there!!
On 5live this morning they had a reporter out on the 'street' who was amazed that someone had actually cycled yes CYCLED into work. In these conditions? Yes. Give them a fucking George Cross!

/end rant

How is everyone?
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)
1984 is an incredible book
if you weren't a lesbian vampye I'd bitch-slap you with a haddock.

Now please perform lesbian vampire acts on the prudish Mrs Monkeysex while I take her roughly from behind.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)
hahahhahahhahahhahahaha
No I wouldn't drive the Marina in this, she is all tucked up warmly(ish) in th garage. This is the Fiesta. There is a lot of small problems starting to emerge (the drivers lock is knackered, think the paddle has half snapped in the barrel) and some seal issues.. and the wipers are knackered - I've been saying for ages I need new ones and now I will actually need to buy some
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)
VC
You don't have to do the vampirism. You don't actually have to do any of it, I can see lesbians any time i want to.

Badger, my Ka was fine today, might I recommend upgrading your car to one?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:17, Reply)
I agree that it is a classic
but I still find it incredibly depressing. it's like they're saying "We're going to fight! fuck the oppressors! fuck the system! we're going to use real words! Screw Newspeak!" and then they all end up as, for want of a better description, mindless zombies who cannot think or feel anything for themselves other then what they are told to think and feel.

And I found that quite disheartening.
And how old is mrs monkeysex bert? I'm not huge on older wimmin :P

And RubberDuck, Sam, thanks for explaining all that for me!

EDIT: Lab - it was a joke :P /pokes sides teasingly.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:18, Reply)
Your car would be fine Lab
unless you hit anything then it would asplode

@VC Lab has a lot of side to poke as well teehee!! *runs away*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:18, Reply)
VC
I guessed it was a joke, I just didn't want to come across like the kind of creepy internet weirdo who demands acts of lesbianism from strangers.

Badger, if an F1 car hit something, it would asplode too. My car's not built for durability, it's built for cheapness low weight.

Edit: Badger, you terrible cunt!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:22, Reply)
TGB
That's not very nice!

*laughs really hard* *coughs* I don't believe her at all Lab!

EDIT: Lab - you can't outweird Bert or Al. I think I can cope.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:23, Reply)
Right!
I'm going to attempt to cycle to work today (4 miles, Outer London). See you in the evening thread.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:23, Reply)
Lab that's not nice
but then again I like them a bit mean *winks*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:24, Reply)
Good luck
Spakka.

:)
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:25, Reply)
This morning
It was -6 in my corner of Essex last night.
And the heating in my room doesn't work.
The snow that had melted on the roads yesterday has turned to ice.
But I'm at work... Damn Land Rover.

Oh, and I've got an email saying "Some guy fell over on the ice, can you do an accident report?"

NO I FUCKING CAN'T.
If some shit-for-brains-retard chokes on his sandwich at lunchtime, THAT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT EITHER.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:27, Reply)
VampyreCat
I am offended that you would assume that Mrs Monkeysex is an older woman! She's 21, 22 next month.

I'm going to have to buy her more bloody presents.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:27, Reply)
aha Bert dearest
she's older then me by 5 years if that's true. Thats a big gap at age 17. :P

Sounds like a good catch you got there :P

EDIT: Kaol - who said it was your fault??
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:30, Reply)
Bert
May i recommend you don't buy her 'bloody presents', as the risk of AIDS and Hep are pretty high.

Unless you can vouch for the blood.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:31, Reply)
Er...
If anything goes wrong here it's "my fault".
Kinda my job.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:34, Reply)
Kaol
How come? are you a OH&S representative?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:36, Reply)
Yep.
Well, the UK version of :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:37, Reply)
It doesn't feel like the HSH thread
until Kaol has had his morning bitch :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:39, Reply)
I am going to kill someone in a moment
I'm working from home and next door they seem to be intent on knocking the walls down. Even the fucking floorboards under me are shaking.

