Good Afternoon Fan Club!
Since this morning you've all given yourselves pats on the back and been fed no doubt, so I'm assuming the mood has somewhat perked up.

Now, as b3ta's leader, I am often asked what it is that b3ta needs in order to improve.
Now this isn't going to be some CLOSE QOTW AS IT'S SHIT thread. You all seem to turn those back on me for no reason.

What this can be is an open discussion on what YOU, the ugly, want to see on b3ta in the future.
Here's a chance to show off in front of the single mothers again, because everybody reads a JMG post.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:34, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like to see a democratically-elected leader for b3ta
instead of this loose dictatorship we appear to have inherited.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I VOTE JMG
A VOTE FOR JMG IS A VOTE AGAINST THE FAT SWEATY MESS OF INTERNET CULTURE.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:54, Reply)

I would like to know the reason why JMG
thinks he is the people's hero of b3ta. I'd like to see proof tantamount to this. Your followers are lessening by the day, I'm sure as a consequence of this JMG. All words and no action...this does not bode well.

Oh and more fluffeh kittehs please.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:38, Reply)

It's alright, it's not the end of the world if you don't fully understand my status.
Newer b3tans as such struggle with the fun of old, and over the years, as people with thick rims have attempted to turn this into an AOL style chatroom with best friends and b4shes, I've remained an impartial leader of the people.
Let's not turn this into another thread where people shout at me because I'm popular, yet don't show up at your popular bar-placed meet and greets. That looks silly.
Plus I don't understand these dwindling numbers we speak of. Has there been another group motion to ignore horrible, horrible JMG?
I give it a week. I'm very popular.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:43, Reply)

You see
I didn't follow you to the big board did I. Can I be on your list now please?

Also, what's your favourite colour and do you prefer a pleated or flat front trouser?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:48, Reply)

I don't control the list.
We've probably discussed this.
Please don't reply. At least not until I set up that "Pay-per-Reply" service I'm thinking of starting up.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Now, now
less of that wobbling please, you have followers who look up to you and I don't want them getting upset too. The world can only cope with so much wobbling.

Now I'm pretty sure, given that it's called the "THE JMG LIST OF APPROVED, INTERESTING B3TANS" that you must have some sort of control over it. Also it's in your profile.

So, in reference to this, I'm prepared to sever all contact with your good self in order to be on this list of yours.

Also, please let me know what trouser you prefer, I need some new ones and I need appropriate guidance from someone with as much sartorial opinion as you.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Legend has it the list was written by an o**line g*rl

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)

WHAT!?
Surely such a thing doesn't exist. Or if it did, how did JMG end up with it?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I'd like to know what you all had for lunch...
...I had a thoroughly agreeable chicken pasta salad rounded off with a bottle of Oasis and a Wispa.

I rate it as "very good, would eat again".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Are you talking
about your lunch or your girlfriend?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Both actually come to think of it.
How the heck are you Al old chap?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Afternoon JMG
The internet has some advice for you. Please study it closely, there will be a quiz afterwards to make sure you understood it.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Oh come on!
B3ta was built on self generated content!
www.jammastergeordie.com/2009/01/qotw.html
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Poor show
we've seen that one before. The internet moves so quickly you have to be ready to adapt much better than that. New stuff please!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Your reply makes no sense in relation to my post
Your link doesn't either.

Read my post again, slowly (it might help you to split the words into smaller segments), and try again.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:57, Reply)

Isn't there another popular /links post you could refer to here?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I don't read /links
So I have no idea what you're talking about.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:02, Reply)

This is all very convenient.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:05, Reply)

You
are very convenient.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:08, Reply)

ty

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:10, Reply)

You spelt it wrong
it's ym.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:13, Reply)

now I don't want to get pedantic
but seeing as a large majority of the planet live in abject poverty and I am pretty sure that Amazon tribes do not have wifi ...

Deos everyone really read your posts?
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Yeah..
Sometimes I forget which board I'm on.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:53, Reply)

WOW JMG you should be a politician
as you failed to answer my question, yet tried to patronise me at the same time.

JMG for minister of fucktardlyness.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Perhaps you shouldn't apply to be my press secretary.
As you didn't use a question mark.


You see, people have to UP the banter when it's aimed my way.
I'm very good at it.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Her post wasn't a direct question
and therefore did not require a question mark. She said "I would like to know the reason why JMG
thinks he is the people's hero of b3ta. I'd like to see proof tantamount to this."

Which is strictly speaking a pure statement, but the way it was phrased implies an open question to which she would obviously like a reply.

Sadly I fear it is you who must up their banter. 3/10 could do better.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)

"WOW JMG you should be a politician as you failed to answer my question"
But kudos on defending the female on the internet at such speed.

3/10
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:00, Reply)

As much as I like al, I fear JMG has straight up pwnt u heor.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:01, Reply)

THAT'LL CALM STUFF DOWN!
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Doh
Too busy doing real life work to get in the middle of that.

I'm still waiting for the answer to my trouser question though.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Going to the subject in hand
He wants you to take a dislike to him. He's being obtuse just to provoke a reaction - I don't really give a frig to be honest, it's a shame that his obvious writing talent isn't put to better use.

