Tell me a story OT b3tans
it doesn't have to be true, or even your greatest wish. It does need a beginning, a middle and an end.

Subject is your best day sex and why?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:13, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The best sex I ever had I actually can't discuss.
*shame*



Edit. Oh! I've just seen the doesn't have to be true bit.

*goes off to think*
( girlinthehole, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:21, Reply)

True story
I had some sex once and made a fat baby boy. He is fat and a boy and was made through the medium of sex.

It was fun.

Also, see my best answers (personal ads) - that was rather good fun as well!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:21, Reply)

My best day
I was twelve, and my sexual was awakening.

I'd heard that vibrators could get you off, but I didn't have a vibrator. So I got my dad's Remington micro-shave and held it against my nuts.

With a bit of patience and gentle encouragement, I buzzed my way to my first orgasm.

I managed to get some in my mouth.

Edit: not my best sex, but screw it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:22, Reply)

One day, as I was sitting idly at my desk
I thought to myself, "Gosh, this B3ta is a bit of a lark, isn't it? There's lots of lovely fluffy people all engaging in witty repartee and banter, and it's all very lovely indeed. Some of the stories, whilst probably all lies, are nevertheless entertaining and jolly spiffing to read. I shall enjoy being part of this, and no mistake".

And lo, so it was for a good few months, as each new QOTW brought forth further stories of scuba diving shenanigans, pranks and japery, couretesy of 38 years worth of life experience and having some odd mates. Then came the bashes...

Unfortunately, at that precise moment my boss came back to her desk and I remembered that I had an urgent fax to look at. And so I fucked off back to work.

*EDIT* You bugger, becky, you changed the question...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:22, Reply)

My best day, by Labia Majora aged twenty-seven and a quarter
I wake up with the sun shining inoffensively through the window slats, casting it's broken light on to the lithe naked form of Mila Kunis next to me. I take a deep breathe, enjoying the faint scents from the local spice market, as they drift lazily into the villa to mingle with the heady aroma that only a night of passionate sex can produce. Only the gentle crashing waves of the ocean outside, the occasional call from the island's exotic birdlife, and the lazy whir of the ceiling fan disrupt the otherwise blissful calm of my surroundings.

Sensing that I'm awake, Mila blinks the sleep from her beautiful eyes and rolls over to face me, exposing her soft breasts and hardening nipples to the cool morning air.

"Last night was..." her voice trails off, replaced by a widening smile of remembrance, the mischievous sparkle in her eye hinting at the kinky pleasures experienced the night before.

"I know, love, and there shall be many more nights like that." I say softly as I lean in to snatch a kiss from her plump and inviting lips.

"Stay with me, just for another hour... or two?" she purrs, rubbing her hands in gentle circles on my chest.

"You know I would love to" I say, removing her hand from my chest and kissing each of her fingers in turn, "but my country needs me."

With an accepting sigh, she watches as I slip quietly out of the bed and cross the floor to the bathroom.

(I know it's just a start, but it'll do for now)

Edit: Damnit, you changed it from 'day' to 'sex' while I was typing!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Well I'll answer the real question...sort of
Not sure what my best sex ever would be but I know what the best blowjob I've ever had was. I was 17 and a short lived relationship had ended a couple of days earlier. There were several drunken slagging matches at a party in the evening we’d split up which we both enjoyed quite a bit. Come the end of the night I was upset and ended up going missing for a day. I believe I slept in a field, perhaps under a bridge, I’m not entirely certain.

The next day I spent the evening at a friend’s house. We played videogames, listened to music, chatted; it was a nice relaxing evening. Around 2am my mate was asleep on his bed and I was chatting on msn to a girl I’d met through myspace (don’t hurt me!). It transpired that she was house sitting for her aunt and uncle – she invited me to visit the next day, so I did.

After hopping on the train and meeting her at the station we went back to hers and spent the first part of the evening flirting, snogging and making dinner. We finished dinner and then before I knew it we were naked on the living room carpet. She pinned my arms down before slowly and sensually moving from kissing my lips to wrapping them around my now rock hard cock. Within seconds I was blind with pleasure, moaning and squirming with my back arching. After a few minutes of this most pleasurable torture she crawled back upwards to mount me allowing me to roll her onto her back and return the favour. When she could take that no longer I grabbed a condom and she proceeded to take my virginity.

And that’s the story of the best blow job I’ve ever had.
( Captain V, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:48, Reply)

I've decided I don't want to talk about sex.
I don't think I'll ever get any again so it's too upsetting to dwell on : (


I think I'll become one of those asexual gym-monkeys.
( girlinthehole, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Oh psh blousie
I've seen photos of you, quit being so silly!
( Captain V, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:00, Reply)

@Captain.
I'm not on about the way I look. I mean I tend to go for quality rather than quantity nowadays.

There's not much quality totty around any more.
( girlinthehole, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)

BGB
I agree, I definitely go for quality. I'm rather incredibly picky, probably more so than I deserve to be. That, and I've spent a long time sorting myself out after a long-term relationship ended.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:08, Reply)

The best I ever had was with a club owner.
The end.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:10, Reply)

@Kristine
Did he hit you over the head with it and drag you back to his home?
( girlinthehole, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Ah, that makes a lot more sense
Definitively agree with quality over quantity. Bad sex has to be one of the worst things ever.
( Captain V, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Best sex you say
That would heve to have been against the wall of Vauxhall City Farm.

It was fantastic, and got a round of applause from all the parents taking their kids in for the day.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Bad sex Captain?

I know not of this phenomena - unless you are describing what people call "rape" which to be honest is a misunderstood art of love-making.


Like that time I leapt upon an old woman in the newsagents who was buying her weekly Take-a-Break. At first she was screaming blue murder as my hands probed all three of her holes, as were the staff in the shop who were frantically trying to drag me away. As expected however, the members of staff and indeed old wifie eventually placated and began to enjoy the wholesome and deep, loving sexual experience.

There was blood everywhere though
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Well I can remember one instance of bad sex
Freezing cold conservatory, both drunk but sobering up and trying to have sex on a sofa with cushions that constantly fell off.

Wasn't good.
( Captain V, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Any sex from the beginning of my relationship
We made love in bed, in the living room, out in the fresh air as the rain poured through the branches of the ancient oaks. It came from nothing, a look, a touch, a need.

We connected like I had never connected with anyone, we were one, writhing together, loving together, happy to just to be together. We skipped lectures and drove out to the beach, ran naked into the sea and held each other until we were warm again; no one had ever made me feel warm like that.

I can't remember when it ended, it seems like such a long time ago; I guess life just got in the way, that presentation and an early night became more important. We'll make time we decreed, but planning sex ruins it before it's even started and soon we found ourselves lying in bed together staring at the ceiling with a gulf between us.

I still love her, I think; I hope she still loves me. But things have changed and I don't think we can ever go back to those days. Sex may not be the defining factor ina long term relationship, but it is a barometer that cannot be fooled.

How do you spilt up with someone you still love and need?

I'm afraid this story fails as there is no ending yet, we'll have to see...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:53, Reply)

*pre-empts*

*mans the fuck up*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:56, Reply)