I have a headache. I'm pissed off. Did I mention I have a headache?

Fucknuggets.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:39, Reply)
Kaol
I'm trying really hard not to laugh here...
but I honestly can't picture you doing that!!!

Something to do with your demeanor I think. :p
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:41, Reply)
Well...
You're pretty much right, TGB.

I find if I let it all out at the start of the day, it stops me from killing anyone.

EDIT: Vampy, people say that a lot... Here you go: www.b3ta.com/questions/blood/post220074
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:41, Reply)
I want anyone who annoys me to explode
Yes boss, bugging me about when a case is going back will only delay it further and cause unnecessary stress. Cock off, you knobber.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:42, Reply)
*Hands of chickenlady a nice cuppa*
Noisy neighbours are a nightmare
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:44, Reply)
wow
Loving the blood and guts in your job!!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:45, Reply)
Thank you TGM
They're not stopping. It sounds like a sledgehammer is slowly and rhythmically taking a wall down - that's an honest description too.

I suppose I should be grateful they've waited until well after 9am and it's a weekday when you'd expect most people to be out at work.
Sadly I work from home some days.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:48, Reply)
Chickenlady
is it not possible to ask them to stop? Or put in industrial strength ear plugs in (your ears)?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:49, Reply)
Yeah mine just skips first gear I think rubberduck, it is a very old auto box!
Interestingly though it has two reverse gears and selects a higher ratio reverse as well when you put it in E (economy/winter mode). German engineering for you.

Lab - a Fiesta to a Ka is not an upgrade!!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:49, Reply)
Yeah,
Blood and guts are fun!
I'm completely un-freak-out-able when it comes to that kinda thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:50, Reply)
They've stopped!
Thank fuck for that!

I think they're taking down a chimney breast.

Now if I'm lucky I can get some work done...
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:53, Reply)
I'm not really...
"unfreakoutable". I have a problem with blood. Like, small amounts of blood.
for some reason large amounts of blood don't bother me, but a papercut or someone slicing their hand open in the kitchen at work (has happened several times) gets me dizzy as fuck.

Otherwise I'm all good :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:53, Reply)
Well...
*shrugs*
Bad luck, I guess!

I love blood. Best of all the body-fluids.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:57, Reply)
Morning all
Spent a significant amount of last night discussing religion but did a better job of defending religion from my agnostic and atheist arguments than the (religious) person I was debating with. Definitely need more of that kind of stimulation though as I'm WAY less informed about religion than I used to be, which sucks.

On a less confusing note - I've got another date on Friday =]
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:57, Reply)
I've got a date on Friday too!
Except... I didn't realise it was one.
My mate has tried to set me up with his ex. Do not want that.
*shakes head*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 9:59, Reply)
Congrats on the date V!
Same girl?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:00, Reply)
That's, erm, weird
I hope I'm not your mate's ex...

:edit: No this girl is a full size person.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:01, Reply)
Er...
I hope not...
:|

Although a date with you would be lovely.
I'm not doing dates at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:03, Reply)
I'm not dating either
Don't want to, can't make me.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:05, Reply)
Hmm...
I sense a Blind Date-style TV show coming on...
With me presenting.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Ooo!
Bagsy cameraman/executor.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
I'm not dating either
*sigh*

I kinda want to though.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:09, Reply)
Lab, fuck off!
You're the prize!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:10, Reply)
Kaol
If I'm the prize, I demand to be allowed to harpoon any winners I don't like, for whatever reason or whim I decide.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:12, Reply)
This question goes to number 2
If you were a knife-wielding rape maniac, where would you take me on a first date?

...and how would you dispose of my body?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:13, Reply)
I'd take you
to the dormant volcano about 9 miles from my house, and take you on a picnic.

and then I'd heave your body off the crest of the limestone onto the rocks about 100ft below us to disguise the damage.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:14, Reply)
I'm not dating either
as nobody wants to ask me out!