Anyway, what did you guys have for lunch?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Yes, and despite all this hatred I build up amongst you people. I remain very, very popular.
Yet I never go along and meet any of you people at these b4sh things.
I think this speaks wonders for the ability of those who don't take everything I say, and everything they see on the internet, so seriously.


Amazingly, somebody will find argument with this.
..and it'll be claimed I'm the one looking for arguments.



It's the typical British mentality to kick down what is on top. It's just I take a lot of kicking.
I'm very much at the top table of b3ta.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Oh shame, dream job gone then.
If you're so popular, where are your devoted followers? Or do you need to recruit more now?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:01, Reply)

I feel with each day I "recruit".
It's not a clan I run here!
If anything, with each reply I get on here, I appear more popular.

Which will really frustrate the genuinely serious on here. Which is a bit silly.


It's other people who can refer to my fan club on here..
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post366341
...The double standards amongst the double-chinned is quite frankly terrifying at times.
I'm never allowed to make my point.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:04, Reply)

You know what I love most about you, JMG?
No, not your supple, ample bosom, nor your comely ankles.

It's that you seem to divide your time quite equally between posting on B3ta and blogging about posting on B3ta.

Being able to do both in the third person makes me want to feel your helmet thrusting firmly past my tonsils.

Feel free to make out I'm angry, showing off for the girls or trying to make you cry on t'internet if it makes you happy.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:01, Reply)

It's hard to see where you were showing off in front of girls with such homosexual banter.
But I've heard of this bent for attention style banter on /talk.
I'll have it known I'm dead against it. I've even got the support of /talk's top queer, Moohalaa on the issue.

I'm an equal rights winner.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:06, Reply)

I imagine it is, dear boy
One can only measure the world by one's own experience, so naturally you are confused looking for the references you expect.

I also suspect the lady doth protest too much.

I fear another blog entry coming on. Don't you think it's about time you went out in the fresh air, JMG? You might even see some girls en route.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:17, Reply)

I'd like to draw you all to the subtle differences between the replies I get on /talk and the replies I get on here from the over enthusiastic.
www.b3ta.com/talk/5924878

See, there's barely anybody taking it too seriously.
It might kick off when they read this, mind.
That's how internet comedy works.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Out of all the people posting in this thread
You are taking it the most seriously, by far!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:15, Reply)

This "NO, YOU ARE!" style banter is a bit B-rate.
I feel my point is best gotten across by the replies, there.
Well done me. Another success for common sense.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Yeah,
your mum likes "No, you are!" style banter.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Maybe that's because they've been beaten into submission over there
by your endless ego trips, I'll go check
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Uh-oh
¦;¬(
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Well there's me blown out of the water.
www.b3ta.com/talk/5924923

:(
That's hardly very fair.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Hahahahahahahaha.
Message repeats: Hahahahahahahaha.

That is all.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:33, Reply)

You clicked the link, right?
Oh internet. JMG always ends up coming out on top.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Of course I clicked the link.
Oh Internet, why do you assume I hate you so? Why must you get so angry and angst ridden as soon as you see me answer?

And when, oh when will you understand why I'm laughing?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:44, Reply)

Where'd you get angry from?
My point is proven, there.
:(

That's very unfair of you to bounce to that conclusion.


Apologise!
Common sense is romping to victory yet again.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:47, Reply)

Please don't be offended and upset JMG
It was not the Internet's intention to upset you. It just sometimes moves so very fast, it can seem a little brusque.

Today's celebrity it tomorrow's rick-roll.

If you're going to play with us, you're simply going to have to grow thicker skin, Internet.

Please, just move on.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:52, Reply)

What I really take seriously is colours and the front of trousers
I really don't think I want to talk to someone so opposed to telling me his favourite colour and who won't advise me on the old flat fronted versus pleated conundrum.

I may put him on ignore and then tell everyone about it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Yes, yes but...
...what did you all have for lunch?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 12 Feb 2009, 16:58, Reply)

Ym!
In a ROFFLELOLTALKBAP, with some mayo.

Yum.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 17:03, Reply)

Anyone care to see a photo of JMG?
In the wake of being called an "ugly loner" myself and seeing frequent references to presumed appearances of qotw/off-topic types, I bring you something a little recherche from the b3ta wiki:



Comment as you see fit (or potato-headedly frightening)..
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 17:12, Reply)

Is it just me...


... or is JMG a striking resemblance to Alan Carr?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 22:28, Reply)

Photoshop
it's a beautiful beautiful tool you know :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 17:22, Reply)

I'm pretty sure
that this is JMG as well...



( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 12 Feb 2009, 17:52, Reply)

This
Is all a little bit unsettling.

I don't often get onto B3TA, and the internet in general, because I have to work for a living and have a social life.

Is'nt wanting to be B3TA's leader a little bit like Randall P. McMurphy wanting to be in charge of all the loonies in "One flew over the cuckoo's nest"?

As I say, I'm not here often and therefore may have failed to pick up on any subtle nuances which may nudge this thread into the post-ironic.

Scarily, however, irony is my most developed sense and I can't detect any.

Buffoon.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 18:48, Reply)