Sit you down in your rocking chair and pop a tartan blanket round your legs

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 May 2009, 10:56, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

and then bring you your pipe and tea.
:D
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 22 May 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Bugger off!
Bloody young 'uns. You're not getting any Werthers originals from me.

*grumbles about price of butter shooting through the roof*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 22 May 2009, 11:07, Reply)

awww luff you dad.
guess what I have?

/holds out your spectacles and cane.

/runs
/trips
/falls in a puddle
/is a bit wet and muddy.

fucksocks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 22 May 2009, 11:09, Reply)

*check digital calender*
Yep. Still 21.
( Captain V, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Shooting butter through the roof
Can be pricey. Have you considered switching to a tactical margarine launcher?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Don't forget to help him put his tartan booties on
If he get's cold feet, he'll go off on one and the only way to shut him up will be to put the golf on the television.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:03, Reply)

He never takes his
rather dapper coat off though so we will have to febreeze it whilst he wears it :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:05, Reply)

GOLF?
I wouldn't be caught dead watching that fucking dull pile of shit.

I swear, years ago I worked with a lad in a kitchen who asked if he could change channels on the radio to listen to the golf...

LISTEN TO GOLF? Can anything possibly be more dull? You can't even see the fucking ball on the bloody telly; radio commentators must have to be really talented to describe the utter dirge that is golf on the radio.

I don't like golf; can you tell?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 22 May 2009, 11:09, Reply)

I can understand listening to soccer and to football
and even baseball - but golf?

/shakes head.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 22 May 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Golf?
wt...eww.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:16, Reply)

no no no
you put Doctor Who on to keep him quiet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Do that at your own risk.
You know what happened last time.
Semen EVERYWHERE.
( Cawl, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:19, Reply)

It's fine
I've nailed the blanket to the floor this time
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 22 May 2009, 11:20, Reply)