Maybe I should come on Kaol's Blind Date.

Edit: Especially if Lab is the prize!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:15, Reply)
Morning everyone.
I'm covering my old boss for the day. This means I'm working with the talker today.
I've been here 19minutes and I already want to stab her in the face.

How is everyone?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:20, Reply)
Hmmm...
I just had the best idea ever.
ACTUAL Blind Date.

Get a blind guy, and three "dates" for him.

So... A midget in a trenchcoat on stilts, a nice lady and a bear.

Then see what happens. And film the results.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:21, Reply)
Sam, you sure know how to make a fella blush!
VC, I think the sulphur smell of the volcano would be offputting on a date, plus, seeing as you're a vampire, the picnic would be at night, and I stopped being a goth years ago.

I like the disposal method though!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:22, Reply)
That sounds lovely and romantic, vamp
but I fear that I may have too much cock for you to date me.

Lusty, staple her tits to the watercooler.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)
Bert
I'd rather not look at, touch or go anywhere near her tits.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:29, Reply)
thanks lust
I feel so loved. *cries*

Bert poppet - my sig clearly denotes that i am neither a vampyre nor a cat. Also - the volcano's been dormant for 8000 years. there's no smell at all.

EDIT: Also Bert. Just cos you have enough for your mrs doesn't mean it's enough for me should I choose to play nicely.
*sniffs*
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:32, Reply)
Can I go near your tits Lusty?
V is a dating machine and Kaol a date with your friends ex or whatever sounds like it could be fun. Can I come along to watch?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:34, Reply)
You love her tits
you want to marry her tits, have babies with her tits, buy an Audi A4 and move to a suburban semi with her tits.
You want to grow old with her tits, wearing grey cardigans and pissing yourself in the corner, you want her tits to feed you pre-chewed food as you're lying on your death bed, regretting not spending more time with her tits.

You want to slowly release her tits's hand as you draw your last breath and move on to the afterlife.

I think you might be a little bit obsessed. You probably need help.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:34, Reply)
TGB
You can do whatever you like to my tits, as long as it's something nice.

Bert. I didn't realise I was so transparent :(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:40, Reply)
lusty
I have a doctorate in psychological sciences, I can see the sub-text
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:41, Reply)
Lust
I like the transparency. it lets me know where I stand.

Bert - thanks for helping her come to terms with her transparency.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:41, Reply)
It's not a date!
I'm not doing dates, there's someone who's kinda got my full attention.
*changes subject*

So... On Friday I'm going out with my best friend's ex, to see the UK première of the new Bruce Campbell film, with the man himself giving a talk beforehand :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:43, Reply)
Bruce Campbell is my hero
I am jealous.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:45, Reply)
Ooh you subject changer you
*fondles Lusty's boobs*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:45, Reply)
Bruce Campbell
Is he the one who makes those meatballs and soups?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Goat mooning oil
I shimmied out of my untreated road this morning - all the rest of my route was fine. Not much traffic, bloody skivers.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Yep, he is Burt.
I'm in for a night of salty, meaty goodness.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Lab
have you ever read his autobiography?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:49, Reply)
MMMmmmmMMMmmm...
If he tries to beat you with his copy of 'A Call to Arms' thonk him on the head with a cupasoup.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Badger
No, I haven't, but I ought to.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:50, Reply)
You should
I'll lend it to you if you like because I am actually lovely
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:51, Reply)
Yes you are, Badger
And that would be very lovely of you.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:53, Reply)
Badger =
Library with a probably shaven vagina.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:54, Reply)
Yes
we'll have to do lunch some day and I can give it to you *nudge nudge wink wink*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:55, Reply)
Nom nom
I've just eaten slightly less than my own weight in pancakes and now feel a bit sick.

Missed all the tits talk as well by the look of it...

