Garden
the other day, I was up a ladder in the garden clipping the outside of the hedge (those fast growing Leylandii trees) and consequently, a large amount of clippings were building up on the pavement.

The miserable cunt that lives in the house behind us came out, pretended to do something in his garden, then leant over his fence and called over.

"are you going to sweep them up when you're done?"
I get down from the ladder, ankle deep in hedge clippings and reply "No, I'm going to pile them against your gate. What do you think, you dozy get?" He went back inside huffing and puffing and muttering.

Can anyone think of anything else I can do to piss him off? Nothing illegal, nothing that's going to annoy any other neighbours (who are all sound people), just him.

He's not some old guy who's grown bitter with age, he's just some fat retarded miserable cunt. With a ugly fat son who used to throw eggs at our house until I caught him in the act.

Did I mention he's a miserable cunt?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:02, 32 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

you should really get on with your neighbours,
trying to annoy people because they said something to you is ridiculous.
Grow up.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

^ Not this.
I also had a neighbour who was an absolute miserable cunt. All the neighbours hated him. And baited him every chance they got. Wife-beating, child-abusing miserable cunt that he was.

EDIT: Try putting a lawn sprinkler on when he's in his garden. High fences are your friend, you can claim you never saw him.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:08, Reply)

you fucking idiot,
who do you think he took his anger out on after you wound him up?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:09, Reply)

Not his wife and kids after a certain local policeman paid him a visit.
TBH it was only the kids I felt sorry for. And his wife's ex had them put on an at risk register. So winding him up was sport. He eventually moved out to avoid being arrested. Win.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:13, Reply)

That happened to a family down the road from where I grew up, it was a copper who was doing all that shit.
I wonder what happened to them, one day the wife came knocking on our door, covered in bruises and blood, screaming blue-murder.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Oh yes, lets be really nice to the wife-beater in case we upset him and he beats his wife some more.
Yup! that would work.
( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

lets all bully bullys
that'll stop them bullying,
(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:21, Reply)

If you're a reasonable person and your neigbour is being a twat......then yes.
No-body else will do fuck all about it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:26, Reply)

How about the police and social services?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Shall I die laughing now or would you like me to wait till I get home.

( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:29, Reply)

Sooner the better

(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:32, Reply)

I thought you'd say that.

( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:33, Reply)

I'm sure some research
showed that it does indeed work.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Not in anything I've ever studied.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:46, Reply)

FFS
You do leave yourself open don't you?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Don't we all?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:24, Reply)

That would be why
the visit from the big hard policeman who threatened to tear him a new arsehole if he had any more complaints didn't work? Oh it did. Sorry.
The total cunt in question was a truly horrible man and, yes, a bully. He was well known for continuing with his horrendous behaviour until someone bigger and harder threatened him. Sometimes it's the only way.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:26, Reply)

I don't get people who beat their wifes....
... you wouldn't key your own car.

/Jimmy Carr.

Although, joking aside, you should have reported him, scum like that deserve whatever they get in the nick.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:11, Reply)

I accidentally keyed my car in the dark trying to put it in the lock
Damn my lack of remote locking.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:14, Reply)

Gutted
=P
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Meh, it's only a little scratch
And certainly not the worst mark on the car.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:18, Reply)

I'm always quite friendly to my neighbours and local shops.
You never know when you're going to leave your keys in the lock or be 10p short for some milk.

Plus, "Being smart can make you rich and bring you respect and reveriance, but the rewards of being pleasent can be far more incandecnet."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:10, Reply)

I'm a very tolerant person
In the many years he's lived there, I've always acknowledged him if I pass him in the street, and I'm courteous to him if we have interacted. I was even polite when he asked me about our old sofa "that was dumped" in my garden that the council were coming to take away for disposal.

But my pleasant demeanour has never been reciprocated in many years, so fuck him.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:19, Reply)

I only speak to one lot of neighbours
I'm not sure I even know what the others look like.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:19, Reply)

Buy a Honda Accord and park it outside his house.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:14, Reply)

I fear
the subtlety would be wasted on him. Besides he'd only complain it was an eyesore or that it spoiled his amenity. Though I seriously doubt he knew what that meant and would only say it because he'd heard it on the telly.

The miserable cunt.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:21, Reply)

I parked my limo
outside my neighbours house for 3 days (bearing in mind it had the best part of 20ft long had 18 inch high vinyl adverts showing the children's charity and event it was for, and the space was a communal parking area):

While I was sticking another charity advert on the back window, he stormed out of his house, slamming the door, walked until he was about 10 foot behind me (unbeknown to me at this point) and shouted at me for parking "that fucking monstrosity outside my house, it shouldn't be allowed"

I turned in surprise and apologised, it was for a charity event that weekend.

He then started having a go about it being illegal and crap like that, and whenever I had an answer, he had another problem, i.e.

"It must be illegal"
"erm, no, it has a full MOT, 8 months tax and fully comp insurance"
"Oh, well, Bet its falling apart"
"Not according to the MOT"
"Bet its only just inside it"
"erm, yes in fact, it was done 3 days ago, so it is just inside it"
"Oh, well it reminds me of my daughter's funeral 13 years ago"
"If it was that much of an issue, why didn't you mention that first, rather than try and catch me out on legalities?"
"You're a tosser"
"Sigh."
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:35, Reply)

My neighbour is an utter and complete knob.
But a very good driving instructor.
( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Easy
Wait until the wind's blowing in the right direction
and light a big fuck off bonfire with all the clippings.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Excellent
Fresh clippings would create a huge amout of white smoke too.

Though it may annoy the other neighbours
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:28, Reply)

Fuck 'em.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Or invite everyone but him to a barbecue
when the wind's in the right direction
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 20:41, Reply)