Bishop
I have never attended a bash before.

What might I expect?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:31, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Depends if it's a northern bash or a southern bash.
Southern bashes are lots of shandy and back-slapping while reading the times.

Northern bashes are lots of beer, sex and fighting.
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:34, Reply)

London bashes...
Becky gazed around the darkened room. There they were, Vipros, Bertmonkeyspunk, Kaol, Clendrix, TBG, Spankyhanky, Pooflake, Devil in tights, Labia Majora, Empress Bob, Ancrenne, Davros' Grandad, Chickenlady, PJM, Wellgroomed wookie, Tourettes, Madam Marlboro, Althegeordie...and a few others she didn't recognise. All of them inebriated and in differing states of undress.

Despite the ratio of boys to girls, everyone looked like they were having a good time, especially Al and Bert, who it can safely be said suck for England.

Becky wondered where to join in and settled instead on a velvet cushion near the sweaty throng. She spied Spankyhanky receiving a blowjob from one of the unknown b3tans and ambled over to say hello.

Sadly Spanky was just at the point of no return and turning to greet her, unleashed a torrent of manfat that Spiderman would have been proud of. Becky slowly drowned in his juices until Clendrix wiped her clean and made her a cup of tea.

Yep, that's what really happens at B3ta bashes. Now who's coming along to Devil in tights' stag do?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Depends who's going
But you can expect booze, some awesome folk, maybe the odd internet weirdo and possibly some bisexuality.

Edit: I'm coming to DiT's stag do, my first ever at that!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Weirdos, mostly.
People you'll like, some of whom are extremely friendly and will ply you with alcohol, some people you might want to avoid, drunkeness, silliness, outlandish behaviour, over-friendly internet women, and certain people who will make you feel even more like you're different, an outcast and an outsider than you did before.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:38, Reply)

All the bashes I've been to
Have been awesome, but Edinburgh was the best yet, spread as it was over three days.

*EDIT* We are usually pretty easy to spot as well...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Translation:
friendly, welcoming and interesting.

Loud, desperate to be loved and slightly odd.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:45, Reply)

You meet crazy people
and can judge how like their online personality they actually are.

Becky's bash last Dec was my first big London one and it was awesome as I got to grope lots of people
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:49, Reply)

Mouth breathers
akward conversations,
bizarre dress sense

then everyone gets drunk and you stop caring.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:50, Reply)

The groping was good
but not as good as being snogged by Al and his lovely hairy face.

EDIT what chomp said^^^
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Bizarre dress sense?
Oh, that would be me then...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:00, Reply)

I seeeee.......
*nervously backs towards door*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:02, Reply)

No DG
you were the most dapper person at the edinbash ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Well bashes.
People chat, get drunk, do funny things, and sometimes even hurt themselves. I did in Edinburgh, and I got a lovely Scooby Doo plaster.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:05, Reply)

I'd forgotten the Scooby Doo plaster
:)

Badger - why thank you.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:10, Reply)

It was
All of the aces, wasn't it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:31, Reply)

I'm going to be 100% honest with you here...
If you don't like copious amounts of sex with people you find very attractive, then you probably won't like it.

That's my experiance of B45H0rZ though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:02, Reply)

My first bash was a couple of years back
I sweated a lot.

No qotw people were there - all main boarders.


Since then I've been to a few qotw bashes and most of the people are lovely - you feel like you've known them all your life yet their faces and voices are entirely new to you...but you know all their dark secrets and bad jokes.
It's odd at first but very friendly and very easy to get extremely drunk.

The most interesting thing is there are always a fair few people that you'd never normally approach in the real world yet because you 'know' them here they don't seem anywhere near as....erm....intimidating or odd would perhaps be the best description.

I am of course talking about Al.

Most odd chap.

;-)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:16, Reply)

can wee....
can we have a Birminghamapshire bash? So I may find out?
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:31, Reply)

No
all midland bashes are to be held in Leamington Spa as per the Badger Decree
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Far too obvious maybe...
...but I am a wanker. Thanks Bert.

(Edited)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:50, Reply)

The bash the bishop joke
was implied in Monty's original post.

You wanker.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:26, Reply)

I DEMAND A BIRMINGHAM BASH
Leamington Spa station is too hard to find when you're pissed witless.

Plus Birmingham is absurdly easy to get to and from unlike that hole.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:31, Reply)