But I am going to win a hot date with Lab on the TV, so it's all good.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:56, Reply)
Oh God
Her Parkinsons is playing up again! Nurse Kaol, do your magic!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:56, Reply)
Speaking of dating
Valentine's day is coming up, I want to do something extra specially nice for the Mrs, any ideas...?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:59, Reply)
You know sam
I did that last weekend.

Fuck it was good.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:00, Reply)
Ah, fake pancake day!
*grins*

I've just got an orange. Better than nothing, I guess.

Also Lab, It's Dr. Kaol, not "nurse"... *shakes fist*


EDIT: Burt, Valentine's Day is a crock of shit. Just don't bother. Then loudly state things about "cash-bastard card companies" and "I don't need one special day to show how much I love you", if questioned.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:01, Reply)
Bert
You could untie her for the day
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:01, Reply)
Have you not reached consultant level then?
Surely you're Mr Black these days...

Apparently we're getting pancakes on real pancake day as well, nice!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:02, Reply)
For V Day Bert
Allow her to wear the blindfold for a change?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:02, Reply)
Bert
What I like to do, is buy a little bag - and fill it up with things that mean something to whomever I give it to.

So - movie ticket stubs, things that fit in to jokes you've told each other, photos of the two of you, etc etc.

it's personal and although it's a bit gooey it is valentines afterall and I'm sure she'd like it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:02, Reply)
I want cigarettes for V day
*hint hint hint*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)
Sexy photos
are always a good Valentine's gift.
Obviously make sure they're of yourself...

*waves hello to people*
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)
Hello Mellicious
How are you today?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:06, Reply)
Hi mell
not sure if we've met. I'm vamp.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:06, Reply)
Nudges and winks to TGB
I know what you're thinking, you dirty little scamp!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)
Heya :)
I'm alright, I finally have snow toooo! *dances*
Hey Vamp, nice to meet you!
How is everyone else?
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)
Yo Mell
I just made a little pallet out of cardboard *is impressed with art and craft skillllz*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:08, Reply)
Mornin' Mel :)
TGB, cigarettes are an awesome present, whatever the occasion.

I need one now, but... Stupid work.
*twitches*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:08, Reply)
Morning Mellicious
If anyone wants to buy me a Valentines Day present, I'll settle for 400 Lucky Strike, a new laptop or a Mitsubishi L200. Or some sex.

Ta.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:08, Reply)
Bruce Campbell
Is good in Burn Notice.
Morning mellicious!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:09, Reply)
Sam,
Can you get the 400-packs of Luckies?
WHERE?
I need to know this!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:10, Reply)
Look what you've done Sam!
no sex for you.

Ethel I have no idea what you mean *looks innocent*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:10, Reply)
nice to meet you too mell
:)

I'd like some luff and fluffles please if anyone remembers me :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:11, Reply)
By 400 I mean 2 x 200!
And no, don't know anywhere in this country to get them (unless you mean stupidly expensive UK ones)

Can get any amount of tobacco but no bloody fags at the moment.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:12, Reply)
Hmmm...
I'll have to buy a box when I go to America.
*grins*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:13, Reply)
proffers luff and huggles to Vampy
oh, Lusty and TGB can have some too I guess :P


And a special wink for Kaol so he doesn't feel left out.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:15, Reply)
awww thanks ethel!
I'll take you up on that. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:18, Reply)
I'm wondering
whether I should go to work or not...
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:22, Reply)
Mell
If you're wondering, then maybe it's best if you stayed home.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:24, Reply)
That excuse
is good enough for me! :)
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:25, Reply)
Yeah, stay at home
I'll not be too jealous of you...

Sometimes I hate the fact that I've got a Land Rover...

There's only about a third of the people here today too. Bastards!
I'd rather be at home, playing in the snow.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:27, Reply)
I just
had to call my letting agemcy AGAIN BECAUSE FUCKING SURPRISE SURPRISE THEY DIDN'T FUCKING CALL ME BACK ARHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:32, Reply)
They never call back
It's beneath them.

