Ruining your mobile telephone: A beginner’s guide.

It would be fair to say that I work with a fair number of mongs, but there’s one clear leader in the tard-off. Today she has reached a new high.

Dropping your phone in the toilet is quite stupid. Fishing it out and immediately switching it on to see if it still works (it doesn’t, oddly) is raising the stakes a little, especially as there’s still water draining out of it. The truly record-breakingly stupid part, though, is deciding that your phone is too cold, and needs to be warmed up. In the microwave.

Strangely, the phone still doesn’t work. And the screen has gone kind of funky. And the case is a little bit warped.

What acts of blatant stupidity have amused you today?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:59, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I fired a temp today.
I was doing one of my "walks around the factory" to make sure everything was ok.

The temp was drinking a can of coke and chatting to someone who was operating a machine.
He said "Who's that guy who's always walking around and looking grumpy. What does he even do here?"
I walked up behind him and said "Fire people."

He's gone now.
( Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:03, Reply)

That's brilliant
I wish I were allowed to fire people :(
( Captain V, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Do you
carry a big stick too?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:06, Reply)

No.
I think I should.
( Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Definately
a stick.

That or a cosh.

Or a rubber truncheon
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:24, Reply)

I can't remember where I saw this, but I want to fire someone like this one day....
Get everyone to stand in a line, say "OK, everyone who works here, take a step forward" "... not so fast [name].".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I think
if I had the power to fire, it would be done through the medium of musical chairs...
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Ok, listen up team, one of you needs to be let go, I don't like it, but it has to be done.
*plays music chairs 'till it gets down to one chair*
Timmy, don't be a dick, give John your chair.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:37, Reply)

You
would have to then rub it in by giving party bags to those who retained their jobs
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:44, Reply)

Hah!
Isn't that from the Simpsons? Something to do with a football team?
( Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:27, Reply)

I don't know.
All I know is that I would put on the theme tune to the magic roundabout and then fire the person who lost.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Wow
That's worse than the time I dropped my phone in a half full pint in the middle of a conversation...deliberately. It was an experiment to determine whether or not it would continue working. Oddly enough it didn't.

I can't think of any acts of stupidity that have occurred today.
( Captain V, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:03, Reply)

I was more stupid than usual this morning.
It was raining a bit when I left for work and I still put sandals on. Now it's nearly time to leave and it's PISSING down. Cold wet feet FTW.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:06, Reply)

snap
and I'm going out tonight and have to totally re-think the attire
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:18, Reply)

One of the women in my office is preggers
and is therefore incredibly picky about things she can and can’t eat, she is also a veggie so she’s double picky at the moment. At lunch time one of the girls on reception called to ask me if it was okay to give this woman a cheese sandwich. I said they would need to check what sort of cheese it was as she can't have anything other than cheddar and the girl replied 'oh yeah I’ll check, but is cheese okay to give to a vegetarian, I mean, its not meat is it?'

Hmmmm… bless.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:06, Reply)

The other day...
a few of my friends were having a conversation about how eating animals is morally wrong and they should all be vegetarian. While eating steak or ribs (one of the good days in hall). The vegetarian in our group (who does philosophy) was arguing against them. It was somewhat surreal
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:09, Reply)

That's
quite strange! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)

I remember when that Nokia 'Waterproof' phone came out.
We were all in the pub, when my friend anounced his new phone, with much pride. "It's even waterproof !" he exclaimed.
So my other friend, before anyone could stop him, goes "Really?" and dropped it in a pint glass, where it switched off straight away.
"...."

"...."

"Yeah', but you need to put the cover on first."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:08, Reply)

A mate of mine
once dropped his phone, and as it slithered out of his grasp it landed straight in his cup of hot tea.

Whereupon his colleague Davie quipped, "Aye, you must be on Tea-Mobile".
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:21, Reply)

Have a friend
who is in no way technically minded, he bought an iPhone.

Said iPhone was put into a pocket full of sand (after Volleyball) which made its way into every orifice (fnarr)

He, for a reason only known to himself, decided to take it apart whilst being guided by a youtube video. He didn't have any tools, so used a spoon to lever the casing open!

Then he took it all out, took it all apart and cleaned it up, but then realised he may actually have to put it back together.

He shoehorned it all back into the case, and has been complaining all day that the speaker doesn't work, that it keeps doing strange things etc.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)

I am an idiot!
While wasting time at work I checked my online banking.

A £68 monthly bill from O2 - which is normally £19?

What the fuck could that be? I suspect it was that time I came home drunk and phoned this girl I'm seeing. I think I fell asleep during the conversation because when I woke up neither of us had hung up after 5 hours.

Perhaps it is this, although I'm hoping it's just O2 cunting around and they'll give me the difference back....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:24, Reply)

The question is...
did she notice that you'd fallen asleep?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Haha
I think she was still waffling away.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:06, Reply)

Working in the environment I do
Lends itself to stupidity. For example- a woman asking me why it was hot on her floor two weeks ago.

Strangely, my suggestion of checking weather forecasts did not go down as well as I expected.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:24, Reply)

Well of course it didn't.
Forecasts, by their very nature, refer to the future. Two weeks ago is the past.

Duh.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Haha, what a thicko.
God, piston is so thick, no wonder everyone hates his guts, he doesn't even know they're called weather forca... weather predi... weather results?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:35, Reply)

Forecasts?
Oh yes... well it was something along those lines.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I find patronising people not to be the best course of action.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Yes-you-do ! Yeesss-you-do ! Who's a good boy? YOU'RE a good boy !
*blows rasberrys on belly*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:37, Reply)

I was thinking of doing that.
But... Yeah, you nailed it.
( Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Once again you make me smile, dear Gonzo.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Sometimes, the situation warrants it.
If they have asked something so mind-bogglingly stupid as to make your eyes bleed.

Still, not as bad as the person who seemed convinced I was deliberately witholding his Gilbert and Sullivan festival tickets.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:41, Reply)