I have a runny nose and a bit of a cough
Can you please help diagnose me. Please consider the following pertinent information:

- I have skin to protect me from nasty bugs (and insects)
- My mucus membranes are really, really sticky, kind of like glue. They catch nasty things, like willies, that try to penetrate me
- I've never come in contact with anybody with any illness ever
- Even if I had I can wash my hands much better than people from the 1920s so I'll be ok right?
- If I get really ill I'll just forge a visa and move to another country to kill those fuckers with my germs.
- I am a fairly normal human being but I have a cat's face. I don't have sex with cats though.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:01, 36 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

are we going over this again?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

The doctor thought I might have a nasty disease because lots of other people do
But I definitely don't but he kept asking me so I got upset and I flounced and I got some medicine.

I need your help though because I don't want to take the medicine because I'm not really ill so I need your help INTERNET PEOPLE. SAVE ME!
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

be sure to refer to infections as diseases
then edit the original when I point it out.
Oh and interchange vaccines and anti virals.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:10, Reply)

You have
CAT AIDS
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Yes!
CAT AIDS.
( Cawl, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

That's right people,
He's got CAT AIDS from fucking a CAT.
( Cawl, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

my name is Kate.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

It's close enough
You may want to get to a resturant right away to get yourself checked out
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

It wasn't you.
It was Mr. Tibbles.
( Cawl, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Gay cat AIDS?
shocker.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Yeah.
The Bad Kind.
( Cawl, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

No
I don't have sex with cats even though I am one.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

I'm ever so sorry to tell you this
but you have Lupus.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

sounds like an STD,
but probably just an Internet virus.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Have you tried turning yourself off,
then turning yourself back on again?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

I can turn myself on
But not off without you around.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

*reboots*

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

*attempts percussive maintenance*

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Cold shower, wank, cold shower, wank
lather, rinse repeat
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

these are my plans for this afternoon.
I approve.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Does this mean
"have you tried having a wank"?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

I cannot believe someone got flamed for mentioning she was pissed off at the doctor.
Is life really so boring right now?
( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

I don't even dislike VC
But I missed out on the fun of the last thread so thought I'd tell everybody about my suspiciously similar situation in hope of a similarly entertaining thread developing.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:08, Reply)

I don't hink anyone dislikes VC but bloody hell.
There were some straws grabbed in that thread.
( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:09, Reply)

strawgrabbing is a classic symptom
of False Authority Syndrome.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Really?
What are the other symptoms?
( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Sometimes you get a rash
Occasionally a swollen genitals.

The best treatment is a 3 week course of MTFU.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:12, Reply)

It comes from an old article on computer viruses
but applies right across the Internet.

The word best describing such a sufferer is "ultracrepidarian". FACT! (Or is it? Hmmm.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:17, Reply)

She gets pedantic when she gets defensive
Even if she doesn't mean to it provokes the people she's being defensive towards to get pedantic too. Good old vicious circles eh?
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Shes a likeable young loon
But she was digging and digging in that thread
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

That's not really why she got flamed though.
Just thought I'd mention that.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Tru dat

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:31, Reply)

I know why she got flamed and I still think it's a bit desperate.
But 10/10 for sticking up for herself.
( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Hmmm.
Perhaps 10/10 for tenacity.
0/10 for success though.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Story of my life.

( Cawl, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

And just what
would you have all said to her if she hadn't reacted defensively to the initial attacks on her?

Would you have all been nice, or at least reasonable?

Or would you have flamed her anyway?

Take a good long look at yourselves, b3ta, you're a pack of fucking cunts sometimes. You were just looking for an excuse, and you know it.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 20:50, Reply)