Are you moving out then?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:38, Reply)
Not moving
just still have issues from when I moved it 18 months ago
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)
TGB
That's pants :(
*gives hugs*
Send them threatening letters and bloody animal parts, if that doesn't work get some large people to go over and beat them into sorting things out for you.
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:42, Reply)
Hey Labs...
had any good potatoes recently?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:43, Reply)
Ah... Letting agents...
You need three things.

Petrol.
A lighter.
Their address.

Cover yourself in the juice, burst into their office and start sparking the lighter.

They'll sort out your problem, quickly.

EDIT: Animal parts? Not bad. *takes note*

Mornin' Clendrix! You in work today?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:43, Reply)
Clenders
Sadly not, but you've inspired me to have one for lunch!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Or they'll keep themselves warm
by huddling around your burning carcass.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Thanks Mel *hugs*
Everyone in the office has volunteered to come down to the offices and shout "Sort it aaaaarrrt you slllaaaaaags"

*spies Clendrix*
*pounces*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)
Hi Clendrix!
wow - I disappear for ten minutes and this is what goes on in my absence....
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:49, Reply)
*mumbles from under a pile of Badger*
I am indeed in work. Can't really say I'm at work though.

Potatoey goodness.
Hi Vampy.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)
I'd get up
but I can't tear myself away from you Clendrix*snuggles up instead*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:55, Reply)
how's life for you drix?
it's funny here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:01, Reply)
For me?
Very pleasant - so far, this year has been a good deal lovelier than last year.
Why funny there?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:03, Reply)
because my brother
is all embarrassed cos it's his second day at his new school and he's already been given a dance partner for his schools formal this year.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:04, Reply)
Is it the History teacher
Mr Gropesupyoungboys?

I had him at my school, your brother is a lucky young man, he'll be taught things he won't be able to do legally for years.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:06, Reply)
I wish
its a catholic school though so who knows for sure?

Nah its some fine looking girl from his year.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:07, Reply)
Then what's he complaining about?
Unless he's a gayer too?
I wouldn't have thought so, because that would make it genetic, and if there was a gay gene, then by the fact that the gays don't procreate, surely it would die out?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:09, Reply)
This year
Has been great so far.
I agree.

EDIT: Nah, a "gay gene" could be recessive, so easily passed on.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:11, Reply)
Word to ya mother.
Hows the afternoon for everyone?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)
I also agree
I have thoroughly enjoyed this year thus far.

That doesn't mean jack, bert. my whole family is straight. except me.

EDIT: Kaol's right.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)
That's true, Kaol
I could be a carrier for the gay gene, thank goodness I'm never going to have a boy.

If I had a gay son, I'd drown him in a bucket.

Vamp tell the little brother to man up a bit, he's going to the dance with a lovely young lady, he's a very lucky boy and he has nothing to worry about.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:15, Reply)
wow bert
great to know your son is going to be able to come talk to you about anything without fear of you not taking him seriously....

EDIT: and I already have. After myspacing her. She is actually pretty nice looking. I told him to be nice.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:18, Reply)
I was kidding
If I had a son and he came out, I'd probably take him to a gay bar and embarrass him by pulling his best friend's todger.

Ahhh.... I bet they'll have a lovely time.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:19, Reply)
bert
so was I...


:D I was trying to get you to say something along those lines :P

edit: bert you're secretly a mushy person aren't you??
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:22, Reply)
VC
Yes, Bert is.

Internally.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:26, Reply)
Well...
I've kissed Burt.
And I can officially say "Yes. He's mushy."
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:26, Reply)
I dunno about mushy
he seemed pretty hard when I got my hands on him
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:26, Reply)
Woo! I just came home from work!
Snow has really picked up and a lot of the roads are virtually impassable already. I'm going to build a snowman!

In other news, I was having a fag at work just before we decided to leave and saw some prick in a Mondeo slide sideways down the hill, take out one of the wooden posts along the car park border and then drive off leaving half his front bumper behind, what a cock! Got his registration number though :D
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:28, Reply)
Secretly?
Nope, I'm bloody lovely me. I dish out affection in the form of insults because I love you all so much. I'm crazy about you useless, lazy, pathetic little twats.

