LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
In the blue corner, weighing in at 450lbs, we have Mongo the Gorilla.
Aaaaaaannnnnd in the red corner, weighing in at 500lbs, Mr. Fluffy the Black Bear.

Which two animals would you like to see fight each other for your own sick amusement, and what would you expect the outcome to be?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:16, 37 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

your mum
and a boa constrictor

with sexy results
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:18, Reply)

You and TGB

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:18, Reply)

with very sexy results

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:20, Reply)

Poor TGB :(

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:20, Reply)

Hmmm
Superkaol and a polar bear.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Hazel Blears and Jacqui Smith
and the loser would have to go back to work.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:21, Reply)

As a lavatory attendant

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Susan Boyle and Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards
on ice
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:23, Reply)

And where the fuck have you been?

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:25, Reply)

I was a bit dead
but then I comed back to life
; )
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Good stuff!
How's it all going?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:43, Reply)

it's a mess
but a beautiful one.
How about you?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:45, Reply)

Sexy
And magnificent, as per.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:48, Reply)

oh good
I like consistency
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:51, Reply)

Susan who?
.
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 5:52, Reply)

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus!
I would like to see a classic sperm whale vs giant squid match-up, I believe those can go either way.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:23, Reply)

Oooh Oooh...
A penguin and a great big mallard.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:24, Reply)

Mallards are well'ard
I've been bitten by one
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Me too...
It thought my fingers were bread! :(

EDIT: OR did it??
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Same situation
I think she knew very well what she was doing. She had a taste for flesh. Devoured her tikka-covered cousin in a flash when we flung it at her to save ourselves.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:32, Reply)

Hehe they know what they're doing!
When I lived in a dodgy market town next to a river we used to throw chips and battered sausage to the ducks, they loved it and they were scary BIG, they used to attack cats that got too close to the chip shop!! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Mallard Mafia?
I'm concerned...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:36, Reply)

We probably...
all should be afraid, its only a matter of time before they go for full-scale world domination. The ground troops will be leading the attack, riding dogs and holding (somehow?) pointy sticks!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:40, Reply)

under their wings
like jousting
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Ahhhh clever.
Be careful though, I think you know too much!! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:48, Reply)

oh
the beady-eyed stare *shudders*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:51, Reply)

the coolest animal fight I ever saw
was a Kalahari Honey Badger against a Rattlesnake.

The badger took the snakebite but managed to deliver a death blow before he passed out.

Then 20 minutes later, the badger came out of his coma and scoffed the Rattler.

Best bit of nature telly ever that was.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Was it in captivity?
Because Rattlesnakes and Honey Badgers live on different continents.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

hm, p'raps it was a different type of snake.
It had a lethal sting which rendered the Honey Badger comatose for some time.

It was definitely in the wild, and with night vision.

I'm thinking of writing to Don King to ask if he has any plans to promote fights in night vision as it looks pretty cool.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:19, Reply)

*Whispers*
Google Japanese Bug Fights for some extremely unsettling ronseal-esque giant bugs fighting.

I'd like to see a Polar Bear against a Tiger. 2 giant lean fighting machines although I'd imagine the Tiger would win, as any good b3tan very well knows that Cats are unpredictable and fucking mental.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:29, Reply)

No fucking way.
My money's all on the bear.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:33, Reply)

yeah id say the Tiger would do some damage
but the Bear would smash his skull in or crush its ribcage and all its' vital organs with one judicious blow.

God the thought of such beautiful violence is giving me a semi.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:39, Reply)

this sounds accurate to me
especially the part about the semi
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:57, Reply)

choice of animal vs a seagull
seagull wins
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:36, Reply)

Best I've witnessed
Bullet Ant vs Scorpion vs Bad-ass Centipede.

These creatures were placed in a large bowl together purely for entertainment purposes.

Conclusion:
Bullet Ants should not be fucked with, the centipede got taken out early on.
The scorpion didn't want any of it, the stinger was largely ineffective due to the bullet ant clamping down on it with its awesome pincer teeth and with no doubt a large dose of formic acid for good measure.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

I had to go look up Bullet Ant
and found this -

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satere-Mawe

Fucking mentalists!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Polar bear vs Croydon
And I still think the Polar Bear would win!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:13, Reply)