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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Evening fuckers
I trust you've all had lovely weekends?

My mum was very lovely and bought me stuff to make cheesecake with today as I left all of mine back in Buckinghamshire when I left the ex. So I now have a bright and shiny new cheesecake tin and mixing bowl type stuff...and a lot of oreos to make the base.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:07, 106 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Splendid!
My weekend has mainly been nice.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:11, Reply)
schplendid indeed
next weekend'll be better though. We need to make a plan of what we're going to do with to DiT though
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:13, Reply)
Just being able to get down to see him will be enough for us
*grumbles about still having lack of childcare*
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:28, Reply)
You'd better be there!
*shakes finger*

Yes, we ought to do something, I suppose.
Hmmm...
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:31, Reply)
We're working on it, I promise.
In any event there will be at least one of us in attendance. We're not wasting a train ticket and hotel room, no siree.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:33, Reply)
Nononono...
I only want to go out for a few beers!
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:49, Reply)
Me too.
*sads*
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:50, Reply)
*wails*
If you don't come, it's likely that I shall kill myself. TO DEATH.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:54, Reply)
Why would me not ejaculating
Have that effect on you? Mmmm?
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:55, Reply)
It's just that I enjoy the salty smack of a real man's juice.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:57, Reply)
*Rubs vigorously*
Vigorously's an underused word, I find.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:00, Reply)
I would quite like a Banoffee and Peanutbutter cheesecake.
A guy like me sure can apprechate a cheesecake like that.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:15, Reply)
I'm not keen on banofee, it's too sweet.
Oreo and vanilla is most awesome though.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:17, Reply)
And it's made of bananas
Which are, in point of fact, the devil's dildos.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:36, Reply)
I am soooo stealing that

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:37, Reply)
Fifty quid
And it's yours!
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:40, Reply)
For me?
A doleyscum? I think not my friend. I will however buy you a drink next week, or for Tourettes in your absence.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:48, Reply)
That'll do...
Easily pleased, me.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:48, Reply)
THEY BLOODY WELL ARE NOT.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:48, Reply)
THEY BLOODY WELL ARE MATEY.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:49, Reply)
ARE *NOT*
I have never, in my life, used a banananana as a Dildo.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:52, Reply)
That's not what your missus to be said.
On line.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:53, Reply)
She must have drugged me then.
As a Christian, I am so tightly clenched that a banana just would have the firmness to get up my anal canal without being turned to mush.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:56, Reply)
That's not what I've heard from your mates

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:59, Reply)
Being as my mates are all, to a man, liars and bastards
I wouldn't listen to a word they say. Unless it's good things, all those things are true. But most things they say about things I did at University are lies. 100% of fact.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:02, Reply)
I don't believe that for a second.
vigorously.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:12, Reply)
They bloody are
well not eaten on their own, but when made into concoctions (see how I got cock in there?) they're foul and wrong.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:50, Reply)
I heard
That you can get cock into anything.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:52, Reply)
Not the first time you've got cock in there, I'll wager.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:53, Reply)
possibly

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:55, Reply)
Oreo base
sounds most nomsome. *wants cheesecake*
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:16, Reply)
Sounds delicious
Finished making my rhubarb crumble ice cream today. hopefully it will be frozen enough by tomorrow to eat.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:18, Reply)
Weekend's been OK though
Not done a huge amount apart from ironing and cleaning out the fish bowl (it's a big bowl with a filter, before anyone starts on the inherent cruelty of keeping fish in bowls).

Now waiting for the chicken to finish roasting and am on my third glass of wine. Hurrah!
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:32, Reply)
Last night
I made Eton Mess with Strawberries what I did growed all myself.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 19:32, Reply)
I made a mess in Eton, once.
It was more to do with plums than strawberries, though.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:19, Reply)
Oh would you stop talking about your bits already please
we've all seen em, none of us are impressed. BAN THIS SICK FILTH
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)
I wasn't talking about my bits.
I was driving a truck full of plums to Eton for the Summer festival, and I crashed in to a wall, spilling plums and their juices all over Eton's back alleys.

It took the boys ages to clear up that mess, I can tell you.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:29, Reply)
I read that as the boys were sucking you off in the car and your plums exploded all over Elton's back alley
that's clearly what you meant to say isnt it?
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:32, Reply)
No.
Most definitely not. YM is very territorial when it comes to the sex trade in Eton.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:34, Reply)
That's true
She said you were great for a youngun though.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:45, Reply)
All this ^^^
is what I signed up to B3ta for.

Carry on.

Excellent work.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 22:56, Reply)
Glad someone appreciates it :)

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 23:29, Reply)
Oreos are the devil's dandruff.
What's wrong with digestive biscuits like a proper British cheesecake base should have?
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)
You've clearly never tried an Oreo cheesecake
It's far superior to a crappy digestives base.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:26, Reply)
I'm a traditionalist.
*waves the British flag of digestiveness*
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:29, Reply)
That's *just* the way the BNP want you to think.
It's a small step from Biscuit Racism to the persecution of a race, you know.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:30, Reply)
^ this

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:32, Reply)
You're the second person on B3ta to accuse me of being a BNP member.
But.....but....but....Oreos are foul.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:34, Reply)
LACIST!
It's 'cos Oreos are black, innit?
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:35, Reply)
again this ^
Dammit DiT, you're getting all the good lines tonight
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:38, Reply)
I thought they were black AND white.
I'll have you know my family is more multi-cultural than bloody Angelina Jolies and we have homosexuals too.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:38, Reply)
You have a United colors of benneton family?