Mwah! and big hugs to you all.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:28, Reply)
ahaha
bert.
when I get to a b3ta bash - PLEASE make it there.

I nearly said "please come" but then I knew you actually would with excitement :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:29, Reply)
TGB
I think that nerves actually prevented me from getting hard while you were kneading Hitlercock. Sorry, that was him in his flaccid state.

I was hard when al and Kaol kissed me though, and I'll do my best to attend bashes arranged by foreign weirdos like cackers and vampyrecat, because I want to know what it's like to fart on a person from a different country.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:34, Reply)
I prefer "groping"
I shall probably be as drunk at the next one so you can get over your nerves and we can try again
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:39, Reply)
bert
I'll fart right back on you, you know I will. I'm a teenager - I will if I have to!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:41, Reply)
You're a liar, cat
There's no such thing as girls on the internet, especially not lesbian teenage girls from down under. I think you're actually an old man in a dirty mac somewhere near Hartlepool.

TGB there won't be a next time! I'm a good boy!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:44, Reply)
I plan to be drunk at the next one too.
I was sober at the last, and had a normal, uneventful night.
No fights, no drinking with tramps, no police.
I'm getting boring in my old age.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:45, Reply)
you're a terrible cynic
for one so young bertie :p

Just you wait and see.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:46, Reply)
Kaol
You've behaved like a right bell-end at the two bashes I've been to. It's no wonder I hate you.

Wait til late 2010? If I'm still here and haven't died of a massive drugs overdose from being rich and famous, sure I'll see you then.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:47, Reply)
I feel left out
Bert has never kissed me or let me touch him. I must be really ugly =[
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:48, Reply)
@ Bert You won't have a say in the matter
you will shut up and take it and you'll fucking love it
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:49, Reply)
Captain V
You are not ugly. You are a very handsome chappy with an excellent taste in T-shirts.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:50, Reply)
Yeah, I don't blame you Burt.
Although I didn't realise you were at that previous bash...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:51, Reply)
tshirts
he has specially made and then makes whole websites to try and disguise this fact. I'm on to you V!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:53, Reply)
You didn't realise I was there?
You were being really aggressive towards al and I, so we just straightened our bowties and ignored you.

TGB I'm going to bring Mrs Monkeysex, she'll stop you from touching my special area. Please don't hurt her. Or tell her that I let you touch my trousermeat.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:55, Reply)
I'll touch her special area
instead then and then she'll realise you don't excite her in the same way I do and leave you for me. And then I will have lots of crazy monkeysex with her while you stand outside in the snow looking through the window sadly.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:56, Reply)
Whoops...
Well, I'm sure you were a foolish young man too, once.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:56, Reply)
V
I might even turn for you if you behave :p

forget about bert. everyone loves you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:57, Reply)
TGB
I nearly wet myself reading that!

@Lusty Thank you my dear but you're unlikely get me to accept that I'm anything better than average looking...especially if you ask Al for his opinion.

:edit: *reads VC's post* *starts behaving*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 12:58, Reply)
*sighs*
You're a Fittie McVittie captain V.
Just accept that please.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:06, Reply)
I just don't get it myself
But I'll shut up as I'm getting concious that it looks like I'm seeking attention.

Soooooo....chocolate biscuits. Yummy!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:09, Reply)
ahaha V
you know it's only a "might" don't you?
and I think you are very nice looking (for a boy).
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:10, Reply)
Cuddles please!
I've just had a traumatic time at the dentist getting a dead back tooth pulled.

15 minutes to get the fucker as as the roots were so deep, and I had the largest dose of anaesthetic and it only just kicked fully in once the thing was out.

I now have a black hole in the back of my mouth that wouldn't be out of place in Calcutta and I've swallowed fuckloads of blood and feel a bit giddy and sick:(

Red blood on white snow looks lovely however.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:10, Reply)
*cuddles BK*
awww it'll be alright gummy face. Just get destroyed on painkillers.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:15, Reply)
@ Lusty
Yarp; I plan to.

Taken my first dose already; although I looked like a spastic eating soup doing it.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:17, Reply)
I know VC
But if I don't behave it's not even a might!

Beakers! How've you been? Haven't seen you in ages now. Sorry to hear about your tooth =/
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:17, Reply)
/gives BK a hug
I hate dentists too. they're taking out my wisdom teeth in two months. Bastards.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:18, Reply)
ouch BK
That's nasty!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:20, Reply)
@BK
No change there then :p
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:21, Reply)
*enjoys the hugs*
@ VC

I don't envy you at all!

I look like I've been punched. Face is all swollen:S

To make matters worse, it sounds like my housemate's getting the fuck of her life upstairs which is very disturbing. I don't think they realise I'm in!

@V

Apart from the tooth I'm ok; back in Leeds yesterday after 10 days in Scotland. Drank nice wine and brandy, saw my mate in Edinburgh, had lunch with Tulip a few times and just generally chilled out.

How's your handsome self?

*edit*
@ Lusty

Oh, how dare you!
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:23, Reply)
Um sllightly ew on the housemate front
the dentists have already stolen four of my teeth to make room for my adult teeth - and now they want to steal four more!


Anyhow - i'm off to sleepfor the night.

Much love muppets. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:26, Reply)
I dont know why
But I'm now imagining you as the hunchback of Notre Dame being mocked by your house mate and her suitor.

Edinburgh sounds like it was fun. I've been skiing in France and bumming about since I got back, need to do a bit less of that really. I also went on a date with a 3:4 scale person at the weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:28, Reply)
@ V
I'm certainly not a hunchback.
I am belming and dribbling slightly.

I'm tempted to write a scorecard and wave it at them when they appear!

How did the date go though?
*hopes well*
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:36, Reply)
You've got to do the scorecard
It's be brilliant.

My date went ok, not really sure what I think of her but I'd go on a second date. Haven't spoken to her since Sunday actually...probably should.

Looking forward to my date (with somebody else) on Friday though, she seems very fun =D
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:42, Reply)
pickleface!!
*hugs* aww that sounds painful :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:45, Reply)
Argh!
I'm reviewing a code change where if an email address is changed, a test email is automatically sent to the new address. I joked to the person who made the change that it should say, "If you do not receive this email, please contact us." She gave me a blank look and replied, "I just put what it said in the design. You should have suggested that when the design was reviewed."
Dear God.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:49, Reply)
@ V
Sounds promising fella!

You hussy!

*enjoys badgerface hugs*
I think I convinced myself it should hurt. The pushing and the crunching! *shudders*

The jabs are starting to wear off so am waiting for the pain anxiously.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:51, Reply)
Get kaol on the case
He can transplant her brain with that of a dung bettle. Or he could just kill her.

:edit: BK if you want distracting from the pain of your mouth I could break your fingers with a claw hammer.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:52, Reply)
*grabs brain-transplant-er-ator*
Let's get to work.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:55, Reply)
@ V
Thnak you for your kind offer, but I feel I should decline and take the tooth pain like a poof man.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:56, Reply)
A dung beetle?
Then the code would improve but I suspect that rolling dung into balls might be beyond her.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:58, Reply)
Light - more proof people are stupid!
My housemate was telling me the other day someone emailed the council helpdesk which generates an automated email saying thank you for your email blah blah.

However the guy that sent it also had an automated email saying than you for your email blah blah.