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:39, Reply)
AIDS?

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:40, Reply)
Oh my god
I just got a salt and vinegar chipstick stuck in my throat laughing at that. It hurt a lot.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:43, Reply)
Yup!
Even my cats are black and white.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:41, Reply)
Some of my best friends, etc...

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:41, Reply)
You lot have talked so much crap on this thread
that there's nothing left for me to add :(
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:37, Reply)
Not at all, so long as you've finished your essay
There's always room for Clendrix's verbal diarrhoea.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:39, Reply)
I FINISHED MY ESSAY!
YAY!
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:40, Reply)
Hurrah!
Let the diarrhea commence!
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:42, Reply)
*trumpets sound*

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:45, Reply)
Was that a fart?
I'm surprised you risked it.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:47, Reply)
No it wasn't.
But now I have a nice warm cushion to sit and watch The Apprentice on.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:49, Reply)
Don't sit in it too long, Clenders.
Nothing worse than sitting in a cold poo. And I should know, I've been living in East London for 5 years.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:52, Reply)
I won't.
Things might start to grow.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:55, Reply)
Excellent
now tell me about tonights plan for taking over the world.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:43, Reply)
They involve
erm, watching The Apprentice and eating food :)
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:47, Reply)
Sounds like a plan to me Pinky

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:52, Reply)
There's always room for more crap on here.
Come on.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:40, Reply)
It's you!
*points*
Stop starting threads apologising for stuff. You're just perfect, you are.
Oh but wait, I'm a /talker now...
*hides*
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:42, Reply)
I apologized to keep it friendly on OT.
Unfortunately he didn't respond in kind.

Oh well! I don't mind loosing face.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:44, Reply)
You didn't.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:45, Reply)
WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF BACK TO /TALK?
I love you.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:44, Reply)
I DIDN'T KICK AL IN THE NUTS LAST NIGHT
which means my foot's itching for action.
I love you too.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:46, Reply)
CLENDRIX AND AL
SITTING IN THE CINEMA
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

EDIT: What? You try rhyming 'cinema'
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:48, Reply)
We were very well behaved.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:50, Reply)
If by well behaved you mean
you stuck a finger up Al's bum during the scary parts, then I believe you.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:53, Reply)
That is, of course, what I meant.
No wonder he kept jumping out of his seat.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:56, Reply)
I'm just surprised you didn't lose a hand.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:57, Reply)
I used the arm with the hook.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:58, Reply)
Nice moves
I bet he loved it
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:59, Reply)
Shut the fuck up
she barely graces us with her presence as it is.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:47, Reply)
You're ace, you are :)

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:48, Reply)
Good point,
and well made. Do I offer an internet hug or a cup of tea at this point? I forget the etiquette.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:49, Reply)
You can dance for me, white boy.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:50, Reply)
*dances like Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies*
Oh god, I feel so ditry.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:51, Reply)
*horns*

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:52, Reply)
voms and horns simultaneously

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:53, Reply)
*plays the banjo*

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:54, Reply)
With his banjo string

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:57, Reply)
Vigorously

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 22:55, Reply)
So, who's gonna win the apprentice?
My money's on Kate. I don't want her to, but I think she will.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:43, Reply)
I don't want her to either, but reckon she will
Fembot
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:44, Reply)
"I don't trade off my looks in business"
Yeah, right. And I don't need air to breathe, you waxen faced, emotionally dead, slack-fannyed wank blaster.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:46, Reply)
I bet she's got a slankyflange
from all her romping with panceman
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:48, Reply)
Her presentation was bloody good. I'd buy them after seeing that

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 21:38, Reply)
Cocoa electric
dying on her arse. Fact.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 21:40, Reply)
I bet you feel silly now.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 23:03, Reply)
Not at all, her presentation was SHIIIIIT.

(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 23:30, Reply)
And not at all vigorous.
I'll wager.

Doesn't watch The Apprentice
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 23:42, Reply)
I don't like either of them.
Erm, I suppose I dislike Yasmina less.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:45, Reply)
Right I'm off to watch a programme about transvestite's wives.
I think I'm obsessed with transvestites.

I've yet to find a male partner who will wear my knickers : (
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:47, Reply)
I'd wear your knickers.
In fact, I am. Right now.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 20:50, Reply)
I too have nothing to add
to the crap that is already here.

I am disappointed that our thunderstorm came to nothing.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 22:45, Reply)
We haven't had one
*wants thunderstorm now*
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 23:00, Reply)
The one we had
wasn't worth the effort.

It was over before I'd finished my dinner.

We didn't even have a power cut.
Where my folks live is rather remote and they get power cuts at the thought of a strong breeze.
Well Mother was away last week and Father was left on his own when the power went out. The lady nextdoor (who I was shocked at the age of 14 to find out was not called actually Mrs Nextdoor) phoned Father up to make sure he was OK. She's 89 FFS and she was worried about him.
Bloody hopeless. I'm saving up now for the home.
(, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 23:07, Reply)

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