After about 1000 emails bouncing between the two the system did eventually asplode
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:06, Reply)
TGB
Tee hee! Whenever I get two Nigerian email scams I like to email each one telling them to use my private address. I give each the address of the other.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:19, Reply)
Whenever I respond to nigerian scams
they ignore me. That makes me feel lonely :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:38, Reply)
Light that is a good tactic!
I don't think I have ever recieved a nigerian scam email :(

But if they did and I emailed them back they would obviously respond because I'm awesome and they would probably end up giving me money
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:42, Reply)
TGB
You need to set up a dedicated email account, then use that account to go whoring web guestbooks and usenet.

You'll be beating the scammers off with a stick.

Not that I've scambaited in the past. Honest
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:49, Reply)
Duckie that
goes a long way to explaining your low magic number, sitting at home all day giggling with glee as you manage to snare another scammer :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:51, Reply)
I WANT FUCKING BISCUITS

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:52, Reply)
It was more like
sitting at work all day giggling with glee.

It was a useful way to pass the time in a previous (boring) job.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:52, Reply)
I can offer
platonic chocolate
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:54, Reply)
Platonic chocolate is no good to me
I demand promiscuous penguins and sexually ambiguous viscounts immediately.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:56, Reply)
Fucking biscuits?
When I read that all I could think of was
"I want your pink wafer in my jammy dodger"

*hangs head in shame*
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 14:57, Reply)
That's something to be proud of Mel
*giggles at "head"*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:00, Reply)
Non-sex-biscuit-related
But I'm listening to Superunknown by Soundgarden. It's fucking awesome. That is all.

EDIT: Oh dear Mel... *shakes head*
Too much b3ta. It's bad for you.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:01, Reply)
I was like this
before I found b3ta..
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:04, Reply)
Oh...
In that case, all hope is gone.

Consider this your official welcome to Off Topic :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)
Thanks :)
I like the people on here
(I helped save b3ta! Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)
I like some of them
Not Burt though.
He's a bad man.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:10, Reply)
ARRRRAGGGGGGGG
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Jesus titty christ this woman can talk.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:16, Reply)
Time to fill her guts
With super-crabs?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:17, Reply)
Not a bad idea.
I'd feel a teeny bit mean doing that though.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:22, Reply)
Give me two hours.
I've got the eggs, just need to jump on the train.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:25, Reply)
Lusty
cunt her in the fuck. It's that simple.

Kaol, Superunknown? You've just earned one respect point from me, which puts your current score at minus 210.

Well done.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:27, Reply)
Will the crabs burst out from her insides
Spraying red everywhere?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:28, Reply)
Thanks Burt.
Not that I care.
Now listening to Facelift by Alice In Chains. Not that you care.

Lusty, yep, it'll be a mighty burst of claws, gore and teeth.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:37, Reply)
I do care Kaol
I want to like you, but you make it very difficult for me.

Alice in Chains are a bit meh.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:40, Reply)
I'm listening to
people in my office hum Airwolf
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)
A Lice in Chains?
So close...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:45, Reply)
I don't really care either way, Burt.
To be honest, you do fill the role of "small, passive-aggressive, hairy man" in my life quite nicely.

But the title doesn't dictate your attitude towards me as a requirement.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:46, Reply)
You do care, Kaol
You care because like many before you, you love me.

You can't get my beauteous comments and physique out of your festering little head.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:48, Reply)
Well, in that case,
I'll be your Mark David Chapman, John.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 15:51, Reply)
Or
you can just kill the thread :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:04, Reply)
You can shut your filthy mouth.
*frowns*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:06, Reply)
Kaol!
*slaps*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:07, Reply)
If I had kept
my filthy mouth shut you'd still be sat here by yourself
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:08, Reply)
Oh...
I didn't realise you were about :|
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:08, Reply)
I didn't mean to kill it again :(
I'm going now.
Bye!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:19, Reply)
Alone at last
Just me and... umm...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:22, Reply)
Me!
*winks* Lucky you
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:45, Reply)
and ME
It's not a party without Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:48, Reply)
OOH
Threesome ;)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 16:50, Reply)
Make that an orgy
*wink*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 17:29, Reply)

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